Just blew it with my onetis!

[PapiChulo]

Still cant believe that sh!t. Just asked her out directly,for second time, and she says she started seeing someone two weeks ago, and that I should have done done it two weeks ago. She says I can go out with you as friends, etc. I told her, that it would not work because I am attracted to her.

Thats like a kick in the nuts. I doubt its true? What do you guys think? I cant believe I have f?%cked it up.
Why would she throw this LJBF defense on me with a weird counter offer? Thats stupid.

Time to move on.

 

[loveshogun]

Never burn the bridge with words. Burn it with silent actions, if you burn it at all. Specifically, that last line about "I can't just be friends because I'm attracted to you."

If you think about it, you only said that as a way to try to get her more interested, like she has to make a now or never choice. Only she's already made the choice: the other guy.

A helpful tip, I find, is to pretend whatever you're about to say is a line in a romantic comedy. If the lines seems like it fits, DON'T SAY IT.

"You had me at hello."

Yeah. Don't say things like that.

 

[5string]

Learn from it Papi. No more needs to be said.

Good luck.

 

[I'm in the Mood]

Hey man, you didn't blow it. I'm sure you did all the right things, they just happened to be under the wrong circumstances.

This gives you the opportunity to learn how to be man enough to move on from rejection, and move on from having oneitis. The more times it happens, the easier it will get, and the better at attracting women you will become.

 

[PapiChulo]

Yeah, guys thanks for the responses. There are other women, but this one is #1 and more of a challenge.

I said that because I had to reject the friends thing, it was pretty honest of me to say that. Yeah, could say the usual : I have too many friends already. And then she knows I am not burning the bridges because I asked her out at the very beginning and she knows that I persist "confidently". I think her interest actually spiked in me after I had gotten rejected the very first time. She is shy, so I have to build the comfort and a lot of it before she bites.


My main question is that I think she is bullsh!tting me. She has been single for so long and doesnt really date as far as I know, I dont believe she has hooked up. Then, freaking two weeks, c'mon.... thats like saying you won a lottery but missed the deadline to cash in, sprinkling salt on the wound.



What now, make the b!tch jealous with other chicks? Is it a stupid move?


^^^^ all this is unhealthy - but I dont care, I wanna get what I want.

 

[5string]

Maybe she is BS'ing you. I'd lay low and see if she breaks radio silence.

 

[PapiChulo]

Maybe she is BS'ing you. I'd lay low and see if she breaks radio silence.

Uh , I like this one, I am gonna go no contact. If it feels like bias it probably is, she wants to see what I am gonna do next. I know she is attracted to me and I haven't done any serious mistakes with her ( learned from mistakes with previous girls).

 

[Igetit!]

That "I blew it with my oneitis" line is a contradiction in terms.


The fact that she was an "oneitis" PERIOD means things were ALREADY blown.


It just took this incident here for you to realize it.

Still cant believe that sh!t. Just asked her out directly,for second time and she says she started seeing someone two weeks ago,

You said that you just asked her out for the second time,and her response was that she started seeing someone else a few weeks ago.


Well what was her response to you asking her out the first time?

What reason or excuse did she give you?

and that I should have done done it two weeks ago.

Huh???? Now that made my "spider sense" tingle. She said that you should have asked her out two weeks ago,implying that if you had,then she probably would have said yes.


Well how long ago did you ask her out THE FIRST TIME,and WHAT DID SHE SAY?

She says I can go out with you as friends, etc. I told her, that it would not work because I am attracted to her.

I suppose your "because I'm attracted to you" response wasn't that bad to her friend date suggestion,but normally it isn't good to be so direct saying things like that.



If she had said that to me,I would have replied with something like,"Friends? Go out as friends? Huh. So does that mean no kissin' and making out,or anything like that?


It would have spiked her attraction.....even if for just that moment,she would have felt a spark.

Thats like a kick in the nuts. I doubt its true? What do you guys think? I cant believe I have f?%cked it up.

You say you can't believe you "f#cked it up". Dude,the "f#ck up" was NOT you asking her out and her saying the friends thing,the "f#ck up" was her being a ONEITIS to you.



Oneitis' takes time to form. You don't meet a girl on Monday,then she becomes a oneitis on Tuesday. So if this girl INDEED was your oneitis,then it took YOUR TIME and EFFORT to make her become that.


THAT was the "f#ck up",not her little "friends" speech.

Why would she throw this LJBF defense on me with a weird counter offer?

For the same reason ALL GIRLS DO....she didn't want to hurt your feelings and she wants to continue being friends with you.


Her "friends date" suggestion was for her and for you. The "friends" part was so nothing sexual would happen (for her),and the "date" part was so technically she wouldn't have to reject you (for you).



Sorry dude,but it is what it is. Besides,you shouldn't be having a "oneitis" in the first place.

 

[Real Talk]

Uh , I like this one, I am gonna go no contact. If it feels like bias it probably is, she wants to see what I am gonna do next. I know she is attracted to me and I haven't done any serious mistakes with her ( learned from mistakes with previous girls).

No contact is indeed what you should do, but I think you want to do it for all the wrong reasons. You "know she is attracted to you" but has rejected to you twice? That doesn't make any sense. If a girl was attracted to you she would not reject you at all. Period.

The purpose of no contact is misused so much here. If you use no contact after getting rejected, it is NOT meant to make her "miss you" or to otherwise "see her next move". The ship has sailed between you and her. It is used because it is better for you to move on with your life and not let a girl f*ck with your mind any more than she has.

If you do No Contact, MOVE ON. Don't look at her facebook page, and go out and meet more girls, switch up your gym routine, catch up on homework, anything else that you could have done instead of wasting time pining over her.

That's all Ill say about that. If you're still trying to justify that there's still a good chance between you two, then the only way to go is to learn what I said above the hard way. Just know that you will waste more time and grief for something that should have been clear to you much sooner.

good luck

 

[PapiChulo]

Let me correct myself about the onetis. I dont think I actually did have the onetis with her in conventional sense, but I was sure on the way there yet trying to combat it. I call it onetis simply because I actually want her for a relationship and I do care if I get her or not, but without all the normal symptoms you would associate with it. I only think of it as onetis because it did hurt to hear this little speech of hers, and more so than the first time or with other women.(My ego is bruised because of that two week thing, as I did seek to make a move and there was no decent opportunities).


I ve got shut down the first time in November, not clear why as I invited her for a drink (she probably though I meant sex after drinks or whatnot) and she said she could not. I though she wasnt ready and the rejection wasnt much of a rejection anyway and I had gotten interested in other chick with a boyfriend (bad choice), so it was all good and tight in there and I didnt care much and did my thing. She came around before X-mas showing interest. After that I started building comfort with her, did the flirt, not too much though and she seemed to be all buttered up for me to ask her out for the second time. She rarely shows interest and doesn’t initiate the flirt.

Your response would be perfect, but sadly I would not have conceived anything like that on the spot after hearing the two week thing. I just did it bluntly and directly, and I think she liked it. All bias was gone right there at the spot. It is almost as if we have gotten closer right there.
The sexual connotation towards “friends” is very correct because I might not know the whole story. She is a young prude with a really old religious father. She takes herself out of any situation where she would be pressured to have sex. I think a chump would have gotten further with this one than me. Ironic, isn’t it? Than, why go out with "friend guy" when there is some other dude who is so.... blah blah..


I have to add that it feels good to be direct and blunt for a change.

 

[PapiChulo]

No contact is indeed what you should do, but I think you want to do it for all the wrong reasons. You "know she is attracted to you" but has rejected to you twice? That doesn't make any sense. If a girl was attracted to you she would not reject you at all. Period.

The purpose of no contact is misused so much here. If you use no contact after getting rejected, it is NOT meant to make her "miss you" or to otherwise "see her next move". The ship has sailed between you and her. It is used because it is better for you to move on with your life and not let a girl f*ck with your mind any more than she has.

If you do No Contact, MOVE ON. Don't look at her facebook page, and go out and meet more girls, switch up your gym routine, catch up on homework, anything else that you could have done instead of wasting time pining over her.

That's all Ill say about that. If you're still trying to justify that there's still a good chance between you two, then the only way to go is to learn what I said above the hard way. Just know that you will waste more time and grief for something that should have been clear to you much sooner.

good luck

Yep no arguing with that. Its getting easier this time around.

There is interest, but this one is tricky and picky (heard from other guys that tried). I did not put in all this work into her for nothing. Maybe it wasnt enough though, or there is something wrong with her. She has been single a very very long time, we are talking at least a year.

 

[PapiChulo]

n/a

 

[PapiChulo]

n/a

 

[PapiChulo]

Look guys, I am an idiot. I finally solved that problem with some help of an old experienced guy.


Biggest mistake is this: Judge the woman by the actions and not her words. I ve just spent time analyzing the words too much which dont mean jack sh!t.

The old guy told me right off the bet that its all a lie confirming my bias suspicious about some other dude. There is no other dude he is imaginary thats why she is single all the time. She is not in a rush. She is trying to actively friend-zone me.Silly b!tch.

She is prudent horny little virgin as I suspected (underline horny). She doesnt get f?%cked, I can smell it on her (my gut says so). Religious and strict folks in there did it to her.

Solution: I have to go the extra mile on this one because it is a test in its own way. Which means I have to accept that "friendship" (an excuse not to put out quickly enough) as the last resort if she does not change her mind.

Actions: she likes the physical contact with me and started returning it, it's pretty obvious, which means she will get seduced by me at some point down the line. Thats why she counteroffers and agrees to go out as friends, meaning I should wait. I am not in LJBF, as there is sexual tension and she is enjoying it, and no other normal LJBF stuff is present. I'll turn her sexy dial up so hard that she will beg me to do her.

Plus, why burn the bridges anyway? (Loveshogun has it right) I am starting to work on a f%$ch-buddy prospect meanwhile.

I am gonna use Igetit's line on Monday to test it out: "So does that mean no kissin' and making out, or anything like that?" If it fails, I ll freeze out and see where that goes.