Mantis Toboggan
Master Don Juan
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LoneWolf said:
You're always preaching the value of dating uglier women.
I pray that no one listens to you. But, why would they?
Just broke up after 4 months - BPD/Cluster B or typical 20 yr old? Head spinning...
- Thread starter Non Juan
- Start date
You're always preaching the value of dating uglier women.
I pray that no one listens to you. But, why would they?
Non Juan, i feel like we dated the same girl and i experienced the same sh1t as you. Just out of curiosity did her first name start with an "A"? We went out around june 2011 for 8 months of hell.Non Juan said:
BPD it was, maybe a bit with HPD as well, such as her flirting with other guys in front of you and if you walk away and talk to someone else, a breakup would almost happen.
It's really interesting because i mainly go by RSD stuff as well for handful of years. It was always a strong belief to value the opinion and judgment of yourself much higher than someone else's opinion or judgement about you. However, once you fall in love with a bpd, u do start to value their opinion too "eventually" and care, to find yourself softening up.
I noticed that with her, an argument led to me trying to calm her down and if she would attack me personally rather than discussing the situation, i would just walk off. This resulted in her saying that i wasn't "there for her". If i stayed and "hugged her and tell her its going to be alright", she would calm down, but then would make me say sorry, which i didn't and the whole argument cycle started again and i "wasn't there for her". She expected me to "just know" what to do.
All her exes are bad and abusive/controlling she says. That is exactly what she said about me.
Hope u are better now, this is where i'm trying to reach for and will get there. All the best
Wassup,
It’s been over a year now since I broke up with the ex and things are ok on the whole. But it took some time before I started feeling ok again. At first I cried every day, I couldn’t sleep at night, I’d just lie in bed writhing about in some kind of weird emotional pain, and I’d wake up at the crack of dawn every morning, completely wide awake with adrenaline in my veins and some unsolved dilemma regarding the relationship raging in my mind. This went on for about 2 months. I spent most days reading about BPD, Narcissism, Psychopathy, Self Esteem healing etc. I just had to process what happened and this was my way of doing it. After about 6 months I began to feel more of a sense of normality within myself, although I wasn’t the same person as before.
Not once in all this time have I contacted her, or her me. Although I have seen her twice;
Once, about 6 months ago in the pub/club we first met. As soon as I saw her I got a massive surge of adrenaline and went on a rampage talking to every girl in the place, once right in front of her. She didn’t look at me the whole time, just stared ahead with an intense look in her eye. Only near the end of the night did she glance at me while dancing seductively with her group of female friends (although she doesn’t get on with girls or have any girl mates?), she looked over her shoulder at me and ran her fingers into her hair, I just GTFO of there.
Then I saw her last week near my street (luckily she doesn’t live near me but her best mate does). Even after all this time she still has a strong emotional effect on me, probably like seeing a tiger with a naked woman straddling it, you get the fight or flight response to danger but your totally intrigued and want to get up close and get involved. ****ed up.
The most healing information for me with regards to processing the relationship was by a guy called Thomas Sheridan and his book ‘Puzzling People’. He basically dismisses the whole theory of BPD, saying the disorder has just been cooked up by big pharmaceutical industries. He believes BPD is just the female psychopath, nothing more.
I agree totally, my ex was just a Psychopath (Sociopath, same thing).
It takes a while to get your head around but there is a lot of information on Psychopathy and according to professionals, they are around 4% of the population.
That’s 1 in 25 people. But lets for arguments sake say 1%. That’s still 1 In 100.
They have zero remorse, empathy or compassion and are just a predatory consciousness that feed and prey on the rest of us, ESPECIALLY empathic, caring people, which I am to a fault.
They have no real personality, only invented personas used to ‘work’ targets. With no emotional landscape of their own except for primitive ones like anger and jealousy, they cannot truly relate to normal human beings. Happiness, love, or guilt for example, are just ideas to them, merely concepts, they cannot experience these kinds of emotions first hand, and they are incapable. But they have spent their whole lives learning to mimic these emotions in order for them to fit into society undetected.
It goes on anyway, I suggest anyone interested in BPD, psychopaths or just had a nasty break with a ‘BPD’ read the book Puzzling People.
Realising this about the ex made things a lot easier once I went through the painful realization I was never dealing with a real person, it was a stage show, an act, a charade specifically designed to lure me in.
The girl I thought I loved, never existed.
It’s kinda heartbreaking but it’s also comforting to know that I never really lost someone I cared about, and she never ever cared about me, not even in her own crazy way. It was pure theatre on her part just to hook me in. Then once the relationship was established, the ‘real’ her began to break through the mask, the cold, callous consciousness that she is. Although I perceived it as her behaving differently than normal and was constantly trying to get back to the girl I first met, believing the manipulations etc. to be her just playing up because of something I did, or a problem in her life.
Also, BPD almost seems to suggest it’s not her fault, that she is just the poor victim of a traumatic early experience and is oh so scared of a close bond with people, and equally so with being rejected and losing someone. When I first read about BPD, I was heartbroken FOR MY EX, even though I was the one in pieces.
Fuk BPD, it almost gets them of the hook, and makes it harder to emotionally break away, believing that maybe, maybe if she got the right help she could be that lovely person she really is deep down and things could work out for you and her.
Fuk that, she isn’t anyone, not a human as we understand them to be, she will never be cured and more importantly she DOESN’T WANT to be cured. Why would she, when she is having such a good time living life with no emotional fail safes like remorse for their actions or being burdened with caring for someone.
Nah, she is just a cold psychopath, who never was anyone will never be anyone.
‘Euphoria’, no her name didn’t begin with ‘A’ but it goes to show how similarly these creatures behave and that once you get a handle on what to look out for, the more easily you will be able to spot them and protect yourself from them.
And yes, the no-win situation you speak of is a classic abuse tactic, of which they have a full arsenal of.
Mine used to put me in similar situations, like I went to kiss her once and got ‘DON’T SMOTHER ME, GET OFF ME’ and then a really cold nasty look. A day or so later I kissed her and she looked at me with relief and exasperation and said ‘FINALLY!’.
They will slowly implement more and more tiny tiny incremental abusive behaviors until before you know it your questioning your own reality and feel like you’re the one who’s crazy.
I’ve decided to contact her friend, the one who supposedly warned my ex against me, and who she hid my existence from and tell her everything. Should be pretty interesting to hear what she comes back with. It will be closure on the chapter. I’ll report back if I find out anything note worthy.
Peace.
It’s been over a year now since I broke up with the ex and things are ok on the whole. But it took some time before I started feeling ok again. At first I cried every day, I couldn’t sleep at night, I’d just lie in bed writhing about in some kind of weird emotional pain, and I’d wake up at the crack of dawn every morning, completely wide awake with adrenaline in my veins and some unsolved dilemma regarding the relationship raging in my mind. This went on for about 2 months. I spent most days reading about BPD, Narcissism, Psychopathy, Self Esteem healing etc. I just had to process what happened and this was my way of doing it. After about 6 months I began to feel more of a sense of normality within myself, although I wasn’t the same person as before.
Not once in all this time have I contacted her, or her me. Although I have seen her twice;
Once, about 6 months ago in the pub/club we first met. As soon as I saw her I got a massive surge of adrenaline and went on a rampage talking to every girl in the place, once right in front of her. She didn’t look at me the whole time, just stared ahead with an intense look in her eye. Only near the end of the night did she glance at me while dancing seductively with her group of female friends (although she doesn’t get on with girls or have any girl mates?), she looked over her shoulder at me and ran her fingers into her hair, I just GTFO of there.
Then I saw her last week near my street (luckily she doesn’t live near me but her best mate does). Even after all this time she still has a strong emotional effect on me, probably like seeing a tiger with a naked woman straddling it, you get the fight or flight response to danger but your totally intrigued and want to get up close and get involved. ****ed up.
The most healing information for me with regards to processing the relationship was by a guy called Thomas Sheridan and his book ‘Puzzling People’. He basically dismisses the whole theory of BPD, saying the disorder has just been cooked up by big pharmaceutical industries. He believes BPD is just the female psychopath, nothing more.
I agree totally, my ex was just a Psychopath (Sociopath, same thing).
It takes a while to get your head around but there is a lot of information on Psychopathy and according to professionals, they are around 4% of the population.
That’s 1 in 25 people. But lets for arguments sake say 1%. That’s still 1 In 100.
They have zero remorse, empathy or compassion and are just a predatory consciousness that feed and prey on the rest of us, ESPECIALLY empathic, caring people, which I am to a fault.
They have no real personality, only invented personas used to ‘work’ targets. With no emotional landscape of their own except for primitive ones like anger and jealousy, they cannot truly relate to normal human beings. Happiness, love, or guilt for example, are just ideas to them, merely concepts, they cannot experience these kinds of emotions first hand, and they are incapable. But they have spent their whole lives learning to mimic these emotions in order for them to fit into society undetected.
It goes on anyway, I suggest anyone interested in BPD, psychopaths or just had a nasty break with a ‘BPD’ read the book Puzzling People.
Realising this about the ex made things a lot easier once I went through the painful realization I was never dealing with a real person, it was a stage show, an act, a charade specifically designed to lure me in.
The girl I thought I loved, never existed.
It’s kinda heartbreaking but it’s also comforting to know that I never really lost someone I cared about, and she never ever cared about me, not even in her own crazy way. It was pure theatre on her part just to hook me in. Then once the relationship was established, the ‘real’ her began to break through the mask, the cold, callous consciousness that she is. Although I perceived it as her behaving differently than normal and was constantly trying to get back to the girl I first met, believing the manipulations etc. to be her just playing up because of something I did, or a problem in her life.
Also, BPD almost seems to suggest it’s not her fault, that she is just the poor victim of a traumatic early experience and is oh so scared of a close bond with people, and equally so with being rejected and losing someone. When I first read about BPD, I was heartbroken FOR MY EX, even though I was the one in pieces.
Fuk BPD, it almost gets them of the hook, and makes it harder to emotionally break away, believing that maybe, maybe if she got the right help she could be that lovely person she really is deep down and things could work out for you and her.
Fuk that, she isn’t anyone, not a human as we understand them to be, she will never be cured and more importantly she DOESN’T WANT to be cured. Why would she, when she is having such a good time living life with no emotional fail safes like remorse for their actions or being burdened with caring for someone.
Nah, she is just a cold psychopath, who never was anyone will never be anyone.
‘Euphoria’, no her name didn’t begin with ‘A’ but it goes to show how similarly these creatures behave and that once you get a handle on what to look out for, the more easily you will be able to spot them and protect yourself from them.
And yes, the no-win situation you speak of is a classic abuse tactic, of which they have a full arsenal of.
Mine used to put me in similar situations, like I went to kiss her once and got ‘DON’T SMOTHER ME, GET OFF ME’ and then a really cold nasty look. A day or so later I kissed her and she looked at me with relief and exasperation and said ‘FINALLY!’.
They will slowly implement more and more tiny tiny incremental abusive behaviors until before you know it your questioning your own reality and feel like you’re the one who’s crazy.
I’ve decided to contact her friend, the one who supposedly warned my ex against me, and who she hid my existence from and tell her everything. Should be pretty interesting to hear what she comes back with. It will be closure on the chapter. I’ll report back if I find out anything note worthy.
Peace.
Wow, you still have feelings for her Non Juan after all this time? You know you need to find another woman. That's not healthy to hold on more than a year, but I feel your pain. Also, don't think she never had feelings for you.
I'm happy to say that my 20 year old was not BPD, bipolar, evil, cold or heartless. She was just fickle and for whatever reason lost her romantic interest in me.
I'm happy to say that my 20 year old was not BPD, bipolar, evil, cold or heartless. She was just fickle and for whatever reason lost her romantic interest in me.
It's good to know other people think she was nuts and not just me I can tell ya! Some of my mates we like 'she's just young and immature'. My only solace was the internet.
Bigneil, I don't have feelings for her at all, there is no 'her' inside to have feeling for.
But she does invoke a fight or flight adrenaline response in me if I see her about, but that's more to do with the triggering of old memories, all the confusion and the fact there is never any closure. because there is no one to get closure from.
What make you think your ex wasn't BPD anymore?
Bigneil, I don't have feelings for her at all, there is no 'her' inside to have feeling for.
But she does invoke a fight or flight adrenaline response in me if I see her about, but that's more to do with the triggering of old memories, all the confusion and the fact there is never any closure. because there is no one to get closure from.
What make you think your ex wasn't BPD anymore?
SgtSplacker
Master Don Juan
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The thing with BPDs is that they are very sexual, so it's hard sometimes to end the sex. And they are always complimentary girls. The problem is the flipping of the script they do about anything.
You: Good morning baby!
Her: Whats so good about it.
You: Were here together!
Her: But we weren't together last weekend guys night out.
You: But I never go out with my friends! It's once every 4 months! You said it was a good idea!
Her: So you want to go out with them more often!? Oh that's just dandy!
You: WTF are you talking about!
Her: <starts crying> You're such an aHole, you're so insensitive! How can you be this way. Stop lieing, you always lie to me!
You: Wait what!? calm down. There were no chicks!
Her: <Kicking and screaming> It's always like this you don't care for me, this reminds me of my uncle who touched me! And what chicks!!!!!?????
You: Look i'm sorry OK...
10 minutes later.....
Her: Baby... let me kiss him pleaseeeeeeee....
<<Back breaking sex happens>>
Give it another hour and it happens again...
and again
and again...
Welcome to BPD Central...
You: Good morning baby!
Her: Whats so good about it.
You: Were here together!
Her: But we weren't together last weekend guys night out.
You: But I never go out with my friends! It's once every 4 months! You said it was a good idea!
Her: So you want to go out with them more often!? Oh that's just dandy!
You: WTF are you talking about!
Her: <starts crying> You're such an aHole, you're so insensitive! How can you be this way. Stop lieing, you always lie to me!
You: Wait what!? calm down. There were no chicks!
Her: <Kicking and screaming> It's always like this you don't care for me, this reminds me of my uncle who touched me! And what chicks!!!!!?????
You: Look i'm sorry OK...
10 minutes later.....
Her: Baby... let me kiss him pleaseeeeeeee....
<<Back breaking sex happens>>
Give it another hour and it happens again...
and again
and again...
Welcome to BPD Central...
SgtSplacker
Master Don Juan
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I know, it's what I described X100 on steroids. I just didn't want to loose focus dwelling on how nutty the whole exchange really is...
TonyBaloney
Senior Don Juan
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I am sorry Neil, but your 20 tear old lost interest cos your an old fart.....way way too old for her! Who do you think you are? Don Juan?bigneil said:
Why by the way do you question non juan for having thoughts (i dont think they are `loving` thoughts) about his ex??? One always reviews life from previous times...thats normal...unless somebody is abnormal......
TonyBaloney
Senior Don Juan
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Non Juan said:
Buddy, thats triggering old memories AND the perceived threat to your well being and sanitythat causes that.
I am finding hard right now cos my crazy BPD ex is in the same area....i'm sitting here on a friday with a mate who at this very moment is urging me to go to a local bar (small town - 4 bars) and even after 8 months, and luckily not having bumped into her (by avoidance), i am kinda scared of my fight/flight reaction....actually more scared of the fight....cos if i go wild on her, who knows what i'm gonna say.......
Note the BPD girl I referrred to in this thread (from last year) was 3 girlfriends ago.
I guess I must have been to get her to fall for me and stay with me for 6 months. I wouldn't have missed it for the world.TonyBaloney said:
He's talking about her over a year later and having a fight or flight adrenaline response when he sees her, and you don't think he still has feelings?TonyBaloney said:
No one can diagnose behavior without actually witnessing the act. But whether she's BPD or not is irrelevant. This girl is troubled and has issues. Whenever people act like this - its because they're crazy. This is not normal behavior. You're dealing with a mess of a person, and what you describe is common. At the core usually lies insecurity, depression, low self-esteem, abandonment fears, etc. That can cause a LOT of problems, and branch into many of the symptoms you describe. It's not saveable.
This girl is no good. This isn't normal, healthy behavior, but it can seem that way - if you are attracted to this type, seek it out constantly, associate with it, sympathize with it (this one is huge, because it blinds you to what's going on, and who they are), or haven't had enough experience with women / people in general to notice the differences. The reason she probably stands out in your mind is because she's crazy. Their off the wall, confusing behavior can frustrate you. You can never figure them out. That's when you know you got a crazy on your hands, and its easy to get caught up in their chaos. It's even an obsession, for some.
This isn't game or immaturity. A lot of these girls (and guys) who do these kind of things are nuts, and almost always have troubled pasts, lifestyles, ways of thinking, etc. Their behavior is crazy, 'cause they are. It only seems normal to them, and those who sympathize with them.
This girl is no good. This isn't normal, healthy behavior, but it can seem that way - if you are attracted to this type, seek it out constantly, associate with it, sympathize with it (this one is huge, because it blinds you to what's going on, and who they are), or haven't had enough experience with women / people in general to notice the differences. The reason she probably stands out in your mind is because she's crazy. Their off the wall, confusing behavior can frustrate you. You can never figure them out. That's when you know you got a crazy on your hands, and its easy to get caught up in their chaos. It's even an obsession, for some.
This isn't game or immaturity. A lot of these girls (and guys) who do these kind of things are nuts, and almost always have troubled pasts, lifestyles, ways of thinking, etc. Their behavior is crazy, 'cause they are. It only seems normal to them, and those who sympathize with them.