Just ended LTR of 3.5 years - what to do now?

[AB500]

Hey Guys,

I just got out of a LTR of 3.5 years (she ended it- I became too passive etc). What should I do now?

The situation is pretty screwed up, she's with another man right now, but at the same time she keeps having sex with me and hanging out with me and talking to me. I'm not sure she even knows what she wants.

On one hand she was completely honest with how she was feeling about everything with me, never lied to me once about the situation, on the other hand she still did this.

I, of course, have oneitis for her pretty bad, have had some pathetic moments with her wanting her back, but I want to know, what should I do now?

The worst part was I was happy the past 3.5 years so I don't have much of a social circle or anything. I live by myself in an apartment off campus. That's all changing next year, but what should I do in the meanwhile?

 

[Pierce]

How did this happen? How old are you.

First you need to cut-off all ties with her. That's the best best thing to do for right now.

 

[SSJ]

well like the poster above me said, the best thing will be to do no contact, and really that means no contact. i know how hard it is, believe me i had it as well, but thats the best thing to do, itll allow you to heal by not having her around to keep your wounds open.
i also suggest trying to pick up a hobby you neglected/always wanted to do as well, to keep your mind off of her.

gl

 

[AAAgent]

spend time with your family on the holidays and take some time off during this break thinking about what you want with your life.

Sounds like this woman has been your life for the past few years.

Every man has a goal and a dream, if you can't remember it, its because your oneitis has clouded your thought. Clear your thoughts out and figure out what you want in life and structure a plan to achieve that. Women will come along the way.

Enjoy the holidays!

 

[AB500]

How did this happen? How old are you.

First you need to cut-off all ties with her. That's the best best thing to do for right now.

We went to different universities an hour or two apart and she drifted apart and met someone new. I took her for granted / didn't put the work needed into the relationship.

I'm 19 y/o right now, so still young.

I don't have a relationship with the family, so I'm really just looking forward to the start of next semester so I can start meeting new people.

Cutting off all contact is really hard, any tips? She's the only person I've really talked to for the past couple years, not to mention she's still having sex wit me.

 

[Pierce]

Yea, Don't text her back. Don't reply to her phone calls. Just do you man. Probably nothing you could have done to keep the relationship going unless you visited her every week. LD LTR never work out unless both people are mature.

 

[SandHawk]

When I came out of my 9 year LTR 3 years ago and after handling all the paperwork / splitting stuff I told my ex that I didn't want to have contact with her for a while to seperate myself from her. I've spoken to her once since then, and the one time I saw her, I slammed a door in her face. I haven't seen or spoken to her ever since. And you know what? That made the break up up a lot easier. You WILL have to do this. She wants to keep you around for a few simple reasons:
1) To stroke her ego. Seeing you squirm and sad over means you totally dig her.
2) Back up plan; If the other dude doesn't turn out what she thought it would be, she can just return to you, put on puppy eyes and you'd take her back in an instant.
3) Every girl wants to be friends with their exes, because they love having power over them.

Break all contact and ignore her. Real men aren't b*tches to their ex-gfs to help them reinforce their egos. They just move on and forget her because they're too busy being masculine.

It's going to be hell to weed her out of your system. It will be pain, but that's ok. It's ok to feel bad, but listen to me: Don't get stuck in a cycle of feeling bad for yourself and end up doing nothing. Because that will amplify whatever you feel tenfold. You have to stay busy; Plan activities in your spare time, and focus on having fun times. Give yourself some daily time to grieve. Like a 30 minute time slot where you can feel crap and cry or whatever you feel is appropriate.

Since you lived apart, it's obvious that you should have a social life in college and also all sorts of activities. Go through whatever you're doing and see if you're still enjoying them. If you do, keep doing it, if not, ditch the activity and replace it with something you DO enjoy. Hit the gym, get a proper workout schedule set up. Why? Because working out vigorously will release all sorts of happy chemicals in your brain and will make your time easier.

Also, start approaching girls. Get into a mindset where you're enjoying yourself and while you're having great fun, you just talk to random people. Either be it short convos or proper chats, try to have fun and focus on being happy.

I understand that Christmas will be particularly difficult time of the year to have this happen. Focus on having time with your family, tell them you might need some support and when time allows it, try to go out and meet new people or do something active. Again, activity will release happy chemicals.

Good luck bro. Go no contact on her ass AND NEVER LOOK BACK.