JOURNAL: My Battle With Oneitis

[Kailex]

And Rollo, its funny that you post this, because I was about to put up my newest entry... basically a destruction of anything I've learned.

Your post really hits home because last night was basically the realization of all of this. I definitely need to work on my game and as of today, I am cutting off contact for a few days.

When we started out a while ago, I would DESIGNATE a day for us to go out and no questions asked or delays made, she would say "yes" and we'd meet up. At some point, I've been telling her that we're going to go out, only to be met with a response of "Well, I have to see."

And she never says NO. It just seems like she wants me to wait a few days before she absolutely says YES.

A few things happened last night to help me get to the point that you mentioned earlier, Rollo, about cutting contact.

I think the mix with alcohol and the "no other options" finally caught up to me last night. For some reason, I decided to ask her mid-date to go out on Saturday, to which she answered: I'll let you know, I might be busy.

And I was frustrated and I'm sure it showed. First, because I even asked and second because of the response. But I shrugged it off and let the night continue. I was having a great night up until that point too. She had met a few of my friends that night and I guess I put myself in an imaginary comfort zone, as if we were an LTR already. It's frustrating, because I am mentally destroying myself after last night. For some reason, I not only decided to ask her about Saturday but I also asked about her birthday weekend, even though she responded "maybe" to Saturday. For some reason, I thought she'd be excited at the prospect of spending a day with me for her birthday. But, she said she couldn't tell for sure what day she could because her family might plan something.

And that's when it hit me.

WHAT AM I DOING?

A perfectly good night, started revealing all the cracks in this relationship. At what point did I go from... "Oh, whatever." to... "Why won't she just say YES?"

Yes... she has the full control of the frame, even if it seems like for a minute, I hold it... I'm not. She's in total control of every outcome of this relationship and right now, it's sickening me. I've definitely been going more towards her than her to me, everything has switched and even though I've tried to "disguise" it... it's true. She holds the power over the relationship even though it seems on the outside that I am.

And that's why, even before reading your post, Rollo, I knew that I had to cut back as well. I'm not calling her for a while, but I know she will call me no later than Saturday. And I'll do exactly that, let the message go to voicemail.

I've let myself slip wayyyyyyyy too much with this one. It's very frustrating, because I shouldn't have let it go this far.

And you're right, it's time to spin real plates and not just imagine that I have options. My game was much tighter when there were 3 girls in the mix rather than just the 1. Mai is in the comfort zone of knowing that I'll do anything at anytime with her, no questions asked, no if's, and's or but's.

I did recover from my mental debacle to end the night. I had to go to the bathroom and try to slip out of AFC mode, but I definitely need work on myself and to reframe this.

I have to start back from zero because I definitely DONT have the control in this situation.

Thanks for posting in here, Rollo, because everything you said definitely hit home. I'm cooling it off for a few days and will let her approach me. This frame needs to be reworked. More plates... incoming.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

Women have girlfriends and boyfriends. If you're not banging her, you're her girlfriend.

You bypassed the sexual arousal and physical phase and moved straight into comfort and rapport. You went so far as to presume you had a relationship with her. If you're not banging her, you don't have a relationship.

Familiarity is anti-seductive, never forget that. The definition of 'desperation' for women is knowing a man has no other options for intimacy besides her. Remember, there's nothing more sexy to a woman than a man who other men wish they were and other women want to ƒuck. The minute a woman becomes familiar enough with you to even indirectly estimate that your only sexual option is her, that fantasy is dispelled. And that's indirectly; when you overtly broadcast it to all the world on every station that she's your only option, you just hasten your LJBF rejection because you confirm it for her.

It's really an insult to a woman; to be interested in a guy she thinks other men would like to be and other women would want to ƒuck, only to have him overtly tell her, either directly or by his actions, I'm not really that guy and you were foolish to think I might've been. Remember, women are hypergamous; they only want the best possible candidate to ƒuck and share parental investment with. And until it's confirmed that you're not she has no reason not to think your attention is a commodity.

I predict Mai will LJBF you within the next 2 weeks.

 

[Kailex]

I predict Mai will LJBF you within the next 2 weeks.

The worst part of all of this... is that I wouldn't blame her either if she did.
I'd really love to ask how to reverse this, if at all... but I'm sure I know what the response to that already is and what I should be doing and what I should have done.

It definitely all makes sense to me, maybe a little too late.

Still, like you said, I am cutting contact. I guess I knew this might be inevitable since I made a journal about it in the first place... not sure whether that counts as irony or whether I set myself up for that.

Reading that I am a potential LBJF just really hyper-enhanced the gravity of the situation I've led myself to be in. By shifting her from a lower status plate to a potential LTR, in less than a month, I've managed to rework the entire focus from me and hand it over to her. It's sad, because I thought I was doing better than that, but I was most definitely blinded the past few weeks into thinking that I was in a position of power when I really wasn't.

 

[Diaforetikos]

FvCK!! I'm in the same position as you Kailex. I thought I was in control. I got comfortable. Rollo just made it really clear. What sucks for me is when I told my girl how busy I was, she got super upset and stopped talking to me. I gave in to her immaturity and as Rollo predicted, I will probably LJBF'd in two weeks. I'm cutting down my contact with her and going back down to zero.

I got a lot to work on man. Thanks for posting your progress. It's really helping me out a lot. Can't wait to see how you handle your next steps. Good luck man.

 

[Kailex]

The day was gorgeous. And after sitting at work, reading Rollo's advice and contemplating my own crap... my work shift was over at 1:30.

I decided I'd rediscover my old oneitis: BASKETBALL.

I headed to the nearest store, bought a new basketball and some new Converse high-tops. Ecstatic, I came back home and got dressed to hit the court.

As I finished, I got a call from a buddy from Florida who is coming up to visit NYC this Sunday. I was originally going to turn down meeting up with him in case Mai said she couldn't get together on Saturday (Wow, right, wtf?).

I confirmed to meet up with him and some other buddies on Sunday (fvck it, my life is not going to be put on hold for a woman). Sunday is out. I'm going to NYC, hangin' with the boys and maybe meetin' some ladies.

So I left and headed to the court. I haven't played in ages. Had played only once in about 2 to 3 years, but I used to be a pretty good pass-first point guard in my days in HS/College.

Almost immediately, I met up with some guys that were there and we played a few games. We got to talking (Most of them were 23 - 25) and got a few numbers (Phone close on guys, YEAH!!! j/k) because I told them I was new to the area and looking for some places to meet some women. They said they usually go out on the weekends and that I should come and hang out. Niiiiiiiiiice. I'm going to extend that social network. Fvck it. They weren't going to do anything this weekend it seems, so maybe the following one.

And what I love best about basketball, it always gives me CLARITY. After a few good games, it's like my head is back on straight. Yes, I do go to the gym, but it's not as engrossing for me as basketball.

I took a bit to rethink everything Rollo had said... and he's right, I will be LJBFed in a week or two the way I am going. So, fvck it, I'm not calling her. If she wants to call me, voice mail it is. If she wants to go out, she's coming to my place. If I'm going to be LJBF-ed than I would rather have it while going out in a blaze of glory. I'd rather have it because "I moved too fast" than for "moving too AFC-like".

If she doesn't call this weekend... fvck it, I've got things to do and people to see and new people to meet. If she doesn't respond for Saturday, I'm going to call a friend of mine and go do our own thing and maybe meet some of her friends.

God damnit, basketball makes me feel alive again. Tomorrow I might feel like crap, but who cares.

I feel... ALIVE.

 

[Thatfeel21]

yo man i love reading your posts...your doing well so far

 

[amoka]

Great chronicle. Cut contacts and if she calls and leave voice message, don't return the call immediately. Wait for another call from her. By the way, are you an attorney?

 

[Kailex]

amoka: I'm not an attorney, why do you ask???

03/19/10

Not really an update, but more of a pondering. And yes, I do know that I am overthinking, but this journal is a place for my thoughts.

You see, Mai is most likely to call me tonight around 7-ish (IF she calls at all). My original plan (As Rollo suggested) will be to not pick up the phone, wait a while and then call her back.

As her pattern would lately suggest, she will probably call me to ask what we are going to do tomorrow... that she's free and she'd like to get together (How could I not see earlier that this was her being in control? Just because I asked her to go out, it doesn't mean she is in control.)

Now here's where the overthinking begins... I have 2 options and only TWO options to consider, anything else is a NO-GO.

Option #1: Tell her to come over to my place and that we'll figure out something from there.
Explanation: Escalate. That's it. I'm pushing for the F-Close and that's that. If she doesn't want to go through with it, then she can find someone else to take her out and show her a "fun" time. I've spoken to a few people who are in LTR's, last night, and basically took a poll of when their F-Closes happened. I've yet to find anyone who went past the 6th date without closing. I am on #10. How quickly my perceptions of an LTR are shattered. I tried to think back to my last LTR of 5 years and to be honest, I don't think it went past the 5th date. Even someone REALLY close to me who I thought of as such a sweet and gentile girl... told me that even though she TALKED about taking it slow with her boyfriend, about a month and a half into seeing each other, it went down.

So, conclusion, I'm tired of waiting around. There are many more women out there. There isn't the ONE, there are many ONES. If Mai doesn't want to commit to doing it with me, then I am wasting my time... and sure enough, I will have had my answer right then and there...


Option #2: Call back and tell her that I already have plans for Saturday.
Explanation: It'll show that I won't always be at the whim of her plans and waiting for whenever she decides she is going to tell me that she CAN see me. Screw that. I went from "You are going to come with me on such and such date" to "Well, if you can, let me know"... and to be honest, all of this without even VERBALLY saying it. I just took a difference stance.

Fvck it. Even if I don't have plans, if I chose Option #2, it'd definitely show that she is not my priority and that I have a higher value.


The true question is... which Option should I choose?
I have a day to figure it out... but know the best part... all of this might not even happen. She might not even call... why? Because she might figure: Well Kailex will call because he probably wants to see me so badly.

Well, it's not happening. I'm sticking to Rollo's advice (Which coincidentally, was almost word for word what someone else said to me last night, that was freaky). I'm starting to zero and re-framing this or just moving along altogether. It's all a learning experience right?

Ahhh, which option to choose? Opinions are more than welcome. :cheer:


PS: I am going out next weekend with someone I know. It was a semi-plate I was spinning a few months back. She called me and I got right down to it. She's in Florida on vacation but once she comes back, we're going out.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

I am on #10.

Option #3: NEXT!

10 dates, no sex, an assumed relationship, for 3 months = ONEitis. Scratch that, you should just answer the phone so she can LJBF you and be done with it. Technically you LJBF'd yourself around the middle of February, so her doing it will really just be a formality. Stop wasting your time.

 

[Iceberg]

Option #3: NEXT!

10 dates, no sex, an assumed relationship, for 3 months = ONEitis. Scratch that, you should just answer the phone so she can LJBF you and be done with it. Technically you LJBF'd yourself around the middle of February, so her doing it will really just be a formality. Stop wasting your time.

Kailex is one of my fav posters on this board, but I gotta agree with you here.

10 dates and no sex. That's just being strung along.

I'm about to take a girl on a 4th date, haven't F-closed, and my interest levels dropped after the 3rd date. You get to this point, and it's like "Who does this broad think she is?" I consider myself making a mistake by going on a 4th date. 10 dates would drive me up a wall.

It's not even sex for the sake of sex. But this girl has nothing to lose in this scenario. Kailex is giving up his valuable time, giving her the attention she craves, and she's not putting anything up for grabs. There's no equal exchange going on here. I don't like it.

 

[Kailex]

So based on both responses by two posters whose advice I continue to regard highly...

The conclusion is essentially, a potential LTR should be approached no differently than any other plate spinning situation.

I'm just curious because this board is excellent for dating advice and advice on becoming a better person, but then the lines blur as it goes into LTR territory. I'm a bit foggy on whether it changes somewhat or not because of the nature of the beast...

But after seeing Rollo's posts in here, it seems like the fundamentals don't change. There needs to be a sexual investment in order for there to be anything worth having in the future.

Trust me, given my realization in the last two days, I don't like it either. I don't like that I put myself in this position and the "NEXT" seems like the much better option for me.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

For the love of christ, STOP WORRYING ABOUT LTRs!

Before this girl you were wrapped up in a 5 year LTR throughout your 20s - for ƒuck's sake go out and spin some ƒucking plates for once in your life. You don't get those years back KAILEX. They're gone forever and all you can focus on is how to get into the next LTR? Stop being so damn eager to put the handcuffs back on again.

You're uncomfortable with the idea of having to deal with yourself alone, thus you are a serial monogamist. Monogamy is not the goal, it is the last resort.

 

[Kailex]

Point very well taken, Rollo.
And you're right. Plate spinning and going out begins tonight.

You're absolutely-fvckin'-right.

 

[Kailex]

Monogamy is not the goal, it is the last resort.

I just wanted to point out...

This was like a mind grenade, like taking a katana and slashing my brain up. This line tore away a lot of my old perspectives and has definitely restructed my POV on relationships.

Thank you Rollo. You sir, are a cerebral assassin and thanks for waking me up.

 

[amoka]

Kailex, update us: did she contact? did you contact? or is it purely a destroyed mission right now?
By the way, I thought you were an attorney because you mentioned in one of your posts that you had a lot of cases to handle at work.

 

[Kailex]

Sooooooooo, it's been a while... hasn't it?

I've gotten a few emails and PMs about why Kailex hasn't updated this thread... well, it's very simple. After analyzing Rollo's posts and getting some very helpful PMs, I decided to lay low on this thread, but of course, still continue to lay the smackdown on the rest of the community!

You see, Rollo delivered a finishing blow to me with his line about monogamy, BUT, I also received encouragment from some of the members to give Mai a chance... for the sole purpose of seeing what would happen next.

(I'm a guinea pig!)

Rollo predicted an LBJF of one week.

That switched around my whole perspective on the situation, because now, I had a mental deadline. It fvcked and rewired my brain in a way you COULDN'T imagine. It made me NOT care anymore.

And she took notice... and FAST.

I had no contact whatsoever with her during the weekend. She showed up to my place last Monday with some ice cream (peace offering?), wondering why she hadn't heard from me. She wanted to talk... OH BOY.
As soon as that happened... all I could picture was Rollo's advice SCREAMING AT ME.

I was ready for it, and I didn't CARE. I already have 2 more plates in rotation additional to her... but more about that some other time. Let's stay on point!

She said that she knew that she wasn't as open with me as she needed to be with me but that I should know that whenever we are together, she always has a good time (Incomingggggggggggggggg)... and that she had never been able to be herself with anyone like she is with me... (Give me an
"L") and that......... she didn't want to lose that...

Wait...what?

No response from me. Not physically.

She told me that she was worried that I was going to LJBF HER.

Wait..... huh???

She gave me two reasons why she wasn't open to me about certain things and I listened to them. She waited for a response. I gave her none. I told her that time would tell what became of us. I didn't want to jump the gun and say: OMG, YES...

Because...

Monogamy is not the goal, it is the last resort.

(Is that saved anywhere on these forums??? That is SUCH a POWERFUL quote, Rollo.)

I have 2 more plates now, in addition to Mai.
I spent some of the day today with Mai... it was her birthday. But I'm not settling to one person anymore... I am still going to see her but I will also have 2 others to see.

What will happen next, I don't know?

But what I do know is that... sexually... Mai wants it now. I could just tell, but no, not today. I made sure that if it happens, at all, it's on MY terms and not hers. Right now, I have 2 more plates to focus on... a gym to hit, bars to visit and many other things to do...

I appreciate the many pieces of advice that people have given me, specially to Rollo. I know that in your mind, I might be making a mistake by still seeing her instead of "nexting" her... but your last posts set my mind free of all mental chains. She is nothing above anyone else... she is just another female now.

She now has a deadline and I'm imposing it.

 

[Kailex]

So it's been a week since I've updated this.

Have I gone out lately with different people? Yes.
Anything even remotely exciting? No.

But still, plates nonetheless.

I'm actually more excited about my own self-progress. I started hitting the gym since I started this journal. In just a few weeks time, I've lost 13 pounds and have already been feeling better about myself again (I had lost 22 pounds last summer). I've gotten a few comments of "Looking good there!" from people I already know... and sometimes, thats all it takes to keep you motivated.

This week, I hit the gym twice a day everyday. I'm trying to hit my goal for the end of April... by tomorrow. Just a pound away! You gotta love progression! And Im feeling great again. I haven't been at this weight since I was 23.

And ah yes, had something happen to me in the last week.

An ex-plate came back into my life.
She "mysteriously" started texting me again asking how I was and if I wanted to go out. I shrugged and said sure and she suggested a night. Told her I was busy (I wasn't, but screw it, let's see where I can go with this)... she suggested another night (I was supposed to go out with Mai)... and then she asks me when I can actually go... so I said a day and an hour and she said: Perfect.

Yeah... I knew something was up.

So the day before, she texts me to confirm that we are still going out.
I said: Yes, 8 PM tomorrow.
She says: Ok.

Sure enough, the next day at around 12 PM she tells me:
"I hope you don't hate me, but my family's Passover dinner got moved to today because everyone is working tomorrow."

She didn't even say: Let's reschedule.
Or anything to that effect.

I laughed off the message and didn't respond at all. I already SORTA knew this would happen so I had planned with some of my newer friends to go hit a pool hall that night.

Two days later, chick sends me a text asking if I'm mad and that she needs to ask me something.

I wait for about 4 to 5 hours, got busy at work and on SoSuave and text her back with: Oh hey, sorry I was very busy at work! Been soooo swamped! Anyway, what do you need to ask?

She comes back almost immediately with:
"Does your company have any new job openings."

And I laughed. I KNEW something was up. And there it was... clear as day. She made up a "date" to make it seem like she was interested in doing something together and then flaked, making it seem like it could be something I COULDN'T POSSIBLY get mad at.

I texted back:
"I'll look into it."

Of course, I had just gotten an email saying a few positions were opened. Of course, I didn't tell her about those....

It's just hilarious...

And abut my oneitis? We're still seeing each other about once a week. But I guess the lack of posts from me means that I'm definitely not as hung up on her as I used to be... which I shouldn't be, for reasons already stated by various SS members.

I'm just taking it one day at a time.

 

[Kailex]

Another week has gone by, do I even need to do this anymore?

I guess I just have nothing better to do than add my awesome experiences in here. :crackup:

I flaked on Flake Girl yesterday. She insisted we get together last night and I said: I'm not driving anywhere for you, so you better come to my place.

She says it's fine by her.

NIGHT BEFORE, she texts me asking if I can come somewhere else to meet her because she has to run a few errands. I tell her that if she has errands to run, we can just go out some other time... I don't need to be out with someone and having thoughts of being rushed... so she says that she'll just do the errands first and then we can go out...

At this point, I'm totally uninterested but want to teach the Flaker a lesson.
So I say "Sure" and of course the same day at around 12 PM I text her saying that something had come up and that I couldn't make it.

I didn't even apologize.

Now what's really weird is she texted me an hour later saying I was going to miss out on all the fun and excitement.

A question mark popped over my head and upon further analysis, I saw what was going on... she switched the place so she could invite other people to come along with the two of us. That's why she didn't want to come over to my place anymore. I dodged a bullet there, and delivered a flawless flake...

So, upon having a half day at work, I hit the barber shop, get all nice and prepped up and talk to Mai on the phone. She's stuck at work and tells me that I BETTER go out and enjoy the rest of my day... so I oblige, get all dressed up and I hit an oceanside bar two blocks away from my apartment.
Best nachos ever. I had a beer when the nachos arrived when I noticed an HB-7 and an HB-8 right beside me.

To be honest, there was way too much nachos on that plate, so I just looked over to them, said "Hi" and asked if they could help me polish off the plate. So we got into a conversation and I noticed the HB-8 had a low cut shirt and had a scar from a heart surgery from many years ago. Naturally, at some point the conversation came to this and I asked if I could touch the scar. Of course, I didn't say it in a creepy way, but I wanted to see if the kino possibilities were there. She giggled and let me touch her scar. Soon after, she left for the bathroom... by this point, THEY had bought me a few beers. Her friend tells me that she can tell that HB-8 really likes me and I should get her number, to which I answer: No sh!t, Sherlock.

As soon as she comes back, I finish my beer and tell them I'm on my way out but that we should get together again real soon and ask for HB-8's number.

Great way to start the night.

I'll cut down the story a little though. I hit SEVEN bars by myself and got one more number. I wasn't even trying to look for girls to hit on. I just went there and enjoyed a beer and the day.

And then I got a number at 1:30 AM (I started this drinking bar crawl at 4 PM) from a bartender. She wrote it on a piece of paper and slid it over to me. I looked at it and then placed it right underneath my beer.

She asked me if I was going to save the number. I told her that I don't date bartenders. Of course, she was intrigued now... we had been talking some during the evening and by now she knew I used to be one. By now the beer was perspiring and the scribble was all distorted. She removed the paper and threw it away. She then told me that I better jot it down on my phone.

So I pulled out my phone and wrote down her number.

She said she expected to see me soon, to which I promptly said: Not here, you won't.

It was a great night overall. 3 numbers and all I was doing was looking to have fun.

Can't wait for the weekend!!!

 

[vivek59234]

Great post!! a lot to learn from this.... Amazing...

 

[Kailex]

No honor amongst women
04/19/10

Flake Girl and what promises to be the last I'll ever hear from her, well, other than the 10,000 texts she's been sending me asking WHY I did what I did...

Sorry Flakey, but you set yourself up for this... you and your supposed best friend. Funny, because two men never would have done this.

So if you have been following my journal, you will have noticed that lately I have introduced Flake Girl as a character in the story of my life. Why is she important? Because she was my breaking point from being an AFC and turning it abruptly around into an aspiring DJ. I did the AFC mambo into a friendzone with her OVER NIGHT after 8 to 9 months of putting myself into a FZ and then dancing my way out of it... on purpose...

...because I wanted her to see that I was different from every other guy. It all led up to a "date" where we both drank, I brought her back home and proceeded to not even try to bang her...

...because I wanted her to see that I was different from every other guy.

The next day, she LJBFed me and SoSuave had its newest lurker.

So over time, I read articles on self-improvement and improved every aspect of myself and slowly shed the AFC skin that I bore for so long.
I lost weight, almost 30 pounds in a span of a few months.
I let my hair grow and got it styled, I had shaved my head for 16 years.
I took off my piercings, that I had shown off for 10 years.
I shaved off my facial har, and went with my clean cut look, courtesy of the Merker blade.
All these changes and changes in my attitude, led to a different me, the creation of the Kailex personna.

And Flake Girl hadn't seen this yet. She had asked me out twice, and flaked on me. I asked her out once more, just to flake on her on purpose.

And then her birthday happened. A night where all of her friends were to be there and then... me. They all expected to see a defeated Kailex, just the residual ashes after the roasting she had given me some time ago. I showed up, and NO ONE recognized me and the reaction was unanimous. They all loved the new me. I could see the looks I was getting... and I could tell all those months of hard work and reading, were going to pay off... but could I pull it off? Could I be the proverbial phoenix rising from the AFC ashes?

Hell yes.

All of her friends were telling me how good I looked and how much Flakey was digging the new me as I danced with each one... until I grabbed Flakey, twirled her around and planted a kiss right on her lips. I think the world stopped to the sound of a gina tingling. I smiled and she reacted but I didn't let her say a word. I knew she was regretting having flaked on me twice... and then she said it:

"I'm so sorry that I ditched on you twice, but I was afraid to be at the same place alone with you..."

"I know Flakey, that's why I call you Flake Girl on an internet forum..."

(Well, I didn't say all of that, but I did say: I know.)

She ran off, happily entertaining other guests while her best friend approached. In all honesty, Flakey is an HB-7 on her best day. Her BFF is an HB-9. And in the oddest of moves, BFF decided she'd go from trying to hook us up... to trying to break us up, in the span of 2 hours.

She proceeded to tell me about Flakey's current male interest and how she had always said that she never wanted anything with me and that she really had wished I hadn't shown up that night. Her venom was rapid-fire. I smiled it all off, acting surprised. But I really wasn't. One by one, Flakey's friends fired away, stating their case as to why I should take each one to bed. 3 out of 4 did that. Amazing.

Flakey came back, thinking I had to qualify myself to her and began to play hot and cold... until she told me that she was leaving... at 1 AM... REALLY? I didn't say a single thing, and she looked almost disappointed. Ah, poor Flakey, how easy it was for you to drop me quicker than a kid drops a new toy after playing with it only once... and now, you were all over me.

Big mistake. You left your BFF there with me.

Guess who I woke up next to the next day? I knew what was going to transpire, and I was amazed simply because they were ALL so willing to turn on each other THAT quickly, over this new Kailex... all asking themselves how Flakey could just ditch me like that. I knew Pandora's Box had opened and that BFF and Flakey... well, weren't going to be bff's much longer.

That was Saturday night, and the whole time, Flakey has been trying to ask me why I did it, what are my reasons, that her mind is distraught... was this revenge? I haven't replied. Her last jab was that she knew I was an ******* just like every other guy. Finally, a compliment out of her.

No, honey, my revenge was the day you dropped me like a bad habit, the day I found SS and the day I started living well. You see, revenge often involves premeditation. I didn't think any of this was going to happen. I just saw the opportunity that THEY had laid before me and I snatched it.

Do I feel remorse? None at all. They betrayed each other, I was just a mere pawn in this war. Their whole foundation has been rocked and I am sure that they are all pointing fingers at each other... eventually, I will be labeled as the villain, because women NEED a villain that isn't that reflection in the mirror they see every morning as they ever so gently comb their hairs.

I can be the villain, I don't care.
The social experiment was worth it.
And I'll continue to live well.