Just curious about why girls LJBF

[Ultra Magnus]

Just a dumb question guys.

I have liked a few girls who I never thought was attractive initially. But after becoming good friends, then I found them attractive and then asked them out....each time...I got LJBF'ed.

Then the girls I find attractive initially based on looks, I make a move on and end up dating them.

It seems that if you become friends with a girl, it is most likely that you will never hook up with them. Why do girls think that way? Is it becuz we are not sweeping them off their feet by being their friends? No challenge in dating a friend? I have no idea why women think that way. Any thoughts?

 

[MoMurda]

??

"It's like that... and thats the way it iz..."

 

[Microphone Fiend]

so they don't hurt your feelings (as much)
so they can move on
keep you as a close friend
just in case she becomes attracted to you again
so they don't feel bad rejecting you
in a current relationship

 

[Bill]

Originally posted by Microphone Fiend
so they don't hurt your feelings (as much)
so they can move on
keep you as a close friend
just in case she becomes attracted to you again
so they don't feel bad rejecting you
in a current relationship

add to that:
-Don't find you attractive

Understand that when a girl LJBFs you, sometimes they expect you to almost stop talking to them; the infamous LJBF then becomes kind of a farewell ticket, if you will.
Peace.

 

[Starman]

I never really understoof it myself..I do know in the 50's up the late late 80's..women went with the whole "Be friends first, then lovers" approach to dating

Now it seems to have completely reversed
my take is

1) being friends with a guy first really doesnt make a difference

2) WOmen taking a more active role in CHOOSING who they want to date

3) Women becoming crazier and more shallow than before

4th (My primary suspcion) is that while women haave been evolving to be More HARD skinned in life/dating..Men are trained to be more Soft and in tune with their inner child..

Thus making them WUSSIER and better at being a "girl friend" than a "Man"

I firmly believe women created all this crap about men not being senisitive enough, not caring enough, not listening enough..

Then When men BEGAN to listen to women to change, be more open, caring, compassionate..

Then WOmen Dismiss them as being too soft and feminate

SO Rule #1 ..DONT LISTEN to anything women Say! they are nutz to begin with

 

[chlywly]

Let's just be friends in most cases simply means they AREN'T interested sexually, or they don't feel excited or stimulated emotionally. That is all.......

 

[Starman]

I have a lady friend that LJBF'ed me...but everytime I speak to her..she makes sexual remarks..and innuendo's about "getting together"

 

[Pook]

Originally posted by Ultra Magnus
Just a dumb question guys.

I have liked a few girls who I never thought was attractive initially. But after becoming good friends, then I found them attractive and then asked them out....each time...I got LJBF'ed.

Once a girl sees you as a friend, you will always be a friend.

The only way 'out' of it is to use sexual tension. Stare at her eyes a bit longer. Start looking at her in 'that' way. Take your thought and send it to her through your eyes, face, and behavior.

Don't worry, she'll recieve it.

Based on her reaction, you'll know what to do.

You are thinking in a GIRLS FOR DATING vs. GIRLS FOR FRIENDS. Rather, try thinking in a NO SEXUAL TENSION vs. SEXUAL TENSION.

If you try to ask out a chick who you knew in a 'non sexuality' way, you will be LJBF. You need to bring in the sexuality.

She will notice something is *different*. She will think something is 'growing' between the two of you.

And she'll like it (if not, she won't send any *sexuality* back).

 

[Ded_Skin_Mask13]

just rape her.

 

[Rahul]

LMAO @ dead skin

damn, that came out of left feild.

 

[Starman]

good points Pook..

alot of guys here still try to get the panties moist by being the girls Best little Buddy! and afraid to use sexuality to their advantage..

 

[Tano]

Never enter a relationship where the chick wants to be friends first even if the excuse is that she has been hurt in previous relationships. Work on creating that attraction by not showing too much interest and hanging around with other women. Cut her off for a few weeks then call her back and meet up with her and tell it to her straight. (this will save a lot of time wasting).

I dont know what your doing wrong to make them all turn into your friends. Its probably got something to do about not creating an attraction or gaining enough rapport or even something as simple as not making any moves.

I NEVER KNOW WHERE I STAND WITH A WOMAN UNTIL I MAKE
THAT FIRST SERIOUS PASS, SO I DON'T CONSIDER A WOMAN
A SERIOUS PROSPECT UNTIL AFTER WE'VE MADE LOVE.

Once im in LJBF zone i dont bother to turn it into a relationship since you have a small chance of success. There are so many other chicks out there so why would you wanna spend months chasing some chick when you could pick one up at a bar in 1hr?

Heres a quote from someone else (cant remember author)

Jen, we are still friends, but I need to have an exciting love life. If women know you are "sleeping and cuddling" with me, they're going to either think it's more than it is, or they're going to see me as too busy to take them out. Please don't be upset with me, but I need to show the rest of the world I'm single and available. I can't keep things the way they are-it's ruining my lovelife

 

[Ronin I]

Originally posted by Ded_Skin_Mask13
just rape her.

Well you definitely won't be in the "friendzone" after that.

 

[TesuqueRed]

Haven't thought this over much--but what I've seen and tried to interpret is that women will attempt to figure out what your are about (in relation to her) and what role you can play (in relation to her) or--generally--what value you have (in relation to her).

Side note: I mention "in relation to her" since I've noticed that nearly everything I say to a woman is interpreted automatically as being said as applying to or in relation to her. And it goes beyond this---she, like many of us, but more so with women, will see things only--yes--in relation to her. This is why SS can work, since many of the patterns are "received" by her unconsciously as applying and relating to her. But all this is subject for another post, so to continue....

She will TEST and see what category you belong in and then define you that way according to various rules or guidelines for that position.

This is decided within 5 mins thru several weeks. If her IL is high and you're clueless, this could last months.

I would think, Ultra Mag, that by the time you found said friend date-worthy, she had long slotted you into useful friend-zone long before that.

Of course she had to LJBF you, and could do it without much effort by then.

The thing I would caution is that this isn't an irreversible situation. Mostly it is though, but some guys can reverse it (but if you have to ask how--you don't have it.) I like Pook's sexual tension idea, which squares with the posts I've seen of those who converted a LJBF situation to something quite different.

 

[Reto]

NEVER ask a female freind out. You will loose that friend if she says no.

Just start using kino on her here and there. Then ad in some alcohol. Then make a move. If she rejects you, blame it on the alcohol. If not, your where you want to be...Just take your time...

 

[Ultra Magnus]

Interesting point Pook. You are right about creating sexual tension. After my friend LJBF'ed me, I started to hit on other women in front of her and making ****y and funny comments. Now she is always calling and asking what I am up to and trying to spend time with me. But now I won't give her the time of day cuz it's her tough luck.

When I meet that next special girl, I will try the staring technique and see if it works.

 

[Oxide]

I have liked a few girls who I never thought was attractive initially. But after becoming good friends, then I found them attractive and then asked them out....each time...I got LJBF'ed.

This is why, you got too close. You Got to know a person so much, there was nothing more to it. You dont have anything mysetious about you, she knows everything about you, so you are no fun anymore.

Good friends generally make horrible partners, MAY be fvckbuddies, but not steady realtionship.

 

[Howie Farkes]

Originally posted by Starman
I never really understoof it myself..I do know in the 50's up the late late 80's..women went with the whole "Be friends first, then lovers" approach to dating

Now it seems to have completely reversed

Is this from experience or is it just conjecture? I'll bet they were no fukkyn different then than they are now. Nearly every girl always says "I'd like my man to be someone who I can be friends with first". It's bullsh1t and we all know it as such. The reason it may seem like in the past things were different is because:

a). We weren't dating chicks then;
b). RASD - Retrospective Anti-Slut Defence. (tm Howie Farkes, 2003) Older women justifying past slutty behaviour by saying things like "Well... we connected as friends first you know..." about some guy she banged not more than 30 minutes after she met him back in the 60's.

 

[Nicholas Hill]

Interesting responses.

I never understood the LJBF concept, and why girls did it, until one very important event in my life took place.

It was the moment I found myself asking a girl to "just be friends".

Only when you give the comment do you understand why others give it to you, and it is for all the reasons above.

Would you go out with a fat chick? What if she asks you? You'd try to be more polite than to swear at her and send her away.

Alternatively, instead of finding something physically bad about someone who is asking you, maybe you don't like the method in which they met you, became your friend, then asked you out. This case is generally curable over time provided you go after different women - your personality is workable - but imagine a girl with low self esteem asking you out - would you not ask her to just be friends, acting polite, once more?

Nick