just some thoughts..

[Cableguy]

I haven't posted in a while until today. I've been super busy with work, wakeboarding, and more women than I can honestly handle. Recently, several very close friends of mine have gotten married and it's caused me to take a closer look at my life and the man I've become. Frankly, I'm not sure I like it.

I came to SoSuave a year ago and devoured every post. Not so much to learn anything new, (although I've learned a TON) but more to solidify my own personal beliefs on the way women think, act, etc. I was already successful at getting laid, but still had some AFC tendencies with women I really liked. I began to put into practice the things I learned, believed that I was the prize, and developed a no tolerance policy with women who disrespected me. It worked. I've gotten more poon in the last year than the past five combined. But lately I've been wondering if I'll die a lonely old man the way my dad recently did.

Anyone else ever feel like ignorance is bliss? Like you sometimes wish you didn't know what you know? Like how the way a girl you're dating is sending subtle signals to one of your buddies she wants to fukk him. No one else sees it, but I do. Or the incessant shyte tests and power struggles. I was ignorant to all this stuff once. Now I spot it from a mile a way and even though that's a good thing, I guess it's just made me jaded. The joy of dating and banging hot chicks has become more of a chess game where every tiny move I make is planned out and summarily scrutinized. It's maddening. And the tighter my game gets, the more I learn, the more I realize that I may very well die alone because most of the women out there are manipulative cokk holsters who cannot and should not be trusted. No other guy I know personally feels this way except me. They all believe the average woman is loyal and trustworthy.
Anyway. Sorry for the whining. I guess I'm just going through a rough spot that most of my AFC friends can't possibly understand.

 

[STR8UP]

I call it "The Curse of the DJ"

 

[Victory Unlimited]

Yo Cableguy,



Take heart, dude. I've been where you are right now...and it DOES get better. What you are experiencing here is the flip-side of the phrase "ignorance is bliss". And that flip-side is called "Knowledge is a burden".

It's true, my friend. Knowledge CAN be a burden. Now that we know the truth, there is no way for us to pretend we DON'T know it. You can't put the genie back in the bottle, I'm afraid.

Here is the way I tend to look at it:

We here, have been given a choice. We could either have remained ignorant and ran the risk of being TOTALLY blindsided and destroyed by taking a massive hit to our hearts because we thought romantic life was just like a Disney Movie, Or, we could have paid the price of sacrificing those tiny "heart papitations and stomach butterflies" we USED TO get when we were "falling" in love.

And if you're a member of THIS site (and especially THIS forum), it's obvious that you chose to KNOW better rather than just "hope" for the better. Like many men here, I have experienced BOTH of these extremes------to be either crushed by a woman's LACK of character, or to be noticeably LESS gung ho by a woman's (INITIAL, especially) high interest in me.

There's something about this "DJ Life" that acts as a dampener AND a shield over our hearts and emotions. And MOSTLY, I think this is a good thing. When we have learned our true Manhood lessons well, that knowledge, once internalized, helps keep us from flying TOO HIGH and falling TOO LOW.

So far, the naivety I have traded to obtain the things I know NOW has been worth it. What I have lost in the area of still having "ga-ga" feelings over any particular girl I have MORE than made up for by avoiding taking emotionally DEVASTATING hits from girls in particular.

But NOW that you realize that the vast majority of women ARE NOT exclusive LTR material------realize that KNOWLEDGE is a good thing. You are NOW protected by a sort of internal security system (or...an Instant BULLSHYT Detector, if you will).

Be thankful that you are NOT one of those hapless friends or associates of yours who are still unknowingly leaving their romantic/emotional lives to CHANCE. What you should focus on now, is taking more and MORE control of your life and the choices YOU make.

And DON'T be fooled, we've all heard that cliche that KNOWLEDGE IS POWER, but that is INCORRECT.

The truth of the matter is that it is actually the "APPLICATION" of knowledge that is power. So CONTINUE to use that knowledge to better ensure that YOUR life, and the choices that you make concerning IT, are progressively BETTER.

Stay the course, soldier...because I believe that an all-important aspect to living this "DJ Life" is that it will help you greatly improve your screening processes until you ULTIMATELY encounter a woman WORTH keeping...



Peace...one day.

 

[joekerr31]

just like it comes naturally to most men to bully people weaker than them - not even so much physically, but just bully in general (raised voice, aggressive posture, etc.) so it comes naturally to women to manipulate.

half the time they dont even really realize they are doing it. all they know is that they love attention and will take as much of it as they can get.

the 'games' only stop when you meet a woman who truly gets you and appreciates you. until then its just a series of situational scenarios.

 

[joekerr31]

oh one other thing - check out the recent post about the fear of dying alone (forget the thread title, but it was recent).

anyway, my view is that we all die alone. your wife might be laying beside you in your bed, but she ain't experiencing the heart attack. and trust me, it ain't goign to be any comfort to you that shes beside you while you die.

dying is dying.

live life until your ticket is punched.

 

[Cableguy]

Thanks guys for the reply. You all have good points. Victory, your post was particularly poignant. Knowledge IS a burden. That's what I've been feeling, just didn't articulate it in my post. Glad I'm not alone.

 

[edger]

The joy of dating and banging hot chicks has become more of a chess game where every tiny move I make is planned out and summarily scrutinized. It's maddening. And the tighter my game gets, the more I learn, the more I realize that I may very well die alone because most of the women out there are manipulative cokk holsters who cannot and should not be trusted.

I know, it sux. When god created the world(if you believe there's a god), he sure f*cked males over..not only for humans, but all other forms of life as well. Women live to enjoy life, men live to dread it.

No other guy I know personally feels this way except me. They all believe the average woman is loyal and trustworthy.

Totally hear ya. When I discuss this with my dad, some friends, cousins, or whoever, it seems they all believe there's a lot of good women out there. They claim to not have gone through what we've all been through here. I don't get it.

 

[Dash Riprock]

Cableguy,

Your words ring true.

My father will die alone, by his choices in life.

I think about this every day, that I don't want to end up like that.

I also don't want to end up like 90% of my married friends who are unhappy and miserable, yes 90% of them.

So I hold out, and hold out, and hold out, and date hordes of women; younger, older, taller, shorter, smarter, dumber. And here I am, not married and just cut loose a chick I was seeing for 2 mos.

BUT, I WILL NOT SETTLE. IT's NOT IN MY CHARACTER.

I know what I want and will not go half way. My goals are realistic too; I've had many LTRs that just didn't get past that sticky point.

So the choices are(and there really are only two):

1- Get married and take the "best available prospect." Live your life wondering what might have been, is she still out there, etc. You settle. You cave. You may not even love her like you should, but she was there for you at the time. This is the "safe" bet. Like betting black in roulette; almost 50/50, just like the divorce rate. A 50% chance of divorce and all the trimmings betting on a me and girl I may not even be in love with but, I didn't want to be alone.

OR...

2- Know exactly what you want--in what order. Date a lot. Be a "gentleman" and treat women well while never compromising (DJ) standards. This is the long shot that gets your heart pumping. You don't settle. You don't give in. You keep fighting. You keep learning. You keep going. You keep going. You keep going. You keep going.

And then one day...

BAM!

When you least expect it, "Your Girl" appears. Why?

BECAUSE YOU KNEW SHE WOULD...in time. She was there all the while waiting until the time was right.

You are a DJ. And DJ's don't quit or settle.

And I'll take that "curse" to my grave, if I have to.

 

[blueguy]

Man, I keep hearing people worried of dying alone. It really is the number one reason people get married.

Well, guess what. Got a simple solution for you:

Test tube babies.

Yep, you heard me. In this day and age, you don't even need to die alone (if you have money to spend ). Just get some high quality "good-genes" eggs from a hot woman (read: Adriana Lima, Jessica Alba, et al), raise a strapping boy / beautiful girl or two, and WHAM, immediate family.

Then you can still play the field like no tomorrow. Get a girlfriend whenever the mood strikes. And look what you got: The best of both worlds.

 

[Mr.Positive]

Cableguy,

Your words ring true.

My father will die alone, by his choices in life.

I think about this every day, that I don't want to end up like that.

I also don't want to end up like 90% of my married friends who are unhappy and miserable, yes 90% of them.

So I hold out, and hold out, and hold out, and date hordes of women; younger, older, taller, shorter, smarter, dumber. And here I am, not married and just cut loose a chick I was seeing for 2 mos.

BUT, I WILL NOT SETTLE. IT's NOT IN MY CHARACTER.

I know what I want and will not go half way. My goals are realistic too; I've had many LTRs that just didn't get past that sticky point.

So the choices are(and there really are only two):

1- Get married and take the "best available prospect." Live your life wondering what might have been, is she still out there, etc. You settle. You cave. You may not even love her like you should, but she was there for you at the time. This is the "safe" bet. Like betting black in roulette; almost 50/50, just like the divorce rate. A 50% chance of divorce and all the trimmings betting on a me and girl I may not even be in love with but, I didn't want to be alone.

OR...

2- Know exactly what you want--in what order. Date a lot. Be a "gentleman" and treat women well while never compromising (DJ) standards. This is the long shot that gets your heart pumping. You don't settle. You don't give in. You keep fighting. You keep learning. You keep going. You keep going. You keep going. You keep going.

And then one day...

BAM!

When you least expect it, "Your Girl" appears. Why?

BECAUSE YOU KNEW SHE WOULD...in time. She was there all the while waiting until the time was right.

You are a DJ. And DJ's don't quit or settle.

And I'll take that "curse" to my grave, if I have to.

Great post Dash. Very inspirational..

 

[WestCoaster]

Cable wrote this:

***************
The joy of dating and banging hot chicks has become more of a chess game where every tiny move I make is planned out and summarily scrutinized. It's maddening.
****************

Trust me, this gets tiring and after age 30 or so, you're done with games or should be. I'm over 40 and I tired of the games a long, long time ago. If a woman isn't up front and honest, I'm done. If I get played on date two, I'm done. I'm too busy with my career and helping my aging parents when I can (who live far away). I'm always puzzled at how guys can keep up the game-playing after age 30. Seriously, I was fatigued with it at age 27 or so.

I know the anti-marrieds won't like this, but eventually it's good to get married. I'm not, but it's better than spending a lifetime of playing games ... and single/divorced/separated women are experts at game-playing, much more so than those newbies in their young 20's.

If you tire of the game, it's best to be looking to settle down. And yes, I'm against bad marriages, married AFCs, and b-tchy married women as the next guy. But in the long run, you have to retire from the game and focus on more important things: family and career being at the forefront.

I'm stunned at how anyone over 30 can keep up the energy level to keep playing games ... they must work at low-stress, meaningless jobs.

 

[Cableguy]

Thanks guys for the replies. I appreciate it. Dash, yours was very inspirational and Blueguy, yours gave me a good chuckle. I have set my standards very high but not too high to be considered impractical. I'm 34, and have seen plenty of marriages fall apart and have consoled many a friend when they lament the time wasted, child support, alimony, etc. I refuse to marry the wrong woman.

Actually, it's not that I fear not finding Mrs. Right per se, it's the fact that I fear I may never WANT to find her. Even when I meet decent women, I find ways to keep them at arms length. I've been told I'm a very cold person by alot of women which is funny because I'm not that way at all with people I trust and care about. I've simply learned to be very cautious as to who sees that side of me. Most women won't wait long enough to earn that trust, they demand it from the minute I meet them. Sorry toots, ain't gonna happen.

The loss of my dad and the state of lonliness in which he died has played a large part in these "woe is me" thoughts I've had lately. Been a really tough time but that's a whole nuther story.

I feel fortunate that I haven't settled for less than the best. I know of only one friend who I believe married the right woman. All the rest have settled and the majority are miserable, when they aren't too busy catering to their wives every whim and can reflect on their choices.

This is just a low point I'm going through and I keep reminding myself of that. That's why I posted this thread. I knew you guys would talk some sense back into me. I've been successful with every aspect of my life and I suppose I temporarily believed that because I have no desire to settle down I'm somehow a failure or abi-normal.