Just tell her straight up?

[Devilish_Nitro]

Heya

I posted a week or so back about this bird that I wanted to get with but wasn't sure how i should ask her seriously.

Anyway I got her isolated outside and did ask her. She said yeah to my suprise but then later on in the day told me she proberly wasn't able to becuase she had to go out lol

So i pretty much "next"ed her as soon as she said this, didin't call her or contact her. Ive been replyin to her messages with breif replys such as "yes" and "no". Anyway she didn't contact me all weekend but she messaged me today asking how I was. She asked why I don't speak to her anymore hardly.

Anyway I don't know if shes just messin me around or she was actually busy. So im just gonna get a striaght yes or no outta her tonight, quit asking for dates or playin games.

I was wondering if you guys had any tips to straight out ask her if she likes you. I mean, i was gonna say something like "Ive been trying to get you to come out becuase I like you more than just friends and im not gonna settle for just being friends"

Does this sound too AFC or is this a good way to just get a straight yes or no?

 

[ethnomethodologist]

Tell her straight up...

Give us a damned FR though, I want to hear all the details. I want hear the arguments, the thoughts that went through your head, what you worried about after what she said to you afterwards.

I can only guess what you want out of this, I don't know where your old post is. I do want to say, you should be honest in everything that you do, that way you can't ever be called a liar. You will still be trustworthy, thgouh a little headstrong if you come across wrong.

Don't hide any of your feelings from he. At the same time, don't have the WRONG feelings for her. Don't express how scared you are, or what's making you angry. Try and lead your thoughts that you give to her in a fun, funny, or learning, or leading way. There shouldn't be any AFC in the feelings you give her

Only problem I see so far with your idea is that she may take it as more than literally. She's going to want to be your GF. If she thinks this, and what you say doesn't match up, your going to get the LJBF... which is going to hurt even more.

So what is it you WANT from her, I can give you a few more TIPS than.

Cheers

 

[Devilish_Nitro]

thanks for the reply mate

this was the old thread:

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=94023

Anyway, I gotta say, what I want out of her is obviously the usual but someone to call an actual partner.

Im not sure how I can make what I should say sound fun becuase I just want to know straight up without any sidelines hehe

 

[ethnomethodologist]

What does SMS stand for? Whatever, your text message idea was sweet when you finished the other thread. I've stepped outside, and called a girl with my cell and told her to get her ass out with me.
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I'm speaking in narrative here, somebody please slap me. I don't feel like I'm talking to you as a person. I'm feeling like some kind of damned mentor.

Give me some ****ing negative feedback biotch! I want to know what your afraid of!!!!

You are scared of something, and I think it's rubbing off into your DJ lifestyle. I can't put my finger on it though.

Do you have any rapport for this girl? Seems like the two of you are simply friends right now. You are playing from the sidelines, and you don't want any PROBLEMS between the two of you.

If you believe this girl has EVER had a BF before, treat her that way. Pretend like you know she has, and show her that the two of you should be together. Don't let her say "proberly has to go out lol" wait until she says, no LJBF.

Don't seem needy, or clingy, tell her what's up with the two of you. So your going to tell her you want to be "more than friends"

Does that mean you want her as a STEADY girlfriend, or as an Experimental Girlfriend?

 

[Devilish_Nitro]

Well i gotta say it must be scared of rejection. Just get massive stomach tickles coz i just know what is coming, thats pretty much what I am scared of.

Yeah I got good rapport with this girl becuase Ive know her a fair bit and we go out on the odd occasion. Your right, i don't want any probs if it messses up thats proberly another thing im scared of.

Well she did have a boyfriend but they have split up.

Anyway while I have been online. I have been speaking to her and yeah I got rejected lol

Got a classic "Need my free time" speech. oh well, that wont stop me going out this evening and pimping more lol

cheers for the help ethnomethodologist

 

[Pimp-sicle]

Seriously this board, or at least this forum is going to SH*T with all the terrible advice given out here!!


Nitro: Ok let's dissect this situation.

You asked a girl out, she initially said, "yes" then flaked out and said "no" later in the day. Do you know what that equals?????? LOW INTEREST LEVEL!!! Think about it...if she liked you she would have DEFINITELY gone out with you when you asked her, if she was TRUELY busy she would have counter offered for another night.

The reason she keeps messaging you is because she felt you guys were friends before and secondly because all women LOVE attention!!! She misses the attention and ego boosting good vibes you give her, THAT'S ALL!! That doesn't mean she suddenly wants to go out with you and "be your partner" as you put it. Your young and just entering your journey down the DJ path, but a great trait to learn and have is knowing when to cut your losses. This girl IS NOT interested in you romantically and if you keep answering her messages she will continue to use you for an ego stroke. The decision is yours...stay as an ego stroke or go pursue other girls.




PIMP

 

[Jariel]

Pimp-Sicle is right about a lot of things, but I would add that you should never express your interest merely verbally. Never come out and say "I like you as more than a friend" or "I want to be in a relationship with you" etc.

You need to avoid labelling anything during the early stages, avoid putting her on the spot and allow time for things to develop. I mean, flirt, touch, hold her, spend time having fun, talking and let her feel what it's like to be with you.

I expressed this in a bit more detail in this thread, which I hope will help out.

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=87754

PS. Beware of acting on advice from trolls or keyboard jockeys on this board!

 

[Jariel]

There's even more detail in this tip, which should help you understand how to work with feelings rather than verbal ultimatums, expressions etc.

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=81924

 

[Devilish_Nitro]

Pimp-sicle - Yeah i definatly understand what you mean. I guess I knew she had low interest level but instead of making my mind turn crazy over what the answer would be I decided to take a plunge and find out. I definatly will be cutting the contact from now on though! Im completely capable of going cold on the communication.


Jariel- Yeah, again what you have said is valueable. The reason i had to say it becuase I was sick of the mind games/asking for dates. I did plently of flirting with her and bits of touching but I could hardly get to come out so just needed to go for it. I will read alot more and thanks for the links!

Thanks for the advise guys!

 

[ethnomethodologist]

Thanks for the advice as well guys..

Jariel, that is one of my sticking points.

You need to avoid labelling anything during the early stages, avoid putting her on the spot and allow time for things to develop

I have an odd game, I can't explain it, and trying is only going to draw ire I make a quick assumption on the spot, and visualize the outcome from that direction. I can do this with lightning speed, sometimes though, I put the girl on the spot, and she does get annoyed with my judgement. It's never mattered in the past though...

I'm scared that tonight I am going to become concsious of it, and it will be insulting me every step of my game

Pimp-sicle: Thanks for the insight, I lack your guys interpretation of the game. I connect with AFC's that's where I am drawing my seduction energy from. I am horrible in club scenes, but my social rapport is excellent, and I use it to create social proof, and that leads me to having social status and security... It's my ultimate crutch Will respond in the other thread on this subject, thanks for the spur
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I am an ENTP personality type, I look for solutions to a problem immediately, and worry about consequences that I need to solve later. It's my game advantage, it took me years to find that part of my self organizing mental pattern to come to light.

What that means is I look for possibilities in the game, and I experiment with them... I was hoping to work with Devilish-Nitro on his own game. No KBJ going on, I've been through this part of the game hundreds of times. I am not an AMOG type yet, nor DJ, but my game is strong, transformer style, more than meets the eye

In saying...

Nitro, do you know what it means to be scared? Do you know where anger, fear, and anxiousnes come from? It comes from a lack of knowing yourself, and from the lack of not knowing what is happening.

Read what Jariel tried to teach you, and suck on what pimpsicle said for a few. Think about the two things you know you are afraid of... You fear rejection, and what happens if you come on too strong.

Pimpsicle told you that you were already coming on strong with pursuing her, even after there were signs of disinterest. Those came with being her friend for TOO LONG, and trying to use that as a step up to dating her.

Jariel told you to watch the words you use. I've known girls to dump guys for asking "so, where's our relationship going?" Watch out for wanting to know if she has the same feelings, if you don't hear the right answer your internal dialogue will get fried
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Now, after thinking about this, and sicussing with friends, I know where your problems lie.

They lie in your subtle nature. Look at Jariel's post, read everything up to the point of AMBIGUITY...

Read that part, agree with what you know, and follow what you don't

Check the part that you know... "laying all your cards on the table"
Time to test your mirth, you are going to break from your comfort zone, and experiment with your self. Go all in on a few girls, lay your feelings out for them, no bluffing.

You have to realize that you don't have to be scared of anything bad happening AFTER you ask the girl out.