just tried getting out of friendzone - manning up - at your own risk

[ah_sheet]

went to vegas with a girl i had been friends with, but, in the past being AFC and basically having a crush on her for 10 years. Tried to just stay friends with her but i am way attracted to her and i think she's into me, or im reading the signs wrong.

so, have been spending a significant amount of time with her. took her snowmobiling and camping to a yurt. next day, took her to sushi. then 3 days later lake havasu, and then to vegas. even just spending this much time with her and how close, I was sure she was into me.

because she has been a friend for so long, i never thought i would actually try to make the move out of ljbf, but I was certain that I was getting all the right signals.

Walking down the strip, I started dancing with some dude trying to dance for money, and two girls came up and started dancing with me, one of them blonde trying to grind on me and was pretty hot.

She instantly got supper mad, and started storming down the street. I caught up to her, and asked her what the problem was. She just looked me in the eyes, then rolled her eyes, then tried to walk past around me.

She seemed super mad, and I thought it was because she was waiting for me to make a move and was getting frustrated that by me not making the move with all the signs and kino she was throwing and me not doing a thing.

So I decided to change that. I ran and caught back up to her, turned in front of her, turned around, looked her in the eyes and made my move trying to grab her around the waste and kiss her.

she turned her face.

she got very upset and wouldn't talk to me. I told her I was sorry, and that I thought she was mad because I wouldn't just make a move. I told her that I was always into her, but that she was more important to me as a friend than anything else. she locked herself in the bathroom. I asked her if we could just leave it vegas, and she said yes.

I tried to talk about it to her to apologize and she tried to act like that part of the night didn't exist, and neither of us really bought it up indirectly.

So, now I don't know where I am at with her. I still feel like she is into me. I have been head over heels for her for forever.

So, I wouldn't suggest trying to bridge this gap, especially if you care about a girl as a friend for real, even if you like her. Not sure it is ever going to be the same between us. I also don't know if I should even contact her, I am not sure if she is mad at me. I have spent nearly the last 2 weeks with this girl, nearly every day, and have had an amazing time together, I don't even know why this girl would want to spend so much time with me - literally all day every day while vacationing together, and flirt with me, if she wasn't into me.

Fvck what would you do?

 

[Mr. Goods]

I think the most obvious thing here is you took waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too long to actually make a move. 10 years? Spending 2 weeks together and doing nothing? ah_sheet - those actions will get you deeply embedded into the friend zone. I feel you may have lost your chance here.

So, what should you do? Give her some space, let her cool off. Do your own thing. If she wants to come to you, she will.

 

[Cowboy1015]

So I decided to change that. I ran and caught back up to her, turned in front of her, turned around, looked her in the eyes and made my move trying to grab her around the waste and kiss her.

she turned her face.

she got very upset and wouldn't talk to me. I told her I was sorry, and that I thought she was mad because I wouldn't just make a move. I told her that I was always into her, but that she was more important to me as a friend than anything else. she locked herself in the bathroom. I asked her if we could just leave it vegas, and she said yes.

I tried to kiss a girl i've been going out, but not in public, at my couch as we watch a movie. She turned her face, so I ended up kissing her cheek. I still tried to kiss her lips and she moved her face the other side. Another try, at her lips... and she wouldn't even open her lips... not until a minute or so... she did. No talking. Just full force making out. And then happy ending.

You shouldn't have had talked about your feelings and worst apologize. This is what I learned from the DJ Bible... don't talk about your feelings... just do it. And that's how I found success with the girl I'm dating right now.

I think you can still salvage this. Continue as how you are with her. But progress from kino. Never talk about your feelings.

 

[d!ckmojo]

Never say sorry. A man isn't sorry for his manly desires, you have nothing to be sorry about.

If she's upset, she's the one with the problem.

And do you know what? its highly disrespectful of her to get upset about you expressing masculine desire for her. It basically implies that she never thought of you as being a REAL man, it implies that for this whole time she just thought of you as some sort of androgynous, sexless, no-man.

What are you going to do? Are you going to let the women in your life regard you as less than a man? Fvck that dude, BE a man, in no uncertain terms, and express your desires proudly, confidently and unashamedly.

The feminist world we live in in western society wants you to believe that your manly desires are dirty and disrespectful and dishonest. Fvck feminist society man, exude masculine sexuality from every pore and let it permeate you, and damn any b1tches who would crucify you for it.

 

[d!ckmojo]

edit: double post

 

[Bible_Belt]

There is no such thing as friendship with a woman. Either you want to fvck, or you don't. Women feel the same way, but they won't admit it. A girl who goes to Vegas with you does so because she wants to have sex with you. She's only mad about the street incident because she's been mad so long about you not making a move. It makes her feel undesirable and unattractive.

But you have already dug a hole for yourself here. Back off, act like you don't care or remember, and if she stays interested and you spend any more time with her, then please do her as soon as possible.

 

[ah_sheet]

not apologizing

I agree about not apologizing. I don't know if she was trying to be rude for me trying to kiss her. I also agree about not telling her my feelings. Shouldn't have done that.

She did tell me that she couldn't sleep because her heart was beating so fast all night.

We were in a casino, and a hotel employee, as well as like 4 other people that night asked if we were newly weds. This guy however, when we told him we were not married said, to bad, I can see the chemistry between you. She stormed off at this as well, and she didn't ever want to bring this up just like me trying to make my move. I think its because she didn't want to show that she was interested, even though the way she touches me and the way we are together I think shows quite the contrary. Don't want to over analyze it though.

I do know that now that it is on the table, and she was still very sweet to me after this, that things aren't going to be the same. And I think it opened it up for us to maybe try again, hopefully soon.

Glad I made my move though, didn't want to be regretting a single thing.

 

[Nutz]

Never say sorry. A man isn't sorry for his manly desires, you have nothing to be sorry about.

If she's upset, she's the one with the problem.

And do you know what? its highly disrespectful of her to get upset about you expressing masculine desire for her. It basically implies that she never thought of you as being a REAL man, it implies that for this whole time she just thought of you as some sort of androgynous, sexless, no-man.

What are you going to do? Are you going to let the women in your life regard you as less than a man? Fvck that dude, BE a man, in no uncertain terms, and express your desires proudly, confidently and unashamedly.

The feminist world we live in in western society wants you to believe that your manly desires are dirty and disrespectful and dishonest. Fvck feminist society man, exude masculine sexuality from every pore and let it permeate you, and damn any b1tches who would crucify you for it.

Couldn't have said it better myself! :rockon:

 

[betheman]

she does a lot of storming off this girl, let her fcucking storm off into the sunset!
10 years for gods sake?
and what is this talk of girls turning their faces away when you try to kiss them? how disrespected do you want to be?
stay with it man, if you like being controlled and unhappy

 

[Tiguere]

Damn d!ckmojo is mad.

 

[Igetit!]

went to vegas with a girl i had been friends with, but, in the past being AFC and basically having a crush on her for 10 years.

Ten years??? Damn. That's a long time man.

But believe it or not,we actually had another guy here hung up on a girl for 10 years about 2 years ago in this thread: http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=158452.

Tried to just stay friends with her but i am way attracted to her

Let me ask you this....

Before this incident went down here between you two,before NOW,did you ever try to date this girl? Somewhere sometime back in the ten years you've known her,did you ever ask her out?


I can't understand why you'd wait so long to show your interest to her.

and i think she's into me, or im reading the signs wrong.

What did she say or do that made you think she was interested in you?

so, have been spending a significant amount of time with her. took her snowmobiling and camping to a yurt. next day, took her to sushi. then 3 days later lake havasu, and then to vegas. even just spending this much time with her and how close, I was sure she was into me.

You've been spending all this time AND money on a girl you're not even dating???


She's not going to date you man. She doesn't have to. You're acting like a surrogate boyfriend. She's got you spending time with her,taking her on trips,out for sushi,out to Vegas.....she's getting ALL THAT from you and hasn't given you a single thing in return.


Why would she want to rock the boat when everything's going so good for her? I wouldn't.

Walking down the strip, I started dancing with some dude trying to dance for money, and two girls came up and started dancing with me, one of them blonde trying to grind on me and was pretty hot.

She instantly got supper mad, and started storming down the street. I caught up to her, and asked her what the problem was. She just looked me in the eyes, then rolled her eyes, then tried to walk past around me.

She seemed super mad, and I thought it was because she was waiting for me to make a move

She wasn't angry because of you not making a move on her. You'd been around each other for over 10 years,so I don't think you "making moves" on her was on her mind.


She was upset because she was jealous. She didn't want your "moves",she wanted your ATTENTION.


Can you blame her? She has someone who likes her,has been after her for over a decade,who takes her on trips and spends money on her,she gets all that without having to lift a single finger in return. And when she saw you dancing with these other women,the thought that all that could get taken away and given to another woman,to someone who actually does like you pissed her off.


That's why she was upset. She didn't want you to make a move on her,she just wanted you to continue wanting,desiring,and drooling after her.

Seeing you with other women made her feel like her "meal ticket" could possibly be taken away.

So I decided to change that. I ran and caught back up to her, turned in front of her, turned around, looked her in the eyes and made my move trying to grab her around the waste and kiss her.

she turned her face.

she got very upset and wouldn't talk to me. I told her I was sorry, and that I thought she was mad because I wouldn't just make a move. I told her that I was always into her, but that she was more important to me as a friend than anything else. she locked herself in the bathroom.

DAMN.

So when you tried to kiss her,told her that you had always been into her,and told her that she meant more to you than just a friend,her response to that was to lock herself in the bathroom.


Sheeeesh,lol.

So, now I don't know where I am at with her.

The fvck??? Are you serious?

You mean after 10 LONG YEARS,and everything that just went down between you two on this Vegas trip (her turning her head when you tried to kiss her,her locking herself in the bathroom when you revealed your feeling to her),you mean after all that,you STILL DON'T KNOW where you stand?



Daaaaaaymn. Well dude....well what else does she have to do for you to get the hint? Look....


She's not going to say,"I don't like you,and I don't want to date you".

She's not going to SAY that because that might mean an end to all the fancy restuarants,fun trips,and lavish vacations. Any "flirting" or "signals" you think you may be getting from her are simply to keep the gravy train going.


She has to give you some hope of a possibility of you two seeing each other,otherwise you might actually wise up and go date someone else.

And she can't have that,now can she?

I still feel like she is into me.

And you feel this based on what.....

the 10 years of her not allowing anything to happen? Or...
her turning her head when you tried to kiss her? Or...
her running into the bathroom and locking the door when you told her you liked her? Or...
her ending the trip and wanting to go home?

Or was it something else I missed?

Not sure it is ever going to be the same between us. I also don't know if I should even contact her, I am not sure if she is mad at me. I have spent nearly the last 2 weeks with this girl, nearly every day, and have had an amazing time together, I don't even know why this girl would want to spend so much time with me - literally all day every day while vacationing together, and flirt with me, if she wasn't into me.

You say you don't know if you should contact her again or not.

I don't think you have to worry about that,SHE'LL DO the contacting.

She has feelings for you. Not romantic or sexual,but for the attention. Also,who else is she going to get to take her on lavish trips and vacations without requiring anything in return from her?


Don't worry,after the tension dies down a little,she'll be seeking you out.

 

[Igetit!]

(double post)

 

[theanomaly]

Never say sorry. A man isn't sorry for his manly desires, you have nothing to be sorry about.

If she's upset, she's the one with the problem.

True man. She got jealous, but she's not your girl. Never apologize for being a man, it makes you less of one. If you hadn't tried to "fix it" when she got mad and just played the ****y stud, I bet she wouldn't done ya.

 

[mahoney]

unfortunately you've made this into too much of a big thing (both over the 10 years, and with this recent behavior).

Its totally fine to have a 10 year friendship with a girl and feel very close to them but you can't be holding a candle for them, that is destructive. Its also not exactly a true friendship as you have had an ulterior motive (its ok to think they're pretty but you can't be having dreams of a relationship in such a situation)

It is unclear about why she stormed off the first time. People here will give you different reasons about that and be very sure of their opinion but it would help you if you could find out what the actual case was here

The attempt to kiss in itself wasn't a terrible idea, people do heat of the moment things, but the big problem was the declaring of feelings and the admittance you are in love with her. So instead of it being 10 years of one thing, and then a possible change - you presented her with the fact that the last 10 years were not what she thought they were and actually kind of a lie - no girl is going to like that

Apologizing in itself isnt a bad thing (she's a friend of 10 years - regardless of what has happened here, i presume you still value her friendship) - but it would have been better to do a briefer apology and make light of it a little, and then leave it - more of a "ha ohgod not sure what came over me!", making it that it isnt a big issue. an attempted kiss isnt much to apologize for, that can be simple and brief, and laughed off - a 10 year crush is a bit different

you can't really do much now except give her a bit of space. She will now need time to assess what she actually thinks now, its not just about this trip, its now about the last decade. anything romantic is pretty unlikely, your actual friendship is at stake here. Give space

people are telling you that all this time she was treating you as a surrogate boyfriend, i dont think thats actually the issue, the problem is more that you have been treating her as a surrogate girlfriend (which she probably wasnt really aware of - but now she knows about the crush she will think back across all those 10 years and reassess your behavior)

I'm pretty doubtful she is into you, although there is a slim chance that she just didnt like your clumsy approach and admittance of crush. Either way, the ball is in her court now

As for manning up to get out the friendzone, really all this 'friendzone' is, is a disproportionate level of interest, which means you act different/weird - her interest level is at 6 yours is at 9 so you act less normal, its not really a friendship when there is an ulterior motive like that. If your level of interest was also at 6 you wouldnt be in the 'friendzone', you would just be regular friends and you would act more normal just the same as you did with all your other friends. if your interest level is at 9 the extra attention you give makes them a bit more wary and it is that which puts you in 'the friendzone'

If you thought of this girl as a regular friend and weren't dreaming of something else, you wouldn't even be thinking about words like friendzone. Its your crush which creates this friendzone and you who puts yourself in it

 

[Packers2010]

I think the most obvious thing here is you took waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too long to actually make a move. 10 years? Spending 2 weeks together and doing nothing? ah_sheet - those actions will get you deeply embedded into the friend zone. I feel you may have lost your chance here.

hmm. maybe he has.

but i told a girl i was madly in love with her for the past 7 years. then like 2 weeks later we started having sex. like twice a week. so. i CAN happen

 

[zekko]

She was upset because she was jealous. She didn't want your "moves",she wanted your ATTENTION.

Yeah, here's the problem. You were grinding with those other girls and she got mad because you were with her. It's disrespectful. I know here on the DJ Forum everybody says "Women always love it when you mac on other girls in front of them" but that's very overstated.

The other thing is your timing was horrible. She was mad at you for disrespecting her, and you picked that moment to make your move and kiss her? Not a good idea. Had you waited until the right moment, maybe it would have worked out better.

 

[ah_sheet]

update - she hit me up tonight after no contact since i made this post, i think about 3 days or so. talked for like 20 minutes. going to see her tomorrow. been doing my own thing, tried like hell to keep my head out of it. she is basically acting like this was no big deal or that it didn't happen. just going to take it as it comes, and try and keep my head straight.

actually feel a lot better about being either just friends or more now that this happened, feeling way more comfortable now that she has an idea about how i feel rather than me hiding it.

@zekko - You might very well be right about this. Had gone to the club with friends for happy hour a few nights prior while on our little vaca - danced with other girls, talked to one blond for quite a while, she actually sat in the cab waiting for me for like 20 minutes while I chatted this girl, and she was distant the rest of the night. While in Vegas, no other friends were with us, just me and her. I didn't dance with the other girl in Vegas directly to make her jealous, but when she stormed off I thought that is what happened and decided to take my shot. And yeah, timing, terrible. Alone would have been better, but I literally had to nut up to do this so when I got the courage took a leap of faith.

@mahoney - she had been gone the past 5 years, she just showed back up in our old home town where I know her from like 2 weeks after I did. During the time that I hung out with her before, we always just partied together, and most of the time each had our boyfriend or girlfriend. You may see it as an ulterior motive, which in the past before she came back may have been the case, but we were very good friends and I was giving that more respect than trying to get my d*ck wet. This is my first thread back on this board in several years, there is a reason for that. I posted this because I know a lot of guys on here are here for that very reason, in love with a friend, and can't nut up to do something about it. I posted this shortly after, both because at the time I was over analyzing and it took a lot of courage for me to try and cross that barrier, and wanted other guys to know that you do risk losing a friend. I use words like friend zone etc because a lot of guys on here will understand this with out having to go into pages of detail. This girl never told me once in all the time I knew her "lets just be friends", still a friend none the less.

@theanomoly - you might be right. I don't know why I apologized. When I got dissed, I went soft. Guess my roids wore off after I nutted up and tried. JK, no roids.

@Igetit! - She just graduated from school and is traveling, she is making our old home town her base of op I guess. I have my own business, and basically am down to vaca with anyone that wants to roll. We literally decided to stay in vegas on the way home from the lake. I did take her out. I did pay. I did pay at sushi. I even took her out for a bottle of wine the night before that. This might sound AFC to most everyone, but I don't let any girls pay when I am rolling. She has money. If she was looking to take advantage and was getting mad that attention was going elsewhere, I really don't want anything to do with her. I don't think you are, but hope you aren't right. ------ I wouldn't ever pay for a thing wanting something in return, im not sleezy like that, if I wanted to buy a *****, I was in vegas, I could have.

Thanks for all your input. I am feeling way easier about all of this since she hit me up tonight.

 

[ah_sheet]

@Igetit!

This is the main reason that I wasn't sure where I stood with her, and for the fact of the matter still dont - you have to also realize, she didn't really say anything to me until like 3 in the morning after this happened. When I got dissed I left the hotel room until she texted me to come to our room and go to bed. When I got to our room, the light was off, and she either was or was pretending to be asleep, it did take me like 45 minutes to get back to the room.

She did tell me that she couldn't sleep because her heart was beating so fast all night.

We were in a casino, and a hotel employee, as well as like 4 other people that night asked if we were newly weds. This guy however, when we told him we were not married said, to bad, I can see the chemistry between you. She stormed off at this as well, and she didn't ever want to bring this up just like me trying to make my move.

 

[mahoney]

she is basically acting like this was no big deal or that it didn't happen. just going to take it as it comes, and try and keep my head straight.

actually feel a lot better about being either just friends or more now that this happened, feeling way more comfortable now that she has an idea about how i feel rather than me hiding it.

well this is good - its ok for someone to react strongly, think about it for a while and then think ok maybe its not such a big deal - this is why its a good idea to give a girl a bit of space to have a bit of a think. most of the time in that short space of time while the girl thinks we tend to make things a bigger deal in our heads than they turn out to be - which is fine unless we crowd them during this period and make everything a bigger issue than it needs to be

ball is definitely in her court about whats next - as you say, just play things naturally, and dont do anything weird and whatever it is that happens next will be fine - and althought your approach may not have been the best one it might actually be a good thing to have it come out

just keep calm and natural about everything. she knows now, you don't need to make it any clearer

@mahoney - she had been gone the past 5 years, she just showed back up in our old home town where I know her from like 2 weeks after I did. During the time that I hung out with her before, we always just partied together, and most of the time each had our boyfriend or girlfriend. You may see it as an ulterior motive, which in the past before she came back may have been the case, but we were very good friends and I was giving that more respect than trying to get my d*ck wet. This is my first thread back on this board in several years, there is a reason for that. I posted this because I know a lot of guys on here are here for that very reason, in love with a friend, and can't nut up to do something about it. I posted this shortly after, both because at the time I was over analyzing and it took a lot of courage for me to try and cross that barrier, and wanted other guys to know that you do risk losing a friend. I use words like friend zone etc because a lot of guys on here will understand this with out having to go into pages of detail. This girl never told me once in all the time I knew her "lets just be friends", still a friend none the less.

well this is slightly different from what you said in the original post (you did say you crushed on her for 10 years originally), anyway the point isnt so much whether you did have an ulterior motive, as to whether she now THINKS you had an ulterior motive - either way it does call things into question at least to an extent

as for her not saying "lets just be friends", well she wouldnt! if she was unaware of your desire there is no reason for her to say or even think this. being friends with someone doesnt mean you are in this 'friendzone' area. i have female friends ive known for years but im not in the 'friendzone' and neither are they, because neither of us have any particular interest in anything other than friendship (some of these ive slept with on occasion, some of them i haven't - it hasn't altered anything either way): "friendzone really is when one has inappropriate interest and the other has to say "look, just no ok" - its an interest imbalance more than anything. she was