Just want to Openly Vent...

[BreezyB84]

This is more of a vent than anything. Im not looking for advice or any assistance but if anyone chooses to comment, then I will listen with an open ear. I know Im not the first..Nor will I be the last..
I will admit.. I am a typical nice guy with a mean streak. I am nice.. I am who I am and I am respectful of everyone to a degree. Anyway, I met this girl at a party, and we hit off dancing and ish...I got her number and we ended up going out 2 days later. I took her to a gaming place and we had a good time.. We just chilled and I got to know her.. I was my normal respectful self... Two days later.... I tried to said a date and she hit me with a we'll see etc etc... Long story short, I was able to get a second date where we went and played pool then we got yogurt and talked... Still my normal respectful.. So we still communicated...And I tried to set a third date and she kind of started to act a bit flakey... So I backed off,a bit..Its not that I was being needy or talking to her a lot,I just kind of had that gut feeling ya know... So last saturday, I reply to a text that she sent me the night before and she invites me to go bowling with her and her friends and I agree..Plans fall through, so the next day we make a date to go out this past tuesday.. The tuesday of the outing, I ask her if she wanted to eat when she got off work because she works in the next town over and I was going to take her to eat before she went out if she didnt... That was at 12:00pm around the afternoon... At 5:07pm, get a text from her saying she was stuck at work and that she needed to cancel..I was supposed to pick her up at 6:30pm...I was furious...On top of that, Id never been cancelled before so that hurt extra bad, and ill admit that. I didnt response right way... I knew I was a bit in my feelings.. So waited and replied and said its all good, and that I hope her job appreciates her hard work. Ive been kind of reading about dating and about when girls are interested, and I kind of started seeing the signs she may not be interested any bsing me... They probably came up before that night, but I was holding out for hope for a 3rd meeting.. In my head, im thinking if I can just get that 3rd meeting, ill be golden and I can open up a little bit more.. So the day after, I ask her if she wants to hang out this weekend or next week, and she says "yea we can plan something." So I ask her when are you free, because I dont want to make plans when shes not avaiable. She texts me back," Next week, It will be crazy at work and I and ive got plans all week.It probably wont be free until next weekend." At that point, I just said **** it lol..I give up. I texted her back,"Understandable. When your free to hang out hit me up. Keep in touch -with a smiley face."
I dont know all the nuiances of dating or seduction, sexual attraction all the stuff Ive been reading about.. All I know, ive been slowing getting rejected, pushed off to the side by this girl, and all honesty, it sux it hurts. Thats the worst part.. Im writing about it because in my head, I want to text her," Why dont you just say your not interested?!!" LOL. And I realize that... I dont know where to start.... I dont know why this one stings so much...Maybe I thought I had a quality chick...Maybe I just liked her more than she liked me...Maybe it was because I didnt make a move on her the first two outings..I dont know, but Im trying to be as honest with myself a possible.. And the worst part is....I STILL want to talk to her.. But I deleted her number lol and I know that ship has far sail... So Im a bit in my feelings right now.. I dont like this at all...No idea what to do or where to go from here...
Sorry about the long post...Just wanted to vent..

 

[Konada]

First off, don't beat yourself up over it. Most of us have the same experience you do where we were too respectful of women and failed to escalate.

3 issues:

1. You didn't escalate on the first nor second date. To be honest, if she gave you a second chance and you didn't take it, that's on you.

2. She said she's free next weekend. Always be closing. Make plans and then let it be. If she's not interested she will flake.

3. Respect is not about being a nice guy. Respect is about not overstepping your or her boundaries. Be a man, go for what you want, if she says no (with a straight face), that's when you stop.

If you get the third meeting even so, I highly doubt you can salvage this. But please do it for the next girl, be a shameless b4stard and go for what you want.

 

[Desdinova]

I have to echo what Konada said about not escalating. You NEED to break down the sexual barriers when you're out on a date. You have to use kino (non-sexual touch) to start tearing down those barriers. Adding sexual innuendo to conversations also helps in breaking those barriers down.

On the plus side, you actually handled everything quite well - at least on the surface. You didn't break down and get all fvcking whiny and b1tchy with this chick. You kept your actual reactions away from her. THIS is going to be a major asset for you. I've gone through all of that myself and it's a pain in the ass to stop yourself from venting it all to the bytch, but you're always going to be better off for it.

I dont know why this one stings so much...Maybe I thought I had a quality chick...

The more you date, the less this is going to happen with new women. Eventually, it'll only happen with women you've spent a significant amount of time with, and that is exactly where those feelings should be.

So to summarize, you're not doing too badly with your interactions with women. You just need to work on escalating. Once you get the hang of breaking down sexual barriers, you'll be getting laid like a rock star.

 

[C00lAF]

This is more of a vent than anything. Im not looking for advice or any assistance but if anyone chooses to comment, then I will listen with an open ear. I know Im not the first..Nor will I be the last..
I will admit.. I am a typical nice guy with a mean streak. I am nice.. I am who I am and I am respectful of everyone to a degree. Anyway, I met this girl at a party, and we hit off dancing and ish...I got her number and we ended up going out 2 days later. I took her to a gaming place and we had a good time.. We just chilled and I got to know her.. I was my normal respectful self... Two days later.... I tried to said a date and she hit me with a we'll see etc etc... Long story short, I was able to get a second date where we went and played pool then we got yogurt and talked... Still my normal respectful.. So we still communicated...And I tried to set a third date and she kind of started to act a bit flakey... So I backed off,a bit..Its not that I was being needy or talking to her a lot,I just kind of had that gut feeling ya know... So last saturday, I reply to a text that she sent me the night before and she invites me to go bowling with her and her friends and I agree..Plans fall through, so the next day we make a date to go out this past tuesday.. The tuesday of the outing, I ask her if she wanted to eat when she got off work because she works in the next town over and I was going to take her to eat before she went out if she didnt... That was at 12:00pm around the afternoon... At 5:07pm, get a text from her saying she was stuck at work and that she needed to cancel..I was supposed to pick her up at 6:30pm...I was furious...On top of that, Id never been cancelled before so that hurt extra bad, and ill admit that. I didnt response right way... I knew I was a bit in my feelings.. So waited and replied and said its all good, and that I hope her job appreciates her hard work. Ive been kind of reading about dating and about when girls are interested, and I kind of started seeing the signs she may not be interested any bsing me... They probably came up before that night, but I was holding out for hope for a 3rd meeting.. In my head, im thinking if I can just get that 3rd meeting, ill be golden and I can open up a little bit more.. So the day after, I ask her if she wants to hang out this weekend or next week, and she says "yea we can plan something." So I ask her when are you free, because I dont want to make plans when shes not avaiable. She texts me back," Next week, It will be crazy at work and I and ive got plans all week.It probably wont be free until next weekend." At that point, I just said **** it lol..I give up. I texted her back,"Understandable. When your free to hang out hit me up. Keep in touch -with a smiley face."
I dont know all the nuiances of dating or seduction, sexual attraction all the stuff Ive been reading about.. All I know, ive been slowing getting rejected, pushed off to the side by this girl, and all honesty, it sux it hurts. Thats the worst part.. Im writing about it because in my head, I want to text her," Why dont you just say your not interested?!!" LOL. And I realize that... I dont know where to start.... I dont know why this one stings so much...Maybe I thought I had a quality chick...Maybe I just liked her more than she liked me...Maybe it was because I didnt make a move on her the first two outings..I dont know, but Im trying to be as honest with myself a possible.. And the worst part is....I STILL want to talk to her.. But I deleted her number lol and I know that ship has far sail... So Im a bit in my feelings right now.. I dont like this at all...No idea what to do or where to go from here...
Sorry about the long post...Just wanted to vent..

Diagnosis is the first step of treatment. Gratz man you acctulay want to learn and admitted that it is your fault,if you are serious about this,this could be a major leap into personal development as you will realize that this is not only about women. It will hurt,you will screw up...like alot then you will learn then you will screw up some more dont take it personal.

 

[BreezyB84]

First off, don't beat yourself up over it. Most of us have the same experience you do where we were too respectful of women and failed to escalate.

3 issues:

1. You didn't escalate on the first nor second date. To be honest, if she gave you a second chance and you didn't take it, that's on you.

2. She said she's free next weekend. Always be closing. Make plans and then let it be. If she's not interested she will flake.

3. Respect is not about being a nice guy. Respect is about not overstepping your or her boundaries. Be a man, go for what you want, if she says no (with a straight face), that's when you stop.

If you get the third meeting even so, I highly doubt you can salvage this. But please do it for the next girl, be a shameless b4stard and go for what you want.

I appreciate the response.. A couple questions...

You really think I should TRY to set up a third meeting?? I can I even do that now since I told her to "Keep In Touch".

In regards to escalating.. I really didnt know it would be that Important.. But I will learn now..

Lastly, if I do get a third outing...What must I do differently and HOW do I learn that??? Even if not with this girl, how do I learn this for life?

 

[BreezyB84]

I have to echo what Konada said about not escalating. You NEED to break down the sexual barriers when you're out on a date. You have to use kino (non-sexual touch) to start tearing down those barriers. Adding sexual innuendo to conversations also helps in breaking those barriers down.

On the plus side, you actually handled everything quite well - at least on the surface. You didn't break down and get all fvcking whiny and b1tchy with this chick. You kept your actual reactions away from her. THIS is going to be a major asset for you. I've gone through all of that myself and it's a pain in the ass to stop yourself from venting it all to the bytch, but you're always going to be better off for it.



The more you date, the less this is going to happen with new women. Eventually, it'll only happen with women you've spent a significant amount of time with, and that is exactly where those feelings should be.

So to summarize, you're not doing too badly with your interactions with women. You just need to work on escalating. Once you get the hang of breaking down sexual barriers, you'll be getting laid like a rock star.

I am a writer by natural...So when I have to emotionally vomit, I write it... I literally cannot function until I get the words on paper..Its a gift and curse..
Can you tell me where I can learn more about kino??? I guess that there is always the uncomfortable feeling of overstepping boundaries... But I am willing to learn the right way.

 

[BreezyB84]

Diagnosis is the first step of treatment. Gratz man you acctulay want to learn and admitted that it is your fault,if you are serious about this,this could be a major leap into personal development as you will realize that this is not only about women. It will hurt,you will screw up...like alot then you will learn then you will screw up some more dont take it personal.

Thank your brother. I appreciate it..

 

[BreezyB84]

This may be answered somewhere else, but why is it that women who you care about or reject your spur your emotions?You genuine question decisions of your life, or you think of ways to enhance your life for the better, and you may how not even had these particular thoughts previous.. I find myself thinking about ways to make my situation better for the next girl or just in life in general...And all this was brought on because a ship has sailed on this particular girl.. I genuinely don't like this feeling at all. Is this natural?? What do I do with this?? At 32 should I have experienced this more???

 

[sazc]

This may be answered somewhere else, but why is it that women who you care about or reject your spur your emotions?You genuine question decisions of your life, or you think of ways to enhance your life for the better, and you may how not even had these particular thoughts previous.. I find myself thinking about ways to make my situation better for the next girl or just in life in general...And all this was brought on because a ship has sailed on this particular girl.. I genuinely don't like this feeling at all. Is this natural?? What do I do with this?? At 32 should I have experienced this more???

It sounds like you are personalizing her rejection. Consider that her rejecting you is not abut you, it's about her. I can look back in my life and see that 90% of the men I rejected wasnt really about them, it was all me and my issues. The 10% was more due to no attraction in general - but that really amounts to what I find attractive, not if they were actually attractive.

Straight/nice teeth, and taking care of them, are one of my things. If a guy doesnt do that, it's a turn off to me. That speaks absolutely nothing about who the guy is for real, it's just a hangup of mine. Perhaps you are dark haired and she prefers blondes? Perhaps you wore flannel and she hates that? Who knows. It's best that you realize rejection is about the other person. Dont personalize it.

 

[hockeyfreak79]

This may be answered somewhere else, but why is it that women who you care about or reject your spur your emotions?You genuine question decisions of your life, or you think of ways to enhance your life for the better, and you may how not even had these particular thoughts previous.. I find myself thinking about ways to make my situation better for the next girl or just in life in general...And all this was brought on because a ship has sailed on this particular girl.. I genuinely don't like this feeling at all. Is this natural?? What do I do with this?? At 32 should I have experienced this more???

You need to step back and ask yourself why you "care" about a stranger you went out with just 2 times?

Your normal "respectful" self isn't exciting to her. You HAVE to give them some tingles, teasing, sexual innuendos, something they can fantasize about. If she doesn't like it she will let you know.

Your nice guy EGO is mad that she's not interested in you. You feel like sh*t, suck it up and get over it.

Smart move on deleting her number, it's very doubtful she'll keep in touch. If she does it's a good possibility that she's just bored or has no other dates.

Back to your question about why don't woman just say that they are not interested.

Woman love attention, if she can keep you as an orbiter she will. Rather than be straight up & honest they will dangle a carrot just to fvck with you. Welcome to SS

 

[sazc]

You need to step back and ask yourself why you "care" about a stranger you went out with just 2 times?

Your normal "respectful" self isn't exciting to her. You HAVE to give them some tingles, teasing, sexual innuendos, something they can fantasize about.

Your nice guy EGO is mad that she's not interested in you. You feel like sh*t, suck it up and get over it.

Smart move on deleting her number, it's very doubtful she'll keep in touch. If she does it's a good possibility that she's just bored or has no other dates.

Back to your question about why don't woman just say that they are not interested.

Woman love attention, if she can keep you as an orbiter she will. Rather than be straight up & honest they will dangle a carrot just to fvck with you. Welcome to SS

Agreed, there are the females that want to try to turn you into an orbiter, and/or they love the attention.

For me, not communicating directly that I wasnt interested also had something to do with not wanting to hurt someones feelings. As a female you think you are letting them down easy. What you dont realize is that any responsiveness communicates possible interest to a male, and that is what confuses and the pisses the male off.

I'm not saying all women are like me, but I am sure some of them are.

 

[BreezyB84]

It sounds like you are personalizing her rejection. Consider that her rejecting you is not abut you, it's about her. I can look back in my life and see that 90% of the men I rejected wasnt really about them, it was all me and my issues. The 10% was more due to no attraction in general - but that really amounts to what I find attractive, not if they were actually attractive.

Straight/nice teeth, and taking care of them, are one of my things. If a guy doesnt do that, it's a turn off to me. That speaks absolutely nothing about who the guy is for real, it's just a hangup of mine. Perhaps you are dark haired and she prefers blondes? Perhaps you wore flannel and she hates that? Who knows. It's best that you realize rejection is about the other person. Dont personalize it.

I appreciate the response ma'am. I think im disappointed in myself more than anything because of not knowing how important escalation is. At first I put it on her but as I'm starting to learn about women and there reactions to men, and how they genuinely act on emotions.. Ive got a lot to learn and I guess this is part of the process. But I am going to work on it...For this girl, the next,whatever..ILL be ready..

 

[BreezyB84]

You need to step back and ask yourself why you "care" about a stranger you went out with just 2 times?

Your normal "respectful" self isn't exciting to her. You HAVE to give them some tingles, teasing, sexual innuendos, something they can fantasize about. If she doesn't like it she will let you know.

Your nice guy EGO is mad that she's not interested in you. You feel like sh*t, suck it up and get over it.

Smart move on deleting her number, it's very doubtful she'll keep in touch. If she does it's a good possibility that she's just bored or has no other dates.

Back to your question about why don't woman just say that they are not interested.

Woman love attention, if she can keep you as an orbiter she will. Rather than be straight up & honest they will dangle a carrot just to fvck with you. Welcome to SS

I appreciate it brotha. This all GOLD to me so I'm just taking it alllll in and I will learn from it.

 

[daddymonsterpoodle]

I don't think kino is the answer to everything but you do have to make it clear that you are sexually confident and not her new bff.
Direct eye contact and holding it, the smirk, letting her know you find her sexy, how close you sit, your posture (is it closed in or confident and open) AND kino.
Sorry man, but women don't want or respect gentlemen. They want someone who wants to f*ck the sh*t out of them and is confident enough to go for it.