I learned something the hardest way possible, and wanted to share it with the forum. It's an tip to anyone looking to improve.
I was not exactly a nice guy. I had this *go have fun* personality that every girl (and guys) love to be around. I was funny to death and had many many friends, and I related to them smoothly.
Until I was 17, and met the x-GF. x-GF was THE BOMB. First day of class, bored as hell, comes this girl. Damn, you know that one who makes YOU spine trick? Like it was hand-made for me...
Or so it seemed. Not that I find her ugly, she got even more beautiful. That's great and all, but that is not everything that a LTR needs. This girl did some serious mess (and I let her). Fast forward, I left her, getting at least some self-respect. But I was so devastated by this relationship, it was really an AFC classic... our lives merged on that period. I gave up ALL my ambitions and focused on "being there for her". Any guy on this forum can testify on the terrible results of that attitude. To top it off, one week later, she is with a new-BF. What does that say? Heh...
Well, the worse part is that she blew my self-esteem so hard I was ashamed of being ME. I was second-guessing myself like I, being the unique person I am, was not good enough to even exist. Of course, the spontaneous, fun personality that I had went through the window. And that reflected on all levels of my life.
So afraid of failure, of judgement from others, of rejection from other women, I became depressed. That lasted for a long time. But thanks to this forum and the great feedback I receive here everyday, and especially to my mistakes... I have something to share.
Do you try to hide yourself on some tricks because you are afraid of failure? Do you think you have to be smooth else nothing will happen?
Something I noticed recently: the most important thing is being really comfortable being in your own skin. That means really living your life, your problems, saying what you want to without really caring about others. About girls, this boils down to going for it. Anti-Dump said it best: "Forget words. Take action". Experience is the best teacher and this forum have enough feedback for those ALREADY in the field. Don't make the mistakes I did, don't be a spounge. This forum will NOT REMOVE MISTAKES FROM YOUR LIFE. It will make you fail MORE, in fact, cause you HAVE to be out there doing things. Without this, no feedback is useful.
You see, when most people here are just sponges, they can easily give advice to others. "Keyboard Jockey". But when it comes to yourself, you get trapped on your undoings cause you have no experience. It's like the finance teacher who knows everything but still can't manage to do well on his own life. You may just keep giving others advice and ignoring yourself or you can go out there and MESS IT ALL UP, FAIL HARD, MAKE SOME REAL MESS, GET EVERYONE LAUGHING AT YOU, GET BACK HERE FOR MORE FEEDBACK NOW BASED ON YOUR MISTAKES! Don't you think a thickened skin will make you much better? Don't you think that "just doing it" will condition you to do what you KNOW that you have to do but don't have the balls to? Feedback FINE-TUNES experience, but it DOES NOT substitute it.
Learn to love yourself. That means loving the things you like and the things you hate in yourself. To illustrate my point: I'm easily distracted and it annoys me to death. I keep spacing out, especially when talking to girls. Fvcked up isn't it? Yes it is, unless IF I THINK IT IS. I don't. I just know that's how I am, and I love myself. When I space out, people think "WTF?" -- then there I am with a big smile, "excuse me?"
Find out your virtues and flaws, embrace them, live them ALL to their fullest, as all of it together is what makes every one of us unique. And do not be afraid to mess it up, never. Do not ever think this makes you worse, cause it's exactly the opposite. You will get more WISE and will do BETTER next time. Compare this to the guy who keeps waiting "THE ONE"... spell "NICE TRY" to me now -- You don't owe anything to anyone but yourself. And you KNOW who you are and what are your virtues and flaws. If you are waiting for someone to confirm it for you, keep waiting, cause it is not going to happen. Life is tough and we all have to go out there and fight for our space in this world... so go DO IT NOW!!
(note: The "being yourself" stuff I'm mentioning is not in the AFC sense, cause I really think no AFC is really being HIM. The AFC in fact is anything but him. He has his routine, as the player. The difference is the type of routine. Neither are being themselves, neither are being GENUINE. They try to influence people by their masked attitude. Pasteurized people will never stand out. Of course, some can pull this off successfully, especially players. Hell, the best AFC is not getting tail period. -- I'm not trying to flame no one. My point is that for some people, none of them will work, no routine will work. They have to get something to work on, some mistakes from which they can start to apply the DJ-knowledge and try again. That was my case and it could be yours as well.)
I was not exactly a nice guy. I had this *go have fun* personality that every girl (and guys) love to be around. I was funny to death and had many many friends, and I related to them smoothly.
Until I was 17, and met the x-GF. x-GF was THE BOMB. First day of class, bored as hell, comes this girl. Damn, you know that one who makes YOU spine trick? Like it was hand-made for me...
Or so it seemed. Not that I find her ugly, she got even more beautiful. That's great and all, but that is not everything that a LTR needs. This girl did some serious mess (and I let her). Fast forward, I left her, getting at least some self-respect. But I was so devastated by this relationship, it was really an AFC classic... our lives merged on that period. I gave up ALL my ambitions and focused on "being there for her". Any guy on this forum can testify on the terrible results of that attitude. To top it off, one week later, she is with a new-BF. What does that say? Heh...
Well, the worse part is that she blew my self-esteem so hard I was ashamed of being ME. I was second-guessing myself like I, being the unique person I am, was not good enough to even exist. Of course, the spontaneous, fun personality that I had went through the window. And that reflected on all levels of my life.
So afraid of failure, of judgement from others, of rejection from other women, I became depressed. That lasted for a long time. But thanks to this forum and the great feedback I receive here everyday, and especially to my mistakes... I have something to share.
Do you try to hide yourself on some tricks because you are afraid of failure? Do you think you have to be smooth else nothing will happen?
Something I noticed recently: the most important thing is being really comfortable being in your own skin. That means really living your life, your problems, saying what you want to without really caring about others. About girls, this boils down to going for it. Anti-Dump said it best: "Forget words. Take action". Experience is the best teacher and this forum have enough feedback for those ALREADY in the field. Don't make the mistakes I did, don't be a spounge. This forum will NOT REMOVE MISTAKES FROM YOUR LIFE. It will make you fail MORE, in fact, cause you HAVE to be out there doing things. Without this, no feedback is useful.
You see, when most people here are just sponges, they can easily give advice to others. "Keyboard Jockey". But when it comes to yourself, you get trapped on your undoings cause you have no experience. It's like the finance teacher who knows everything but still can't manage to do well on his own life. You may just keep giving others advice and ignoring yourself or you can go out there and MESS IT ALL UP, FAIL HARD, MAKE SOME REAL MESS, GET EVERYONE LAUGHING AT YOU, GET BACK HERE FOR MORE FEEDBACK NOW BASED ON YOUR MISTAKES! Don't you think a thickened skin will make you much better? Don't you think that "just doing it" will condition you to do what you KNOW that you have to do but don't have the balls to? Feedback FINE-TUNES experience, but it DOES NOT substitute it.
Learn to love yourself. That means loving the things you like and the things you hate in yourself. To illustrate my point: I'm easily distracted and it annoys me to death. I keep spacing out, especially when talking to girls. Fvcked up isn't it? Yes it is, unless IF I THINK IT IS. I don't. I just know that's how I am, and I love myself. When I space out, people think "WTF?" -- then there I am with a big smile, "excuse me?"
Find out your virtues and flaws, embrace them, live them ALL to their fullest, as all of it together is what makes every one of us unique. And do not be afraid to mess it up, never. Do not ever think this makes you worse, cause it's exactly the opposite. You will get more WISE and will do BETTER next time. Compare this to the guy who keeps waiting "THE ONE"... spell "NICE TRY" to me now
-- You don't owe anything to anyone but yourself. And you KNOW who you are and what are your virtues and flaws. If you are waiting for someone to confirm it for you, keep waiting, cause it is not going to happen. Life is tough and we all have to go out there and fight for our space in this world... so go DO IT NOW!!(note: The "being yourself" stuff I'm mentioning is not in the AFC sense, cause I really think no AFC is really being HIM. The AFC in fact is anything but him. He has his routine, as the player. The difference is the type of routine. Neither are being themselves, neither are being GENUINE. They try to influence people by their masked attitude. Pasteurized people will never stand out. Of course, some can pull this off successfully, especially players. Hell, the best AFC is not getting tail period.
-- I'm not trying to flame no one. My point is that for some people, none of them will work, no routine will work. They have to get something to work on, some mistakes from which they can start to apply the DJ-knowledge and try again. That was my case and it could be yours as well.)
