Keep dreaming of the BPD ex

[BlueAlpha1]

Hey fellas, I'm not pleased to say the dreaming has only gotten more frequent and more vivid. Probably twice a week recently. They're always very negative too. This absolutely blows because it's hard to stop recurring dreams.

I could stand to use a little encouragement because I can attribute the uptick in my dreams to my bday next Saturday. Birthdays were a pretty big thing for us for 4 years. And That'll mark one year to the day NC. She went ghost right after that text that night (we had a recycle two weeks prior, but this one stuck)

The lack of closure of these BPD relationships have hit you like a bad urge on certain days that you know you'll be, or should be, on their mind. At least when I get through this day it's been one calendar year and I would have cycled through every variation of an important day we once had and finally come out the other side, and that it could only get easier the second year without.

Had one steady gf since and two additional lays (so three post-BPD), but it'll take far more than that to exorcise this demon.

 

[MrWood]

smoke pot
reduces dreaming

 

[BlueAlpha1]

smoke pot
reduces dreaming

Fact

 

[bigneil]

I'm not sure pot reducing dreaming is a good thing. In fact, whenever I quit I get night sweats so there is something toxic about it. Also, when I quit I do WAY better with women. Pot gives me dark circles when I overdo it. Weed and women don't mix.

If you have oneitis that means your brain can't find anyone better to think about (or you overthought about them and programmed your mind). One day you will find yourself thinking about another girl (go find a hooker if you have to). In the meantime, you probably need a hobby or mission or purpose in life.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I'm not sure pot reducing dreaming is a good thing. In fact, whenever I quit I get night sweats so there is something toxic about it. Also, when I quit I do WAY better with women. Pot gives me dark circles when I overdo it. Weed and women don't mix.

If you have oneitis that means your brain can't find anyone better to think about (or you overthought about them and programmed your mind). One day you will find yourself thinking about another girl (go find a hooker if you have to). In the meantime, you probably need a hobby or mission or purpose in life.

It's most easiest to get off the old one if you get a new one. Not "moral" advice, but it works.

 

[Speculator E]

Rubbish. I don't take it personally that you downplay my situation, but you just thumbed your nose at about a thousand different posters who came here with posts just like mine. Congrats.

LiveYourDream summed it up best regarding the ignorance you show, but let me put it another way. You diminishing the fallout of these relationships signifies you've never been through one, yet you're ready to condescend to others about what they mean. This is like the virgin giving advice on how to get laid.

Actually, he has a point. You haven't provided anything that supports your ex was bpd. At the least a breakup story would be the bare minimum. We're just here having to believe you at face value. And even if you were lying and made up a few things, at least we know you care enough to do some research.

 

[GoodOne123]

You will get over this. And when you do, you will look at all the lost time from being hung up on this crazy woman, and be annoyed at yourself for letting her do that to you. Thinking that will speed up the healing.

Convince yourself that getting back with her, missing her, and wanting her are wrong and foolish on so many levels. If she is truly messed up then she has definitely hurt you, confused you, disrespected you during your time together. No sane man will want this, and be willing to sell their dignity and put up with it.

Unless she was already making an active effort to change her ways or fix herself BEFORE you met her, then you couldn't have fixed her. Even when someone is changing themselves, the most you can do is support them only. So get it out of your head if you think you could have done more or could have fixed her.

Despite the fact that crazy girls have a tendency to affect men more severely than the average girl, you still need to be strict with yourself. You need to stay objective, and tell yourself that you are a bit silly to be still thinking of her. But don't beat yourself up too much, remember time is what you also need to heal.

 

[BlueAlpha1]

Actually, he has a point. You haven't provided anything that supports your ex was bpd. At the least a breakup story would be the bare minimum. We're just here having to believe you at face value. And even if you were lying and made up a few things, at least we know you care enough to do some research.

Read the earliest posts in 2013. No BPD surviver wants to retype the whole ordeal for very obvious reasons...

 

[BlueAlpha1]

You will get over this. And when you do, you will look at all the lost time from being hung up on this crazy woman, and be annoyed at yourself for letting her do that to you. Thinking that will speed up the healing.

This has already begun to happen, just not all the time. Gotta make it a more common thing. It feels better that way.

Thanks

 

[Infern0]

I think you are doing OK tbh, they say these relationships take .5 as long to recover from completely so you are on schedule.

Just accept that you aren't fully over it yet, but don't give yourself a hard time for it.

Generally I think from time to time we will always remember these girls, they have such a dramatic effect on our lives you will never fully forget. That relationship formed part of you tbh

 

[Speculator E]

Read the earliest posts in 2013. No BPD surviver wants to retype the whole ordeal for very obvious reasons...

Unless you are a sociopath or have sociopath traits you will never be a match for bpd women. Bpd naturally have the tendency to push your emotions to the limit. Since sociopath dont have emotions it's a moot point for them.

And also sociopaths are the true definition of an alpha male.

 

[Infern0]

Unless you are a sociopath or have sociopath traits you will never be a match for bpd women. Bpd naturally have the tendency to push your emotions to the limit. Since sociopath dont have emotions it's a moot point for them.

And also sociopaths are the true definition of an alpha male.

Last line is one of the funniest things I've seen on this site and that's saying something

 

[BlueAlpha1]

It's been a year next Saturday man. I don't think I'm on schedule at all, dreaming of her twice a week like this. But I could be wrong. I read bits and pieces of your story and it seemed even more sinister than mine...

I think you are doing OK tbh, they say these relationships take .5 as long to recover from completely so you are on schedule.

Just accept that you aren't fully over it yet, but don't give yourself a hard time for it.

Generally I think from time to time we will always remember these girls, they have such a dramatic effect on our lives you will never fully forget. That relationship formed part of you tbh

It makes you question the essence of your existence. These are snippets from a recent post from me in the No Contact Challenge about how they also make you question your career even:

"
I've "healed" in the sense that I understand there is no going back, there is no making it work. I still think of her all too frequently - where she regrets it, feels remorse, thinks of me at all. I don't care what any of the "millionaires" who've "banged 250 chicks" or consider themselves "sociopaths" tell you about sucking up and moving on. That's posturing and not usually how it works in the real world unless you have a mental disorder as well. We all want our exes to pine for us....

What she also did was alter my view of my potentiality for being a family man. Because I may never trust a woman again in this way, I'm not unsure about marriage, cohabitating, or children. All this in turn alters your view about careers - is it worth slaving away at a job you hate and throwing money into a 401k for a happy retirement that may never come? It used to be a worthwhile sacrifice for man when the family was strong, and that was when women were held accountable for their actions. Now you have all the misery of 9-5 and there is no reward at the end at all! That's how MGTOW grew crazily in the last 10 years."

 

[searching solace]

It's been a year next Saturday man. I don't think I'm on schedule at all, dreaming of her twice a week like this. But I could be wrong. I read bits and pieces of your story and it seemed even more sinister than mine...

Mate, I totally sympathise. I broke up with my ex (or she with me to be more accurate) over 6 months ago now, 5 months of not a word from her. It has been the toughest 6 months of my life. It brought me to my knees.

I still dream of her very often. Especially when you wake up and then get back to sleep, much more vivid. And when you wake up and remember it, it colours your whole day and even longer. As you say, the theme is often very unpleasant and it almost makes you yearn for them.

The truth is, your unconscious is still processing everything that happened, which I assume was A LOT over those 4 years, and it's not quit finished analysing and putting everything into its place yet.

I cannot believe my 3 year relationship has had such a huge impact on me and for such a long time now. How much I still would like to hear from her. All whilst she is off with other men, progressing in her life, not giving me a second thought anymore and happier without me. That's a lot for your brain to grapple with and so these dreams manifest.

 

[BlueAlpha1]

I cannot believe my 3 year relationship has had such a huge impact on me and for such a long time now. How much I still would like to hear from her. All whilst she is off with other men, progressing in her life, not giving me a second thought anymore and happier without me. That's a lot for your brain to grapple with and so these dreams manifest.

It might not be so cut and dry my friend. The idea that it's easy for them with the next guy is not well subscribed to here. Maybe for a little while, but It seems to be that they repeat this cycle again and again, and almost always come back. Mine was not progressing in her life at all. Towards the end of her rocky divorce, and rough go of it with me, she spiraled through a half dozen jobs, a suicide attempt and moving from state to state constantly. Given the fact she's already 35, with two kids, and that it shows in her thighs, she would have needed a big time spiritual overhaul to be better than she left me. After all, she was fresh off hitting the wall.

The dreams, the hoping for a hoover one day is all about hand and power. I admit it, and admit it's immature and AFC. But I do not want her back, I do not want to make it work, I don't want to answer her. But a text from her would give away all the hand she left the relationship with, and having the knowledge that by not answering, you restored your dignity and despite creeping back into her mind (which is satisfying) she did not get what she wanted. And that she can let that fester until the end of time.

Either way, I like to believe after this Saturday, I'm one year through the calendar. That means I got through one of every holiday, anniversary, and birthday without her, and now know how they feel. I don't see how it could get harder from there.

 

[Infern0]

Mate, I totally sympathise. I broke up with my ex (or she with me to be more accurate) over 6 months ago now, 5 months of not a word from her. It has been the toughest 6 months of my life. It brought me to my knees.

I still dream of her very often. Especially when you wake up and then get back to sleep, much more vivid. And when you wake up and remember it, it colours your whole day and even longer. As you say, the theme is often very unpleasant and it almost makes you yearn for them.

The truth is, your unconscious is still processing everything that happened, which I assume was A LOT over those 4 years, and it's not quit finished analysing and putting everything into its place yet.

I cannot believe my 3 year relationship has had such a huge impact on me and for such a long time now. How much I still would like to hear from her. All whilst she is off with other men, progressing in her life, not giving me a second thought anymore and happier without me. That's a lot for your brain to grapple with and so these dreams manifest.

Believe it or not she's not actually "progressing with her life".

Cluster B's pretty much endlessly tread water, which is why self improvement is the key to getting over them.

They only "win" through your inaction, as soon as you spend some time making real positive changes in your life you overtake them very quickly.

Trust me I spent a long time involved with mine, and many a times heard about how she was "so, so happy" when she was idealizing some new guy, only for a couple of months later to hear from her and she's just as depressed and messed up as ever.

Its because its all an act, there's no real growth going on there.

The focus has to go onto you, and your own growth and what's good for you, it will take some time but eventually you'll see the reality.

I spent 2 years on her and in that the I was beyond stagnant. Once I got into real self development I started getting over her pretty quickly.

 

[BlueAlpha1]

Believe it or not she's not actually "progressing with her life".

Cluster B's pretty much endlessly tread water, which is why self improvement is the key to getting over them.

They only "win" through your inaction, as soon as you spend some time making real positive changes in your life you overtake them very quickly.

Trust me I spent a long time involved with mine, and many a times heard about how she was "so, so happy" when she was idealizing some new guy, only for a couple of months later to hear from her and she's just as depressed and messed up as ever.

Its because its all an act, there's no real growth going on there.

The focus has to go onto you, and your own growth and what's good for you, it will take some time but eventually you'll see the reality.

I spent 2 years on her and in that the I was beyond stagnant. Once I got into real self development I started getting over her pretty quickly.

How was your 2nd time through the calendar as opposed to your 1st, or did you not keep track of dates? I don't think I've made enough progress for a year...

 

[Speculator E]

Last line is one of the funniest things I've seen on this site and that's saying something

Why? It's very much true.

 

[Infern0]

Why? It's very much true.

Yes, because as everyone knows, ASPD = automatic alpha male

We should all of us aspire to become sociopaths, its the true road to enlightenment.

 

[Dgwizdal]

Block her on everything so she can't contact you and start banging other chicks steadily. The ONLY reason you are hung up is because you have a scarcity mentality. Once you start interacting with semi NORMAL women - you will absolutely see the bullsh!t with her was NEVER worth it and your innergame and outer with new women will improve tenfold. BPD's are canceraids to everything positive in your life.