I've lost everything

[rea001]

Once upon a time I was married, owned a house, and plenty of toys to play with. Then one day my wife left me for another man, and I became a pathetic little punk who wanted her back. A year later I wised up and divorced her. 6 months after that I got thrown in jail and lost my job. I had to sale my house and go to rehab to get myself out of trouble because I ran from the police. I had a few beers.

So, now I live in half-way house, can't find a job, and I'm struggling. It has been the hardest time of my life. No one will hire me because I have these charges on me, but when it's all said and done, they'll be dropped because I'm doing all the right things, but man, who ever would have thought that running from the police would cause you to lose everything. Maybe there's a reason for all of this, and maybe one day I'll find out. Maybe one day I'll look back and be gratefull for getting my life back in order.

I can promise you that many of us have been where I am today. I can promise you that many of us are going through something similar this very day, and I want to encourage you to hang on to just one more day, and when this day is over, hang on to the next because one day you'll be back on your feet and better than ever.

Nothing lasts forever-not even suffering, but suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not disappoint us.

All that we are going through will make us tough as nails and leaders of men.

 

[ENIGMA16]

One of the best pieces of advice that I've ever been told is that if you're in a situation like that and feeling like it's the lowest point in your left then be happy about that, because that means you have nowhere to go but up. The only steps you will make from that point on will be successful. As long as you keep on stepping you'll drag yourself out of the hole you're in.

 

[rea001]

As long as you keep on stepping you'll drag yourself out of the hole you're in.

Awesome

 

[scrouds]

And until you're 6 feet down, you haven't lost everything.

 

[blinkwatt101]

So you acknowledged you at rock bottom?

Good do something about it.

It took one of my best friends wife 2 full months of job searching before you she got a crud paying $9/hour job. It's not easy out there right now.

Just stick to it, and it will pay off.

 

[jophil28]

Nothing lasts forever-not even suffering, but suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not disappoint us.

All that we are going through will make us tough as nails and leaders of men.

Endurance does indeed enhance good character but just "hope" does not necessarily bring us the results that we desire. We need newfound wisdom and the willingness to adapt, change our behavior and refine that new behavior.
That, ultimately will bring us better outcomes.

 

[Warrior74]

It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything.

 

[Von_S]

It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything.

The phrase is played out, but totally true.

As someone who has been heartbroken to the point of near-suicide, alone on a foreign continent and nearly killed in a motorcycle accident all within the span of about 3 months, I can tell you you have to move forward. It will make you stronger; get sober, get your money right, get your life in order, piece by piece if you have to, it will take a long time.

I love this board because everyone is positive and has great advice, use this forum as a resource and crutch if you have to.

 

[grinder]

May I paraphrase: thank you; I will.

“I am a drug addict/alcoholic and I totally destroyed my own life. I perceive myself as a victim because I have not accepted responsibility for the damage I have wrought. My wife left me because I was horrible to be around. I was thrown in jail because I was totally out of control. I ran from the police because I was guilty as hell. Yet, I come to you here, dear DJ’s to absolve my sins because I am pretty clever and believe my own lies”.

I was a drug counselor many moons ago: heard this one before…..about 4 thousand times….

 

[DJDanny]

So I take it you don't believe in second chances grinder? I mean you could have tried to come off as a bigger prick if you wanted too, not sure if you would have succeeded though, might help your PUA game but on a forum of guys trying to help and learn from each other it's not really appreciated.

to rea001,

Read Pooks post on being a man, ****ty things can happen to good people, brush yourself off and get back up, I was in a similar spot minus any drug/alcohol/legal issues, take the oppourtunity to build yourself back up as the man you want to be.

You could sit and blame your wife for the failure of your marriage, but you need to take a deep long look at yourself and see what you did to contribute to that as well and going forward make sure you don't repeat those same mistakes.

I would encourage everyone here to take the path of DJhood, however, make sure you work on yourself long enough so it sticks, it's one thing for a AFC to be AFC through a whole relationship, but it's another for a DJ to lose his way and become a AFC, guarenteed relationship destroyer, I know, that was me.

 

[backbreaker]

I too am a recovering addict.

about 4 years ago my oneitis had to break in my house, and flush away my stash of crack cocaine as well as all the "tools" that I had as well, while I sat there on the floor crying my eyes out, all becuase I had hated the person I had become. I was fat, lonley, desperate, miserable and feeling like ****.

I had hit a bottom. You have hit your bottom it seems like.

it will get better. But you have to have patience.

 

[squirrels]

but man, who ever would have thought that running from the police would cause you to lose everything.

Umm...everyone?

I say this even as my DUI hearing is scheduled for early tomorrow morning...you f*cked up running from the cops. For you to think that wouldn't result in you getting in sh*tloads of trouble...well, that's just stupid.

Now you just move forward from here as best you can. What else is there to do? When it's your turn to suffer, whether by your fault or not, you just keep moving forward. You can't just stop here and sulk...because here is NOT where you want to be.

Good luck, man.

 

[Trader]

Once upon a time I was married, owned a house, and plenty of toys to play with. Then one day my wife left me for another man, and I became a pathetic little punk who wanted her back. A year later I wised up and divorced her. 6 months after that I got thrown in jail and lost my job. I had to sale my house and go to rehab to get myself out of trouble because I ran from the police. I had a few beers.

So, now I live in half-way house, can't find a job, and I'm struggling. It has been the hardest time of my life. No one will hire me because I have these charges on me, but when it's all said and done, they'll be dropped because I'm doing all the right things, but man, who ever would have thought that running from the police would cause you to lose everything. Maybe there's a reason for all of this, and maybe one day I'll find out. Maybe one day I'll look back and be gratefull for getting my life back in order.

I can promise you that many of us have been where I am today. I can promise you that many of us are going through something similar this very day, and I want to encourage you to hang on to just one more day, and when this day is over, hang on to the next because one day you'll be back on your feet and better than ever.

Nothing lasts forever-not even suffering, but suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not disappoint us.

All that we are going through will make us tough as nails and leaders of men.

I am going to make this religious.

Why?

Because this just goes to show that while we do control our destiny for the most part - like another poster mentioned bad things do happen to good people. We are small. There are things that are out of our control.

Grinder mentioned that the OP is fully responsible for everything that has happened to him. By in large this it true. But many people have screwed up and their mistakes don't amplify themselves, whereas other people screw up the exact same way and the mistake totally snowballs (i.e. the NFL player Donte Stallworth who drinks and drives and kills a person, VS the people who make a mistake and drink and drive but the mistake does not amplify cause no one got hurt)

Come to Jesus. Come to God. He has a plan for you, a plan to make you prosper, a plan to help you right your ship. Yes, endurance and perseverance are good things for a man to have - but you don't have to do it all on your own. God is on your side. Seek him.

 

[jonwon]

You can’t help someone who does not want to help themselves.

First step to recovery - Admit you have a problem.

Second Step - Find out the source of that problem

Third - Work on eliminating that problem.

Easier said than done.

I have a brother who is living a shi* life - He constantly blames everything around him but himself - when it's as plain has day he is the problem - this example can be spread out to everyone in a similier situation - i.e shi* life or at rock bottom.

Accepting responsibility is the first step to recovery.

Second step is to find what made you act the way you did to put yourself in the situation your in and then eliminating those actions/thoughts and replacing them - third step is Action - in eliminating the problem.

I personally hate the 'blame game' this is a cycle of shi* that will keep resulting in the person never growing and simply making excuses for there fuc*ed up choices - AFC do it constantly with girls, its always the girls fault - e.t.c and never acknowledge there contribution, same can be applied to most people.

I think a-lot of people are fuc*ed personally - They always blame something for there lack of success.

"Look at that guy he is rich/nice girl/nice car - he must be lucky"

Luck has got sod all to do with it.

It's about having a healthy attitude a good life balance and ACTION to create the mother-fuc*ing world you want to live in -

OP, no offence - but it seems like your making your predicament some kind of Epic Knight type initiation - That maybe true but only if you realize you where the only one to blame for putting yourself where you are now, in that a chance to change and grow.


OP I don't think personnally I'll ever be in your situation - It's not a sign of character to let yourself fall to your level - it's a sign of weakness - Somewhere along the line, you gave up! Thats your problem, let's not glamorize your failure, instead aknowledge it and work on it.

Also dont put your faith in a man sat on the clouds, do it for you - at the end of the day - Thats the bottom line! of what it's about - How much do YOU fuc*ing want it, uh!

If it hurts it's because your comfort zone has hit it's brick wall - If you don't do something about it, life will get worse, till you take ACTION - That lesson is has plain as the nose on your face if you know how to look for it, or be blind and ignore it.

Life is telling you to change, ignore it at your peril - It will get worse. You never know what's out there till you TRY!

 

[KarmaSutra]

May I paraphrase: thank you; I will.

“I am a drug addict/alcoholic and I totally destroyed my own life. I perceive myself as a victim because I have not accepted responsibility for the damage I have wrought. My wife left me because I was horrible to be around. I was thrown in jail because I was totally out of control. I ran from the police because I was guilty as hell. Yet, I come to you here, dear DJ’s to absolve my sins because I am pretty clever and believe my own lies”.

I became a douchebag many moons ago: heard this one before…..about 4 thousand times….

You're an old guy trying to be a young guy trying to be a wise guy.

How's that working for you Poppy?

 

[Quiksilver]

That sounds rough man. You'll have the mental scar tissue from this part of your life until you die.

Aside from that, think of it as a new beginning. You're free to live the life you want to now, without any long-term shackles holding you down.

edit: Moving this to Mature Man forum.

 

[James Dupri]

I don't see why every1 is being so hard on the dude, it didn't seem to me like he was playing the "victim role" to be honest. Atleast he has an optimistic view.

By the way, Rea001, were you actually chased by the Police, or do you mean they had warrants out for you, and you skipped town for a few weeks?

 

[trent81]

Wow, Grinder is an *******. Why don't you kick a man who is down some more. Build's character.

 

[Byezbozhniy]

Come to Jesus. Come to God. He has a plan for you, a plan to make you prosper, a plan to help you right your ship. Yes, endurance and perseverance are good things for a man to have - but you don't have to do it all on your own. God is on your side. Seek him.

Please fvck off.

Dude, you don't need a bronze age fantasy magic man to get your sh1t together. Everything you need is already within you, and if you get through this, take pride in your achievement!

 

[Hellomisslady]

It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything.

what movie is that from??