First of all i must say that I wish I had found this forum before ... second I should point out that English is not my first language, so I apologize for mistakes in my writing and grammar in general.
I dont know if this is the right place to post this, but i wanted to share my experience... so here it goes:
Back in 2007 i was having a normal average life (i had a great job, a good woman a nice place to live, etc) but for some reason i was getting bored of rutine, and i was thinking about how to get some adventure in my life... One day the corporation i was working sent me to USA, once i was there I was offered a job in Scandinavia, i went back to my country thinking about how cool would be to go there and get to know that culture and stuff, but in order to do so i had to leave all behind, and i did it. (Big Mistake).
First i went to sweden, but i ended up living in norway by 2008, there i meet this gorgeous woman, we started dating and everything seemed to be normal with her, one day she told me that she was a single mom, and she wanted to know if i had a problem with it, after a while she asked me to move in with her and i did it... and just as some posts describe, after a couple of months or something the red flags started to appear, swing moods and stuffs like that, i was curious about what was going on with her head, i couldnt speak freely with her relatives in order to find out what was going on cause they didnt speak english and i couldnt speak norwegian by the time, plus her family wasnt pretty much on the picture... well the summer came and then i was free to do my research about her... i started to get involved with her social circle and i noticed that 98% of the people she called their friends were just a bunch of nutjobs, also found out that her ex boyfriends were criminals and low lifes, i work with computers and i did something non-ethical, with some technics and a bit of social engineering, got her medical records since she was born, damn i found a gold mine... BPD,PTSD,etc...
I decided to confront her, and i just putted the papers on the table (more than 100 pages) and she had to admit that she werent honest with me and started to share this horrorific stories about her childhood and stuff so she started playing the "victim of circunstances" role, my first thought were to pack my stuff and leave but i got caught into her drama (she used her child as a weapon cause she knew i got attached to the little one) and i ended up like "well i cannot judge anybody for their past" and i decided to pretty much ignore this trying to get focused in my job and stuff... our coexistence deterioraded, argues were more and more frecuent, and she always played the card of “the diference of cultures” to make me feel wrong about my points of view (wich btw had nothing to do with it but common sense like: dont borrow money to a jonkie)... a year and a half passed (we are now in 2009) and sometimes i had to travel to other countries for work and sometimes when i get back home i found pregnancy tests and god forbid i asked about it cause then she will act like she were mother teresa or something, and i was the bad guy with a temper problem and lack of trust on her, my times at home were often amused with her panic attacks, weird phobias, childist and irrational behaviour, episodes of lack of personality, verbal and physical agression, etc.
Many times i asked her to go get proffesional help, she always said that doctors couldnt help her , that she tried that already bla bla bla, and lets say she was very persuasive to make me stay (no bs i was just a victim of my own lust), one day she came to me saying oh im pregnant, i didnt knew if i had to be happy or sad, because my life with her was bittersweet, but i wanted to do the right thing so i decided to make a clean start in the relationship (wich just showed how naive i was about her condition) and started playing the role of the happy future dad, with all the caring and financial implicattions of the case... still my parents didnt knew about this until one day she made a scene in front of her family crying about how bad i was with her because i didnt wanted my parents to know she was expecting my baby, so once again i was caught into her drama and i called my parents to give them the “good news” anyway 2 months passed, she was telling everyone arround town how happy she was and how great guy i was, everything was just fine for the first time in a long time until one day i come from work and i just see her laying on the couch with some weird face like she was just staring to the void, i asked her what was wrong? She said i went this morning to the hospital to get an abortion...
i was angry, frustrated but at the same time speechless.
You dont go to an hospital and do that just like that, u need to get an appointment at least a week prior overthere in order to do so, she prepared this and lied to me once again but that time she went way to far. That was my limit, then i packed all my things and leave her for good.
i can understand is the woman who has the last call about pregnancy and this is not about to be pro-choice or not, but come on gime me a break!
after a long research the reason is simple: she hate mens.
During 2010 she again used her child many times to try to manipulate me and i almost get caught again into her web of lies,and of course she come up with stories about new medical conditions she says she have and how much shes suffering, obviously looking for pitty, fill her ego, etc.
Yes it is hell on earth living or getting involved with someone whos has BPD, i had to leave my job in order to go away from there, i entered in a huge depressing state, losted weight and life seemed to be just a huge pile of s***** just because i decided to take a joy ride in the rollercoaster of her life and it took me half of 2011 to recover my life back, now i can speak freely about this and share my story in order to warn others who may be thiking “she will change, i can handle this” etc.
You can't, you better run while you can, you can't help a person who cannot or are not willing to take responsability for their actions cause in their heads at the end its all your fault not their.
Now im dating normally again, nothing serious and is great to be back on game.
Just do not ignore the red flags and trust in your brain not in your d*** and you will be fine.
I dont know if this is the right place to post this, but i wanted to share my experience... so here it goes:
Back in 2007 i was having a normal average life (i had a great job, a good woman a nice place to live, etc) but for some reason i was getting bored of rutine, and i was thinking about how to get some adventure in my life... One day the corporation i was working sent me to USA, once i was there I was offered a job in Scandinavia, i went back to my country thinking about how cool would be to go there and get to know that culture and stuff, but in order to do so i had to leave all behind, and i did it. (Big Mistake).
First i went to sweden, but i ended up living in norway by 2008, there i meet this gorgeous woman, we started dating and everything seemed to be normal with her, one day she told me that she was a single mom, and she wanted to know if i had a problem with it, after a while she asked me to move in with her and i did it... and just as some posts describe, after a couple of months or something the red flags started to appear, swing moods and stuffs like that, i was curious about what was going on with her head, i couldnt speak freely with her relatives in order to find out what was going on cause they didnt speak english and i couldnt speak norwegian by the time, plus her family wasnt pretty much on the picture... well the summer came and then i was free to do my research about her... i started to get involved with her social circle and i noticed that 98% of the people she called their friends were just a bunch of nutjobs, also found out that her ex boyfriends were criminals and low lifes, i work with computers and i did something non-ethical, with some technics and a bit of social engineering, got her medical records since she was born, damn i found a gold mine... BPD,PTSD,etc...
I decided to confront her, and i just putted the papers on the table (more than 100 pages) and she had to admit that she werent honest with me and started to share this horrorific stories about her childhood and stuff so she started playing the "victim of circunstances" role, my first thought were to pack my stuff and leave but i got caught into her drama (she used her child as a weapon cause she knew i got attached to the little one) and i ended up like "well i cannot judge anybody for their past" and i decided to pretty much ignore this trying to get focused in my job and stuff... our coexistence deterioraded, argues were more and more frecuent, and she always played the card of “the diference of cultures” to make me feel wrong about my points of view (wich btw had nothing to do with it but common sense like: dont borrow money to a jonkie)... a year and a half passed (we are now in 2009) and sometimes i had to travel to other countries for work and sometimes when i get back home i found pregnancy tests and god forbid i asked about it cause then she will act like she were mother teresa or something, and i was the bad guy with a temper problem and lack of trust on her, my times at home were often amused with her panic attacks, weird phobias, childist and irrational behaviour, episodes of lack of personality, verbal and physical agression, etc.
Many times i asked her to go get proffesional help, she always said that doctors couldnt help her , that she tried that already bla bla bla, and lets say she was very persuasive to make me stay (no bs i was just a victim of my own lust), one day she came to me saying oh im pregnant, i didnt knew if i had to be happy or sad, because my life with her was bittersweet, but i wanted to do the right thing so i decided to make a clean start in the relationship (wich just showed how naive i was about her condition) and started playing the role of the happy future dad, with all the caring and financial implicattions of the case... still my parents didnt knew about this until one day she made a scene in front of her family crying about how bad i was with her because i didnt wanted my parents to know she was expecting my baby, so once again i was caught into her drama and i called my parents to give them the “good news” anyway 2 months passed, she was telling everyone arround town how happy she was and how great guy i was, everything was just fine for the first time in a long time until one day i come from work and i just see her laying on the couch with some weird face like she was just staring to the void, i asked her what was wrong? She said i went this morning to the hospital to get an abortion...
i was angry, frustrated but at the same time speechless.
You dont go to an hospital and do that just like that, u need to get an appointment at least a week prior overthere in order to do so, she prepared this and lied to me once again but that time she went way to far. That was my limit, then i packed all my things and leave her for good.
i can understand is the woman who has the last call about pregnancy and this is not about to be pro-choice or not, but come on gime me a break!
after a long research the reason is simple: she hate mens.
During 2010 she again used her child many times to try to manipulate me and i almost get caught again into her web of lies,and of course she come up with stories about new medical conditions she says she have and how much shes suffering, obviously looking for pitty, fill her ego, etc.
Yes it is hell on earth living or getting involved with someone whos has BPD, i had to leave my job in order to go away from there, i entered in a huge depressing state, losted weight and life seemed to be just a huge pile of s***** just because i decided to take a joy ride in the rollercoaster of her life and it took me half of 2011 to recover my life back, now i can speak freely about this and share my story in order to warn others who may be thiking “she will change, i can handle this” etc.
You can't, you better run while you can, you can't help a person who cannot or are not willing to take responsability for their actions cause in their heads at the end its all your fault not their.
Now im dating normally again, nothing serious and is great to be back on game.
Just do not ignore the red flags and trust in your brain not in your d*** and you will be fine.
