I admire the courage to tell your story. I've lost everything I've owned twice. I wasnt in legal trouble, or addicted to anything though (except pvssy, in one case), but I have had to start over. I was heartbroken once, and on the verge of being suicidal, and almost went and did stupid shyt like you did. I dont know if you're an addict, or you just lost your mind after your divorce, cuz it happens sometimes, but life goes on.
It's surprising how quick you can build a new life after you hit your lows.
Some guy answered my ad looking for a singer once. He didnt work out as a singer, and he kind of freaked me out, cuz he just got out of prison after five years. He's a little short guy. He said he got jumped by three guys in LA, and from defending himself, ended up hurting one of them really bad, so of course, our fine legal system threw him in the slammer. Anyway, the guy was the hardest worker I've ever seen. he took minimum wage jobs, worked overtime, bought some silk screening stuff, and started a small company, met a girl, married her, saved up enough to buy a motorcycle, and put a down payment on a house, and had a baby girl. This was all in three years. I run into him now and again, and I can tell he's not on any drugs or anything. He's totally legit, and works his ass off. He was in a worse place than you. brother. I admire the shyt out of him for what he's accomplished from nothing, in so little time.
And you can bash religion, and Jesus all day long, but it helps a LOT of people get though hard times, even if it isnt real, so dont bash it. Belief in something in and of itself, can be a very positive influence on someones life. If people turn to Jesus, and make something out of there lives, when they had nothing, (and I've seen plenty of people do it) how can it possibly be a bad thing, even if you dont believe in it? Worse case scenario: they followed the words of someone who never existed, and it completely changed their life for the better. I dont give a fvck what you believe, if something helps you turn you life around, it is a good thing, and its retarded to think otherwise.