I've heard not caring about what people think of you becomes easier as you get older. How?

[Veréngárda]

Enlighten me because I want a shortcut.

I wish it was as simple as "just do it" because I have this complex that comes from my upbringing. Basically I see not caring about what people think about you as an incredibly stupid idea.

I want to stop caring about what people think of me, but I also see people who don't care about what others think of THEM as laughably retarded.

Really deep down, I wonder how people like that are still alive. You'd think by now, they would have made the wrong person feel threatened with their confidence and gotten shot or something.

People don't respect confidence, in my experience. People say that others are drawn to confidence. I don't know what planet these people are from but it's simply not true. Confidence is seen as a reason to fire you, arrest you on trumped-up charges..
.. just straight-up ****ing kill you.

I don't understand how people who aren't "pussies" do well for themselves past the age of 15 or so. In my experience, these people should be at least homeless, if not dead from offending someone (with no consequences to the perpetrator because this problem extends to the legal system).

So here I am.. wanting to stop being a *****.. but at the same time seeing myself as superior to men who aren't bitches.

It leaves me in a position where I don't know what to do.

 

[Hamurabimbi]

Just do what you want. I did and found the consequences to be minimal.

 

[FlexpertHamilton]

Everyone cares what others think, except psychopaths.

Claiming you don't care what others think means you care so much that you want others to think you don't care.

If someone truly didn't care what others thought of them, they'd wear raggy old clothes, drive a ****mobile, never get their haircut. There's no such thing as doing things "for yourself" complete load of BS. We are social creatures; we're supposed to care what others think of us.

...all that said, there is a degree of "caring". I do find this decreases as I get older. Mainly because I've realized the opinions of retards doesn't matter, and since most people are retards, it's hard to see any reason why I should care. I still care very much about what people I respect think about me.

 

[bmp2cpm]

1) Biology plays a role in who exactly we are.
2) Once you understand and even embrace this, finding your place in this world becomes much easier.
3) Once you found your place in this world, what people think of you becomes very low priority.

For instance, I’m a huge introvert. In high school, I was voted the second quietest student. I was upset to learn this because I never even heard of the guy who beat me. I should have won!

But seriously, I read this book called “QUIET: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking.”

The book made me realize my greatest strengths and my greatest weaknesses. It made realize all the advantages I have over extroverts.

And if I work very hard at it, I can “mimic” most extrovert behavior giving me the best of both worlds. Comes in handy at work.

Much more difficult for an extrovert to mimic an introvert.

With experience, I can instantly size up people, figuring out their strengths and weaknesses. Then, I can interact with them accordingly.

Watch the movie “Three Identical Strangers” and you will understand that every human on this planet is pretty much following his or her genetic code.

When you leverage the strengths of that genetic code and stretch outside, challenging the limits of that genetic code, you will obtain great personal growth.

“There are diversities of gifts, but the same Spirit.”

What gifts were you given? Find out and everything else will fall into place. Good luck!

 

[Hamurabimbi]

Everyone cares what others think.

Claiming you don't care what others think means you care so much you want others to think you don't care.

If someone truly didn't care what others thought of them, they'd wear raggy old clothes, drive a ****mobile, and never get their haircut.

Disagree. I don't think the default mode of everyone is 'slob'. I enjoy driving my nice car, and keeping it looking good. Others liking it is a bonus.
Also, I think OP might mean, not worrying about other's dissaproval.
As an example. Not long ago, I had a teen GF. And I'm old enough to be her Dad. We were public about it. Work knew. My relatives knew. My social circle knew. Did I get shvt for it? Sometimes. Dissaproval? sometimes. Did I care? No.

 

[FlexpertHamilton]

Disagree. I don't think the default mode of everyone is 'slob'. I enjoy driving my nice car, and keeping it looking good. Others liking it is a bonus.
Also, I think OP might mean, not worrying about other's dissaproval.
As an example. Not long ago, I had a teen GF. And I'm old enough to be her Dad. We were public about it. Work knew. My relatives knew. My social circle knew. Did I get shvt for it? Sometimes. Dissaproval? sometimes. Did I care? No.

Wasn't suggesting being a slob or not maintaining your things, moreso not caring about status or appearances. Like buying a new ford focus instead of a new bentley. Cars are a bad example though because I do understand there is inherent enjoyment from them.

And yeah I wouldn't care in your scenario either because we know they're incorrect. However it would be obviously better if the people around you supported it and encouraged it (on the flip side, their disapproval can make it more exciting which is a weird form of caring about their opinion in and of itself)

 

[DonJuanjr]

Cars are a bad example though

I think the example you're looking for is, "if someone didn't care what others think, they'd have no problem farting loudly in public closed spaces."

 

[Konada]

When you get older, you have lessrr energy than in your youth. You realize the finite energy you have can only be spent on things that you truly give a **** about, things that have a lasting impact on you.

People opinions are not one of them

 

[Smok1nAce]

As you get older you tend to focus more on being happy and doing things that make you happy. When you young life seems endless but as you become seasoned and older you understand life is very finite.

for example when I was young I used to care what type of car I had and I had to be a sports car, as I got older I realized that I only wanted a sports car to impress others.

 

[Black Widow Void]

Enlighten me because I want a shortcut.

I wish that it was this easy. I have constantly attempted to alert new and less experienced members on ways to avoid my youthful mistakes. However, this situation (I believe) requires mileage from life's experience

I wish it was as simple as "just do it" because I have this complex that comes from my upbringing. Basically I see not caring about what people think about you as an incredibly stupid idea.

I don't think that there's anything wrong with caring about people. I think that the problem is when we care so much about what they think of us... that we compromise our own identity (it's as if we care more about them than we care about ourselves).

I want to stop caring about what people think of me, but I also see people who don't care about what others think of THEM as laughably retarded.

I believe that there are two types of people that aren't total hostages to the approval of others.

1. Here in the states, we have a store called Walmart. One look at some of the customers, and you get the impression that .. it's not only that they don't care how others perceive them - it's also that they don't even care how they perceive themselves. These people aren't self-confident. They've just given up.

2. (and this is based on my own experience). When I was about fourteen years old, I remember getting home from school and being disappointed in myself. For a brief period, I "went with the flow." Conforming to all this stuff really wasn't what I was about. At one point, I realized that I had lost the approval of the person I respected the most. And that person was me.

When I decided that liking myself was more important than the approval of others, it was like (what I imagine would be) a prison door unlocking and being free. At this age, I still wanted parental and family approval. I wasn't entirely free, but much closer than most my age.

Really deep down, I wonder how people like that are still alive. You'd think by now, they would have made the wrong person feel threatened with their confidence and gotten shot or something.

I've jokingly told friends that I'm surprised that I am still alive. If some forum members think that I'm an SOB here in forum-land... you should see me in real-life me after few glasses of Scotch. Not sure how others feel about themselves... but I'd rather die with my dignity once... than to live a longer life full of continual self-compromise and self-dislike.

People don't respect confidence, in my experience. People say that others are drawn to confidence. I don't know what planet these people are from but it's simply not true. Confidence is seen as a reason to fire you, arrest you on trumped-up charges.... just straight-up ****ing kill you.

Yes - If you are not afraid to voice 'unpopular' opinions, there can be consequences. In school, I spent many days visiting the principal's office - because I "had difficulty recognizing who was in authority." When younger and not self-employed, I spoke up and said what other co-workers were thinking. I've been fired more than once, but I exited with my dignity. Meanwhile others sold out their self-respect for a wage price. I've received 30 day bans from local bars... but in all these instances, I was never lonely. If you like yourself enough, you don't feel incomplete. And if you don't feel incomplete, you don't require others to make you feel complete.

I don't understand how people who aren't "pussies" do well for themselves past the age of 15 or so. In my experience, these people should be at least homeless, if not dead from offending someone (with no consequences to the perpetrator because this problem extends to the legal system). So here I am.. wanting to stop being a *****.. but at the same time seeing myself as superior to men who aren't bitches.
It leaves me in a position where I don't know what to do.

You raise some good points. When I'm out at a bar or party, it's a given that some man (or some men) are going to try and 'up' me. When entering a room, I don't claim to turn every woman's head. However, I can usually capture the attention of a "7" or "8." The men that wear the trendy clothes, get bi-monthly haircuts, gym rats, etc... can not *stand* to see me doing well. The reason is simple. I didn't bother 'going with the flow' or doing all this extra primping. Because they are approval dependent, they need validation that they are 'better' than someone like me.

In other words... speaking your mind and doing things your own way, does come with a price.. But so does compromising your integrity, self-worth etc.. There comes a breaking point in life when you have to ask yourself; "is their approval worth the compromise of my own self-approval?"

 

[Pandora]

1) Biology plays a role in who exactly we are.
2) Once you understand and even embrace this, finding your place in this world becomes much easier.
3) Once you found your place in this world, what people think of you becomes very low priority.

For instance, I’m a huge introvert. In high school, I was voted the second quietest student. I was upset to learn this because I never even heard of the guy who beat me. I should have won!

But seriously, I read this book called “QUIET: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking.”

The book made me realize my greatest strengths and my greatest weaknesses. It made realize all the advantages I have over extroverts.

And if I work very hard at it, I can “mimic” most extrovert behavior giving me the best of both worlds. Comes in handy at work.

Much more difficult for an extrovert to mimic an introvert.

With experience, I can instantly size up people, figuring out their strengths and weaknesses. Then, I can interact with them accordingly.

Watch the movie “Three Identical Strangers” and you will understand that every human on this planet is pretty much following his or her genetic code.

When you leverage the strengths of that genetic code and stretch outside, challenging the limits of that genetic code, you will obtain great personal growth.

“There are diversities of gifts, but the same Spirit.”

What gifts were you given? Find out and everything else will fall into place. Good luck!

Spot on! Our society lies to us. Our parents lie to us. They tell us that we are a blank slate and can achieve anything we want through mere hard work. This is false. You can achieve anything you want if you work hard at your genetic gifts. This was a costly lesson that I had to learn.

 

[Blacksheep]

Enlighten me because I want a shortcut.

I wish it was as simple as "just do it" because I have this complex that comes from my upbringing. Basically I see not caring about what people think about you as an incredibly stupid idea.

I want to stop caring about what people think of me, but I also see people who don't care about what others think of THEM as laughably retarded.

Really deep down, I wonder how people like that are still alive. You'd think by now, they would have made the wrong person feel threatened with their confidence and gotten shot or something.

People don't respect confidence, in my experience. People say that others are drawn to confidence. I don't know what planet these people are from but it's simply not true. Confidence is seen as a reason to fire you, arrest you on trumped-up charges..
.. just straight-up ****ing kill you.

I don't understand how people who aren't "pussies" do well for themselves past the age of 15 or so. In my experience, these people should be at least homeless, if not dead from offending someone (with no consequences to the perpetrator because this problem extends to the legal system).

So here I am.. wanting to stop being a *****.. but at the same time seeing myself as superior to men who aren't bitches.

It leaves me in a position where I don't know what to do.

You should start to ask yourself if what people think about you is actually what you really think of yourself.

As soon as you start to observe it, and have the inner confidence that you know who you are, then other people thoughts wont care.

You dont have to express those signs of confidence in order to own it. Sometimes its better to be invisible others... And also playing like a fool in some cases can save your life. Confidence IMO its more internal than external.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Because you realize what other people think doesn't matter and you simply just stop caring.

I'm not sure why it happens but it definitely happens

 

[The Duke]

Psychologists claim that children who grow up to be confident in their belief's and abilities do so because they had attentive parents. Being a confident person and coming from attentive parents, I'd have to agree.

With attentive parents you constantly share opinions, ask questions, and get feedback. The healthy parent may challenge your belief's but they will support your differences. This is how the confidence to not worry so much about what others think develops.
My parents raised me to stand on my own two feet by myself. They taught me to be a critical thinker and assess my own thoughts and actions instead of some else doing it for me.

When it comes to inexperienced men on this forum gaining confidence in their abilities with women I think it works the same way. The forum serves as an attentive parent and the dialogue/feedback helps grow ones ability to be more successful with women. They usually leave here with more confidence than they had before when dealing with women.

 

[Pandora]

You stop caring so much once you learn that everyone's life is a train wreck. We are all scared humans just trying to figure this life thing out. No one has the answers.

 

[Barrister]

It is impossible to not care to some extent what specific people think. I think you can have a general IDGAF attitude and it certainly helps you get what you want in dating and in life. But no one is completely immune to caring to an extent.

High confidence cuts both ways though. Most people will react positively towards a highly confident leader -- both men and women. However, some will interpret this as "arrogance" and try everything in their power knock you down or embarrass you. Naturally, if you are confident and have a take-charge attitude, you are going to create these enemies. This just means you are doing it right. If you go through life never rocking the boat and everyone likes you, that means you aren't a threat and are in no position to achieve lofty goals.

You can lament this - but it is just the fact of life because of human nature. But overall, having high confidence is a major net gain. Just look at the few people who go against you and become rivals as affirmation that you are doing it right.

 

[IKO69]

It's a gradual process - you realize most people are full of **** and really don't have your best interest in mind (do well and a lot of your so called friends will get jealous and throw shade at you), so you begin to not take them seriously.

This does not mean you allow yourself to become a slob, showing a lack of self respect.

 

[Kotaix]

What other people think is just their opinion and not necessarily a reflection of reality.

For example. Some dumb woketard might call me a bigot, racist or mysoginist as a character attack because they don't like my opinions, but that doesn't mean that it's true. It just makes me think that they're racist, mysoginist and in denial because most of what people say is just projection. It also doesn't do any good to attack them, because you'll just prove them right. In fact, that is the best outcome they could hope for.

Getting bent out of shape over stupidity takes its toll on your mental health, not the stupid person's. The same can be said if you get pissed off over a misunderstanding. You might be wishing hateful sh!t on someone for what they said, and they're blissfully unaware (and innocent) of causing the problem and your mental anguish.

So here I am.. wanting to stop being a *****.. but at the same time seeing myself as superior to men who aren't bitches.

This is a non-starter. You can't not-care if your self worth is defined by comparing yourself to everyone else.

Really deep down, I wonder how people like that are still alive. You'd think by now, they would have made the wrong person feel threatened with their confidence and gotten shot or something.

The fact that the overwhelming majority of people don't succumb to this fate says that this perspective just isn't realistic. What you're describing is prison mentality, and I've personally seen ex-cons on probation have to be held back by their friends from beating someone who insulted them, which would have landed them right back in jail.

 

[Mike32ct]

You can be confident without stepping on other people’s toes (unless it’s necessary to do so).

It’s called picking your battles.

 

[tightgrp]

People don't respect confidence, in my experience. People say that others are drawn to confidence. I don't know what planet these people are from but it's simply not true. Confidence is seen as a reason to fire you, arrest you on trumped-up charges..
.. just straight-up ****ing kill you.

Seems like your describing arrogance.