JohnChops Smashing Social Anxiety Journal!

[JohnChops]

So I killed it in my other journal and my journey to self improvement. My confidence is through the roof, i have so many new great hobbies, i dont need a woman to be happy, my body is immaculate,body language improved, and I am not dependent anymore.

Thats all fine and dandy but here is what I really need to smash... my social anxiety! It comes and goes in waves but i feel like its here to stay this time but its time to evict this son of a b1tch.

Also I want to get rid of anything that causes my my life to seem negative ill do this by:

1. Ignoring any text, call, or my old oneitis attempt to speak to me. I see her from time to time and she calls/text from time to time and i started to reply :nono: Time to forget that sh1t. Thats numero uno.

2. Turn negative into positive. When I feel a negative thought or stress coming on ill put down whatever im doing and walk away for a bit. OR ill turn a negative though that is in my mind into a possitive, always see that glass half full.

Now heres the plan to snap that social anxiety:

1. STart small, say hi to people everywhere.
2. Conversation with people anywhere
3. Conversations with girls anywhere
(conversations can involve small talk to anything else that goes)
4. Strive to improve peoples days. Do something that makes other people feel good by my doing.
And anything else that I Can toss in here...
Just adding a few...
5. Less ****y more listening and open good conversation. Male girls comfortable around me by being likeable.
6. Add compliments back into my arsenal.
7. ESCALATE. I think this is why I'm about to lose a plate. So time to man up

So its time to finally come full circle to really bring myself out. Im ready to start this bad boy tomorrow. I have some errands to run, plenty of time to talk to people and see where it goes.

The best thing, i feel , is to have no outcome when talking to anyone and be relaxed. I have trouble being relaxed but thatll be gone once this anxiety is.

Lets fvcking get to it.

 

[MikeAndIke]

Looking forward to this! Godspeed!

 

[Jair213]

im on this same goal too bro. working on it now.

4. Strive to improve peoples days. Do something that makes other people feel good by my doing.
And anything else that I Can toss in here...

isnt that AFCish tho? like people could tell your trying to be overly nice or something along those lines and it could be seein as unatractive by the ladys? idk

 

[JohnChops]

im on this same goal too bro. working on it now.



isnt that AFCish tho? like people could tell your trying to be overly nice or something along those lines and it could be seein as unatractive by the ladys? idk

by that i meant helping someone out, from giving them a nice warm smile. By no means do i mean overly nice. And its only AFC is you do it for women and not for yourself.

 

[JohnChops]

5/24/2013

Today was a relaxing day, got to sleep in , go to the gym the usual stuff. Here is where my normal schedule deviated.

1. I had to call up AT&T for an update to one of my services so I casually had a funny conversation with the tech i was speaking with. She was telling me how she was actually happy today, so i simply asked why. Some people don't realize by just asking "Why" and being interested in what other people have to say, you will see how far some people will open up. She went on and on about how her day was awesome because she had no *****y customers calling. I laughed and said "yeah no one likes talking to an *******" and just went from there.

This was over the phone but hey im working on being friendly in all aspects, text, phone, face to face and all.

2. I had random conversations with people at the mall, gym (though i hate talking at the gym) and starbucks (had to meet up with some buddies there chatted up someone that worked there.

So all in all im working to be less and less scared to call and talk to people in general.

Now for a rant lol , i saved it for last.

I just thought of something today, if you listen to what people actually talk about and say about you boy you will end up hating yourself! I know that contridicts what I said above , but im just saying you listen and respond but you take nothing to heart.

For example, one of my plates was telling me about her type of guy and telling me how she has dated all types. She talked about how immaculate her ex boyfriends body was. She showed me a pic , i laugh my ass off. This kid was only 150 lbs with abs..... abs on a skinny kid = boobs on a fat lady IT DOESN't COUNT. She then procedes to tell me what I should work on in the gym.... thats a fvcking no no. Shes like "I love biceps and you should get abs! so i can touch them " ..... what the hell is this?! im at 10% bodyfat and apparently i dont have "Abs" ... yeah okay.

My point being this girl kept saying I have so much to work on, i arleady know this, but the way she put it was "all the hard work you put in the past meant nothing and you look like sh1t. " Thats insane, imagine if i actually listened and took that to heart (it didnt dont let this rant make you think otherwise). Man people will try to bring you down to their levels 24/7, they hate seeing people succeed.

Its sad to say but the only reason i feel like she told me that is because she thinks she fat herself so she wants me to be down on her level, sink to her reality, pft f that. I know what I am and what im worth and how good i look. This girl must be mental.

I was about to post something in the "what girls say and what they actually mean". This girl kept telling me "I'm actually a very honest person, i never lie" she always and will keep telling me this everytime i see her. Any girl who has to justify that she doesn't lie... usually is the worst liar of em all. Why do girls feel the need to lie? insane.

One last thing before i hop off for the night. its along the lines of not listening to others but god damn, trying to live up to peoples expectations is ****ing tiring! I mean my parents and now all my friends want me to make it to med school, and med school..... thats a high bar to reach. Im not saying i cant reach it, i know it can and will but putting that extra stress on my shoudlers by my friends and family; living up to their expectations, makes it worse. I feel like i must study 24/7, which causes stress, which causes nervous twithces, which actually makes me do worse .

Right now i am done. I dont care if my parents or friends want me to be a doctor, f that sh1t. If I wnat to go to med school i will, if i want to do something else THEN I AM GOING TO DO IT. It is your life, you dont have to live up to anyone expectations, except YOURS. The only person you need to be better than is the one you were yesterday.

So recap:
1. Fvck peoples expectations about you, live your life , listen to no ones negative thoughts. If you want to do something, do it. If you dont want to then dont do it. Keep stress low.
2. Stop caring about what women say, one ear and out the other. Watch for red flags. Women are immature little girls who need to be led by the man.
3. Have fun, be lose, stop caring, and be relaxed! Thats where i fall short sometimes because im constantly stressed by what other people think, I JUsT NEED TO STOP. Thats it. Alright im done.

Later.

 

[Purefilth]

http://sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=195923 part1

http://sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=196159 part 2

two threads for you. I would put you as someone who is more advanced than this, but it never hurts to retrain.

Also they could help any lurkers after help on the subject - seemed right to fit them in here.




I'm right beside you on blocking the negatives. I used to worry what people thought of me. but once you realise that their opinion doesn't actually affect you and is therefore utterly irrelevant, you can be at peace and enjoy being yourself.

 

[JohnChops]

http://sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=195923 part1

http://sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=196159 part 2

two threads for you. I would put you as someone who is more advanced than this, but it never hurts to retrain.

Also they could help any lurkers after help on the subject - seemed right to fit them in here.

Those two posts are gold, ive used them before and im going to use them now as well. Thanks.




I'm right beside you on blocking the negatives. I used to worry what people thought of me. but once you realise that their opinion doesn't actually affect you and is therefore utterly irrelevant, you can be at peace and enjoy being yourself.

much appreciated filth . Seriously anything people say or think has 0 effect on you. im already feeling better and at peace

 

[Jair213]

good stuff bro. keep at it

 

[Demonicale]

Great stuff!, class guy .. be keeping an eye on this thread, as i think it's something i'd like to also do.

About the negative people etc ... i stopped watching the news,reading the news,talking politics and religion to anyone because of this.

But you added the fact i should just get up and walk off, maybe i'll try that

 

[JohnChops]

So i've toned down the C and F crap and i can already see people are more receptive to me. I started to open up my mind when conversation and was finding out things about people that i never even knew. Everyone has a story to tell, its just about listening and comparing.

I've also become a lot more relaxed in situations. I simply take a couple deep brethes when i feel worked up or stress about to come on and that seems to work so far. Also hard cardio helps too.

What I really like is that i can actually talk to people now without an inflated ego, its amazing how much you can change in one day. Its just all about keeping it up. So I need to make an effort to do that.

Next time I see my other plate, the one i met in the library at school, i plan to escalate as far as i can. I plan to be that nice guy who is assertive, confident and takes what he wants. Women dont want jerks, jerks just have what women like. Time to make it happen!

 

[JohnChops]

Forgot to update this.

So the past couple of days ive been acting a lot more friendly. Ended up making 3 new friends in my summer class, which is pretty cool . Normally i just go through my classes and tlak to no one so this is a step up. Also I was at the gym the other day and i noticed a new cute girl was working the front desk. So I introduced my self and we had a conversation. Im starting to be able to conversate without relying on C&F for every other line.

All in all, everything is going well. However i drop all my plates so time to start fresh here. Its crazy how you can be blinded by someone and miss all the red flags! Insane. But always a learning experience to be had.

But today i feel like i back tracked. Woke up extremly angry, went to the gym to get rid of my anger. Came home tired and then felt depressed and didnt want to do anything or talk to anyone. Which really sucks because today was supposed to be a good day and my "emotions" got the best of me. Sh1tty. But oh well, its just one day. Ill just let it pass and do something fun tomorrow.

 

[Sandow]

Ya definitely tone it down on the C an F, do not put on a show, you'll just look like a clown. C and F has its place and time, a funny one-liner here and there is fine. Simply the more girls you talk to, the better you'll be. It's as simple as that. There are no secret codes, catch phrases, openers, colognes, etc. It's as simple as talking to as many people as you can and connecting with them.

 

[JohnChops]

Ya definitely tone it down on the C an F, do not put on a show, you'll just look like a clown. C and F has its place and time, a funny one-liner here and there is fine. Simply the more girls you talk to, the better you'll be. It's as simple as that. There are no secret codes, catch phrases, openers, colognes, etc. It's as simple as talking to as many people as you can and connecting with them.

this is exactly what i am starting to realize. I really overdid the C&F it was horrible lol, im glad i toned it down ALOT.

So i realized two things today.
1. no response is the best response.
this is self explanatory.

Now this one . #2, you guys realize talking to women and all that jazz is in our DNA? I was just at the gym and i saw some sexy girl and she gave me a smile. Instead of fear striking me, my testosterone struck first. You get that instinct like you just simply want to go get her, take her, pound her, and whatever.

GEtting "butterflies" or whatever mainstream media calls it now-adays is a bunch of bullsh1t. We are programmed to go get women and whatever the fvck else we want. We go after it. Some guys literally lost this drive. Regaining it would be a valuable assest, the most important one of all.

I didnt talk to her because i hate chatting in the gym but i gave her eye contact and a smile back NEVER look away.

So next time see what strikes first when you see a girl fear or testosterone. If its testosterone you better fvcking run with it and go talk to her (unless you're lifting of course =D). I think it has something to do with a fine line between comfort, realizing that women arent special creatures, and coming to a realization that no magic words will get you in their pants.

Keep it simple. Testosterone. Talk, close, f, done. I am definitely going to have to run with this for sure.

 

[Sandow]

I think the older guys on here have dealt with more bltches, cvnts, and supper entitled girls in general, and this negative memory/emotion is very much still in our heads. You're still young and haven't dealt w/ as many cvnts, but you'll see. If it hasn't already, you'll come across a total bltch (or few) and it'll stick w/ you. Gotta have short memory and persistance in this game.

 

[JohnChops]

I should update this.

Well i realized a few things once i started to read the DJB again. I realized that my oneitis seriously was never attracted to me and it has lifted a huge weight off my shoulders. Just how she never really was receptive to me touching her or anything was a huge red flag i shouldve known but sometimes we let red flags get past us because were blinded by what we think is "the perfect girl".

Went to the club last thursday and had 0 success. Literally all girls were out for a girls night so i just had a good time with my friends is all. Im trying to get some success at clubs but its hit or miss, its still a fun time either way though.

Its been raining here for the past.... er week ish so i cant really hit the beach or anything. IV been stuck inside and cant go sarge really. Also ive been just lazy and relaxing my mind since my summer class just finished. So im trying to get out more. Im making an effort to go out every thursday/friday/saturday night and make this summer epic.

I always have a hobby that i pick up and learn in the summer since i just like to learn. But this summer i think im going to finally come full circle and work on my mind, hence this log. Since my class is done i can donate a good chunk of my time working on my game/innergame/style/body/etc. So its game on.

I started to be social where ever i go now, always starting conversations, joking around, just being an outgoing person and im enjoying that very much so maybe ill get some sarging done unless i chicken out xD but gotta PUSH!

Lastly, my final plate, which i dropped, posted a picture on instagram with my number and under the name in her contacts was "complete *******". I have no idea why, but it gave me a good laugh. I think she thought i ignored her but i pretty much didnt look at my phone for a good 3 weeks since i was to busy studying/going to the gym. My summer class was brutal and i didnt have time to do **** (! chapter a day, 1 test a day) so i pretty much had my phone off the whole time. My freinds knew what i was doing but she didnt so i think thats why she got mad haha. I texted her the day i turned my phone on with no response and then an hour later that picture pops up on instagram so thats done.

time for a fresh start i would say, lets try to find a nice girl this time .

 

[BlackBear]

Hello JohnChopsticks

 

[JohnChops]

Hello JohnChopsticks

interesting banned and yet posting :crazy:

 

[JohnChops]

so im pretty stoked and have been in a great mood lately.

My oneitis NC is going great!

She texted me one night asking me about a song on a cd she gave me a while ago. I didnt respond.

She texted me a couple of hours ago:

Her: So your not gonna respond to me now?
Me: (no response )

I was about to respond then i realize that i gave her enough chances, madea move , nothing. Im not giving into her bs again. Im glad im getting rid of her once and for all.

 

[PackGranpa]

What does JohnChops mean?

 

[JohnChops]

Just a quick update before i head out. NC with oneitis is going well, better than before. Its been a couple weeks, i lost count to be honest.

Went out to a venue last night to see a couple bands, it was a killer show. Ended up moshing and getting really "hardcoreish" . I mention this because it was the first time i went out and didnt drink and had a fvcking blast! Forget alcohol, i mean dirnking 2-3 shots or a beer socially is fine but getting drunk is just lame. You feel like **** the next day, you make an ass of yourself and women dont like a guy falling all over the place. Skip the alcohol, keep composure.

A plate texted me the other day and i found it pretty damn funny, it was a plate i met on campus in the library. It went like this (this was after she said she was busy to both times i asked her to hang out, ive hooked up with her before but something went astray, who knows what)

Her:Hey do you think taking physiology and A and P at the smae time is stupid
Her:hello?
(3pm)Her:JOHNCHOPS?!
(11pm when i got out)Me:Shut up woman, some of us have work. No its not stupid.
Her: Okay good im taking both of them.
Me:Well my semester is already starting to look like **** .
Her: Wait youre taking both of those classes too?!
Me: yes.
Her: omfg we can be BFFS the whole semester!
Me: In your dreams.
Her: youre not nice, im needy today be nice to me (<---- WTF does this even mean lol what idiot would say this)
Me: no response.

She turned into a fvcking nut case apparently.

Enough of that. Ive been being more social, and talking to a bunch of girls, guys, old people, flirting with girls my age etc i think i should up the anti and get the number. Baby steps.... more to come.