hey all, im new to this forums, been reading for a while, tons of great advice in here !
im gonna start by sharing an experience followed by a question here.
to give a brief, im 25 with several experiences with women, been in an LTR for 3 years, i ended it 6 months ago because i lost the spark !
since then, i've engaged in 3 STRs just for sex. but my long term target has always been an LTR ( I know its wrong), but thats just me though.
3 weeks ago, a friend of mine introduced me to his friend, he told me that she recently broke up with her bf from a 1 year relationship, i said to myself perfect ! casual sex with no emotional attachment, couldn't get better !
so we started texting for 2 days and then we went on a date, I couldn't deny that she sparked my interest, but i kept telling myself that shes on the rebound so its typical that her guard will be down, and i acted like i would act with any other woman, but i kept getting surprised because i was the one whose being ran after, and this started to get me dragged (here where i started to make mistakes), my friend kept telling that her relationship was **** and she was on/off with her bf for the last 4-6 months, so the attachment isn't that strong.
its worth to mention that she didnt lie to me about her relation, and she told me that she's not over him yet and a phone call (from him) could change everything and to just enjoy the moment and go with the flow.
I started wondering where am i going ? and started to feel that this will end badly. but i dont know why i kept going through this betting that he would not try to get back to her (like i did with my LTR).
red flags was everywhere and she dragged me into her world and to be honest, I can't remember when was the last time i was happy like i were that time. But I never showed her that, I was very strict that i never called/texted her, no compliments at all, no feelings expressing. the only time that i let go of myself is when we were having rides on my bike and we stopped in the desert and kiss.
after 1 week of pure happiness, she disappeared for 1 day (she used to text me as soon as she woke up, call me every break in work, go to the washroom to call me, blah blah)
i didnt make any move, the next day she called me and started complaining that i dont care about her and didnt call/text her, so i told her that she was supposed to call me when she takes her break, she backed off, and told me that she was in a bad mood because she saw her ex, and she found out that he has been with another girl for a long time and he loves her, i told her that this is has nothing to do with me and i hang-up the call.
she started texting me and mentioning that she never lied to me and if she wanted to play, she could've gone to any club/bar and found tons of guys, and she really likes me and want things to work with me but she needs time to get over him.
later at night, i went to her and i told her that I can't be her spare tire, told her some harsh words, and that if she really wants this to work, this should never happen again, and that she broke my trust for her and she has to put a lot of effort to gain it back, and i gave her a couple of days to sort her s*it out, and to make a decision.
2 days later she texted me that she miss me and she dont want to lose me and she want me in her life and that we can walk through this together.
again, i became soft but didnt say anything except that whats meant to happen will happen and lets just go with the flow !
we met once after that but I couldn't believe anything she done or said, including the kissing part.
she disappeared for 5 days and when i called to check on her (casually), she mentioned that shes back with her ex but she doesn't know why, and she still wants to see me because he wasn't faithful to her and she doesn't have to be !. I absorbed the info without showing my sadness, and told her that its good for her.
we were supposed to go for a ride yesterday, but i went there, took my helmet, and wished her good luck and walked away.
the look on her face was invaluable, but i forced myself to walk away, because i learned from these forums that i should never devalue myself and i should look to myself as i am the catch.
I shared this story to beg every guy who is in a situation same like me to do like i did (walk away), and to try to never put themselves in such situation. its very hard and I can't describe the pain that im feeling, and the hurt to my ego, but i'm convinced that its lot easier than the pain that i would've felt if i stayed with her and got dragged more into her emotional instability.
im sorry for being too long, but finally, my question is, do you think she will come back? and does she deserve another chance if she ever does ? my mind is telling me no, but deep in the inside, i want to give her another one , but in the same time, im hoping that she never come back so i dont have to make this decision and move on.
again sorry for being too long.
im gonna start by sharing an experience followed by a question here.
to give a brief, im 25 with several experiences with women, been in an LTR for 3 years, i ended it 6 months ago because i lost the spark !
since then, i've engaged in 3 STRs just for sex. but my long term target has always been an LTR ( I know its wrong), but thats just me though.
3 weeks ago, a friend of mine introduced me to his friend, he told me that she recently broke up with her bf from a 1 year relationship, i said to myself perfect ! casual sex with no emotional attachment, couldn't get better !
so we started texting for 2 days and then we went on a date, I couldn't deny that she sparked my interest, but i kept telling myself that shes on the rebound so its typical that her guard will be down, and i acted like i would act with any other woman, but i kept getting surprised because i was the one whose being ran after, and this started to get me dragged (here where i started to make mistakes), my friend kept telling that her relationship was **** and she was on/off with her bf for the last 4-6 months, so the attachment isn't that strong.
its worth to mention that she didnt lie to me about her relation, and she told me that she's not over him yet and a phone call (from him) could change everything and to just enjoy the moment and go with the flow.
I started wondering where am i going ? and started to feel that this will end badly. but i dont know why i kept going through this betting that he would not try to get back to her (like i did with my LTR).
red flags was everywhere and she dragged me into her world and to be honest, I can't remember when was the last time i was happy like i were that time. But I never showed her that, I was very strict that i never called/texted her, no compliments at all, no feelings expressing. the only time that i let go of myself is when we were having rides on my bike and we stopped in the desert and kiss.
after 1 week of pure happiness, she disappeared for 1 day (she used to text me as soon as she woke up, call me every break in work, go to the washroom to call me, blah blah)
i didnt make any move, the next day she called me and started complaining that i dont care about her and didnt call/text her, so i told her that she was supposed to call me when she takes her break, she backed off, and told me that she was in a bad mood because she saw her ex, and she found out that he has been with another girl for a long time and he loves her, i told her that this is has nothing to do with me and i hang-up the call.
she started texting me and mentioning that she never lied to me and if she wanted to play, she could've gone to any club/bar and found tons of guys, and she really likes me and want things to work with me but she needs time to get over him.
later at night, i went to her and i told her that I can't be her spare tire, told her some harsh words, and that if she really wants this to work, this should never happen again, and that she broke my trust for her and she has to put a lot of effort to gain it back, and i gave her a couple of days to sort her s*it out, and to make a decision.
2 days later she texted me that she miss me and she dont want to lose me and she want me in her life and that we can walk through this together.
again, i became soft but didnt say anything except that whats meant to happen will happen and lets just go with the flow !
we met once after that but I couldn't believe anything she done or said, including the kissing part.
she disappeared for 5 days and when i called to check on her (casually), she mentioned that shes back with her ex but she doesn't know why, and she still wants to see me because he wasn't faithful to her and she doesn't have to be !. I absorbed the info without showing my sadness, and told her that its good for her.
we were supposed to go for a ride yesterday, but i went there, took my helmet, and wished her good luck and walked away.
the look on her face was invaluable, but i forced myself to walk away, because i learned from these forums that i should never devalue myself and i should look to myself as i am the catch.
I shared this story to beg every guy who is in a situation same like me to do like i did (walk away), and to try to never put themselves in such situation. its very hard and I can't describe the pain that im feeling, and the hurt to my ego, but i'm convinced that its lot easier than the pain that i would've felt if i stayed with her and got dragged more into her emotional instability.
im sorry for being too long, but finally, my question is, do you think she will come back? and does she deserve another chance if she ever does ? my mind is telling me no, but deep in the inside, i want to give her another one , but in the same time, im hoping that she never come back so i dont have to make this decision and move on.
again sorry for being too long.
