Jealousy card on a girl

[shiguldo]

So there is this girl that I like and after having a few good dates, I've asked her to be my gf but been turned down indirectly (she played dumb and pretended not to hear or ignored it.)

We still stayed friends and recently she started flirting more by calling me pet names, ask me to be her fake bf to get rid of stalkers, and generally flirt.

She even had me invite her to go out on a day trip with my car but later canceled them.. because she had some PC class to go to during the day. Yet she was the one who offered that day. She counter offered to watch movie after her class though.

Anyways, I was pretty miffed and when she asked me what I've been up to, I mention how I was planning to go do the daytrip with some random friend.

Then she started to taunt me saying "you're such a player", "wouldn't your FRIEND get mad if I watch movies with you?, "goodluck with your hunt for wife"

and gets offline in a hurry.


Obviously I know she wasn't pleased. She often played the jealousy card on me many times by telling me about other guys asking her out etc.

So when I pulled something similar, I feel burned. She then seals the deal by telling me "the drive thing is off gnite" when it already was canceled.

Anyways, just for future reference, I know this may be childish but did I screw up? I'm so bummed either way.

 

[mikeyb]

Screwed up? You just started doing the right thing if you want to avoid being permanently friendzoned. Don't you see that her interest in you is going up because she thinks you have other options? Pull away from her for a while, start seeing other women, and see how she reacts. Based on what you've told me I'm willing to bet her interest level will increase sufficiently for you to start escalating slowly (i.e. in a sexual way) when you resume contact.

 

[pipe007]

lol pat yourself on the shoulder bro, you just missed a severe nutcase here

nothing to feel bad about...
ignore her next time you see her, pretend she doesn't exist..

SHE messed up, and let come to you... only when she realizes you have kicked her out of your life, she will come back to ask you if you still want to go out with her..

and tell her no, because she behaved like a child, but you will think about it, and maybe you will let HER take you for dinner and pay for your movie tickets

 

[Julius_Seizeher]

And NEVER EVER EVER again, in the rest of your life, will you ask a girl to be your gf.

It absolutely HAS to come from her; she HAS to chase you down and drag you into it, it's the only way it works.

 

[UniKKatiL]

Seems like she is playing hard to get. And she also mentions guys asking her out, so she is probably used to guys hitting on her. Therefor your problem is that your too much focused on her so you need to start dating other women, date several women at the same time.. why focus on one? See when you date several women and have other options it raises value in a girls eyes and you don't become 'just another guy hitting on me' type.. You actually become the great catch, because you want her but you don't need her because you can get any other girl and you have so many other options. and you should of never asked her to be your GF, it should come from her. She is the one who should run after you trying to get with you because your the great catch, a great guy and you have many other options, you have women desperately lining up in line to get with you.. So she should give you a good reason to choose her.. But sounds like the opposite in your situation.

 

[Iceberg]

You can't ask a girl to be your girlfriend. That's just not how it works.

Like, what do you say? "We've been dating a while. So how do you feel about being my girlfriend?" You're a man. You operate on logic. What does the title "Girlfriend" mean? Nothing. She can still be your "girlfriend" and dump you. She can still be your "girlfriend" and cheat. The title doesn't benefit you in any way, shape, or form. Women concern themselves with titles because it provides some emotional relief to them.

All you did was put the ball in her court, and put the spotlight on the fact that she's not terribly interested in you. Asking her that says, "I don't know how you feel about me and I'm deeply concerned."

It seems like a minor thing, but every girl that was interested enough in me to be "official", I didnt have to ask for it. If you're ever dating a girl who's giving you mixed signals, date other girls and keep the first one around. Either she'll step up to the plate and give you what you want or she'll disappear and one of your other girls will step up.

 

[shiguldo]

Um, sorry, I miswrote the girlfriend part and a lot of people seem to focus on that part. I didn't literally ask her to be my girl friend. I've lurked in this forum for years so I'm very aware of the importance of keeping the ball in my court as well as avoid AFCish behaviors of putting her on a pedestal.

While we flirted back and forth initially, I tried to take it slow, keeping it light and short. She was bombarding me with questions in the beginning showing that she's at least interested in my background, etc. So with enough interest signs, she also joked that I"m not very aggressive (as in make moves, ask people out) so thats why I had to tell her how I feel to clarify it. Thats usually the part when I can figure out if I can move on to the next step (hence the gf stuff).

Thats why lately when she's been giving me mixed signals of arranging dates but changing her mind, I've sort of enlightened her on my part. I don't plan to put her in the center of my universe and I'm willing to go out with other girls too.

What got me was her attitudes toward me, I'm annoyed at how I couldn't handle it like a DJ when she put me on the spot about being a player, etc.
I tried to treat it lightly but she was really pushing the ante up with the taunts.

I know I could have done better, you guys are definitely more able there.
I was just wondering if I can improve my skill over time/experiences.

Thanks for all the feedbacks and please keep them coming if there's anything more!

 

[shiguldo]

I forgot to add

In response to UniKKatiL's

>Seems like she is playing hard to get. And she also mentions guys asking her out, so she is probably used to guys hitting on her.

Yup, she's done this BS for awhile so this is the first time I use it back on her subtly and it totally blew up on me. (looking from outside)

I just feel that despite what I do, Its slowly just dragging out and she's only giving out mixed signals. Ideally she should be dragging me in, but its really mixed so I'm still looking for ways to increase my skill, any suggestion?

 

[pipe007]

she owns you.


no really, she does.... she should be reeling you in? she already did, you are more in than you want to admit... because you are posting about her.

work on your game, your personal power, your identity, you should be reeling HER in. not the other way around.

she is toying with your mind... she might be interest, but I see interest in screw1ing with you mentally and she probably enjoys it...

if you man up, and play it back to her, you could turn this around

 

[UniKKatiL]

It's about self-respect. You like her, but she keeps sending mixed signals, so it's time to respect yourself and move on, date other girls. If she comes back, don't take her back, let it be a lesson for her. It's her loss. Just forget her.

I just learned today that it's not about being AFC or not, but about self-respect. Being able to walk away, and controlling your emotions and in my opinion, you should walk away in this situation... She knows you like her, but she keeps sending mixed signals.. well **** her.. you're not a chump that is gonna run after her. So Next. And date other girls.

 

[UniKKatiL]

she owns you.


no really, she does.... she should be reeling you in? she already did, you are more in than you want to admit... because you are posting about her.

work on your game, your personal power, your identity, you should be reeling HER in. not the other way around.

she is toying with your mind... she might be interest, but I see interest in screw1ing with you mentally and she probably enjoys it...

if you man up, and play it back to her, you could turn this around

Exactly. Just what I learned today from another post.. self-respect. You want her but you don't need her, so you can walk away. She is trying to control you... Actually she is controlling you or else you wouldn't made a topic about her on SS... Time to man up, respect yourself, and walk away. Date other girls and forget about her, it's her loss... You asked her to be your GF, she sends mixed signals so be a man and walk away... Only a chump would still run after her. She has many options? Well so have you if you date other girls.

A man is only truly a man when he knows how to control his emotions.

 

[yuppaz]

hmmmm.... real simple answer: she wasn't ready yet to be official, at some point that changed (maybe she thought about it some and changed her mind) and she DID want to be. You guys had plans, she had to break them but she countered which is a sign of good interest on her part. She WAS playing games with you by trying to raise her value by making you think she gets hit on a lot. She might or might not be, but the REASON why was because she liked you. So you think you were friend zoned when it reality it was because you moved too fast to want to be BF/GF with her, so you friend zoned yourself and she got tired of all your games (lol not that you were intentionally playing any with her) and got jealous because she thought it was a ride with another girl.

Bro - do yourself a favor, the girl likes you but she's also insecure. Go visit her explain why all the misconceptions as honestly as possible and make a move on her (kiss her)..... thank me later

 

[shiguldo]

Yes, it is about self respect. Isn't that what this site is all about? Being respected by not just girls but by guys as well, hence one of the basis of a DJ.

Is this all I can do? I'd just preferably want to raise my skill so I can avoid being
nullified or be taken for granted by her like this with future girls I meet.

 

[yuppaz]

the problem you are having here is NOT about self respect. It's about two insecure people who like each other letting their insecurities ruin something that may be good for both of them. Read what I wrote.....and ummmm maybe find another forum if this is the kind of advice you are getting here.....it's been read and interpreted all wrong.

 

[PapiChulo]

the problem you are having here is NOT about self respect. It's about two insecure people who like each other letting their insecurities ruin something that may be good for both of them. Read what I wrote.....and ummmm maybe find another forum if this is the kind of advice you are getting here.....it's been read and interpreted all wrong.

He is right on that one. It's a definite misunderstanding going on.

 

[shiguldo]

>yuppaz, PapiChulo

Thanks for the insight. Sorry, I didn't notice that Yuppaz was the same author of the previous one.

hmmmm.... real simple answer: she wasn't ready yet to be official, at some point that changed (maybe she thought about it some and changed her mind) and she DID want to be.

This forum may have people who may see things more in terms of power struggle but you saw it through my story. So this forum is still pretty nice
to have people with many views, I was wondering if there could be some interpretation of interest and that her mixed signals come from her being insecure as well.

Even though she has turned me down before, she did hint about about a change of heart, hence the mixed signals at me. You're right about me being insecure because I have failed with her before and I have my guards up.

Thanks to your post, I've sent her brief e-mails explaining how the ride isn't for some random girl.

I haven't gotten replies or might not even get any but we'll see.

Misconceptions, I suppose my side is that I wasn't clear enough to her that I liked her?? Or would that risk too much and
as others have said, give her too much power? She plays all these games and I'd at least like to let her know that I'm not
willing to stand by to adjust myself to her whims..

Damn, I just wish I can blast past her insecurities with confidence in some way whenever she displays these behaviors.

 

[yuppaz]

Here's the thing bro.... it is ok for a girl to know that you WANT her as long as she knows that you don't NEED her because you think she will fill some void inside of you. Stop trying to learn to play power games (basically learning how to get as much commitment from the girl as possible without taking any emotional risks yourself) and start working on your self esteem outside of relationships. With more self esteem you will naturally have the internal power to want to bring the girl into your world without worrying about if she wants to be there or not, because if she doesn't it's ok, it doesn't effect you. THAT kind of mindset is very attractive to women.... you may want them, but you don't need them.

 

[yuppaz]

If you want to blast past her little games by the way, don't have a negative reaction to them, just pick her up, spin her around and tell her you think she's adorable..... women MOST desire love and acceptance....you can give that without being weak if you yourself are strong, that's why they test us...to make sure we are strong enough for them and can handle their own internal emotional storms without being swayed.

 

[shiguldo]

> yuppaz

Thanks for the additional advices.

it is ok for a girl to know that you WANT her as long as she knows that you don't NEED her because you think she will fill some void inside of you. Stop trying to learn to play power games (basically learning how to get as much commitment from the girl as possible without taking any emotional risks yourself)

See, thats the problem. I think the power games are just a petty way to minimize the emotional risks as much as possible. If I can avoid "NEEDING" her, at least I won't have an emotional breakdown when she plays game with me, etc. If I can keep it within "WANT", then yah.

Update: On facebook, she's started to write to people she knows I dislike and actively ask other guys to go out. I don't know if she intends to show it to me but when other girls talk to me on it, she adds her comments too.
I guess like you say, my best step is to raise my self esteem in some ways.

Just going out with other people might be a way to get her off my mind maybe?

 

[yuppaz]

sounds like it's over with her.... you both played too many games. Ya go out and start talking to women bro, try to get to know them, have fun and make plans on the spot. It ain't rocket surgery