I've become an *******, but I have no one to blame but myself

[Hughman]

As the title says, my time in this community, my time reading Roissy, RooshV, VK, the Female Misogynist, and other MRA/MC blogs has corrupted me.

Once I used to be a nice guy. Not just a Nice Guy, but a good person in general. I had faith in humanity. I wanted to find the good in people. I was friendly to people before I knew them. I'd trust them. I'd turn the other cheek if they offended me, directly or otherwise.

Now...well, I just don't know anymore. I don't trust people. I see duplicity, Machiavellian scheming, manipulation wherever I go. I refuse to backdown when I know I'm right. My sense of humour, always a bit dark and twisted (but kept under wraps as not to cause a scene) is now in the full view of light.

I've been called an arsehole to my face, a womaniser, a schemer.

People have said 'Is that how you talk to all women/people?' 'How far does that normally get you?' 'You're one of those guys are you?'

And yet, and yet I don't care as much as I should do. A few months ago the thought that I'd be called, even thought that I was, a **** or a jerk would keep me up that night. And the reason for me doing that would keep me in a guilt-ridden state for weeks.

Take last night - a girl pushed me to my limits. She had mad IOIs at a party we were at - making-out etc etc. I've since played it cool, chatted now again, but she's always 'busy'.

So I joked yesterday I'd at least see her at my birthday. She then goes she isn't sure as another friend has the same birthday as me. I (joked) that my birthday invite came first and her friend shouldn't be sabotaging our social groups. She then got mad, called me a nob and saying that what I said was nasty and then stormed off. Within 30 minutes, 3 of her friends were attacking me over text and Facebook (who normally don't talk to me). I told them I was being humourous, and it's not my problem if they don't get that. 'My bad' for not making it clear was how I concluded. No 'sorry'. No 'apology'. I've heard nothing since.

Something like that before I found this community would have mortified me. I would have been practically on my knees asking for forgiveness. Now I'm for all intents and purposes making them ask for my forgiveness. It's not my problem they are disorganised and can't take a joke. Leading me on and goading my temper and patience with cause me to react. But not in a way a beta chump would.

So what I'm asking is this: Is it no better I'm now a ****, rather than a chump? Does reacting amorally, without concern for others feelings, make me no better than the nice guy I once was? Or am I progressing to a state men should be in? Or am I part way there?

*mind dump over*

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

NEO: "There's no going back now is there?

MORPHEUS: "No. But if you could, would you really want to?"

Was ignorance bliss HUGHMAN?

 

[DonJuanit0]

Narcissistic Personality Disorder!!

That's what I got from this site and I'm pretty sure I like the way my life
became after so much reading here! Google what this personality disorder is
and see if you can live with this! At least I know I can!

 

[Jblitz59]

i've been called *******, cold abunch. the same attributes but, I only want to be a man. not be a **** who doesn't give a **** about ANYONE but myself.

 

[Hughman]

NEO: "There's no going back now is there?

MORPHEUS: "No. But if you could, would you really want to?"

Was ignorance bliss HUGHMAN?

No, it wasn't. Then again, like Neo, I always knew something was up. I had to find the right crack to escape the Matrix.

I am whom I am. Some people now hate me for it and it's not something I'm used to.

Actually now that I think about it, I don't see why having slept on it has changed my attitude. When this **** was going down, I was out drinking and sampling curries with my mate, who is naturally a very good wing. He has no balls, but is attractive, smart, tall, speaks well etc, so he's good for opening and making people at ease. I'm making him learn to be more forward and he is improving.

Once I had finished trying to damage-control my issue, I them gamed a table of 4 chicks, all about HB7.5, one a bit chubby though, still doable. I walked away with 2 numbers (managed to isolate one afterward - the girl I wanted. The other number was the chubby chick. My friend also got her number)

Oh, and the friend in question who is clashing with me also got in touch with me, telling me I'm nasty, and brash, and judgmental, and she wouldn't do 'such a thing as be so petty'. Essentially, she was taking words out of my mouth for what I thought of her, then denying it all! And she's trying to justify herself to me! Hahaha. That sure is a weird feeling. Being lambasted and yet knowing I control the frame. I've probably blown it with her whole social group - who wants to date a jerk, but even so, they aren't going to be forgetting about me any time soon.

 

[DonJuanit0]

Yeah, some rare friends and family can be the exception to what I'm saying!

 

[fertileTurtle]

You sound pretty much like me. I like Roosh btw. He's a fvcking arsehole loser who gets mad pvssy. Suck it biitches!

 

[Furyguy]

Dude I am happy for you. It is nice to crush the little ***** inside of you. Maybe you are not yet where you want to be, but who amongst us really is? Progress comes from time, and you are getting there. In any case, this is definitely a huge improvement, right?

who wants to date a jerk

Uh, roughly 98% of women?

they aren't going to be forgetting about me any time soon.

Hey as they say, "All publicity is good publicity." You'd be really surprised how willing girls are to forgive you for being a complete and total prick to them. It's hilarious and disturbing at the same time. Either way, use it to your advantage.

 

[mikeymic]

sounds like you may be thinking too many negative thoughts. of course believe as you may or go look up law of attraction. thinking negative creats negative experiences in your life. this may sound odd but you'll realize it one day hopefully before you're 80. that sometimes when everyone seems angry you may be the one who is angry. this is tough to believe I know because I have severe anger issues that emerge from time to time but they were wrong and i was RIGHT til i saw myself for what I was doing. my face reeked of anger and "fvck you's". what you need is to think about what you want! what you like! and think about it all the damn time. inside your head tell funny ass jokes and make the whole party laugh and all the girls like you for the man you are. be the guy granny remembers who helped her cross the street. build your karma up while being the fvcking awesome guy everyone loves inside your head. let the you inside your mind become that guy. and good luck

 

[Hughman]

Who wants to date a jerk? Well, yes, they all do, but as a social group they wouldn't approve of me. That's just as important as individual opinion to women. Still, divide and conquer may rule the day.

The birthday girl essentially apologized to me. Everything is cool now. I'm now just an arrogant and bilingual muppet/jerk rather than a total *******.

Might drop the original girl in question a call. And start using the new numbers I got!

 

[KontrollerX]

"Does reacting amorally, without concern for others feelings, make me no better than the nice guy I once was? Or am I progressing to a state men should be in? Or am I part way there?"

Amoral doesn't necessarily mean immoral.

Its basically a non commitance to either negative or positive morality.

Basically when you're amoral you're in a state of having yourself as your first priority.

Doesn't mean you actively always work to screw others over it just means if its you or the other guy you choose you whereas someone like an Interceptor or a Jophil might let the other guy win this or that round.

Anyway Rollo gave the best post for you to think about things.

I always want to encourage guys that feel guilty about benefitting themselves like this to go back to their AFC living for a while and see how kind women treat you when you were the AFC nice guy.

Go back for a refresher course of what it was like being an AFC douchebag who women wanted nothing to do with and treated like crap even if you didn't really deserve it because they hated your weak AFC personality so much.

Guys that feel guilt over living it up and living the player life should do this as its the surest and fastest way they'll get over their guilt and never have it creep up again.

Of course if by that one in a million chance you encounter "The One" and she is enamoured by your AFC character so much that you two marry with a fairytale wedding and live happily ever after more power to you but the majority of the time when you go back to AFC land you find out how truly ugly humans are.

You see the mean cruel callous animal underneath the veil of kindness and civility with new and informed eyes then after laughing about how foolish you were to think being an AFC nice guy was somehow better you then go back to your DJ ways and never return to AFC land again.

 

[Hughman]

Thanks for the (semi) kind words KontrollerX. I appreciate it.

I could never go back. Why would I ever go back? In my past I was a wimp, a *****, afraid of offending people and their 'sensibilities'. Sure, people liked me more, but did they truly respect me? I'd bet that they didn't.

So now, now I am on a dark and twisted path. But humans are dark and twisted things. And at the end of that path is the light, the Holy Grail of what every man wants - to be accepted and respected, by both women and men.

I will make more enemies in my new state, but unlike before, I don't care what they think, and if they do wish to bring things to a head, then bring it. I can stand my ground.

 

[Alle_Gory]

You see the mean cruel callous animal underneath the veil of kindness and civility with new and informed eyes then after laughing about how foolish you were to think being an AFC nice guy was somehow better you then go back to your DJ ways and never return to AFC land again.

I've experienced this first hand recently. Dealing with people is like dealing with wild animals. Never take your eyes off them or show weakness otherwise you get mauled.

You can show some vulnerability and emotion because you're human, but never weakness.

I will make more enemies in my new state, but unlike before, I don't care what they think, and if they do wish to bring things to a head, then bring it. I can stand my ground.

don't underestimate the power of kind words to soften people up! be a sweet talking *******.

 

[Blue Phoenix]

Reality is not what people show on TV shows, Hollywood movies or some "female books". There´s has been a lot of disinformation to favor those in power.

"One does not become enlightened by imagining the figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious."

"The greater power the greater responsibility."

"Life is a game, one which you will not get out alive."

 

[Hughman]

I've experienced this first hand recently. Dealing with people is like dealing with wild animals. Never take your eyes off them or show weakness otherwise you get mauled.

You can show some vulnerability and emotion because you're human, but never weakness.

don't underestimate the power of kind words to soften people up! be a sweet talking *******.

Hehe, I never said I wasn't still kind. But I'm kind when I want to be, not because it's something I 'have' to do to make friends and get the booty. I know what you mean though.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

One of the toughest things a burgeoning DJ has to accept in transitioning from AFCness is that people who knew his prior personality, or those uncomfortable with him not fitting into there convenient perception of him, are going to call him a Jerk. It's tough to accept after having been called a Nice Guy for so long. Naturally we want others to appreciate us, but too often this appreciation becomes more of a straightjacket, constraining us into what's easier for others to accept us as. You will only get what you've gotten if you keep doing what you've done, but in exiting out of that cycle you have to break a few eggs.

I can remember the first time I was called a jerk and I accepted it with pride rather than disdain. The reason being that not only was I recognized as having that jerk-like quality (which I wanted), but also that the term was no longer an injury to me. I think the secret is being self-interested enough to harness that Jerk energy, but not so conceited as to be an unempathetic A-Hole. Naturally for those uncomfortable with your newfound confidence this comes off as being a Jerk.

 

[Hughman]

One of the toughest things a burgeoning DJ has to accept in transitioning from AFCness is that people who knew his prior personality, or those uncomfortable with him not fitting into there convenient perception of him, are going to call him a Jerk. It's tough to accept after having been called a Nice Guy for so long. Naturally we want others to appreciate us, but too often this appreciation becomes more of a straightjacket, constraining us into what's easier for others to accept us as. You will only get what you've gotten if you keep doing what you've done, but in exiting out of that cycle you have to break a few eggs.

I can remember the first time I was called a jerk and I accepted it with pride rather than disdain. The reason being that not only was I recognized as having that jerk-like quality (which I wanted), but also that the term was no longer an injury to me. I think the secret is being self-interested enough to harness that Jerk energy, but not so conceited as to be an unempathetic A-Hole. Naturally for those uncomfortable with your newfound confidence this comes off as being a Jerk.

My god, you got in one.

I think that is the problem - I was well known as a 'nice guy' character, and 'sweet' and 'thoughtful', and now people are shocked that I've changed.

Still, I'm 18 and a legal adult in 9 days, then university, grades permitting, in 5 weeks. Tis all looking good!

(oh, and did you fancy a little ego boost Rollo by turning your reputation back on? )

 

[GlennCoCo]

I used to think like this. Girls always called me a jerk and to be honest I thought I was doing alright with the whole "game" thing.

With me, I got a rapid reality check when I got out of highschool and I learned to people before myself in situations when It is needed. I have some symptoms of NPD.

I think everyone who comes to the pick-up community has some sort of NPD throughout their phase of learning.

 

[youbaby11]

i think eventually we come to a balance of looking out for numero uno and putting others before yourself, depending on the circumstances. guess that comes with maturing

 

[Hughman]

I used to think like this. Girls always called me a jerk and to be honest I thought I was doing alright with the whole "game" thing.

With me, I got a rapid reality check when I got out of highschool and I learned to people before myself in situations when It is needed. I have some symptoms of NPD.

I think everyone who comes to the pick-up community has some sort of NPD throughout their phase of learning.

A pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy or behavior), need for admiration, and lack of empathy, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following:[1]

1. Has a grandiose sense of self-importance
2. Is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty or ideal love (megalomania)
3. Believes they are "special" and can only be understood by, or should associate with, people (or institutions) who are also "special" or of high status
4. Requires excessive admiration
5. Has a sense of entitlement
6. Is interpersonally exploitative
7. Lacks empathy
8. Is often envious of others or believes others are envious of him or her
9. Shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes


Yup, that sums up most of us. However with NPD, it is an inate/natural reaction. The PUA and associated communities know full well that they are creating these attributes in themselves.