Buddha_Mind
Master Don Juan
"Karma Girl"
I started working at this pizza place, and of course, there are many cute college-aged girls working there. Having been on the road, I have developed a greater degree of confidence, and started right away talking to them all -- asking them about their passions in life, what they wanted out of living -- and got some good responses -- lots of smiles, some kino (I'm still trying to interpret what this means, have inferred something along the lines of slightly-sexual/non-sexual touch).
One day a beautiful red head started working there. This girl is a ten, and just as sweet as can be (or don't they all seem that way?). She has a tiny tattoo of "karma" underneath her wrist, and given some of my personal attributes, this was a sure turn on for myself. I was successful at first at not showing attraction, and joking, kidding with her, light brushes on her arm and pats on the back -- that sort of thing. And I gained respect. She'd even make me salads when I asked, bringing them to me -- in ways that for me has often been absent.
So things seem well, and I decide it's time to invite this girl to hang out -- some 1:1 time. To say I have a lot of experience is a lie -- I've had one long term relationship, but countless little dates since then. Have only been intimate with two girls (am aged 25 right now) -- and have fallen in the "friend zone" for most of the girls I've taken on dates. But I tried to make this one real good. I got off work early, and we work in a neighborhood with a big vista on top -- overlooking the Cascade Mountains and the cities beneath. Perfect, I thought, I'd taker her up there and it would be special. So I say, "Hey, thinking of chilling tonight, watching the stars and the clouds, interested in joining me?" She says, "yes", I drop her my phone number and ask her to call me when she gets off work. (this was good -- giving her my number rather than the other way around -- it was assertive, it felt good, she responded well).
I drove to this top vista, and set things up real nice. Made the conditions comfortable, lit candles, and lined the car up overlooking this beautiful view. Had my guitar handy, and a few good beers. Thought this would be perfect. She calls -- and having never been to this vista, I direct her over the phone to where I am. I believe this was a plus -- I mean there is adventure in this -- she is driving to meet me into this unknown place, where I've scheduled us to chill. And she arrives -- driving the exact same type of make and model as my own car. Interesting, I think, very interesting (having no idea of her vehicle before this).
Now this very same evening, I hear from a co-worker, that she has said she has a boyfriend. But he is a, "meathead", "never thinks", and know upon her coming to me, that she does have someone, but that it is rocky, and as women often do before breaking up, she seems to have emotionally detached herself awhile back.
But gentleman, one of my faults is that I am a sensitive and caring guy. This is a great strength too. But I have _trouble_ doing things to a girl who may have a guy -- even if I know she does not want him. Why, I do not know. In some ways I feel almost that I'm taking advantage of her -- or in some ways ruining her innocence through working to guide the situation towards intimacy. But the thing I am learning -- girls want it -- but sometimes they are not sure exactly what they want, and place it up to the man to take charge. And I fail sometimes at that juncture.
She arrives on the vista, I offer her a beer and ask her if she'd like to sit next to me. She declines and says she'd rather stand. That's fine, maybe she's uncomfortable, this is our first time hanging out outside of work, away from other social influences. We talk for a long while about all sorts of things. She goes into the trouble she is having with her boyfriend, how he does nothing for her (nicest thing he's ever done is made me oatmeal, she says, and it was instant). Says she's tired of him, tired of it all. She lies down on the pavement area and looks at the stars. I ask to lie next to her. (should not have asked....that is a vaginal way of doing things). She says of course, and I do. But I do not make a move. No I sit like a fool, caught in some sort of romance chemicals spitting from my hypothalamus and bathing in them. I talk about the stars, scale of life, all this crazy **** that is indeed inspiring -- but is not what I should have been doing. I should have been cuddling, moving inwards, making her feel warm and accepted. But I failed to do that, because of my own insecurity and lack of experience (but these things will change).
So we talk for an hour that way, I situp, we talk about countless subjects. “Anything goes”, she says about subject matter. She finishes her beer, and I ask her I could play her the guitar a bit. She agreed, and at this point she was definitely more comfortable, and I got her to sit up next to me, by the light of the candles and I began playing some tunes.
I should have made a move well before the guitar, well before all of this. But you know, I'm here posting this and if I had it all down, I wouldn't be here. But I start playing her tunes, and try my best to create loving tunes geared towards her. At first I started singing a recent song I wrote about a broken love (mistake...whooops...) -- and figured it was appropriate considering her own identified emotions. However -- what I should have done was play a song about love being hopeless until meeting a shining man upon a mountain vista! Or something LOVING, that ATTRACTS her to me, rather than have her identify with a shattered romance. Stupid. So I realize this after a bit and change, and begin singing about her -- a beautiful red-headed girl in the mountains. She smiled and laughed and seemed flattered.
And then she got real quiet. And sat very still. And this is when I started to get all twisted in the head -- because her emotions hit something -- either she wanted to be intimate with me, but this bf in her mind was throwing a wrench in the gears, or something. So I thought, well, maybe I should make a move -- something in this moment of quiet and stillness -- so I kissed her on the cheek and said, "I think you're a sweetheart". [sweetheart?] Whooooops. She totally smiled, but looking back...vagg way out. Yessir. It was safe. And there was a time before this when even going for a kiss on the cheek was hard. But yes, vag move.
So, had a beautiful red-headed ten of a woman by my side, playing tunes overlooking the city with the floating clouds, and nothing, just my peck on the cheek and some hesitation, holding back from her. I could have pushed into something earlier, but got bogged down in conversation (that I had no clear objective going into...and rambled conversation can be your own destroyer). Felt that I wanted to somehow leave her hanging, or wanting more -- or something to try to build up excitement for her to chill with me again -- and said that I had to go. I had to be up, and had to go. So I left her with a warm embrace and we followed each other out. Vaggged out. That's what.
Since then she gave me a birthday present (knowing that I have no family or long-term friends in the area -- and was a truly kind gesture) -- and a cake. Then she tells me she is breaking up with her boyfriend, and then days later that he was "outside my house all night and wouldn't leave". I kept extending opportunities to hang with me instead (being an embracing and warm fellow). She was going to take a walk with me (should have planned a better activity), but then remembered she had to "babysit". This "babysitting" thing happened twice since then, canceling our plans. She says she, "feels so bad", and "we'll hang out tomorrow for sure". So next day comes and she gets off work, asking what I'd like to do. I suggest hanging out, and I'd show her some photos of my adventures. She agrees and invites me to her house.
I go inside, parents, sister, sister's boyfriend all playing 'Pictionary' and invite me to join. Fvck. Twelve hour shift, now sitting at a table with hardly any energy, meeting the family. My first impression felt poor -- was so tired and honestly not in the mood for a board game. But this was another mistake. I should have made them feel that 'Pictionary' was my all-time favorite activity in the entire universe.
Ended up hanging out in her room, with the door _open_, showing photos, moved to her side after awhile on the bed, and cuddled a bit. I was over there for about 5 hours into 4am -- and then she falls asleep in my arms. I suggest staying there. She is hesitant. Then says, "I don't want to mislead you, just want to be clear, I can't handle anything right now". Boom. So I leave, 4am in the morning, confused. Good enough to cuddle, to be excited about hanging out with, but what? Confusing, that's for sure.
Since then we've done one other activity together, and I've had her laughing and giggling. But I'm in the “friendzone”, almost certain. She was recently going through a tough time, having some doctors visits I won't reveal here, and I made her a card with a drawing on it saying, “May Life Be Buddhaful”, with a big fat Buddha in the middle. Should have stamped, “Friend”, on my forehead.
Since then, she smiles, but I have felt withdrawal. She went and hung out with another male friend this past halloween, who I believe she has called a "man *****" and "trying to sleep with me". This upset me for sure, clearly imagining things with my busy mind, and I allowed this girl to cause some degree of worry and stress within myself. This cycle has been repeated too many times. Getting caught in the friend zone, and struggling to just let the girl go.
It also seems to me that SMS/Texting can get a man in a ****load of trouble. This is dangerous ground.
Much love gentlemen.
Buddha_Mind
I started working at this pizza place, and of course, there are many cute college-aged girls working there. Having been on the road, I have developed a greater degree of confidence, and started right away talking to them all -- asking them about their passions in life, what they wanted out of living -- and got some good responses -- lots of smiles, some kino (I'm still trying to interpret what this means, have inferred something along the lines of slightly-sexual/non-sexual touch).
One day a beautiful red head started working there. This girl is a ten, and just as sweet as can be (or don't they all seem that way?). She has a tiny tattoo of "karma" underneath her wrist, and given some of my personal attributes, this was a sure turn on for myself. I was successful at first at not showing attraction, and joking, kidding with her, light brushes on her arm and pats on the back -- that sort of thing. And I gained respect. She'd even make me salads when I asked, bringing them to me -- in ways that for me has often been absent.
So things seem well, and I decide it's time to invite this girl to hang out -- some 1:1 time. To say I have a lot of experience is a lie -- I've had one long term relationship, but countless little dates since then. Have only been intimate with two girls (am aged 25 right now) -- and have fallen in the "friend zone" for most of the girls I've taken on dates. But I tried to make this one real good. I got off work early, and we work in a neighborhood with a big vista on top -- overlooking the Cascade Mountains and the cities beneath. Perfect, I thought, I'd taker her up there and it would be special. So I say, "Hey, thinking of chilling tonight, watching the stars and the clouds, interested in joining me?" She says, "yes", I drop her my phone number and ask her to call me when she gets off work. (this was good -- giving her my number rather than the other way around -- it was assertive, it felt good, she responded well).
I drove to this top vista, and set things up real nice. Made the conditions comfortable, lit candles, and lined the car up overlooking this beautiful view. Had my guitar handy, and a few good beers. Thought this would be perfect. She calls -- and having never been to this vista, I direct her over the phone to where I am. I believe this was a plus -- I mean there is adventure in this -- she is driving to meet me into this unknown place, where I've scheduled us to chill. And she arrives -- driving the exact same type of make and model as my own car. Interesting, I think, very interesting (having no idea of her vehicle before this).
Now this very same evening, I hear from a co-worker, that she has said she has a boyfriend. But he is a, "meathead", "never thinks", and know upon her coming to me, that she does have someone, but that it is rocky, and as women often do before breaking up, she seems to have emotionally detached herself awhile back.
But gentleman, one of my faults is that I am a sensitive and caring guy. This is a great strength too. But I have _trouble_ doing things to a girl who may have a guy -- even if I know she does not want him. Why, I do not know. In some ways I feel almost that I'm taking advantage of her -- or in some ways ruining her innocence through working to guide the situation towards intimacy. But the thing I am learning -- girls want it -- but sometimes they are not sure exactly what they want, and place it up to the man to take charge. And I fail sometimes at that juncture.
She arrives on the vista, I offer her a beer and ask her if she'd like to sit next to me. She declines and says she'd rather stand. That's fine, maybe she's uncomfortable, this is our first time hanging out outside of work, away from other social influences. We talk for a long while about all sorts of things. She goes into the trouble she is having with her boyfriend, how he does nothing for her (nicest thing he's ever done is made me oatmeal, she says, and it was instant). Says she's tired of him, tired of it all. She lies down on the pavement area and looks at the stars. I ask to lie next to her. (should not have asked....that is a vaginal way of doing things). She says of course, and I do. But I do not make a move. No I sit like a fool, caught in some sort of romance chemicals spitting from my hypothalamus and bathing in them. I talk about the stars, scale of life, all this crazy **** that is indeed inspiring -- but is not what I should have been doing. I should have been cuddling, moving inwards, making her feel warm and accepted. But I failed to do that, because of my own insecurity and lack of experience (but these things will change).
So we talk for an hour that way, I situp, we talk about countless subjects. “Anything goes”, she says about subject matter. She finishes her beer, and I ask her I could play her the guitar a bit. She agreed, and at this point she was definitely more comfortable, and I got her to sit up next to me, by the light of the candles and I began playing some tunes.
I should have made a move well before the guitar, well before all of this. But you know, I'm here posting this and if I had it all down, I wouldn't be here. But I start playing her tunes, and try my best to create loving tunes geared towards her. At first I started singing a recent song I wrote about a broken love (mistake...whooops...) -- and figured it was appropriate considering her own identified emotions. However -- what I should have done was play a song about love being hopeless until meeting a shining man upon a mountain vista! Or something LOVING, that ATTRACTS her to me, rather than have her identify with a shattered romance. Stupid. So I realize this after a bit and change, and begin singing about her -- a beautiful red-headed girl in the mountains. She smiled and laughed and seemed flattered.
And then she got real quiet. And sat very still. And this is when I started to get all twisted in the head -- because her emotions hit something -- either she wanted to be intimate with me, but this bf in her mind was throwing a wrench in the gears, or something. So I thought, well, maybe I should make a move -- something in this moment of quiet and stillness -- so I kissed her on the cheek and said, "I think you're a sweetheart". [sweetheart?] Whooooops. She totally smiled, but looking back...vagg way out. Yessir. It was safe. And there was a time before this when even going for a kiss on the cheek was hard. But yes, vag move.
So, had a beautiful red-headed ten of a woman by my side, playing tunes overlooking the city with the floating clouds, and nothing, just my peck on the cheek and some hesitation, holding back from her. I could have pushed into something earlier, but got bogged down in conversation (that I had no clear objective going into...and rambled conversation can be your own destroyer). Felt that I wanted to somehow leave her hanging, or wanting more -- or something to try to build up excitement for her to chill with me again -- and said that I had to go. I had to be up, and had to go. So I left her with a warm embrace and we followed each other out. Vaggged out. That's what.
Since then she gave me a birthday present (knowing that I have no family or long-term friends in the area -- and was a truly kind gesture) -- and a cake. Then she tells me she is breaking up with her boyfriend, and then days later that he was "outside my house all night and wouldn't leave". I kept extending opportunities to hang with me instead (being an embracing and warm fellow). She was going to take a walk with me (should have planned a better activity), but then remembered she had to "babysit". This "babysitting" thing happened twice since then, canceling our plans. She says she, "feels so bad", and "we'll hang out tomorrow for sure". So next day comes and she gets off work, asking what I'd like to do. I suggest hanging out, and I'd show her some photos of my adventures. She agrees and invites me to her house.
I go inside, parents, sister, sister's boyfriend all playing 'Pictionary' and invite me to join. Fvck. Twelve hour shift, now sitting at a table with hardly any energy, meeting the family. My first impression felt poor -- was so tired and honestly not in the mood for a board game. But this was another mistake. I should have made them feel that 'Pictionary' was my all-time favorite activity in the entire universe.
Ended up hanging out in her room, with the door _open_, showing photos, moved to her side after awhile on the bed, and cuddled a bit. I was over there for about 5 hours into 4am -- and then she falls asleep in my arms. I suggest staying there. She is hesitant. Then says, "I don't want to mislead you, just want to be clear, I can't handle anything right now". Boom. So I leave, 4am in the morning, confused. Good enough to cuddle, to be excited about hanging out with, but what? Confusing, that's for sure.
Since then we've done one other activity together, and I've had her laughing and giggling. But I'm in the “friendzone”, almost certain. She was recently going through a tough time, having some doctors visits I won't reveal here, and I made her a card with a drawing on it saying, “May Life Be Buddhaful”, with a big fat Buddha in the middle. Should have stamped, “Friend”, on my forehead.
Since then, she smiles, but I have felt withdrawal. She went and hung out with another male friend this past halloween, who I believe she has called a "man *****" and "trying to sleep with me". This upset me for sure, clearly imagining things with my busy mind, and I allowed this girl to cause some degree of worry and stress within myself. This cycle has been repeated too many times. Getting caught in the friend zone, and struggling to just let the girl go.
It also seems to me that SMS/Texting can get a man in a ****load of trouble. This is dangerous ground.
Much love gentlemen.
Buddha_Mind