Jealousy

[bigmil]

Last night I took this girl I've been with for 3 months out and I was a little upset by something I observed.
We were at this fancy dinner/ wine tasting event thing at the local zoo -- there was this guy handing out promotional items like key chains and free magazines -- he was promoting a magazine about our city. He was sitting at a table with the free junk scattered across it. We walked up and started talking to him because I wanted to see what he was giving away.
I noticed my girl seemed to be friendly to him -- no big deal. But then as we were getting ready to leave she kinda looked back toward him. She then suggested we sit at a nearby table and handout the magazines too. She was a little buzzed and acting goofy. So we sat there and handed out keychains and stuff at the table right next to this guy. She had some light talk with him.
The guy was looking at her like he wanted to fvck her brains out.
I felt a little slighted but maybe Im thinking way off base here.
She showed obvious interest -- either just friendly or attraction-based -- my fear was that she was attracted to him. But maybe she just was being friendly. To me he didn't seem like a threat because he was kinda goofy looking. I talk to girls sometimes when Im with her -- just small talk and stuff.
Is this a test? Should I chill out? How do I know if the girl is really a slut or she's not really into me?
Im a relationship type guy and I look for subtle hints from women as to what's going on in their heads. Need some advice here.

 

[Luis_Rancagua]

Bigmil, let me put it this way. What I hate about certain guys out there is when I'm checking-out their hot looking girlfriends either at a bar, nightclub or even walking down the street. These guys get so jealous that they give me nasty looks as if they want to kill me.

Certainly their girlfriends attract me very sexually. Especially when their wearing tight spandex cloth which displays every beautiful angles and shapes of their curves, asses, and high-ends, etc... Trust me when I say this because I'm certainly going to gaze down at some hot ass.

 

[Bible_Belt]

Kill him with kindness. Jealousy is normal, but it won't get you anywhere. Be his friend, but in a way that dominates the interaction between the three of you, so that his ogling of your girl is not the dominant frame.

Hindsight is 20/20, and it is best to forget about it, but if something like that happens again, don't ever work for somebody for free. He must have been getting paid, why should you do work without pay? Women respect a man who constantly asks, "what's in it for me?"

 

[bigmil]

that was esentially the approach I took -- to be friendly and act as if nothing bothered me. I wasn't upset at him really simply becasue he is a guy and that is normal. I was more concerned about her mindset -- was she just being friendly or was she attracted to this guy? I want to know if my girl is really into me or not or if she is just playing me.
When I saw her enthusiam to talk with this dude it made me think that maybe the attraction level wasn't there for her. Perhaps insecurity on my part.

 

[MightyMate]

Id **** her up. But im just like that. Im jealous as hell and treat girls like my possesion.

 

[JonJack]

that was esentially the approach I took -- to be friendly and act as if nothing bothered me. I wasn't upset at him really simply becasue he is a guy and that is normal. I was more concerned about her mindset -- was she just being friendly or was she attracted to this guy? I want to know if my girl is really into me or not or if she is just playing me.
When I saw her enthusiam to talk with this dude it made me think that maybe the attraction level wasn't there for her. Perhaps insecurity on my part.

Let me ask you a question. If that particular incident with the guy didn't happen, would you be questioning her 'attraction level' in you? I strongly suspect not. And if it is so, why is it that she has to 'do' something with someone else for you to 'think' that there is a problem? It's like she could be treating you like a king but you still won't be satisfied until she does so without having any contact whatsoever with other guys.

 

[Latinoman]

R.E.S.P.E.C.T.

I don't care if a man looks at my girlfriend...as long as he does it in a respectful matter.

Staring, making faces, etc. is very disrespectful. Think about it...would a man stare, made inuendos, etc. the woman of somebody like "Tony Soprano" (to use a name everyone knows) while he is there with her? Or the woman of somebody like John Gatti? HECK NO! Why?
For one of two reasons:

1- Respect

and/or

2- Fear

That brings the second part of the equation. The one that is truly an issue. YOUR girlfriend. Women will find other men attractive. But finding somebody attractive (e.g. look, thought "hmmmm...this guy is good looking", and then go back to business) vs. flirting or trying to pick another man up is the HUGE difference here. One is natural and the other one is DISRESPECTFUL.

And make no mistake about one thing...accepting that behavior from a woman does NOT make you a "confident man". Instead, it makes you a wimp. The kind of wimp that other men feel they can STARE or do SEXUAL INNUENDOS to the women in front of their boyfriends' face.

 

[Latinoman]

One final point...if she does that NOW in FRONT of YOU...imagine what she does when she is drunk with her girlfriends in one of those "girls night out".

 

[speed dawg]

Let me ask you a question. If that particular incident with the guy didn't happen, would you be questioning her 'attraction level' in you? I strongly suspect not. And if it is so, why is it that she has to 'do' something with someone else for you to 'think' that there is a problem? It's like she could be treating you like a king but you still won't be satisfied until she does so without having any contact whatsoever with other guys.

Excellent point...

And Latinoman, I read your post as I was replying to JonJack. It's definitely respect, but ALOT of guys, esp. when drunk, don't respect nada. It's just the way some people are. It's up to the girl to tell them to fukk off, but then again, your girl could be friendly.

To bigmil, I'd say let it fly for now. You've only been with her for 3 months. Set your own boundaries and let her know if she crosses them. Don't get Oneitis. Just observe if the pattern continues...

 

[Kings_royalty]

R.E.S.P.E.C.T.

I don't care if a man looks at my girlfriend...as long as he does it in a respectful matter.

Staring, making faces, etc. is very disrespectful. Think about it...would a man stare, made inuendos, etc. the woman of somebody like "Tony Soprano" (to use a name everyone knows) while he is there with her? Or the woman of somebody like John Gatti? HECK NO! Why?
For one of two reasons:

1- Respect

and/or

2- Fear

That brings the second part of the equation. The one that is truly an issue. YOUR girlfriend. Women will find other men attractive. But finding somebody attractive (e.g. look, thought "hmmmm...this guy is good looking", and then go back to business) vs. flirting or trying to pick another man up is the HUGE difference here. One is natural and the other one is DISRESPECTFUL.

And make no mistake about one thing...accepting that behavior from a woman does NOT make you a "confident man". Instead, it makes you a wimp. The kind of wimp that other men feel they can STARE or do SEXUAL INNUENDOS to the women in front of their boyfriends' face.

I have to agree with Latino on this one, there is no way I would have let this one slide. Come on bro, you actually helped this guy pass out magazines because your girl suggested it? Why would she suggest such a thing anyway, that's the BIG question.

The way I see it, she was flat out flirting with this guy right in front of you, to the point where she wanted to 'help' him do his job instead of spend time with you, ouch. The bad part is you went along with it. Could you 'imagine' what she does when you are NOT around (to quote Latino man)?

You response to her suggestion should of been 'tell you what, you go ahead and help your boyfriend do his job, I’m going to enjoy the rest of the party'. I would of walked around and found a cute little hottie to chat with. She wouldn't have known what to do.

 

[wayword]

To bigmil, I'd say let it fly for now. You've only been with her for 3 months. Set your own boundaries and let her know if she crosses them. Don't get Oneitis. Just observe if the pattern continues...

Lmao...HORRIBLE advice. NEVER let shyt slide. I'd say cut that bych off. She TOTALLY DISSED you on a date that you provided. It doesn't get much worse than that. Don't waste your resources on a slvtty, ingrateful bych. You shouldn't be "jealous," you should be DISGUSTED.

G**damn fellas, is this what men have become now? F'n vaginal tools?

 

[speed dawg]

Lmao...HORRIBLE advice. NEVER let shyt slide. I'd say cut that bych off. She TOTALLY DISSED you on a date that you provided. It doesn't get much worse than that. Don't waste your resources on a slvtty, ingrateful bych. You shouldn't be "jealous," you should be DISGUSTED.

G**damn fellas, is this what men have become now? F'n vaginal tools?

It's difficult to tell what went on, without my being there. You should think before you react. My advice is the safe road. You can always ditch her anytime. If she did diss you, chances are you were acting AFC beforehand.

'tell you what, you go ahead and help your boyfriend do his job, I’m going to enjoy the rest of the party'

That is what you probably should have done. Then you could have observed what she did, and you'd have your answer right there.

My question is, how did this guy have the game to just basically take the b1tch from you? (if that's what happened)

 

[bigmil]

maybe I portaryed the situation to be more extreme than it actually was. I would not classify the interaction between this guy and my girl as "flirting".
that would be a big stretch.

If a girl did that to me (flirted in front of me) I wouldn't hesitate to casually let her know it was unacceptable and move on.

She CAN be a friendly girl and engage in conversations with girls AND guys we might run into inthe course of a night. I think thats normal but as I really don't know how loyal she is yet and due to the fact that we haven't established exclusiveness I look for subtle signs that she might be promiscuous.

I think taking the easy approach is probably the smart move because in time you will know -- it always comes out in the end. Im just not going to allow myself to put too much stock in this one girl.

The RESPECT thing is very true. I think its extremely direpectful for a guy to stare at your girl but bottom line is it's going to happen if your girl is hot and unless you want to cause a scene, go to jail, get beat up or worse hurt someone then you better learn to deal with it tactfully.

I have a tendency to overreact with girls so Id rather just relax and see what happens. I would never allow myself to be disrespected though. I think she wanted to handout the magazines for fun and because she was kinda drunk. She was acting silly. I hung out with her yesterday and had a blast.

I can't truly tell if she is playing me or not -- I don't have anough data yet. If she is then she's gone -- no hesitation. But it would be childish for me to tell her to fvck off at this point without really knowing.

 

[bigmil]

SpeedDawg and JonJack I agree with you guys -- Latinoman I hear you but I don't think the interaction was that blattant to warrant kicking her to the curb.

 

[GirlCrazy]

Never having been a jealous man, the only problem I'd have with that situation is getting stuck doing something stupid that you don't wanna do. I'm not sure I'd ever care for a woman enough to do that. Let her flirt, pass out magazines, act goofy, whatever she wants to do with her time.

I'd say "Have fun, I'm gonna go catch a movie..."

 

[Observer]

More than 40% girls I slept with were in some relationship, some of them were married.
When I asked them why are they cheating they bf or husband, so often among other things their response was 'Because he is so Jealous'.
So, we come to a good question: Are those girls cheating because they bf are Jealous or they are Jealous because they somehow felt they might be cheating them?? Bought is actually true.

We all know how huge turn off is to have a Jealous gf. Shows insecurity and we all know if we behave that way, where are we gonna end up. Low interested. Dumped.

But how to handle Jealousy?
If it is about the way she looked at someone, said something about someone, do not show any kind of Jealousy.
If we debut about what she did, was she flirting or not, we will and up being labelled Jealous.
So, do not debut. Let me repeat, NO DEBUT.
Do not accuse her, do not even show you have a problem with it.
Because we shouldn't have a problem with it at all. Women needs to know if they are attractive and they go out, dress…to feel attractive.

Do not take that feeling away from them and they will love you and respect you.
If you ask most 8 to 10 would she be willing to be in a happy relationship with Mr.Right, but the price to pay is that no man will find them attractive anymore, most of them will say NO.

Women do not wonna give away their attractiveness until they come to some age and stopped seeing themselves as 8-10, but more like 4-8. Than they and up getting married and settled down.
So do not ask 8-10 to give away her attractiveness, because she will feel she wonts to get away, you will be labelled Jealous and she will have her excuse for dumping or cheating you.

But what to do if you have a problem with it?
Sometimes she will accuse you for flirting with some girl and you might say ,’yes, but you have been checking that guy the other night’. Do not do that. NEVER ADMIT you noticed she is flirting, because its like giving her a green light.
But yes, check other girls when she is checking guys, and soon she will stop checking them and focus if you are flirting.
She might be aware of pattern –if she is flirting, you flirt too-.
If she is complaining, accuse her for being Jealous.

But on the other hand, if women you date does something more than just wonting to be seen as attractive, than you need to take an action. And STRIKE HARD!!
They all test our Jealousy level at the beginning. The way we respond tells them if we failed or not. If it is something simple, IGNORE IT.
But if she does something like my ex did at the beginning of our relationship when she was talking with some guy at the party that she just meet for almost 10 min and I saw they were flirting while I was waiting for her, you need to strike, NO DEBUT, just STRIKE HARD.
When she come back I took her hand, brought her to that guy and said to him ,HAVE A FUN, I DONT WONT HER ANY MORE,. And I left.
She was begging me to take her to my car. After that we spent 3 years living together and never ever she gave me the reason to be Jealous.
If I was debut with her she will probably think if you really didn’t like it, why didn’t you do something ... Ah, you are poor guy. Instead, I stood for myself and gain her respect.
So, Bigmil, I think you should have ignored when she just kinda looked back toward him, but when she put it to a bigger level by showed obvious interest, you should have STRIKED HARD.
Good think is that you didn’t debut about it. And yes, it is a test.
She is gonna put you soon in a similar situation.
You just need to know that most of the time you could IGNORE IT, NO DEBUT, but that one big time you will have to STRIKE HARD and do not hesitate, or worse think will come, like her being the one of the girls from beginning of my story that cheat their bf with excuse 'Because he is so Jealous'.

Good luck

OB

 

[Cod3r]

Bigmil, let me put it this way. What I hate about certain guys out there is when I'm checking-out their hot looking girlfriends either at a bar, nightclub or even walking down the street. These guys get so jealous that they give me nasty looks as if they want to kill me.

I fvcking hate that crap, New York City is PRIME for this sort of thing. So much hot ass walking the streets and when I just look for a second the guy wants to fight me... wtf ?? It's like ease off dude, just sneakin a peek !

--
I congratulate the guy that gamed ur girl in front of your face and then made you sit around and help him do his job that only he'd get paid for. That's a mother f*cking pimp... actually that's a PEEEEEE---EEEE---MP ! You should ditch the girl and ask this guy to be your wing... he could teach you some things i'm sure


-Cod3r

 

[bingo_]

Never having been a jealous man, the only problem I'd have with that situation is getting stuck doing something stupid that you don't wanna do. I'm not sure I'd ever care for a woman enough to do that. Let her flirt, pass out magazines, act goofy, whatever she wants to do with her time.

I'd say "Have fun, I'm gonna go catch a movie..."

me too!

 

[DJ4Life]

some of the tips here are too extreme

first of all it's only 3 months, really you are just beginning to know her, the relationship you have is nothing special or serious, so dont take it serious either

second your judgement was biased and compromised becaues the mindset you were in. you were quick to assume that she was flirting or interested in a loser guy that is passing out flyers

third, you were too observant for details, too protective and care too much, which only mean you are too into the girl

what you need to work on is stop being jealous, shes only your gf, but she can still do whatever she wants, feeling jealousy would only strengthen the dominant role your girl has over you

until you two are married, she is not your posession, so stop acting like it

i would never care less if my girl is cheating or flirting, but she would never do it either, beucause she knows if she does i will just dump her, and she can never take it

 

[Juan_Man]

Man, you are living in a dream world if you think that your girl only fantasizes about being with you solely. Jealousy sucks but it's normal. If you never get jealous, then chances are you don't care about your girl enough. Not caring about your girl doesn't allow for an enjoyable relationship. While jealousy is good, it can also be bad. Don't let it control you or affect your normal functioning and try to act as you would when you are more secure. The best way to do this is to realize that every guy with a girlfriend goes through the same thing. Once you realize you aren't alone, you can go about your life more freely.