Wannabe_DonJuan
Don Juan
Hi all,
Long story, I hope you take the time to read it
Just broke up - am I happy or sad - I don't know......
If you search by my username and look at my posts, you'll see that I met a nice girl back in October/November of last year.
It was nicely going at first, each date, once a week, was better than the last, till after about 6 or 7 dates, we were basically girlfriend and boyfriend.
It was my first relationship, late at 26, she was older, 28. It seemed good, we both really liked each other. I was happy about the pace of things, maybe a little surprised at how close we were already. We had already exchanged things, e.g. I needed some plates, she needed a CD player, we were freely swapping our possessions, not gifts for an occasion but because we wanted to share. I don't know if this is something more prevalent in the 25+ age relationship compared to the younger or not?
Things have been going well, but there was some external factors to influence the relationship, namely my having to move out of my apartment and look for a new one, and her looking for a job that took about one and a half months.
Now, over the last couple of months, I noticed a few things about her that were not to my liking - a phrase or sentence, or something she did, something quite instinctive to her, but that went against the grain of my own principles and way of life. Nothing bad per se, but just incompatible. There are also other more personal aspects that I won't discuss here that too, I found incompatible in our relationship.
I try not to look too far ahead, and on a first date you don't evaluate whether someone is good for marriage (perhaps subconsciously you do to some extent), but nevertheless these things raised question marks over our future together.
It's very easy, especially early in a relationship to bury any objections, and gloss over any question marks that may be lurking, just not question them.
But over time, during conversation, I would pull her up on some of these comments that would annoy me or that I fundamentally disagreed with. Like I said, it's so easy to ignore them, but there comes a time or occasion where you have to say something and I did.
We briefly talked about that there were a few obstacles about a month ago, but we didn't see it as a big deal and enjoy the moment and not be so concerned about the big picture this early in the relationship, in fact we both agreed that 6 or 9 months was a better time to be evaluating such things.
In the meantime, more recently, I hold my hands up and admit that I had been neglecting her slightly. Now, I am not talking about full on neglect, I am talking about woman "maintenance" that one must do. I'll come onto this more in a second.
The simple reason being that these little character traits that I did not find compatible with my own (not bad, just incompatible) started to mount up into something more significant. I questioned whether this was the kind of woman that I want to spend a long time with and, yes, possible some day marry. I concluded that she was not. So my desire to do this "woman maintenance a.k.a. paying her lots of attention" waned slightly of its own accord, I freely admit. Nevertheless, we were still talking daily on the phone for usually an hour which I consider to be quite a lot.
So 2 days ago, we talk - planning for a trip abroad that we have not done. She made a casual comment and instead of taking it, I questionned her on it, burrowed further. She admitted that she was a little worried where things were going. All this time, we have been honest about many things, but not so much about us and our relationship and where it is going. After much burrowing, she basically admitted that I had not been paying her enough attention i.e. "woman maintenance" e.g. I did not bring over any wine anymore when she was cooking, I had not gone ahead and planned and taken her places that I said I would do.
I freely admit this, and I know that women are looking for guys who wil confidently take care of them, take them places, organise everything. My efforts to do this waned as I lost my attraction to her.
Back to the phone call.....I did not say sorry - in fact I did not want to say sorry. I explained that it was due to the upheaval in our lives recently and also my job has been very frenetic, I've had a lot of problems with my apartment, I've been working weekends etc., we have still been seeing each other twice a week which I think is a lot considering we are at least an hour away from each other, and we had been going out for 3 months. She also claimed that I had not supported her during her time of being out of work and job searching. First of all, earlier she had thanked me for support during this period (?!?!?) and secondly, I think this is total bull**** from her - I gave her advice, I found her ads, I helped pay the bills, I talked whenever she wanted, I got her confidence back when she felt she was going to not get a job - I supported her big time during this period! I was insulted that she said this, and I think I told her so.
She also talked about how I had "changed" since about 3 months ago??!? wtf!?!? Admittedly, more recently I had gotten a bit lazier as I have admitted above, but I had never "changed"! One night, I had called her slightly drunk and been a little sentimental and gave her more insight into my views about wanting to make it out of my situation and become more prosperous. I was not depressed but I did speak in melancholic tones. Now, I know a woman wants a man to be strong, but if she wants an open relationship she has to be prepared for the man to occasionally need her support too! The next day she said I was "sad" and Jekyll and Hyde character! I dismissed it has drunken talk, but the next day I had to take her up on that comment and say that that was me, and if she didn't like it, well that was her problem that she must deal with herself, I won't be anyone else.
Long story, I hope you take the time to read it
Just broke up - am I happy or sad - I don't know......
If you search by my username and look at my posts, you'll see that I met a nice girl back in October/November of last year.
It was nicely going at first, each date, once a week, was better than the last, till after about 6 or 7 dates, we were basically girlfriend and boyfriend.
It was my first relationship, late at 26, she was older, 28. It seemed good, we both really liked each other. I was happy about the pace of things, maybe a little surprised at how close we were already. We had already exchanged things, e.g. I needed some plates, she needed a CD player, we were freely swapping our possessions, not gifts for an occasion but because we wanted to share. I don't know if this is something more prevalent in the 25+ age relationship compared to the younger or not?
Things have been going well, but there was some external factors to influence the relationship, namely my having to move out of my apartment and look for a new one, and her looking for a job that took about one and a half months.
Now, over the last couple of months, I noticed a few things about her that were not to my liking - a phrase or sentence, or something she did, something quite instinctive to her, but that went against the grain of my own principles and way of life. Nothing bad per se, but just incompatible. There are also other more personal aspects that I won't discuss here that too, I found incompatible in our relationship.
I try not to look too far ahead, and on a first date you don't evaluate whether someone is good for marriage (perhaps subconsciously you do to some extent), but nevertheless these things raised question marks over our future together.
It's very easy, especially early in a relationship to bury any objections, and gloss over any question marks that may be lurking, just not question them.
But over time, during conversation, I would pull her up on some of these comments that would annoy me or that I fundamentally disagreed with. Like I said, it's so easy to ignore them, but there comes a time or occasion where you have to say something and I did.
We briefly talked about that there were a few obstacles about a month ago, but we didn't see it as a big deal and enjoy the moment and not be so concerned about the big picture this early in the relationship, in fact we both agreed that 6 or 9 months was a better time to be evaluating such things.
In the meantime, more recently, I hold my hands up and admit that I had been neglecting her slightly. Now, I am not talking about full on neglect, I am talking about woman "maintenance" that one must do. I'll come onto this more in a second.
The simple reason being that these little character traits that I did not find compatible with my own (not bad, just incompatible) started to mount up into something more significant. I questioned whether this was the kind of woman that I want to spend a long time with and, yes, possible some day marry. I concluded that she was not. So my desire to do this "woman maintenance a.k.a. paying her lots of attention" waned slightly of its own accord, I freely admit. Nevertheless, we were still talking daily on the phone for usually an hour which I consider to be quite a lot.
So 2 days ago, we talk - planning for a trip abroad that we have not done. She made a casual comment and instead of taking it, I questionned her on it, burrowed further. She admitted that she was a little worried where things were going. All this time, we have been honest about many things, but not so much about us and our relationship and where it is going. After much burrowing, she basically admitted that I had not been paying her enough attention i.e. "woman maintenance" e.g. I did not bring over any wine anymore when she was cooking, I had not gone ahead and planned and taken her places that I said I would do.
I freely admit this, and I know that women are looking for guys who wil confidently take care of them, take them places, organise everything. My efforts to do this waned as I lost my attraction to her.
Back to the phone call.....I did not say sorry - in fact I did not want to say sorry. I explained that it was due to the upheaval in our lives recently and also my job has been very frenetic, I've had a lot of problems with my apartment, I've been working weekends etc., we have still been seeing each other twice a week which I think is a lot considering we are at least an hour away from each other, and we had been going out for 3 months. She also claimed that I had not supported her during her time of being out of work and job searching. First of all, earlier she had thanked me for support during this period (?!?!?) and secondly, I think this is total bull**** from her - I gave her advice, I found her ads, I helped pay the bills, I talked whenever she wanted, I got her confidence back when she felt she was going to not get a job - I supported her big time during this period! I was insulted that she said this, and I think I told her so.
She also talked about how I had "changed" since about 3 months ago??!? wtf!?!? Admittedly, more recently I had gotten a bit lazier as I have admitted above, but I had never "changed"! One night, I had called her slightly drunk and been a little sentimental and gave her more insight into my views about wanting to make it out of my situation and become more prosperous. I was not depressed but I did speak in melancholic tones. Now, I know a woman wants a man to be strong, but if she wants an open relationship she has to be prepared for the man to occasionally need her support too! The next day she said I was "sad" and Jekyll and Hyde character! I dismissed it has drunken talk, but the next day I had to take her up on that comment and say that that was me, and if she didn't like it, well that was her problem that she must deal with herself, I won't be anyone else.
