Ok, I didn't mean to type a novel for my first post, but I tend to be a forumizer who posts once a year. Hopefully its not all fluff. Apologies, up front. (Wow I actually have to split this up into two posts, eek)
I feel most of what Dbot is hinting at is "state" of mind. What "state" is the mind of the participant? If you do not have the correct state, but know all the techniques, you won't get anywhere.
On the other hand, If you have the right state, but know no techniques, you'll probably still get somewhere out of pure experience from trial & error.
When someone says they're "Being themselves" I translate that into: "I have emotional content that is tying together most of my brain's functions to unilaterally decide and act on what I WANT." Wait, what? Ok, read on.
I think this is the core to dbot's post, and while its worth mentioning, its hard to describe in any communicable form with an applicable meaning attached to it.
Indeed, an author or teacher is not great because he can explain it to you bluntly. They're great because you didn't know they wanted you to feel that way UNTIL you feel it. They've seduced you into learning their lesson for yourself.
Judging from DJ tippers like Senor Fingers, you can tell he knows how to seduce you into learning his goods. I have neither the time nor inclination because this topic is somewhat complex, but please bear with me. I have yet to see a philosopher faithfully describe it, so I expect to fail, also.
Anyway, the point of my post is to state something none of the other posters replied to dbot on but seems evident truth, to me:
The source of your motivation, is the foundation for your success. The techniques and your perceived experiences are worthless without it. Even though this is obvious to us when we feel it, its often forgotten when we don't.
Its quite interesting., I'm not sure many of you are into sports, but the lesson one learns to 'win' i.e. 'be the best', or 'kick ass' in activities competing vs your peers are the same valuable lessons that you may apply to dating.
The high level rules for winning vs humans in ANYTHING, are pretty universal:
1. Express yourself.
2. Read your opponent. (or prey, if you prefer)
3. Attack with what they don't expect.
Don't get me wrong, this doesn't go into detail about everything one would need, its a list which presumes to show the
categories of your game that are useful to ANYONE, vs ANYONE, in ANY situation.
The basis for this high level strategy is that people grow up naturally reactive from their childhoods. They're forced to live with their families, forced to go to school, they're forced to live next to and befriend their neighbor kids, they're forced into these institutions where they can socialize. All of these testbeds are unsuitable to prepare someone for the land of "putting yourself out there" and making your own decisions, rather than settling for the same old 'wait for them, then react' method that's drilled into us.
Soooo many techniques to choose from let alone prioritize! But wait! Screw finding the right techniques, everyone is used to being reactive from their childhoods anyway, right? Yes! So if SHE is already reactive, then all you have to do is find what categories
most girls make their mistakes. Aha! Now we're on to something, rather than assuming what a girl is
capable of (which is practically ANYTHING) and trying to devise an appropriate response, we come at a more realistic angle where we notice most girls, regardless of what they're capable of, make mistakes in social situations all the time, and usually every time. They're too short-tempered, or too aloof, etc. etc. Just like us, before enlightened.
This way before a date you recite these items to yourself rather than specifics (which will probably make you end up choking, or at the very least end up making you look obviously insincere.) The goal: Do those three things better than your prey and they will respect the fact you won, especially because they won't ever know how. In some cases if they're near the bottom of the food chain they will damn near view your mastery, as perfection. Its that simple, everything is relative so if you know the key formula and apply yourself, you're suddenly playing at a MUCH higher level. As stated before, I love these three ingredients in my list because they're so goddamn scalable to whatever type of person you could meet, in literally any situation.
In this way, you break the hero-syndrome mold all of us men are caught up in where we must find some romantic gesture to ''sweep her off her feet'' during a first impression, or we're attracted by female plight. Instead, we paint a picture where its about the loser's failure to have ambition in life, or their failure to identify what the game's rules even are, or that they know these rules on some level but cannot compare to your skill. It not only provides a framework to judge your prospective mates (or competitors), but a framework to act.
The reason this is so hard for us to understand is because we're men. We don't want to believe someone can beat us. We don't want to believe its our own fault we 'lost'. BELIEVE IT. Quit rationalizing like a woman you big jerk! Being honest about losing is the first step to honestly winning.
Now if we were to adapt these three rules for human interaction specifically to dating:
1. For #1 I'm refering to the
freedom of expression. Ok, Ok, take a step back. Let us divide how someone is feeling into three general categories: Excited, bored, or existing. Existing is what we call ourselves when someone asks us if we're bored BUT we're not nervous to go do something to entertain so we say 'No, I'm not bored.' Existing is comfortable being lazy.
I'm talking about making it obvious there is emotional content driving you. There's really no point engaging in any activity unless you have emotional content, aka passion. The type of feeling you get when asked to dance, or getting bear-hugged by an old friend. You can't help but smile. Emotional Content is like confidence's older brother, it drives action, but also helps things like stamina where confidence generally just refers to the belief, emotional content is a
core sentience. Basically, it RUNS EVERYTHING going on in that big noggin of yours.
As proof I offer a situation where you had a job to do, say to sweep the floor. There you are, barely sweeping, some combination of existing and being bored. Then BOOM, the person who contracted you to sweep, maybe it was your Mom, Dad, Grandma, Gym coach, whatever, SCREAMS at you to pick up the pace. All of a sudden you're sweeping like you've never swept before. Not only is it at a faster pace, but its more efficient, thought is put into it because now its a priority. Aha! So why is it a priority? Easy, you have emotional content, and in this case its probably anger, or determination. You have a singularity uniting all of your brains functions to one primary goal, so you not only sweep that floor, you sweep its fvcking a$$ off. Emotional Content = Activating your own sentient interest because you truly want to "win".
2. Pretty obvious, especially for these boards. Each individual has their own standards, figure her's out and appeal to them.
3. But don't just appeal to them, appeal to them in an unexpected, and hopefully seductive way. The unexpected can cause fear, or it can cause curiosity. In either case, both can be exciting. Mysterious is good, but that isn't the only method of arousing someone's curiosity.
Remember the goal of these three items is to help you REMEMBER not to leave one category behind. It sucks forgetting to use a certain technique, but to leave out an entire category is social suicide.
