It's official....the 22yo is a waste of time

[STR8UP]

I fukked up. I admit it. I'm laying it out on the line and if you want to take shots feel free, but I would rather get some constructive input, por favor....

So based upon my face to face interaction with the 22yo, and my "other" contact with her over the last couple of months, I now know that she is officially trying to use me. Not blatantly of course, but I can see through it.

The lesson here- past attraction sometimes has little bearing on future attraction.

This chick was SMITTEN by my presence in the past, so I took for granted that when she said she was still interested that it would mean that I could have my cake and eat it too by "dating" a college chick for awhile.

Last week she invited me to come visit her for a weekend at school. But there was something about her saying "It will be great! On Friday night we can go out to dinner and on Saturday we can do this and that and yadayada" that didn't sit well with me, and i made the decision to put an end to the little fantasy charade.

Now I don't have a problem with doing this, but since she has no cell and lives a great distance away, our communication was limited to AIM for the most part. That's another thing....I got tired of talking to her on there when I knew she was talking to three other people at the same time. One of those annoying traits a multi-tasking college chick has that doesn't sit well with me.

So I basically shut down my AIM.

She's used to seeing me on there every day, since I still use my AOL email for a few things and I just let it run all day.

So what's going to happen is she is going to contact me asking whats up, where I have been, etc.

I don't have any desire to go into the details with her, as it will fall on deaf ears and only serve to make me look weak and pu$$ified. If it were up to me I would let the whole thing fade away quietly and forget about it, but I know that within a few days she will try to hit me up on myspace, and if I don't respond she will start calling. There is no doubt that I mean "something" to her, but not in the came way as in the past.

So how do I handle this without burning bridges and looking like a chump?

My initial thoughts are to simply state that I'm busy and I don't have time to communicate with her on AIM, and that I am in the process of re-prioritizing my life and unfortunately some things are going to have to give, but I know that this sounds WEAK to a woman.

What's the best way to explain to her that I have no desire to continue to pretend that we might "have something", and that I don't really care to be in contact with her in the capacity that I have been for awhile now?

Keep in mind that my new policy is to NOT burn bridges. Also, I am planning to meet up with a friend of hers in a few weeks when I am going to be in her city for a convention, so I don't want to stir up too much sh!t cause honestly this other chick is HOT and sweet and I'm looking forward to hanging out with her.

Is there any way to bow out gracefully?

 

[jophil28]

So how do I handle this without burning bridges and looking like a chump?

THis is a perfect opportunity for you to demonstrate the quality and value of your own oft quoted strategy when dealing with poor behavior from a woman, and your committment to it ...

"Just walk away without a word" .

 

[KontrollerX]

The same thing chicks do should work...

"Aww baby I'm sorry we haven't spoken in like forever, listen I've been thinking with all the stress in my life lately with work and other bigtime responsibilities I can't be the man that you need right now. I've been so confused thinking about us and because of that I came to a painful decision and decided it wouldn't be fair for either of us to continue building a relationship together at the moment as I just have so much to overcome in the near future to get to where I need to be in life that I'd just be too distracted to give you the time and affection that you as my girlfriend would need, I know people say this all the time but it really isn't you, its me. If only my life wasn't so hectic right now!"

Edit: Though I should say I prefer jophil's idea and yours I might add from a great thread you made in the past which I can no longer locate sadly.

 

[lookyoung]

You fvcked everything up by not fvcking her in the first place. This advice is so basic but the biggest IOI is when a girl is fvcking you. All these IOI you mention mean didley. If you actually fvcked these girls instead of saying how you could have you would not run into these problems. Next time your attracted to a girl fvck her brains out instead of posting about it. You have some type of anxiety issues when it comes to taking your dik out and fvcking a girl. You have to get rid of those issues.


I also think you have oneitis over this girl being this is the 5th thread you started on her. You already fvcked everything up royally by not fvcking her. When you don't fvck a girl you are MR nice guy which equals her friend. Learn your lesson and be a man. Get aggressive and quit being MR nice guy.

Cut off all contact with this chick. If you have not fvcked her yet you will never fvck her. Also you probably have a better chance of getting hit by lightning than fvcking this girl.

 

[STR8UP]

I also think you have oneitis over this girl being this is the 5th thread you started on her. You already fvcked everything up royally by not fvcking her. When you don't fvck a girl you are MR nice guy which equals her friend. Learn your lesson and be a man. Get aggressive and quit being MR nice guy.

Cut off all contact with this chick. If you have not fvcked her yet you will never fvck her. Also you probably have a better chance of getting hit by lightning than fvcking this girl.

I HAVE FUKKED HER IN THE PAST. THERE IS NO ONE-ITIS.

As for the walking away completely thing, it don't think it's the best course of action in this case since this isn't a case of blatant disrespect or anything.

I don't have to teach her a lesson, and I don't have to "never speak to her again" to keep my ego intact, as I would if I were actually dating her and I found out she was fukking me over somehow.

I'm still friends with her friends and I don't want to make them enemies. I know walking away is USUALLY the best course of action, but in this case I'm not so sure.

 

[decades]

I think you have a need to have a complex social life. you never really next a chick. you have so much complexity in your romantic life that you can't focus on the one thing you want, which is getting and keeping a woman who will love you. you have to CLEAR the table and focus on being available. I also agree that you don't step up and CLOSE these chicks. All your threads are about how these chicks are dying to unzip your zipper but you do nothing. You say this chick is using you and you have another thread about some other AW who wants to use you. You keep more AWs in your orbit than any other poster here. Why? Do you crave drama? Most guys who know all about AWs run the other way. You on the other hand want to study them like some lab rat, wondering what they are thinking, wondering if they want you. Clean up your act!

 

[Warrior74]

Let her down gently my son.

Glad you saw threw that whole fantasy weekend stuff and decided to take action. You know what you need to do. Pull back, give her some space. tell her your been busy, if she doesn't get the hint give her the LJBF talk. It's what they would do to you.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

Oh,...NOW it's official?

:yes:


heheh,..

 

[Colossus]

I think you have a need to have a complex social life. you never really next a chick. you have so much complexity in your romantic life that you can't focus on the one thing you want, which is getting and keeping a woman who will love you. you have to CLEAR the table and focus on being available. I also agree that you don't step up and CLOSE these chicks. All your threads are about how these chicks are dying to unzip your zipper but you do nothing. You say this chick is using you and you have another thread about some other AW who wants to use you. You keep more AWs in your orbit than any other poster here. Why? Do you crave drama? Most guys who know all about AWs run the other way. You on the other hand want to study them like some lab rat, wondering what they are thinking, wondering if they want you. Clean up your act!

PE, I commend thee. :rockon:


Str8up I told you you were wasting your time in your last thread about his chick. This is really an earth-shattering conclusion you've come to. You got plenty of constructive input in past threads about AW's and women 15 years younger than you. Dude, you're 36! How could you not get this?

If you post a thread like this you are going to get blasted. I would do the same to any friend of mine with a similar self-inflicted plight.

 

[Latinoman]

Yeah...you want to keep your "girl+friends" around. I mean...that Sex & The City thing. You remind me of Miranda.



And you are 36 and chatting in My Space? Dude.

 

[true romance]

It's clear that you have a lot of time...

if you qualified her and you banged her already and there is nothing you want from her then move on..

AIM, Myspace, etc..I think you are the one who need attention.

So how do I handle this without burning bridges and looking like a chump?


Uhm after 5000 posts at 36 years old, you ask this question?

 

[Truman181]

If she contacts you in a few weeks by myspace just send a message that says "been busy, talk to you later" and leave it at that. The bridge isn't burned and you aren't playing into her game.

 

[azanon]

Dude, just walk away without saying a word - like the original responder said. Not saying a word doesn't burn bridges, because you can always excuse that later..... if you wanted to. All she can do is call and leave angry messages which you can subsequently ignore.

Dude, this isn't complicated. You want to try complicated? Try walking away from a woman, when married to a different women. THAT'S complicated, and takes real skill. Of course I'm speaking in theory here.

 

[Latinoman]

Just an aside: People on these boards who rip on facebook, IM, and myspace sound like my great-grandparents. I understand if you don't want to use modern technology, but quit acting like it's solely the province of the 13-year-old girl.

100 years ago the same people would be b*tching about telephones and telegrams. Online communications are just like any previous form - they can be used to your advantage, and they can also be misused and/or OVER-used to your detriment.

Anyway, carry on.

I am getting laid almost every day. You are not.

I don't do My Space...or Facebook. But I can guarrantee you that I am CONSIDERABLY more technological savvy and I am CONSIDERABLY more up to date with technology than you and most people in here.

 

[Mr. Me]

The lesson here- past attraction sometimes has little bearing on future attraction.
This chick was SMITTEN by my presence in the past, so I took for granted that when she said she was still interested

Ah! We do this, I've noticed. We assume that people remain static instead of being dynamic.

So how do I handle this without burning bridges and looking like a chump? My initial thoughts are to simply state that I'm busy

Yep. Tell her you're busy.

that I am in the process of re-prioritizing my life and unfortunately some things are going to have to give, but I know that this sounds WEAK to a woman

That sounds weak to a woman BECAUSE you're giving reasons... and that's what women do when they BS you. So, to a woman, when you start explaining yourself, it comes off as if you're lying.

What's the best way to explain to her that I have no desire to continue to pretend that we might "have something", and that I don't really care to be in contact with her in the capacity that I have been for awhile now?

Tell her that you don't feel like you're both on the same page AND that you know she probably feels that way too. Tell her maybe the two of you could get together for a drink now and then just to catch up.

This way, she's more likely to agree with you, because you've put it in such a way that she's not losing face.

And that's the end of discussing it with her.

You don't need to address how not to burn the bridge right now, because the bridge ain't burnt until you say it's burnt. One step at a time.

Though I don't see 22 year olds as being worth more than a laugh.

I know a 40 y.o. guy got into a relationship with a 21 y.o. after being carefree, screwing around, fun times big shot life of the party for a few years after his divorce. After about a year with her, she finally bit him on the a$$.

 

[ketostix]

I am getting laid almost every day. You are not.

I don't do My Space...or Facebook.

Yeah but it's with the same 30-40-something year old woman every night, right?

 

[slaog]

I fukked up. I admit it. I'm laying it out on the line and if you want to take shots feel free, but I would rather get some constructive input, por favor....

The lesson here- past attraction sometimes has little bearing on future attraction.

This chick was SMITTEN by my presence in the past, so I took for granted that when she said she was still interested that it would mean that I could have my cake and eat it too by "dating" a college chick for awhile.

She was smitten by your presence until she realised you had oneitis for her.


Regarding what should you do... how about do nothing as DonS said.

 

[STR8UP]

Sam- ignore the self-appointed "maturity" guard. He likes to come on here and criticize anything that he deems to be childish to make himself feel better about being settled down instead of out having a good time.

His last g/f dumped him and he was in a NEW LTR within a couple of weeks. Nuff said.

BTW....I agree with you on the technology thing. None of this stuff is "childish" or "afc" unless you MAKE it be.

She was smitten by your presence until she realised you had oneitis for her.

What's with the one-itis crap? Are you kidding me? She's a chick I fukked in the past who recently claimed to want to get together with me. I wanted a piece of ass and that's about it.

In your headline you officially proclaim that she is a waste of time and ask how to get rid of her, but then you go on to state "letting her go isn't an option". Do you now see why you are getting the responses you are?

I never said "letting her go isn't and option", I said that she has done nothing to warrant burning the bridge. It's just one of those things that I have to be a little careful how I handle it because I have gotten hooked up seceral times through her best friend and i don't want any bad blood. And like I said....I am going to be meeting up with another chick she knows in a couple of weeks. I value my social connections and I don't care to add any drama to my life. that's the purpose of this thread. It isn't a situation where I need or want to "walk away", it's a situation where I want to ignore her in a polite manner, for lack of a better way to explain it.

You have so many conflicts going on in your head right now, that I see why you've started multiple threads on this chick. She has you completely confused. The truth is you probably have more experience with women than most here so you are discounting any advice, even though the purpose of asking advice is to get an OBJECTIVE opinion from those detached from the emotions; ignore at your own expense.

No, I know exactly what she's up to. She wants someone to come into town and buy her dinner and a couple of drinks every so often. There is no doubt she enjoys hanging out with me, but it's pretty clear that I'm going to get strung along for sex and since that is really my objective here I am calling it for what it is and moving on.

Tell her that you don't feel like you're both on the same page AND that you know she probably feels that way too. Tell her maybe the two of you could get together for a drink now and then just to catch up.

This way, she's more likely to agree with you, because you've put it in such a way that she's not losing face.

And that's the end of discussing it with her.

You don't need to address how not to burn the bridge right now, because the bridge ain't burnt until you say it's burnt. One step at a time.

Right now I'm debating between handling it with the "Sorry, been busy. Talk to you soon" thing and something like what you are suggesting. It will probably end up that I will have to start with the "Been busy" thing, but I would bet that she's going to persist and at that point I will need to give her an "answer" that will allow everyone to walk away happpy.

You got plenty of constructive input in past threads about AW's and women 15 years younger than you. Dude, you're 36! How could you not get this?

I took for granted that her interest level was still high. Now I realize that you can't judge interest level regardless of what she says until it actually comes down to put up or shut up. BTW, my first sentence in this thread was owning up to a mistake, in case anyone missed that part.

You keep more AWs in your orbit than any other poster here. Why? Do you crave drama? Most guys who know all about AWs run the other way. You on the other hand want to study them like some lab rat, wondering what they are thinking, wondering if they want you. Clean up your act!

No, I am friends with one AW who I am not interested in having a relationship with, but it's looking more like she wants one with me.

And my focus is not on getting and keeping a woman. I can take or leave that. I do just fine without.

 

[ketostix]

So what you're saying STR8UP is while you don't want a relationship you would fukk the 22-year-old and the AW but you don't want to mess up the social circles you have with these two girls, so you don't want to fukk either of these girls. You'd rather keep them as social proof and fukk other girls that come in contact with the groups. Is that right?

 

[STR8UP]

So what you're saying STR8UP is while you don't want a relationship you would fukk the 22-year-old and the AW but you don't want to mess up the social circles you have with these two girls, so you don't want to fukk either of these girls. You'd rather keep them as social proof and fukk other girls that come in contact with the groups. Is that right?

I don't have an issue with having sex with either of them. The 22yo has shown her colors so she's off the roster, I just don't want to get on her bad side since I still think shes a cool person, and more importantly her best friend is a goldmine for me socially.

The AW....there are no social ramifications there. I have gotten some play out of her circle as well but the main thing with her is that I don't want her to think that we are becoming a couple or anything. She's been calling or texting me at least every other day lately, on top of the many, many comments she has made in the recent past that only a girl who is interested romantically would say.....totally out of character for her.