Keep a girl interest - Why a "nice guy" finishes last

[TillTheEndOfTime]

There are so many definitions of a "nice guy" I prefer not to speak of any single definition, just what a typical "nice guy" does.

One big reason (some would argue the main reason) to why "nice guys finish last" is that "nice guys" do not keep a girl on her toes. They're too predictable, too reliable. This is not any fun. Imagine a jack-in-the-box which has a nice little digital timer on the front counting down till when that jerk pops out of the box. Not very fun is it?

It is not the qualities of a "nice guy" that drives women away. It is the actions, or lack thereof. You CAN maintain the "nice guy" QUALITIES, yet provide this fun, unpredicatable side that drives women crazy.

You DO NOT have to be a total bore to have "nice guy" qualities.

Here are some girls posting which touches on this issue. Notice how the original poster does not actually say that her BF is predicatable, but you can tell from her post that she does think he is.

http://www.badgirlswirl.com/forums/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=36268


PS- Thanks to Royal-tiger for mentioning this "girl forum". It really is a pretty good source for getting into a woman's head....although there are not many posts as here.

 

[nonstop]

I'm pissing myself laughing at that forum, I swear it's pure comedy they are all going out with complete AFCs.

And yeah even tho I'm seeing a new guy, the ex still gets me little things to cheer me up when I'm down. He knows that the new guy has me "taken care of" when I'm bummed, but as I am still friends with the ex, it's no biggie when he grabs a funny "cheer up" card or little item he know would cheer me up.

A totally AFC, sending her cheer up cards when shes down, wtf. he probably thinks that he's got a chance and is just waiting for things to go wrong.

So, I start doing the pre-breakup leg work, so that it wouldn't be this huge shocker when I terminate the relationship, you know, the cold shoulder, cancelling plans, making myself not very available...

What a *****, fuccking with the guy hoping that he'll end it first.

Unfortunately, I am dating an UNDERSTANDING man

aka, AFC

So now the beeyotch is attempting to blackmail me. He alluded to me paying him or him renting a billboard outside of my school broadcasting "what a skanky ho I [you] are and how I [you] can't be trusted."

psml x 100!!! that's classic.

But if this guy of yours is a sweet as you say, send him my way, maybe he will amuse me for awhile.

this is a woman who is dating a AFC and is looking for another AFC. She is probably a nice woman but keeps meeting AFCs then getting bored and meeting another. She probably can't understand why she is meeting all these 'sweeties' but none of them are Mr. Right. pmsl.

but to get back on topic, yes unpredictability is important in creating interest as the woman doesn't know if you are going to run off and leave her or not. It's only one thing tho, you can't be an ACF and be unpredictable. These women are dating AFCs.

P.S.
Don't use the information in that forum for getting into a woman's head, they will tell you they like AFCs, remember judge her by her actions not her words.

 

[TillTheEndOfTime]

Originally posted by nonstop
P.S.
Don't use the information in that forum for getting into a woman's head, they will tell you they like AFCs, remember judge her by her actions not her words.

This is EXACTLY why the forum is a good source. It shows you up front, that women say they want these types of AFC guys, but then get bored with them and dump them.

"Awwww, he's such a sweetie doing all these things for me.....hm I'm bored. I think I'll just dump him."

This is what AFCs have got to drill in their head. Sure acting nice MAY win you the girl at first (if at all), but you're only fooling yourself if you think that continuing to act nice like that will keep her coming for more. She'll get bored with you and leave. Exactly what these girls are talking about.

What I find to be the best for me is to mix "nice" with "I couldn't care less about you." And this is really how I feel. Sometimes I'm all over her, other times I don't care. Why? Because I got other things in my life going for me and she's only the centre of my attention for brief periods of time. Not ALL the time. This is the trap AFCs fall in. They think the longder she is YOUR centre of attention, the longer you are her centre of attention. NOT TRUE!

 

[arq-dj1]

Originally posted by TillTheEndOfTime
This is EXACTLY why the forum is a good source. It shows you up front, that women say they want these types of AFC guys, but then get bored with them and dump them.

"Awwww, he's such a sweetie doing all these things for me.....hm I'm bored. I think I'll just dump him."

This is what AFCs have got to drill in their head. Sure acting nice MAY win you the girl at first (if at all), but you're only fooling yourself if you think that continuing to act nice like that will keep her coming for more. She'll get bored with you and leave. Exactly what these girls are talking about.

What I find to be the best for me is to mix "nice" with "I couldn't care less about you." And this is really how I feel. Sometimes I'm all over her, other times I don't care. Why? Because I got other things in my life going for me and she's only the centre of my attention for brief periods of time. Not ALL the time. This is the trap AFCs fall in. They think the longder she is YOUR centre of attention, the longer you are her centre of attention. NOT TRUE!

u said
What I find to be the best for me is to mix "nice" with "I couldn't care less about you."


i did the same thing
and i sensed in the end that my girl acting as if i was AFC
dunno if i balanced right, but i missed something... probaly i gave away too much information, or she felt she had me.. she conquered me, even my "could care less" face (that was true) wasn't enough to cover that angle

watch out dude

 

[Timster]

My girlfriend and I are ruthless. We are always fighting and teasing each other (in a playful way), but at the end of the day, we always give each other a loving hug goodnight. I started it and she followed. We seem to be having a healthier relationship, whereas, in the past, I was very clingy and sensitive. She had me wrapped around her little finger. It's all in good fun.

 

[frivolousz21]

THIS IS EXACTLY..what I am almost about to fall into! I just wrote a separate post about it..Im gonna change **** up and go back to what it was..and how I was..**** this...I am not going into the AFC traps and ****ing things up with the girl I have.

 

[TillTheEndOfTime]

Originally posted by arq-dj1
u said
What I find to be the best for me is to mix "nice" with "I couldn't care less about you."


i did the same thing
and i sensed in the end that my girl acting as if i was AFC
dunno if i balanced right, but i missed something... probaly i gave away too much information, or she felt she had me.. she conquered me, even my "could care less" face (that was true) wasn't enough to cover that angle

watch out dude

Yes, the right balance is key. Also, by "all over her" I DON'T mean "AFC all over her". I mean just being intimate and giving her attention....not buying her flowers, making sappy love poems and crap like that.

You did one or both of those wrong.


P.S. It is very true that this method is like playing with fire. You should not try it unless you really know what you are doing. It's not something you can try and fake because she will probably see through it. The fact is I'm not really "trying" to do this method. The method IS me. It is who I am, it is not an act. That is what makes it so much more effective. Only until you have high-self esteem and confidence will you actually be able to become the person the method attempts to create. Jumping ahead thinking this is a be all and end all to keep her interest up will usually land you in trouble.

You have to be ready for failure when trying this for the first few times. I have failed, but I didn't let that stop me. I kept working on myself until I became the person I wanted to be. It is a learning process, but in the end it will pay off. You will come out a more independent, stronger man who does not need the constant approval of a female to feel good like an AFC does.

 

[arq-dj1]

i described exactly the way i did things
but i guess something went downwards

can't figure it out yet

i think she wasn't depending on me, probaly bc i wasn't a mystery anymore

 

[LuisGarcia10]

Tell you something which I found interesting today.

I was speaking to a girl who openly admitted she hated AFC's, and more times than one she echoed that she wants a man not a boy, etc etc, all the stuff which is on this forum.

Strange because girls normally say completely the opposite, even though we know they obviously don't mean it.

 

[Kaine]

Yes it is quite a learning curve to give them just enough attention so they keep wanting more.


Each girl is different, and in their individual experiences they will likely have unique expectations. Some may expect more attention from you in a certain way. I think success in keeping a girl interested is as I have posted before is about "getting it right the first time".


That means setting the your rules and expectations early on so. Establishing your dominance/leadership/unshakeability to minimise subsequent gameplaying/mind games. All girls will play games with you to a degree to establish control or push boundaries. If she knows you will be a rock to your own values, she knows already (maybe at a gut level) so she won't need to test you (as much or reduce the severity of the test).


This and calibrating the girl and her expectations. TillTheEndOfTime brought up some very good points. It would be interesting to hear how others get a feel or their rules on how they guage how much attention they give to their girl. Unpredictability is another facet of keeping interest, and in what ways would you do this and to what degree.


I've currently past a big test. It is difficult to discern whether I really need to adjust my behaviour for the moment. When girls get unhappy they tend to find every reason to justify their actions and it's hard to see what the true reason for this is. Whether she is pushing for control, or trying to see if I am really as cool as I appear to be is, or I'm really not providing enough attention. I don't want girls who I have a relationship and have such strong feelings for me to feel that their effort is unreciprocated. I want them to feel great with me not depressed.



Kaine

 

[tmpgstx]

I think it really boils down to making her 'feel'. If she likes you, the feelings will be good. Women get bored much more easy then men do for whatever reason. It may be that because men can focus on just one thing for hours rehashing it thousands of ways. A woman on the other hand, is more of a multi-tasker and is used to doing several things at one time.

To her, boredom is not having any feelings going on. To a guy, boredom is not having anything to work on or solve (most of the time). While women can be excellent problem solvers, they need to feel more connected than men do with their partner. It's part of them being nuturers. To feel connected, they have to have associative feelings for the person with regard to any number of things .. something they did together recently etc .. etc..

 

[Tazman]

Would you also say that women get bored because of the media. Look at movies and television, and how they portray these "exciting" relationships? It all seems like so much effort to live up to. Damn, I'm going to hate to have to constantly be "entertaining" to a chick.......If I even get a chick.

 

[Kaine]

Originally posted by Tazman
Would you also say that women get bored because of the media. Look at movies and television, and how they portray these "exciting" relationships? It all seems like so much effort to live up to. Damn, I'm going to hate to have to constantly be "entertaining" to a chick.......If I even get a chick.

Yes definately, the younger the girl the more their expectations will have been defined more by the media, hollywood etc.


Also their expectations may have been built up by a history of dating AFCs who have been kissing their a$$ and been a nice guy. In these cases it won't be unusual that the girl falls in love with them because they are so nice and treat them so well, but I can bet and I'm sure many of you guys can confirm they soon give the "don't feel it anymore" speech.


Regardless, they will feel a strong attraction to you if you are challenging and mysterious etc even if you don't profess your underlying love on a bed of teddy bears and roses. They will feel a conflict too, they will fall in love with you but feel upset that you didn't smother with attention that previous chumps did. And I think this needs to be calibrated too for success, she needs to be shown enough affection so she feels like you care but show just enough challenge/independence so that she doesn't completely have you. Otherwise she may break it off with you because you are TOO much of a jerk.


Kaine

 

[Wyldfire]

Originally posted by Kaine
Yes definately, the younger the girl the more their expectations will have been defined more by the media, hollywood etc.


Also their expectations may have been built up by a history of dating AFCs who have been kissing their a$$ and been a nice guy. In these cases it won't be unusual that the girl falls in love with them because they are so nice and treat them so well, but I can bet and I'm sure many of you guys can confirm they soon give the "don't feel it anymore" speech.


Regardless, they will feel a strong attraction to you if you are challenging and mysterious etc even if you don't profess your underlying love on a bed of teddy bears and roses. They will feel a conflict too, they will fall in love with you but feel upset that you didn't smother with attention that previous chumps did. And I think this needs to be calibrated too for success, she needs to be shown enough affection so she feels like you care but show just enough challenge/independence so that she doesn't completely have you. Otherwise she may break it off with you because you are TOO much of a jerk.


Kaine

You've touched on something very important that is often overlooked on here...but you're a little bit off on something, too. You DO have to find a balance with how much attention you give that works with the girl/woman you are with. All women are different, so you have to find the right balance with each woman you get involved with. A woman/girl who isn't getting enough attention from you will "test" you in order to force you into giving her attention that she wants and needs. So...when she starts testing keep increasing how much attention you give until she stops testing. That's her "contentment" level. If you give TOO MUCH attention you will suffocate her and push her away...so don't overdo it.

As for the mystery/challenge thing...once she cares about you it is a bad idea to try to be mysterious. She won't trust you if you don't let her feel emotionally close to you. Females NEED that in a relationship. The challenge should never be about the relationship. It's good to make her think and don't just agree with and go along with her if you don't actually agree with her. Just be true to yourself. And don't get complacent or lazy...always be dependable and responsible but never be predictable. Let her know that you want her, and care about her but don't ever "need" her.

If you can balance these things you can be the nicest man on the planet and you should not have a problem holding onto a woman.