Journey of a 28 y/o porn addict back to life

[Throttle]

Have you considered breaking the link between porn and self-stimulation?

After a week's build up you shouldn't need any visual stimulation--heck, any stimulation at all at your age. Rather than trying go totally self-celibate, here's a thought. Set yourself a reasonable schedule of self-healing (the frequency I leave to you to determine, somewhere between once a day and once a week), and get a partner to help keep you away from the porn. I don't mean a sex partner, I mean someone you can trust. You can put software on your computer that will notify that person if you slip again. But you definitely need someone you can fully trust for that to work.

Honestly, I can't imagine that cold turkey is going to work for you. You gotta break this connection between sexuality and porn. I've never understood the obsession on this board with trying to raise T levels by going cold turkey on the meat beating.

 

[ka_mate]

Honestly, I can't imagine that cold turkey is going to work for you. You gotta break this connection between sexuality and porn. I've never understood the obsession on this board with trying to raise T levels by going cold turkey on the meat beating.

Yeah, I agree that testosterone levels do not increase when you don't look at porn (and the link I posted has a webpage on the site that addresses this and confirms that 'no porn does not result in higher testosterone levels').

The advice I'm giving here is based on my personal experience and not what I've heard on the grapevine.

Going cold turkey on porn may not raise your testosterone (T) levels; however, I believe there is a vital psychological change that happens when you do not masturbate to porn and this improves your success with women.

For me, when I was looking at porn, I was consciously and subconsciously planning my next 'jack off' session. Where/when/what would I look at etc.

When I gave that up, my focus shifted from "What porn will I masturbate to tonight?" to rather "How can I become sexually attractive enough to attract women?". THIS WAS A TURNING POINT.

Suddenly, it became easier to think of my next move with women because I'd be thinking about it throughout the day. When I moved my focus from the virtual world of porn women to the real world women. My mind provided answers to question

"Should I ask her out?"
"When should I kiss close, how will I go about it? should I try for more?"
"What should we do on the date?"
"How am I going to establish kino?"

An example

Imagine that on this particular Tuesday you are going on a first date with a girl. Now imagine two separate scenarios

1 That the night before you broke your 'no porn' rule and masturbated to a type of porn that you don't usually watch. You immediately regret it and wake up feeling disgusted with yourself and ashamed of your sex drive and vow never to let your lust control you and wind you up in such a bad place.

2 You don't look at porn the night before and are currently on a 50 day porn/masturbation free streak. You are looking forward to the chance and excitement of sexual contact with a girl and are feeling quite horny (in that good, exciting way that we know and love)

In which scenario are you more likely to establish kino on this date?

The night progresses and you pull your car up at her place. This is the proverbial 'It'. The make or break moment. This is the moment where you either kiss her and drive home feeling like a boss and an absolute champion. Or you drive home mentally kicking yourself on letting her slip through your fingers without a kiss.

IN WHICH SITUATION 1 OR 2 ARE YOU MORE LIKELY TO HAVE THE BALLS TO KISS HER???





Breaking the link between sexuality and porn

Throttle, he is breaking the connection between sexuality and porn. By not masturbating looking at porn the connection is being weakened as time progresses. Furthermore, I have found that if I don't masturbate it breaks that established link between sexual satisfaction and masturbation. My brain knows that the only way I'm getting an orgasm is if I can seduce a girl so that she gives it to me.

(as for the cold turkey thing, I am 160 days cold turkey without porn and yesterday I fingered and made out with a girl who was completely naked. So, you tell me whether you reckon it's helping me out here)

 

[PornAddictedLoser]

I don't know how you can manage it to be perfectly frank ka_mate. By the 8th-9th day I am pretty much ready to **** a chair and I literally can't fall asleep. It's detrimental to me as a person. I haven't watched a single bit of porn at least but the whole masturbation thing is way too much. I can't contain it and women get turned off by it when all I can think of is to get their panties off and squeeze my head into her chest.

At the moment I feel I have found a nice spot to be at. I am much more outgoing and I guess congruent is a nice word to describe how I feel about my self. I get turned on by women a lot in real life and I literally wanna **** every woman with decent physique. I got one girl now on saturday I wanna meet up but since I was so over the top horny from not masturbating I couldn't think straight and I probably blew it (the girl not the load).

Today
I got this wierd thing. During days I got great confidence and I have no trouble talking with people. At night however I got this mental block that kicks in. Tonight I was psyching myself up for going out alone to pick up some chicks in the pub.

I had the fear and panic under control, went outside and walked towards the place. Then suddenly a huge gust of wind blew from behind and pulled my hair and ripped my hairdo apart. I got pretty long hair about 20 cm or so. The confidence that was hanging by a thread was blown away together with the wind and I literally couldn't continue walking. I had to walk back home because I got panicced.

It's not a confidence issue, it's more of a mental belief I have that I will be the least attractive guy and that i don't deserve to get any women. I'm going to try to break this by going out every week consistently and not drinking anything and talking to some girls. If it takes me a week just to get to the night club then so be it. Just going outside is the start of a new habit and a turning point.

I might add in I've been talking with girls online a bit just to get a little feel for things. My personality online is very similar to who I am as a person in real life so I figure it is at least decent practice.

 

[PornAddictedLoser]

28th of febuary 2012

Nearly got laid today. I was in the same bed as the woman and she didn't wanna do it because I called her up after meeting her a while back. She felt distant to the sexual things but wanted to talk and cuddle. She felt it felt very cheap to just be called up for sex and time and time again said it wasn't because she wasn't turned on by me, just that she didn't wanna do it the first time we met.

Down to spanking the monkey once a week, it seem to be the magic number to keep my energy up but not getting chair-**** horny.

 

[PornAddictedLoser]

7th March

It's been about a month since I started doing this and the last week I have been trying to get my mind wrapped around how I should continue. Obviously it doesn't work for me to go entirely not without doing it because the rest of my life suffer too much from the extreme horniness.

I believe it's always best to have regular points where you look back at what have happened. This was me a month ago.

Yes, my life is bloody awful. A normal day for me starts with me getting up exhausted from 4 hours of sleep and dirnk about 2-3 cups of cofee. I go to the university with chest pain and is capable of perhaps one or two lectures before I have to go home to sleep for another four hours.

Sometimes I force myself to the gym to have a 15 minute workout before I am dead tired and go home to jerk off then go to sleep. At nights I play video games and watch movies and get anxiety attacks because I'm 28 and have never had a real relationship. At about 4-5 am I eat my daily meal and go to sleep for 4 hours.

Most of the things are getting better, I have managed two of my three goals sofar. I have failed on my first goal of not masturbating for ten days. But it has stilled given me valuable insight. That's the good part. I have met up with a girl and ended up in her bed at least. I have been more social with people in my vicinity and have slowly started to change my identity. I feel more positive and I do my best to stop judging people.

The bad part is that I am still ruled by my emotions. I only improve when I feel like it and that's bad. I also haven't been training the last two weeks because I have been sick and an exam period joining together with little sleep. Once this is over things can get back to normal again.


Updated goals

• Stop acting on emotions and put in the work even if I don't feel like it.
• Train 4 times a week (not changed), bulk up
• Go out 4 nights a week starting next week (more defined goal) - I will do this on four determined days. Thuesday, thursday, friday, saturday. I will do this if I have no other things in life which is mandatory to attend.
• Build up my social circle at university by being more social and outgoing.
• Make sure these changes are for ME and not to impress OTHERS.
• Adopt a more positive outlook and not seek validation from other people
• Not masturbate to porn
• Not drinking alcohol - At all! Hard line.

The reason I am not starting 4 nights this week is because i have exams and I cannot afford to invest the time in that. This week I will go out friday and saturday as well as meeting up with a chick tomorrow.

 

[Colossus]

Yeah, I agree that testosterone levels do not increase when you don't look at porn (and the link I posted has a webpage on the site that addresses this and confirms that 'no porn does not result in higher testosterone levels').

The advice I'm giving here is based on my personal experience and not what I've heard on the grapevine.

Going cold turkey on porn may not raise your testosterone (T) levels; however, I believe there is a vital psychological change that happens when you do not masturbate to porn and this improves your success with women.

For me, when I was looking at porn, I was consciously and subconsciously planning my next 'jack off' session. Where/when/what would I look at etc.

When I gave that up, my focus shifted from "What porn will I masturbate to tonight?" to rather "How can I become sexually attractive enough to attract women?". THIS WAS A TURNING POINT.

Suddenly, it became easier to think of my next move with women because I'd be thinking about it throughout the day. When I moved my focus from the virtual world of porn women to the real world women. My mind provided answers to question

"Should I ask her out?"
"When should I kiss close, how will I go about it? should I try for more?"
"What should we do on the date?"
"How am I going to establish kino?"

An example

Imagine that on this particular Tuesday you are going on a first date with a girl. Now imagine two separate scenarios

1 That the night before you broke your 'no porn' rule and masturbated to a type of porn that you don't usually watch. You immediately regret it and wake up feeling disgusted with yourself and ashamed of your sex drive and vow never to let your lust control you and wind you up in such a bad place.

2 You don't look at porn the night before and are currently on a 50 day porn/masturbation free streak. You are looking forward to the chance and excitement of sexual contact with a girl and are feeling quite horny (in that good, exciting way that we know and love)

In which scenario are you more likely to establish kino on this date?

The night progresses and you pull your car up at her place. This is the proverbial 'It'. The make or break moment. This is the moment where you either kiss her and drive home feeling like a boss and an absolute champion. Or you drive home mentally kicking yourself on letting her slip through your fingers without a kiss.

IN WHICH SITUATION 1 OR 2 ARE YOU MORE LIKELY TO HAVE THE BALLS TO KISS HER???





Breaking the link between sexuality and porn

Throttle, he is breaking the connection between sexuality and porn. By not masturbating looking at porn the connection is being weakened as time progresses. Furthermore, I have found that if I don't masturbate it breaks that established link between sexual satisfaction and masturbation. My brain knows that the only way I'm getting an orgasm is if I can seduce a girl so that she gives it to me.

(as for the cold turkey thing, I am 160 days cold turkey without porn and yesterday I fingered and made out with a girl who was completely naked. So, you tell me whether you reckon it's helping me out here)

This is actually a great post.

I read though this thread because I am also a recovering porn addict. With me it was a little different; I always had some measure of success with women since 19 or 20, but porn has been a constant in my life since well before then. It wasn't so much the quantity of porn I watched, or the content of it, but my BEHAVIOR with regards to porn. I was compulsive. Obsessed at times. I went back and fourth in my mind for years thinking I was a 'normal' guy and someone with a psychological addiction problem. And to some extent, I was both.

I have abstained for periods of no longer than two months before on my own willpower, and was really impressed with myself. I learned that it takes TIME to rewire those connections you have built up in your brain for years and years. A few months back I got out a sheet a paper and signed an agreement, with myself. I agreed not to use porn in anyway whatsoever from that day forward, signed it, and put it in my Bible. So far, so good. If I break that agreement I am only dishonoring myself.

Masturbation has never been a huge problem for me, and these days I do it maybe once a week. It feels weird as a 30-year old man to talk about masturbation, but hey we all do it. I have a gf and we have sex 1-2 x a week. Frankly I am totally satisfied. I dont think masturbation is inherently bad, just a release when you really need it. Too much is not good. And porn, well I KNOW that is not good. The connection has to be broken, and it's working, for me. Do I still have the urge at times? Occasionally. I have to fight through it, do something else, or have sex. I NEVER jerk to porn, let alone watch it anymore. I dont jerk to ANY visuals.

Now, I should confess I do look at nudes, as in non-pornographic nude photography, at times. Is this good for me? I think it's a grey area. FOR ME, It hasn't led to porn. I don't jack to it. I look in moderation. BUT---I can see how I may be replacing one addiction with another, even though it's not debasing to women or harmful psychologically in the way porn is. There IS a difference between art--a beautiful naked women portrayed in a respectful way--and porn. BUT, it can be a fine line, especially for a recovering porn addict. So I'm not saying to follow my example here, this is just my story.


Keep up the good work though, PAL. It takes balls to admit you have a problem and you are willing to pull up your boots and grind through it.

 

[Groovy]

double post.

 

[Groovy]

I think you can make it! But only if you really want it.

 

[PornAddictedLoser]

This is actually a great post.

Thanks a lot mate, your post sums up how I feel as well. No porn whatsoever since feb but I do jerk from time to time now because otherwise I can't concentrate on anything except sex.

I appreciate it Groovy, I do want this. I want it badly.


Today 8th of march - Dating hell

Was on my first date in like half a year. Scratch that, I don't like the word date, I met up with a girl one on one. These last weeks I've been feeling pretty confident in myself. Even joked with female strangers but only with my friends present.

I don't even know what the hell I was thinking. For some reason I was very nervous. It started off well with me hugging her but there was some silences in between. I didn't know how I should keep my body, I kept moving too much and I couldn't relax. I got some nice stories off but and she was laughing a lot.

My usual attitude was gone, I usually don't care that much but now i did. I cared what other people thought about me and I cared if she would like me or not.

On the plus side I went there, I actually had a date and I did my best. I learnt from it even if I feel bad about how it went.

Note to self

• Don't be in your own head. Block that out.
• There are plenty of more girls out there. If she likes me or not is irrelevant
• Have fun ffs

 

[Atom Smasher]

OP,
Why not consider changing your screen name? You are identifying yourself as that which you are trying to escape.

Stop calling yourself an addicted loser. Why not select a name that implies imminent victory?

 

[PornAddictedLoser]

There's actually a reason for having this username. A more positive username could be very beneficial as well but I chose this because I want to admit that this is who I currently am or was in february.

Reading the username in black and white awaken a feeling of disgust inside me. This disgust about this behavior motivate me to change. Everytime I log in I get more motivated because there is no escape, I cannot fall back into the pathetic existance I left. I also want to remember myself from where I came, when I do make progress I stop associating myself to this username.

I hope it makes any sense. It works a little bit like someone calling themselves "IPorkFatChicks" who is disgusted by the kind of girls he's getting. Everytime he reads his username he is motivated to change.

 

[Atom Smasher]

I fully understand your logic. Good luck in your quest.

 

[Groovy]

For some reason I was very nervous. It started off well with me hugging her but there was some silences in between. I didn't know how I should keep my body, I kept moving too much and I couldn't relax. I got some nice stories off but and she was laughing a lot.

You got her laughing a lot, great man! That's inspirational. What I think isn't super cool is you DON'T KNOW THE REASON YOU WERE NERVOUS! Sometimes it helps to know the cause so you can solve the problem by it's root! And, it can happen that the reason is right under everyone's noses! But I am glad to read this none the less. Good for you bro! Excellent!!

 

[PornAddictedLoser]

Figured you might Atom Smasher.

You got her laughing a lot, great man! That's inspirational. What I think isn't super cool is you DON'T KNOW THE REASON YOU WERE NERVOUS! Sometimes it helps to know the cause so you can solve the problem by it's root! And, it can happen that the reason is right under everyone's noses! But I am glad to read this none the less. Good for you bro! Excellent!!

Haha, that's one way of looking at it, maybe I'm too hard on myself. I went to the gym and thought about the day. I think it was the fact it was my first "date" in such a long time. I had no clue on how to act. Should have just been myself. In this case I think it's just practice and not caring about what people think

Sent her an SMS about five hours after we met up "Hey, was fun to meet up with you. You seem like a cool girl. Would be fun to meet up another time. Take care PornAddictedLoser". No response so far. But I truly do not care.

Thanks mate, how is your life going? You doing anything similar?


8th march evening - Failed party

I figured I'd break my goals and still go out this day even though I was supposed to start thursdays next week. I live in a appartment complex with parties sometimes happening. I knew the host of the party a little so I figured it was ok for me to come since he has said it was ok.

I went there and introduced myself to the people there (like 3-4 people). They said hi, I commented on the music which they seemed to enjoy a lot, I liked a similar band in the genre. Then they went back to themselves and I got left out and there were really no opening in the convo to get back in.

I went home and slapped myself in the face. Go back you pathetic loser. As I got closer to the party I got knees shaking scared. And I just couldn't get anything else than a hi out of my mouth. I went home again after saying hi to a few people.

Then I said **** it, I can't waste this entire evening and I went to the gym. I had to box myself through loads of girls just to get outside and they said hi and all to me and I exchanged some words while I was walking. Halfway to the gym I nearly pounded myself in the face for not staying and talking to them.

I just got a big problem to be all by myself and everyone knowing each other. It's such a disadvantage. Why would they want to add another person to the group if they allready are having fun? I got so little to offer them, no friends, no social value, etc. I get scared doing it all by myself.

I hope the party tomorrow will be better. I am properly invited and know a few of the people there so I got a hook inside the party at least.

 

[PornAddictedLoser]

Party 9th march - What the **** did just happen?

Seems like my "hard line" on alcohol didn't really last all that long. People called in favors and I ended up actually drinking a bit because of the preparty.

So anyway. Things are going amazing. I'm having a great time at the party with my friends. I get people talking, mingle and I'm seriously in the zone. I feel ****ing amazing and people just enjoy being around me. I feel like more me than I've ever been.

So there were this girl at the party. Sweet girl and she had about 4 guys talking to her. Somehow she shows me interest, probably because I'm having such a good time. I talk to her. Some other dude comes and breaks our connection. I salvage the situation by introducing myself ot him and starting to talk to him breaking their connection.

I bring the girl back to my place for a drink. We talk for a while. My buddies interrupts me twice and a third guy tries to **** block me by getting the girl away from me. She waves him away and we insist he goes.

She just left my appartment after having sex. I don't ****ing know what happened.

 

[PornAddictedLoser]

12th march 2012

I thought I had a little problem with my **** because I was drunk but I tried to have sex while sober as well and I got this anxiety about performing and my **** goes semi soft. It's never been a problem before. It's wierd since this chick trains 3 times a week and got a better body than any of the girls I've ever had before. I get seriously ****ing horny but in the middle of it I get stuck in my own head and can't concentrate.

It has been strange. I feel drained from the experience, all the cuddling, kissing and stuff like that. Not as outgoing as I was a few days ago. I think I've uncovered a hidden problem I haven't dealt with before and now it comes out of the open and shatter my confidence. Well every failure is a stone to my bridge to across the river of unhappiness to the land of success.

Im not sure if the problem is I don't feel like I deserve her? Maybe some deep rooted issues which I'm starting to question. Two step forward one backwards. I can do this.

 

[iqqi]

Make sure you take a few days to yourself before you see her again. You just need to recharge, like us introverts need to do after being social. Also, performance anxiety is definitely normal. My boyfriend couldn't get hard the first time I gave it up and I thought maybe it was me? I couldn't believe someone as good looking as him would have any trouble. I even joked with him about it because I can be a forward kind of girl and I didn't want it to be some huge elephant in the room. I'm not sure what kind of mental gymnastics he did, but the next time we had sex, he was definitely hard. And there have been no problems since.

Good luck. And oh, congrats.

 

[Groovy]

Thanks for asking how I am doing bro! Yeah man I am going through the same thing!! I am facing some problems like lack of energy, cold hands, difficulty concentrating so I am seeing myself forced to abstain, a la Buddhist monk style. Sucks but it's necessary. Damn I have lots of health problems. I even messaged a traditional chinese medicine doc to give me a hand. THEY, TO MY KNOWLEDGE, ARE THE ONLY ONES THAT CAN UNDERSTAND MASTURBATION IN EXCESS CAN BE HARMFUL. It was fun, I told the bro some of my health problems and he asked me a bunch of strange ass questions and asked me if I had been excessively masturbating. He's super friendly too. Anyway abstaining it's seriously getting tough man!! Like a stone in my shoe and I have to climb mount everest. I have more energy every day and starting to get real horny. I gotta hold on just for a while longer.

Sorry to hear about your hot\cold thing. One day you're on fire, the other day you're a bit down. That's always a funny situation. Also, sucks you weren't able to get it up! But if you can still save this you're the man bro! You should take a page out of my book and go to a TCM doctor. Even IQQI did it too. I say this ONLY because your health problems have been dragging on for a while, you'll be fine tho. Perhaps if you can keep your momentum up you'll win this once and for all! But still I think you should take my advice.
Here's the website it's for free to talk to them
www.tcmdiscovery.com
Since you believe abstaining can bring your energies up, I thought you would be open to my suggestion. Because TCM is all about energies.

If you don't take my suggestion, it's still cool, I'm enjoying this back and forth to someone who's going through the same thing as I am! It's always cool to talk to ppl, especially friends.

Here's what I feel after abstaining for some time:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HgzGwKwLmgM&ob=av3e