OP, please understand that most guys on this board aren't married. I am married, however please don't take this as me saying that simply because I am married that my advice is more valuable that other members here. That isn't the case at all. I wanted to at least make you aware of this upfront with regard to your situation.
Your marriage sounds like it is nearly over. I assume you both got married young. I've heard advice given from friends of mine who come from the "old country" of eastern Europe where women still know their place in my opinion and they say the same thing: marry young. Over there, this is good advice. Here in the U.S., it isn't and the reason why is because of our culture of bombarding people with sex sex sex in damn near everything from tv, to movies, to songs, now social media. If you got married young here in the U.S., committing yourself to one person, both of you (but almost always the woman at the very least) will wonder what they've missed out on and want to ride that carousel like everyone else. And believe me, the call of the carousel to a woman in her 20s is very powerful.
You are living in her frame. You need to define what the frame is in your married household, and LEAD since you are husband. You need to demonstrate that you are a proper MAN and HUSBAND to this woman to keep her interest and make her realize that maybe she's got a better deal with your instead of hopping on the carousel. You do this by demonstrating your value in various ways.
1. You are the provider of this family. Do you have a decent job which allows your family to live in some level of comfort? No? You better get your a$$ in gear and make it happen.
2. Are you setting a course of where the family is going? Have you discussed pre-school for your kid? How about home improvement projects? Live in a $hitty place? Talked about getting a better one? Actually made plans to do it? Have you actually done home improvement projects yourself without resorting to calling someone else?
3. Do you make time to be with your wife, just to two of you?
4. Do you run the family's finances? If not, why not?
5. Do you keep yourself in shape? If you're overweight, why would you expect her to stay in shape? You have to keep yourself looking good and try to improve at least a little if you can.
6. Are there daily/weekly tasks that YOU handle around your household?
7. Do you regularly sit on your a$$ at home after work and veg out in front of the tv or computer? It's ok to watch tv or play video games sometimes, but if it becomes a regular thing every single day, you have a problem.
8. Are you boning your wife regularly? Regularly could mean anything, hell even once a year is "regular". But for the sake of this question, I'd say at least once a week.
9. Are you exploring new ways to please your wife sexually? For example a lot of guys don't like going down on women. You should try it and get better at it.
10. Are you commanding your wife? Command is certainly a harsh word when talking about relationships, but I used it for a reason. If your relationship with your woman is in good shape, I only need to tell my wife once "X is going to happen", and it does. I do not need to explain my reasoning, I don't get into some long drawn out discussion about it, it simply happens and she helps make it happen. You are the captain of this ship, your wife is the XO. Does she understand how this works? Do you?
Notice all of the above questions are targeted at you? Your wife obviously isn't here for me to ask questions of her, so it's all on you. But aside from that these are legitimate things that need to be addressed. There are others, but these are just the ones I thought of off the top of my head.
For starters, she better damn well NOT be moving back with her parents. A woman who respects her husband doesn't do sh!t like that. That is your child to and they both better be under the roof that you are providing.
Thank you for the input.
Maybe I should have made a more informative post into our life for better understanding.
I was 24 and she was 23 when we got married. She is Japanese and I am American. The language barrier was a big issue in our relationship. However, we talked about that and have both put forth an effort to learn English/Japanese. We are both starting language classes next month. Japanese culture is littered with distrust for men. And I would say 9 out of 10 men are unfaithful. Many issues have come from that. We sat down and talked about how I have no desire to destroy my marriage and lose my child. Also, I still do love her very much and my daughter is not the sole reason I want to be with her. But she is the reason I've stayed with her through the bs fights.
Now to the questions.
1. I am in the military so my pay is decent. Healthcare and such is free. I rarely have to say we cannot do something due to finances.
2. I am in government housing and don't have a choice to live anywhere else. It sucks to live on base, but I cannot complain about the home itself. It's the newest style on base and is actually quite nice for over seas base housing. As far as home improvement, we are slightly limited by it being government housing, but we are in the process of painting some furniture for my daughter's room as well as the walls of her room. I also plan to start making a coffee table as soon as the daughter's room is finished.
3. Yes and no. I recently moved from Okinawa to Misawa, Japan. My wife is from Okinawa, which is a small island about 800km South of mainland Japan. Misawa is just south of Hokkaido (northern most part of Japan). When we lived in okinawa, it was easy to have a date night with just the two of us. My mother in law had no problem watching her when ever. However, we do not have anyone to watch our daughter here in Misawa, so we haven't been able to spend time alone outside of the house.
4. I run 100% of the finances. She has no bills.
5. Fitness is something I have been slacking on. The military keeps me in okay shape, but not stellar. My wife and I have recently changed our diet and started a workout routine.
6. I'm usually the one who takes out the trash, mows the lawn and washes the cars. She says I do the laundry and dishes wrong and that is a woman's job anyway. So I don't make much effort to accomplish those unless I notice a need for my help. Like when she is busy with the baby or at the store, etc. I also offer to help every chance I get.
7. I recognized a month or so ago that I have a problem with this and have been working to stay away from my phone and Xbox more. Still a work in progress.
8 & 9. Our sexual life is pretty good. We have sex 3-6 times per week with the exception of BJ week. I am very open to exploring sexually and my goal is to please her as much as possible. She is not so open to sexual exploration (no anal lol). But I think this part of our marriage is fine.
10. This is a hard one. I don't think I have the level of command that I should and this comes into my misunderstand of how to keep my wife happy, marriage and monogamy in general due to my up bringing. Now that I am aware of the way things are SUPPOSED to be, I can focus on that and help to strengthen my leadership role in the relationship. This is not to say, I didn't know I was supposed to be the leader of the house hold. It's more to say, I didn't fully understand what that meant. And I'm still learning.
I understand that if I improve myself, she will subconsciously change herself or leave completely. Anyway, i good start is to fix myself and help her along the way.
