Joked about breaking up with GF, her response: "Things havent been the same anyway"

[Brolee91]

GF of almost 3 years. we've been slightly distant towards each other over the last 1-2months or so but I didn't really think anything of it. the other day at the store she had some paint on her hand so I joked about her turning into Shrek and joked about breaking up with her because of it, and she said "well things havent been the same for a while anyway".

definitely caught me off guard cause she said it with kind of a smile on her face but I just brushed it off like whatever. anyway that night we were laying in bed and she just looked at me and said "I was serious about earlier....it feels like we've been drifting apart from eachother." I agreed. then she said something like "atleast if we breakup we'll be on good terms and it wont be a bad breakup." and "if we breakup it wouldn't really bother me honestly". then she started telling me she plans on moving to this city and that city someday, and told me about how her and her mom were at a restaurant and had an attractive waiter and that her Mom put her # on a napkin and handed it to the dude but she scratched off her # at the last second.

so I was like yeah cool go for it, and then we had sex. after we had sex I just layed back down on the bed and looked at her and said "damn, that was some good breakup sex."

after I said that she had tears filling her eyes and looked like she was trying really hard not to cry and said "breakup sex? who said anything about a breakup...?'"

so I told her that she basicly said she didn't care if we broke up and that I thought thats what she wanted, and she said "Nooo I was just telling you what was on my mind so we can work through this...". after that she got lovey dovey and clingy.

wtf does all of this mean? i'm extremely confused. and what do I do from here?

 

[AlphaNate]

She's a female. She doesn't know what she wants.

Sounds like she might be ****ing someone else but wants your attention too.

 

[btownbuck2012]

I'm not sure about your gf in this specific situation but I've learned to never use breaking up as a way to prove you can walk away and live without her unless you actually mean it. If you're doing it to try and gauge her interest level or something like that and she calls you're bluff you've in the blink of an eye lost all sorts of frame.

Also, I'm sorry about your situation. I have a friend who's going through something similar. He's been with his girl for 2 and a half years and the other night as they're falling asleep she casually mentions how she's not sure if she wants to start a family with him anymore. The nerve of some of these women is beyond comprehension.

 

[Atom Smasher]

Your relationship is absolutely doomed. You need to do a preemptive strike immediately. Do not wait to become the "dumpee".

There is no other way to handle this. When a girl is talking about breaking up, it's OVER. Women break up with a man months before she verbalizes it. That's why they bounce back so quickly. They do their grieving while still together with the guy.

You will save yourself a world of hurt if you do a preemptive strike. Your relationship is already over. Declare it matter-of-factly and without any kind of deep discussion. You want to take complete control of the situation and have the breakup come steadfastly from YOU. You need to kill her frame.

Any woman who verbalizes that she wouldn't care if you broke up is not worth one iota more of your attention. You deserve better... don't you?

 

[Bible_Belt]

Meh, bunch of silly words out of a woman...there's no point in attaching too much importance.

Obviously, the mom hates you, though. That's what disturbs me the most about the story.

 

[El Payaso]

What happened was you agreed and escalated. She was expecting you to grovel and beg after she agreed to "being serious about breaking up". Your response took her off-guard.

The fact that you didn't look phased by her words (at least on the outside) took her by surprise.

She's acting clingy and lovey-dovey again to draw you back in. It's the male equivalent of when a man gets clingy, needy and desperate when the woman starts drawing away.

I wouldn't say you should breakup but I would definitely say you start hedging your bets with other women and drawing away emotionally from her.

 

[KingBeef]

What happened was you agreed and escalated. She was expecting you to grovel and beg after she agreed to "being serious about breaking up". Your response took her off-guard.

The fact that you didn't look phased by her words (at least on the outside) took her by surprise.

She's acting clingy and lovey-dovey again to draw you back in. It's the male equivalent of when a man gets clingy, needy and desperate when the woman starts drawing away.

I wouldn't say you should breakup but I would definitely say you start hedging your bets with other women and drawing away emotionally from her.

^^ THIS

Basically you agreed to the terms of your break-up AND kept your power. It backfired on her.... GOOD JOB.

 

[ubercat]

The relationship is dying anyway pull the plug. Your comment wasn't accidental you already know. Start making arrangements for the single life you will need
And start hitting the gym it will help with the breakup stress and get the bait in shape for whenever you feel ready again.

 

[AlphaNate]

Yeah yeah, good job and all, but @Atom Smasher is right. Girls won't even joke about a break-up unless they've already dumped you mentally.

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

Meh, bunch of silly words out of a woman...there's no point in attaching too much importance.

Obviously, the mom hates you, though. That's what disturbs me the most about the story.

Yeah I noticed that too, dafuq you do OP?

so I was like yeah cool go for it, and then we had sex. after we had sex I just layed back down on the bed and looked at her and said "damn, that was some good breakup sex."

after I said that she had tears filling her eyes and looked like she was trying really hard not to cry and said "breakup sex? who said anything about a breakup...?'"

Savage af dude, I'm gonna use this someday haha.

 

[sports0705]

Honestly, I don't know if there is enough info from the story to know her intentions. However, it doesn't look good. I agree with the other comments that her response was due to how you handled it. If you started begging, I think you may have had your answer already. But you flipped it on her and she didn't know how to respond.

Obviously, the mom hates you, though. That's what disturbs me the most about the story.

Exactly! And you will know best about her relationship with her mom, but ask yourself this: Is her mom the kind of person that would even MENTION something like that to her daughter if she knew her daughter was happy with you? I know plenty of mother/daughter relationships where the mom would be the type to never say a word about other guys if she thought her daughter was happy, but once she would find out there was trouble in paradise, the floodgates of suggestions of potential guys for her flows open. That describes my mom and sister exactly. If your g/f and her mom are similar, well, you get my point.

And possibly an even bigger question: Why would your girlfriend tell you this? That scenario obviously stuck with her. Otherwise it would have just rolled off her mind and she would have forgot about it.

It's very possible she is just nervous that something has changed and it was literally just a cry for help. So this is my suggestion: If you really want to stay with her (think about that long and hard), figure out for yourself what you think may have "changed", or why she may be unhappy. Once you think you figured it out, decide if you even want to go through what it would take to "fix" that. Keeping in mind that there may be some other aspects to this story that could hurt to find out.

 

[dude99]

GF of almost 3 years. we've been slightly distant towards each other over the last 1-2months or so but I didn't really think anything of it. the other day at the store she had some paint on her hand so I joked about her turning into Shrek and joked about breaking up with her because of it, and she said "well things havent been the same for a while anyway".

definitely caught me off guard cause she said it with kind of a smile on her face but I just brushed it off like whatever. anyway that night we were laying in bed and she just looked at me and said "I was serious about earlier....it feels like we've been drifting apart from eachother." I agreed. then she said something like "atleast if we breakup we'll be on good terms and it wont be a bad breakup." and "if we breakup it wouldn't really bother me honestly". then she started telling me she plans on moving to this city and that city someday, and told me about how her and her mom were at a restaurant and had an attractive waiter and that her Mom put her # on a napkin and handed it to the dude but she scratched off her # at the last second.

so I was like yeah cool go for it, and then we had sex. after we had sex I just layed back down on the bed and looked at her and said "damn, that was some good breakup sex."

after I said that she had tears filling her eyes and looked like she was trying really hard not to cry and said "breakup sex? who said anything about a breakup...?'"

so I told her that she basicly said she didn't care if we broke up and that I thought thats what she wanted, and she said "Nooo I was just telling you what was on my mind so we can work through this...". after that she got lovey dovey and clingy.

wtf does all of this mean? i'm extremely confused. and what do I do from here?

It means she is a chick and she doesn't know what she wants from one moment to the next. She was being all dramatic and looking for a reaction from you to see if she could get you going, and you turned the tables on her and made $#/t get real and scared her because she expected you to be beta and not want to break up. When you showed her you were willing to walk she realized she had a man.

Aka she gave you a shiii test. You blew her shiiit test out of the water.

 

[ZLin]

GF of almost 3 years. we've been slightly distant towards each other over the last 1-2months or so but I didn't really think anything of it. the other day at the store she had some paint on her hand so I joked about her turning into Shrek and joked about breaking up with her because of it, and she said "well things havent been the same for a while anyway".

definitely caught me off guard cause she said it with kind of a smile on her face but I just brushed it off like whatever. anyway that night we were laying in bed and she just looked at me and said "I was serious about earlier....it feels like we've been drifting apart from eachother." I agreed. then she said something like "atleast if we breakup we'll be on good terms and it wont be a bad breakup." and "if we breakup it wouldn't really bother me honestly". then she started telling me she plans on moving to this city and that city someday, and told me about how her and her mom were at a restaurant and had an attractive waiter and that her Mom put her # on a napkin and handed it to the dude but she scratched off her # at the last second.

so I was like yeah cool go for it, and then we had sex. after we had sex I just layed back down on the bed and looked at her and said "damn, that was some good breakup sex."

after I said that she had tears filling her eyes and looked like she was trying really hard not to cry and said "breakup sex? who said anything about a breakup...?'"

so I told her that she basicly said she didn't care if we broke up and that I thought thats what she wanted, and she said "Nooo I was just telling you what was on my mind so we can work through this...". after that she got lovey dovey and clingy.

wtf does all of this mean? i'm extremely confused. and what do I do from here?

Hey Brolee

Women have different ways of trying to communicate how they have been feeling about the relationship. They communicate from what they feel in the moment and more often than not, they don't know why they are acting the way they do (it's just how they feel based on what has been going on in the relationship).

I recommend to not take what your woman say by word but what's behind the way she acts.

You obviously handled it fine by "not trying to cage her" and become insecure of what she told you.

Hopefully you realize all of this after what happened when you've had sex and she's all lovey dovey.

Next time, you can try to be curious about the way she's acting when she says things like that - (this example, she's showing that she was concerned about your relationship together - and if you actually would fight for it or show that you want the relationship to work)

Anyway, hope it helps!

 

[Alvafe]

yeah the girl was afraid after he pass with flying colors her sh!t test, but I always keep one little thing in mind when I deal with people, any joke used have a little truth behind it, people do its a joke to lesser the blow, not to you but against then, its easier you saying its was a joke so you don't need to deal with it later as the bad guy.

so you really should ask for this, are you really sure your "joke" was not some kind of gut feeling you are getting from her? her mom really don't want her with you, do you know the reason?
not always a parent will like the person his kid choose, but you can bet one thing, chances are if my parents don't like the girl or would be neutral I would be pretty sure I choose right, parents will do things they think will protect they kids, but in the end is something they just want to keep control moms are the worse offenders on that regard (or you really think the mother in law jokes came from nowhere?).

 

[Atom Smasher]

Yeah yeah, good job and all, but @Atom Smasher is right. Girls won't even joke about a break-up unless they've already dumped you mentally.

Take this to the bank. ^^

 

[Atom Smasher]

You should call her bluff. Preemptive strike. If she comes back begging, in this particular case I would probably at least consider giving her another chance. It would take a lot of crying and begging on her part though.

 

[sazc]

Hmmmm, you could always do some adulting and communicate with her and ask why she feels the way she does, and see if you both want to work on it. In the end it may not work out but, if your goal is marriage with someone eventually, you might consider using your current gf to practice your communication skills on. 3 years is a lot to just toss in the trash without at least seeing if it is fixable.
I'm willing to bet she didn't feel special, feel like you care, feel like you pay attention.

Try asking her what's up.

 

[sazc]

PS she does suck at communicating. She should have told you a long time ago what was bothering her instead of all this sideways passive aggressive BS in an attempt to get you to listen....

 

[wifehunter]

Ghost time

Enjoy it

 

[Reykhel]

Send her a mixed tape.......as a eh joke...........

To confuse her.......a double bluff, if you will.....