"just friends" or not? -what shoudl I do/say?

jaross

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2 weeks ago, a friend of mine and me made out. 2 nights later, we made out for a really long time, I spend the ngiht in her bed and if I had known what I was doing we could have had sex really easly (Im a bit inexpeiranced). The week that procedeed, our friendship seemed to be put in a freeze. I saw her a few times and she was friendly (gave me hugs and @#%$), but we didnt end up hanging out much, except for a bigger get together. Before all this, she desplayed obvious signs of interest. Suggesting we give eachother backrubs, play spin the bottle, and just having a lot of energy around me and giving me a lot of attention.

This thursday night we had a talk. She said she liked it better when we were friends, and that the last week and a half felt really ****ty. She also said she wasnt sure if she wanted a relationship. We both agreed that we didnt regret what happened that one night. She said she really cared about me and didnt want things to be weird between us like they had been.

I told her, atleast at first it would be pretty hard for me just to think of her as a friend. I told her that I didnt think things needed to be that weird, between us, we just need to communicate more. I told her we should keep things casual -she agreed. She said we didnt need to decide right then.

yesterday, I asked her roomate if she was ok. She (roomate) said she was, but was upset about our frienship, and that she really cares about me, but doesnt want a relationship right now. I told her (roomate) that I didnt say we couldnt be friends, but I said it would be hard at first, because of my feelings to her.

questions:
Does it sound like I have any chance of redemption?

Does it sound like if I go back to being friends with this chick, and play my cards right, I might still have a chance with her? (pretty much the whole time we have been friends before, she was flirty and stuff)

Does it sound like it is "that time of the month" and I should wait it out and then flirt with her and stuff, but give her some space until then?

Anything else you would suggest?





she didnt say "just friends" she said "I liked things better the way they were before when we were friends". -as far as i can tell

I realize my (our) mistake was when we let things become awkward after the makeout session. - so is there any climbing my way out of that one?

For about 2 or so months before when we were friends, she had been flirting, and for the past month, clearly showing interest. it was almost as if she wanted me as her boyfriend when school started. So what Im trying to find out is I let it slip back to that; could I make a move again sucessfully??? She was still flirty, even when we saw eachother briefly a few times during that week. Apparently the 2 nights after the one night when we almost had sex, she came by to see if I was there. So basically, we both wanted to hang out but for some reason we were scared, or something.
 
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Cableguy

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I've recently been in your shoes. I, too, felt awkward after hooking up with a good friend. It's almost as if you feel pressure to act different or whatnot. Don't act weird around her, but don't make yourself overly available to her either. The key is for you to take the lead and act as if things are perfectly normal. It sounds like she may have had or still does have a little thing for you.

When I hooked up with one of my friends the temptation was there to act differently. I had to make an effort to treat her the same way I did before we hooked up. I think she made the comment of liking being friends better because she senses (as do you) an uneasiness or tension in the relationship that wasn't here before. She could very well regret hooking up with you but it's imperative that you play it cool and not go AFC on her. It seems that the majority of the time when friends hook up it's the guy who ****s things up by automatically assuming that a relationship will follow. Remember one of the golden rules. Do not tell a chick you like her unless she tells you she likes you first.

She's looking for you to set the tone of things and if you dig the chick then don't all of a sudden shower her with attention. Act just like you did BEFORE you messed around.
 

jaross

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Cableguy said:
I've recently been in your shoes. I, too, felt awkward after hooking up with a good friend. It's almost as if you feel pressure to act different or whatnot. Don't act weird around her, but don't make yourself overly available to her either. The key is for you to take the lead and act as if things are perfectly normal. It sounds like she may have had or still does have a little thing for you.

When I hooked up with one of my friends the temptation was there to act differently. I had to make an effort to treat her the same way I did before we hooked up. I think she made the comment of liking being friends better because she senses (as do you) an uneasiness or tension in the relationship that wasn't here before. She could very well regret hooking up with you but it's imperative that you play it cool and not go AFC on her. It seems that the majority of the time when friends hook up it's the guy who ****s things up by automatically assuming that a relationship will follow. Remember one of the golden rules. Do not tell a chick you like her unless she tells you she likes you first.

She's looking for you to set the tone of things and if you dig the chick then don't all of a sudden shower her with attention. Act just like you did BEFORE you messed around.
humm. Im thinking it might be too late. The week after, I let things get weird. She didnt call, and neither did I. I treated the situation as if I needed to game her but since we were friends and everything just sort of happened naturally, I didnt need game. Instead, I sense that it screwed me over.

Basically, I got scared. Will it do any good for me to explain this to her?

I foregot to include that saterday night, apparently, she was very anxious to get ahold of me. I was out camping and thus, no where to be found. I know she had a thing for me as you said, but I want to figure if she still does, if I still have a chance. It would seem like I do. Even after I let things get weird we would still flirt when we saw eachother and so on. So, do you figure I could just go back to being frineds, and make a move again?
 

Cableguy

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I wouldn't suggest pouring your heart out to her instead try asking her what she wanted when she was so desperate to get a hold of you. Take it from there. Did you dig this chick BEFORE ya'll messed around or do you dig her BECAUSE you messed around?

The next time you talk to her just play it cool. Ask what she wanted. Remember what convos were like before ya'll messed around and duplicate them. Don't make it a big deal. Two friends hooking up for a night is a cool thing. Hell, Dave Matthews wrote a song about it.

Let me reiterate. Play it cool. When she told you she wasn't ready for a relationship that's generally a sign she ain't that into you. The more you push, the farther she'll go in the opposite direction.
 

Janez

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yeah you definitely ****ed up when U didn't sex her. That was so weak.

If u want her just **** her. Now your situation is like ****. She doesn't know if she is supposed to miss you and neither you do. I'd suggest backing off for a while, invite her to date where u both drink, and then u will see - either to **** her or dump her.
 

Just because a woman listens to you and acts interested in what you say doesn't mean she really is. She might just be acting polite, while silently wishing that the date would hurry up and end, or that you would go away... and never come back.

Quote taken from The SoSuave Guide to Women and Dating, which you can read for FREE.

jaross

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Janez said:
yeah you definitely ****ed up when U didn't sex her. That was so weak.

If u want her just **** her. Now your situation is like ****. She doesn't know if she is supposed to miss you and neither you do. I'd suggest backing off for a while, invite her to date where u both drink, and then u will see - either to **** her or dump her.
yea, it was weak. but, I am inexpeiranced, and I learned a LOT from the whole thing anyway. Not just the mistake I made from it... Next time, I definatly wont be making that mistake... Hell, Im pretty impressed with myself with how far I did get.
 

Cableguy

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jaross said:
yea, it was weak. but, I am inexpeiranced, and I learned a LOT from the whole thing anyway. Not just the mistake I made from it... Next time, I definatly wont be making that mistake... Hell, Im pretty impressed with myself with how far I did get.
Well if nothing works out at least you have gained some experience. Learn from your mistakes and you'll be more confident when in that situation again.
 

Janez

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yeah that's great you got expirience. for the next time you have to know that if you are making out and you don't make love to her (sex) she might find you weak.

when I was younger I gone pretty far with some girl. I did everything (lick) but didn't penetrate. Anyway that girl dumped me soon after so I ignored her completely. After like 6 months I got to talk to her and she said she didn't understand why I didn't fck her that time. Well 6 months after I sex closed her but she wasn't right for me anyway then.

If girl is not a slut you gain ALOT if you sex her. That's my expirience.
 

jaross

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Janez said:
yeah that's great you got expirience. for the next time you have to know that if you are making out and you don't make love to her (sex) she might find you weak.

when I was younger I gone pretty far with some girl. I did everything (lick) but didn't penetrate. Anyway that girl dumped me soon after so I ignored her completely. After like 6 months I got to talk to her and she said she didn't understand why I didn't fck her that time. Well 6 months after I sex closed her but she wasn't right for me anyway then.

If girl is not a slut you gain ALOT if you sex her. That's my expirience.
gain alot of what? expeirance? intimate connection with her? both?
 

Cableguy

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Next time make the ho say no.
 

Don't always be the one putting yourself out for her. Don't always be the one putting all the effort and work into the relationship. Let her, and expect her, to treat you as well as you treat her, and to improve the quality of your life.

Quote taken from The SoSuave Guide to Women and Dating, which you can read for FREE.

jaross

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i dont think that would have been possible in this case. I dont think she ever would have.
 

Cableguy

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jaross said:
i dont think that would have been possible in this case. I dont think she ever would have.
The problem bro is that you don't know for SURE.
 

jaross

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Cableguy said:
The problem bro is that you don't know for SURE.
yea, i know that. but what Im saying is that she was clearly into me for a while, and now, as far as i can tell, because I did not have sex with her, she dropped me. its depressing, and im really upset with myself. its really so simple, and you would think the problem could be solved easly
 

flexion_

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Ok - don't EVER have a discussion with her friend about your relationship - that crap stops now.

Turn off the emotions and focus on fun. You are getting all to worked up and making this situation all serious and she is picking up on that. Next time you see her be happy and just continue on as if nothing had happened.

Focus on other women. (key point) The more you try and fix it the more you will wreck it.

This relationship may turn around someday when you least expect it - but nothing is going to happen now.
 

Gangster Of Love

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Gentlemen, stop being girly men!
 

Peace and Quiet

If you currently have too many women chasing you, calling you, harassing you, knocking on your door at 2 o'clock in the morning... then I have the simple solution for you.

Just read my free ebook 22 Rules for Massive Success With Women and do the opposite of what I recommend.

This will quickly drive all women away from you.

And you will be able to relax and to live your life in peace and quiet.

jaross

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so i just talked to her. I had been starting to suspect that maybe she never liked me, that maybe what I thought of as obvious signs were nothing at all. Well, she cconfirmed that she WAS attracted to me. Which is encouraging for a big ugly hairy guy like me. I think shes pretty good looking so I suppose if I improve my game a little bit, I could probably find a chick similar.
 

jaross

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MightyMate said:
She wants You to say You care aobut her.
shutup


im tempted to post a pic to see what you guys think, but i probably shouldnt.
 
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