Just found out I got cheated on, how do I deal with it?

[dudewut]

Lmao. Not really, you're just over-analyzing now. But I fully understand you. Although, I wouldn't be surprised if he continues with her, a fellow DJ can pull that one off.

Then just sit back and watch her cheat on him lol

 

[AlmostSuave]

DTB = dump that b*tch. Move on and start seeing & dating women the next day, literally. Grab your homie and go out to a bar and just have fun. Don't go out with expectations of hooking up. Just have a blast. I've been there before. It sucks but once you're busy and have stuff going on, she'll be a distant joke.

 

[Albatross953]

Getting a bit ahead of things but if you want to be an Alfa, make sure you don't take this out on the next one!

 

[Voice]

This girl sounds like she isn't ready for an ltr. She still has the desire and the will to fvck around with different guys and pretty much shoved that in your face. In other words she is still in the wh0re phase. She may never get out of that stage. You have to realize that it's NOT your fault. It's NOT because you weren't "alpha" enough. This is all on HER. You broke up with her for another reason, that's great. Like previous posters said, you're getting rid of someone who isn't good for you.

If you DO have oneitis for her then erase her from your life. NO CONTACT. If not then there's no reason not to turn her into a fb. You can keep her on the side if you have other options, especially if she's a good fvck. Either way, it would be a GREAT idea to find alternative pussies. Whatever you do, DON'T get back together with her.

And BTW, this bro of yours isn't someone you should trust, he totally broke bro code.

 

[JohnnyStrabler]

This girl sounds like she isn't ready for an ltr. She still has the desire and the will to fvck around with different guys and pretty much shoved that in your face. In other words she is still in the wh0re phase. She may never get out of that stage. You have to realize that it's NOT your fault. It's NOT because you weren't "alpha" enough. This is all on HER. You broke up with her for another reason, that's great. Like previous posters said, you're getting rid of someone who isn't good for you.

If you DO have oneitis for her then erase her from your life. NO CONTACT. If not then there's no reason not to turn her into a fb. You can keep her on the side if you have other options, especially if she's a good fvck. Either way, it would be a GREAT idea to find alternative pussies. Whatever you do, DON'T get back together with her.

And BTW, this bro of yours isn't someone you should trust, he totally broke bro code.

Thats the thing I was telling her though, I asked her time and again that maybe an LTR is not what she wanted/needed. They will never go straightforward, the thing is she is saying that she did not tell me in the beginning because she cared about me and that what happened/the dude meant nothing to her.

In any case, though I am over it already I have to think about the FB thing, this could develop to a real messed up situation, though we cannot see it as of now.


Also having a night out with your friends drinking and talking to other girls really does work in getting over someone. Made out with like 3 girls at the club without even trying lol I can totally see now how people get caught up in the night life as it really DOES take the pain away.

Time to get back in the game, I guess.

And yes, I have a plan for that guy.

 

[JohnnyStrabler]

ALSO:

Question about screening girls

Is PDA a red flag for infidelity?


Me and her does it ALOT, not just kissy or making out, but this girl will legit spread her legs around me and sit on top of me AT THE PARK....IN PUBLIC!

In hindsight that should have clued me in.

I just thought its because she is Eastern European.

 

[MillerCharm]

I feel like s#it, honestly, how does one deal with it?

Honestly, you deal with it by asking yourself why you feel like s#it...

You need to know your personality better. How much value were you placing in this relationship? How much pride did you have in it? You probably subconsciously were very proud that you had a gf who you were so happy to be with who was being a great gf...you trusted her, you opened up to her, you felt so good that you had someone who would never do you wrong...

When we get cheated on and feel really bad about it, we feel bad because we previously put so much stake in things like loyalty, trust, etc.

There's nothing wrong with trusting or valuing loyalty, but the problem comes when we put so much weight on those things. We feel bad when we get cheated on/betrayed because we internalize the cheating as a shot to our self-esteem and our ego.

It's not the cheating, it's that we've put so much pride in a certain belief. And when the opposite happens, we feel bad because we feel like we've been fooled. We "just knew" that this girl would be faithful. And when she isn't faithful, we feel like we should have known better...

So to answer your question, you feel better by understanding that you didn't do anything wrong. Her cheating on you doesn't lower your self-worth. It doesn't mean you chose the wrong girl. It doesn't mean you put too much trust in her. It means nothing about you. She cheated on you and you're hurt. But you're hurt because your future is now different than you dreamed it would be. You probably fantasized about a future with her. Maybe you told your grandparents and aunts and uncles how amazing her was...maybe she knew your whole family. So now you're embarrassed because you feel like you were wrong about her...you feel duped.

All of these feelings are more about YOU than they are about her or what she did. As a consequence, you need to fix those feelings within you. Tell yourself and believe that you did nothing wrong. Maybe you expected a lot but there's nothing wrong with that. She made her own choices. You couldn't have prevented anything from happening. You didn't do or not do anything that could've prevented this. Maybe you really could have, but you didn't, so thinking about it doesn't matter, won't change anything, and doesn't reflect on you as a person.

You probably also feel bad because you've made sacrifices yourself that you thought she was making. Maybe you've had the opportunity to cheat on her but you didn't because you thought she would do the same. Maybe you've been proud of being a good bf, and now that she cheated, you feel betrayed..because you have been. But why do you feel so bad? You can't help what other people do. That's life.

A lot of the pain we feel that comes from stuff like this has to do with the pride we have with whoever or whatever caused it. Maybe we're proud of having a strong and healthy relationship. We even, consciously or unconsciously, look down on people who get cheated on. We think that our gf would never cheat, because she's different. So we pump our chest out, we're proud! We're better than other people. Well, we're only setting ourselves up to fail.

Let me ask you this, if I have nothing, no possessions, no money, no clothes, no freedom...what can you take away from me? Can you steal anything? No. Because I have nothing for you to take.

When you had this relationship with this girl, you chose to start accumulating things that could be taken away from you. When you put your happiness in the girl or the relationship and not in the simple fact that you are happy to be you, you therefore set yourself up to have someone take that happiness away from you.... If having a good relationship made you feel good as a person, then logic dictates that having a bad relationship will make you feel bad. If you felt happy "knowing" that she was being faithful, then you set yourself up to be unhappy when you found out that she was unfaithful.

It's a very complicated issue that goes very deep. Many people, articles, books, and websites will give you short answers that sound great. They'll give your magic pills that will make the pain go away. They'll say you should go sleep with other girls, get revenge, sleep with her best friend, just tell her to f*ck off, etc. but those are the wrong ideas. They sound good...just like "Hope and Change" sounded good....but do you really want help?

It's not easy.

 

[MillerCharm]

ALSO:

Question about screening girls

Is PDA a red flag for infidelity?


Me and her does it ALOT, not just kissy or making out, but this girl will legit spread her legs around me and sit on top of me AT THE PARK....IN PUBLIC!

In hindsight that should have clued me in.

I just thought its because she is Eastern European.

In a way it could....

A girl who is more open with her sexuality will be more willing to engage in things that could be found out. A girl who is very modest with her PDA will be more unlikely to cheat simply because she cares more about how she is publicly perceived. But, I'm sure there are some women who look like *****s who have never cheated and some girls who look and act like angels who cheat all the time.

The real thing you need to know is that it's not on you! It's not your fault. Who cares if every other guy in the world would have known she was cheating from the get-go, who cares if you should've known from day one... it doesn't matter because you simply can't control what other people do and you shouldn't try and live your life in a way to protect yourself from being hurt.

Many people are very careful to select who their friends are. Some people have very few friends because they're afraid of getting hurt. They're scared that if they don't make sure to pick the best friends, then it will be their fault when their friend betrays them or misses a date or doesn't call back....

Just accept that you can't control people. You will have many more people in your life who will do you wrong. Don't let that scare you away from ever having a friend again though... So on the same level, don't feel bad because you thought you picked out a gf who you knew wouldn't cheat on you..but then did, so now YOU'RE THE ONE TO BLAME! Just accept that it happened. It's not your fault.