Jesus christ, for ****'s sake

[Brighty]

I'm beginning to think that I have some kind of disease, either I'm bipolar or I have social anxiety disorder.... or both. I have so much going for me, yet I feel like I'm completely wasting it. I'm tall (6'4), I have a deep voice (I've gotten more compliments on it than I can remember), I'm good looking, I'm an aspiring film maker that has received credit statewide, I have an amazing sense of humor.... But my brain is ****blocking me. Those who follow my post history have read two separate accounts of where I ended up going out with two of the hottest girls at my high school, but I ended up screwing it up both times. I get inside my head too much and I end up screwing myself over and now I'm genuinely worried that there may be something wrong with me.

The main concern that I have is that I have problems talking to people. Guys I can talk to just fine, but when it comes to talking to girls, I always end up making it awkward. Its like I have a switch that switches whenever I talk to a girl and whenever I talk to a guy. I've noticed that over the past year or so that this kind of awkwardness has increased from just being hot girls to people in general that I feel uncomfortable around/trying to prove something to. This entails me ending up saying things without really thinking them through. Sometimes when I'm nervous I'll end up leaving a word out or switching it with another word, and sometimes I'll mumble a word or it'll come out mispronounced. Or I'll talk about something that makes no ****ing sense. Its ****ing horrible and its embarrassing. It just snowballs too because I just end up getting more anxious in the future around those people so much that I end up avoiding them altogether, or just avoiding talking to them as much as possible. I don't know what it is that makes me do this, the fact that I'm afraid of rejection or what. Honestly, I just had a pretty overtly sexual conversation with a 7.5/10 HB yesterday on facebook and today I avoided making eye contact with her because... honestly, I have no idea. I guess I was worried she'd reject me... despite the conversation we had last night? It seems so stupid now, but thats the story of my life in terms of relationships with girls in high school.

I have no reason to be self conscious. I have no reason to feel inferior... but I do and I can't explain why. I have so many positive things going for me but its like they seem to just vanish when it comes time to interact with a girl that has other guys oggling after her.


As such, I feel like this needs to change before I head off to college. In one of my classes, I'm worried that people will feel sorry for me because I mind my own and hardly socialize in the class (there aren't really a lot of popular people in it, and the popular kids that are - by a crappy coincedence - the only popular kids I'm not friends with) and I'm afraid if I start now they'll push me away. I'm hesitant to open myself up and put myself out there, and this can be applied in the same regard as gaming a girl.

Help. I want to change, I've been trying to change for three years now, but nothings working and I can't help but start to feel discouraged.

 

[Exhumed]

I was there a year ago...I'm no expert but I've made significant progress. Here's what worked for me:

1. Make friends with girls who will accept that you're a bit awkward. If you hang around them for a while you'll probably start to be less awkward with girls and learn how to talk to a girl in general...it would be difficult just to start with cold approaches.

2. Practice speaking LOUDLY and CLEARLY, with a confident tone. Nobody ever asks me to repeat what I say because I speak in that manner, and if I have to ask them to repeat themself more than twice, I call them out on it and make sure THEY look like the idiot, not me

3. When you look at a girl...think about her flaws, put her as the inferior one in your mind.

4. Talk to people. In classes where you can get away with talking a bit, participate in class, and talk to those around you. If you have nothing to say, just talk...it will be awkward at first maybe, but don't let that deter you.

Of course I'm no expert here, but that's what worked for me...I don't think any of you guys would disagree but feel free to correct...

 

[fertileTurtle]

Let yourself fail. It's good for you. Saving face is overrated.

 

[Michele l'Arcangelo]

Do you drink coffee a lot... or other drinks with a lot of caffeine? I start saying random words in the place of other words because I'm always hyped up on caffeine... I stopped.

Also, there's nothing you can do if you care so much of what people think of you. You have to just let go of your ego and say things that come to your mind.

But, you don't HAVE to talk to be confident. You can be like me... let them talk, or just pick up hints to what they are interested in when they're speaking to other people. Talk slowly. Let your mouth catch up to your brain.

If you talk too much, you're most likely saying too many thing that are uninteresting, or you're a very good story teller. If you're choose your words wisely and keep quiet unless you want to talk to someone, you can intrigue people because you are hard to read.

Here's some quotes from Fight Club:

"Hitting bottom isn't a weekend retreat. It's not a goddamn seminar. Stop trying to control everything and just let go! LET GO!"

"People do it everyday, they talk to themselves... they see themselves as they'd like to be, they don't have the courage you have, to just run with it."

"It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything."

 

[Brighty]

Do you drink coffee a lot... or other drinks with a lot of caffeine? I start saying random words in the place of other words because I'm always hyped up on caffeine... I stopped.

Actually... yeah. This past year I've been drinking energy drinks or coffee to start off my day. I'm also prescribed adderoll....

Do you think this may be a side effect of having too much caffeine?

 

[flyingpanda505]

lol, this is no caffein side effect... you have social anxiety around women... you just have to grab ur balls n say **** it and approach some girls... this is the stage i'm @ right now but i still have a long road ahead of me... i'm 18 as well by the way, just started college in sept and realized that i have 2 fix some things about myself in order to score some college pvssy lol...

I dont think you really know what you're talking about. Bright sounds like he may have social anxiety around women, but what you're saying about caffeine is wrong. And I don't think that saying "just grab your balls n say ****" is the solution here.

 

[Demon Wolf]

If you are nervous in a conversation:
1. Slow your breathing, it will slow your heart rate and calm you down.
2. Focus on the conversation and what you and the other person are saying.

Staying calm helps you stay in control.

 

[Brighty]

Brighty here, thanks for the replies so far guys.


And wolf, I've bolded the symptoms that I have from your chart.

Also, I don't think you have got social anxiety. These are the symptoms:

Racing heartbeat. - I'm not sure if its the adderol, but yes.
Excessive sweating. - Yes. My hands sweat a lot too.
Nausea.
Dry mouth and throat.
Involuntary shivering, trembling or muscle twitches. - Sometimes I do have a few muscle twitches and a little trembling. Like, yesterday I was standing next to the girl I'm taking to prom watching a performance and our arms were touching and I could feel myself trembling a bit.
Blushing.
Negative thoughts. - Yeah, not in all social situations, just when I'm uncomfortable or like when I didn't approach a girl, I'll dwell on that.
Panic attacks.
Confusion or feeling "muddled." - Not sure what this one means.
Fear of being watched or observed. - Yeah. I always feel like all eyes are on me in the hallways, maybe its because I'm 6'4, I dunno.
Fear of meeting strangers or making small talk. - Yeah. I always dread making small talk with girls, guys are fine.
Fear of being the centre of attention. - You know, it really depends on what the context is. Like if I'm preforming on stage or giving a speech, I'm fine. But if I suddenly get called on in a class that I feel uncomfortable in (like 2 out of 8 of my classes), then I'd dread that.
Avoiding social situations, including those related to work or school, due to panic and fear.

It's weird because these symptoms have only been around for the past four years or so. They really only surface when I'm at high school. Outside of high school, I have no problem meeting girls and I feel like myself.

 

[thewarrior]

So you're 6'4'' and don't get pu55y on a regular basis? I guess confidence does matter more than height, build, good looks...

 

[Demon Wolf]

Yes, I am a Demon and a very wicked one at that, but for some reason I have these odd tendencies to be nice, but only to people that I think deserve it.

Nervousness will go away with exposure to what is causing nervousness.

 

[Luminescence]

Also, I don't think you have got social anxiety. These are the symptoms:

Racing heartbeat.
Excessive sweating.
Nausea.
Dry mouth and throat.
Involuntary shivering, trembling or muscle twitches.
Blushing.
Negative thoughts.
Panic attacks.
Confusion or feeling "muddled."
Fear of being watched or observed.
Fear of meeting strangers or making small talk.
Fear of being the centre of attention.
Avoiding social situations, including those related to work or school, due to panic and fear.

As you can see, that's far worse, I assume you don't sweat, tremble and have panic attacks?

Lucky that, seeing as you pretty much have to live with that disorder if you have it, and can't really eradicate ALL the symptoms. Also it's most likely that people with social anxiety have been shy from a very very young age.

Sh!t, I've got almost all of these symptoms to varying degrees.

 

[Michele l'Arcangelo]

OMG! I must have every mental illness there is! Depression, when I'm sad... social anxiety, when I have negative thoughts or anxious meeting strangers.

Don't tell people they have disorders if you don't know what you're talking about.

My guess is you seen that word around the forum being thrown around too much.

Anyways...

OP: Cut back on the caffeine... it's obviously making your brain scrambled. Adderall and caffeine aren't a good mixture... you CAN become anxious while taking both, shaking, feeling as though you're dyslexic... but you DO NOT have social anxiety or dyslexia, from what you described.

Do you feel that way when you aren't on your meds and/or caffeine? When you go out or do something before meeting/hanging out, do you drink those energy drinks?

From my experience with Adderall, you should be SUPER concentrated, and possibly even a better conversationalist, due to you picking up on subtle context in a conversation.

Caffeine would make you uppity and, like you described, nervous and throwing out wrong words in place of the words you meant to say. I say this from experience.

Just stop drinking caffeine, it's not even good for you. Especially those energy drinks with massive amount of sugar, you crash harder and longer than the effect even lasts.

Try this out for a week or two and let us know how it goes.

 

[Brighty]

Bump.

 

[Cherokee]

get the f*** off this forum and have some fun, seriously. There is a thing called over analysis and the fact that your probably reading about all these dudes developing their social skills, it ain't doing you any good. Get some hobbies and forget about women for a while. Only when your at one with yourself can you pull like a mofo. Where are your dude mates at? go have some FUN.

 

[coffin]

dude i was diagnosed with a **** load of mental problems couldnt talk to guys or girls was paranoid all the time hated being looked at and so on. i knew i had a problem so i got a job where i was forced to interact with people and that has helped me alot. it started off where i couldnt do it. my boss was gettin on my ass sayin i wasnt friendly enough the other employees thought i was wierd but once i got the balls up to talk and got some confidence up now i can talk to people at work outside or where ever. just force yoursself to talk after a while it wont be a big deal its just hard at the start