It's not a relationship, it's a relationsh*t.

[TheLadiesMan]

We've been together for 5 years, we have a son together that we love every much, and I think it's the only string that is keeping us together. We don't live together, and we're not married.

For the most part, our relationship goes in a cycle that is like this....

Things are great (2-4 weeks) ...pampers me, loves on me, worships the ground I walk on. This usually comes after sex.

Tension and disrespect (2 to 3 days) ...this follows the 'Things are great' week. This part of the relationship, is her telling me "F*ck you"'s and giving me the middle finger every 5mins.

Breakup and no communication (1week to a month) ...this usually follows Tension and disrespect. I'll let her know she's trippin, she'll get a clue, but continues the downard spiral, which eventually ends with her breaking up with me, and we don't speak for weeks. After a few days to a week... it returns to Things are great again, and the cycle happends all over again like clockwork.

This is also experienced.... when things are great again, they get increasingly greater, and when Tension hits, it gets worse and worse. The Ying and Yang thing to a "T".

I want to move on, and have started the process of doing so, as I think she has too... I have already met someone younger, and we've gone out a few times already (lunch, dinner, etc.) and she thinks we're getting closer too...I could have gotten in her pants last week, but opted to wait a bit longer, to see how my present relationsh*t plays out. After 5 years with someone, I'm just not sure I'm ready to let her go yet. Besdies, she's awesome to my son, and she's a porn star in bed. My baby's momma just turned 30, my new gf is 20, and I am 36.

I think my problem is that when she's worshipping me, I turn into a "Nice Guy" ... I compliment her, I help her around the house, etc. I put her on a pedistal a bit, and I know this is the reason it turns to sh*t after a few weeks. I just can't seem to break that mentallity. I mean, she is an incredible mother to my son.. and she cooks, cleans, works two jobs, and still makes time to blow me even when she's obviously too tired too. I have never had to ask, ever.

So like a good father/lover, I'll return the favor. I'll help out around the house, etc. From there, it's down hill... she can view me as the greatest to walk the Earth, and by end of day, she's giving me the finger. *shrugs* ...I just don't get it.

I know that if I sex her, she'll be on cloud 9 for days, and if I keep giving it to her, she'll remain on that cloud.. but we don't live with each other, and she works two jobs, and we share a son, and if we can squeeze in a few sessions of love making on the weekends, it would be a miracle. We are lucky to have sex every weekend now.

I'm just wondering if anyone else has been in this situation? ... and how, and what you did to get a hold of an Up and Down, Bipolar, relationship. I know it's saveable, if I could figure out how to sustain the love and respect. Any help or suggestion would be appriciated.

Thanks....

 

[newbie81]

Funny, I had a similar situation.

I had a 1year LTR with a girl who I shall describe as a pure feminist: university degree, working on her carreer, high salary, ...
Off course, because of her choices, she was zero in daily house tasks: can not cook, doesn't know how laundry machine works, doesn't even know how to put gas in her father's car (a beamer btw).
Also she hated being told what to do by men, I could defnitely see that in how she did with her father (an AFC btw): everyday they were fighting. Funny thing, she lived under his roof.

It's just these kind of women that act like men, but when they meet men, they just want one thing: being dominated. Yes she liked it very much to be dominated in bed.

Anyway, I had similar things with her as you describe:
-2-4weeks everything great
-Then the feminist crap comes up: testing my authority, trying to disrespect,...
-Everytime I walked away & let her the initiative to contact me (which of course she hated because she had to give away her power for this)

The last months before the end of the LTR, I was walking away more & more easility. I just didn't want all her femi-crap, so when she started I walked away. You have to show them who's the boss.

Example: she had the bad habit of starting arguments while I was driving in the car. Then when I came at a traffic light, she stepped out of the car. She did exactly 3 time.
First time: I drove with the car after her & made her enter the car again
Second time: I stopped the car & waited in my car during 30mins without moving untill she came back in.
Third time: She stepped out of the car on a 1h30min walk of her house at 1am. I was tired of her **** & just drove home, she walked home lonely.
She never did it again after this.


My advice:
1) Be a man. Show her who's the boss.
2) You won't be able to change her.


If your car gets broken once every month, and you have to fix it in the garage who take 1-2 weeks to repair it without you having a car. Imagine you have money enough, you can do two things:
1) keep repairing the car everytime again & again
2) Get rid of the car & buy a new one which want give you problems.


This is why i ended my LTR. You can show her who's the boss, and in some things she might change. But if the same patterns keep coming up drop her.



-peace.

 

[Hitman10000]

Funny, I had a similar situation.

I had a 1year LTR with a girl who I shall describe as a pure feminist: university degree, working on her carreer, high salary, ...
Off course, because of her choices, she was zero in daily house tasks: can not cook, doesn't know how laundry machine works, doesn't even know how to put gas in her father's car (a beamer btw).
Also she hated being told what to do by men, I could defnitely see that in how she did with her father (an AFC btw): everyday they were fighting. Funny thing, she lived under his roof.

It's just these kind of women that act like men, but when they meet men, they just want one thing: being dominated. Yes she liked it very much to be dominated in bed.

Anyway, I had similar things with her as you describe:
-2-4weeks everything great
-Then the feminist crap comes up: testing my authority, trying to disrespect,...
-Everytime I walked away & let her the initiative to contact me (which of course she hated because she had to give away her power for this)

The last months before the end of the LTR, I was walking away more & more easility. I just didn't want all her femi-crap, so when she started I walked away. You have to show them who's the boss.

Example: she had the bad habit of starting arguments while I was driving in the car. Then when I came at a traffic light, she stepped out of the car. She did exactly 3 time.
First time: I drove with the car after her & made her enter the car again
Second time: I stopped the car & waited in my car during 30mins without moving untill she came back in.
Third time: She stepped out of the car on a 1h30min walk of her house at 1am. I was tired of her **** & just drove home, she walked home lonely.
She never did it again after this.


My advice:
1) Be a man. Show her who's the boss.
2) You won't be able to change her.


If your car gets broken once every month, and you have to fix it in the garage who take 1-2 weeks to repair it without you having a car. Imagine you have money enough, you can do two things:
1) keep repairing the car everytime again & again
2) Get rid of the car & buy a new one which want give you problems.


This is why i ended my LTR. You can show her who's the boss, and in some things she might change. But if the same patterns keep coming up drop her.



-peace.

Sounds like a wackjob to me, a girl getting out of the car during traffic while arguing big time to you. Damn, did we date the same ho? Usually when a woman acts like this or competes with you in a relationship it means she wants out of the relationship. Indeed, STAND YOUR GROUND. Even if it means you will lose her. You can lose your gf/wife any moment in any second. If she truly wants to be in a relationship with you, she will try to make it as amicable as possible with you in terms of talking about your life, doing things the both of you really enjoy, and having passionate sex.

 

[newbie81]

Sounds like a wackjob to me, a girl getting out of the car during traffic while arguing big time to you. Damn, did we date the same ho? Usually when a woman acts like this or competes with you in a relationship it means she wants out of the relationship. Indeed, STAND YOUR GROUND. Even if it means you will lose her. You can lose your gf/wife any moment in any second. If she truly wants to be in a relationship with you, she will try to make it as amicable as possible with you in terms of talking about your life, doing things the both of you really enjoy, and having passionate sex.

No she didn't want to get out of the relationship. She just wanted to be the leader in the relationship. But of course, I don't like being lead: I'm a man (duh). Try to make a feminist understand this. She is possessive, insecure, jealous, this makes her manipulative. What's worse is that sometimes when she wasn't able to make me do what she wanted me to do, she thought I was actually manipulating her lol.

The tragedy for her (and other girls of the same kind), is that they will never found true hapiness because of their own personality:

1) They want what they want, want to lead even if they don't know how. When they face a leader, they follow at first, until they become aware that they are not leading. Then they start arguing.

2) On the other hand when they are leading, they suck at it. So when they meet an AFC they lose the attraction to him after some time.


Your life should be too busy to get into arguments with a women. I really came to a point with my ex, that every argument she throwed was automatically rejected with words or with acts (walk away). I think I walked away more during the last 2 months than during the first 10 months. Really: do not give her the chance to argue (unless it is really legimit).

In the end, the great moments can't make up for all the arguments. My gf last argument ended the LTR. On a saturday evening I went to a barbecue at her parent's place, she asked me to stay over that night. I didn't like that idea, because she had been pissing in my pool earlier that week. So I told her no, she insisted & tried to force, I walked away & went home. She sms'd " this is it, it's over, bye bye". I went sleeping without answering.
On sunday I phoned her if she wanted to go to an open-air swimming pool. She asked me if I didn't understand her sms. I told her to answer my question. She told me no, I said ok like you wish. Called some friends, went with them. Half an hour before I left, she phones me & starts again. I hear some noise on the background & ask her where she is: she tells me she's at the swimming pool with a female friend, the same pool I asked her to go with me.
I told her: "ah so now you go the same place you didn't want to with me? Ok no problem, have fun bye bye." I hung up, never did I contact her since then, never did I see her again since that saturday evening.
I went with friends, didn't even took the time to search her, just had fun.

4 days later she calls, still arguing. I told her I didn't time for it & hang up. She keeps the game "who phones first on" on, didn't knowing she had already lost.
One week later she phones again, this time she starts understanding that her own words "this is it, it's over, bye bye" start to become reality. Typically women: they talk alot, without thinking about consequences.
Out of respect I answer her questions. I tell her straight out that's it's better now than in 10 years. She says she miss me, needs me, loves me, wish I was there. Emotional manipulation. I use my logic & stay strong. I work late during 5 weeks so I don't have the oppurtinity to go at her place.
She calls me a few other times the 2 following weeks. She knows that it's over now, but still seeks for a leader for her emotional rollercoaster she wants to end, but don't know how (she feels better of hearing me, she misses me,...), she wants a solution for her problems (me), but isn't getting it. I'm still attractive to her.

It's been 2 months now. I still haven't contact her. She hasn't contact me since 1 month, she won't contact me again, I know it, she wants to keep her power - femi-crap...

She's 27 & had probably 13guys before me, several relationships of 1-4 years (started young, an ltr from 14-18), she was proud of the fact that she dumped all the other guys haha, not me sucker.

One thing: I missed the guts to do it earlier on in the LTR. But now I'm happy I'm rid of her: it was the best thing to do. You have to get rid of all the negativity you have in your life, including negativity coming from a women. It affects the rest of your life too much.

My lessons for the future:
No relationship with feminist/carreer-oriented/independent women


-peace.

 

[TheLadiesMan]

Holy sh*t.... you just describe her. She is a control freak, almost to the point of trying to be dominant, which I don't allow. If we're on teh dance floor, sometimes she'lll try to muscle me around, which is fuggin stupid. Last time she did this I pinned her up against the wall, and she was like "ok.. I don't want to dance no more." ...what a b*tch.

I remember I showed up one weekend after working 16hr days, and she was like "Mow my lawn" I was like "Kiss my black a$$." Not surprisingly, she loves to tell her brothers what to do too.

She is a control freak, and if her Dad is around, loves to show it off to him.

It's amazing how you described your gf... and how your relationship was, because it's strangely like mine. Except, when she's in bed, totallly wants to be dominated, which is fine with me.

So she's that type of chic... one that likes to be in control of a relationship, and when it's not, she fights to get control back, and when I walk, she breaks up with me. Only to give in later so I would come back, so she could try again to control it... freakn amazing... what a piece of work she is.

Granted a lot of women are like this. Is it **** envy? I dunno? ....what I do know is, I have to figure out what I'm going to do with her.

Our last conversation, she said "I hope you find someone better than me, you deserve it. I dunno why I act the way I act to you, I don't like it, and I hate myself for doing it. I don't know what is wrong with me." She also added "I told you before, if this relationship ever ended, I'm done. I don't want anyone else." for which I replied "I think we both are intitled to be happy... I want a family with someone. It's not fair to say that. It's not fair for either one of us to try to keep this going any longer." ...I kissed my sleeping son, and left, but not before she said something under her breath about me taking some of the blame.

She's a control freak to the upmost power. She's got a home, two cars, money, a good job... the only thing she is missing is a man to control. She buys me stuff, takes me out, but this all comes with a price as you know... I'm not for it.

Come to think of it.... my life has gone down the toilet since I met her, and my confidence took a hit (not a lot as you can see, I can still attract fine women) ..it took a hit with being an AFC.

I think I should really let this one go... but at one time, I really thought she was the one, and no matter what, I believed in our relationship... which I feel less and less about now.

 

[NewMan]

You know it will probably not last with tis 20 yr old you just meet - to young - to crazy.

Women sometimes can be crazy - and after 5 yrs you would have thought you 2 would have been able to work it out. So you can't.

I don't know why you continue to deal with this situation - unless of course you enjoy living on your own and being 'single' and want to continue it.

I don't see how you can solve this issue is you not do so already.

I think your GF is crazy - if you want a relationship/family - I'd move on, because to be honest I don't see you ever figuring this out.

 

[TheLadiesMan]

It's been a week since the blowup... no contact. I'm not calling her, because this crap is BS. I know eventually I will have to talk to her if I want to see my son.

 

[SELF-MASTERY]

sounds like a great life

 

[Latinoman]

The Ladies Man...

I think you answered your question. Quit being a "nice guy" (it might work for some women...but not all). Now...don't abuse her. Just be LESS of a nice guy (e.g. be nice from time to time...but to a less extent). Do what you have been doing that bring respect from her. And continue doing it.

And then see what happens.

Or accept the fact that you two cannot live together and cut her loose. She might be a GREAT mother, and a GREAT lover...but certainly a TERRIBLE partner.

Note: your son is not what keeping you two "together". It is the SEX.

 

[TheLadiesMan]

sounds like a great life

Trust me, it's charmed. ...this, is nothing. I'm sure you got a 20year, big chested, dark skinned woman on the side too huh?

 

[TheLadiesMan]

The Ladies Man...

I think you answered your question. Quit being a "nice guy" (it might work for some women...but not all). Now...don't abuse her. Just be LESS of a nice guy (e.g. be nice from time to time...but to a less extent). Do what you have been doing that bring respect from her. And continue doing it.

And then see what happens.

Or accept the fact that you two cannot live together and cut her loose. She might be a GREAT mother, and a GREAT lover...but certainly a TERRIBLE partner.

Note: your son is not what keeping you two "together". It is the SEX.

Thanks bro... ..it's finding the balance between being a nice guy, and a jerk. It usually comes natural, but having a kid, really throws that off a bit.

 

[Latinoman]

Newbie81:

Thanks for sharing with us. Very good stuff and you handled it very well. Trust me, she can be 27 or 35 or 42...and you can be 25 or 38 or 41...those kind of things happen to all ages. All the way to the "I always do the dumping" brag (or the "they always proposed me for marriage and I always turned them down"). It is a "power" seed they use to get us thinking they are the Prize. Works most of the time. Never worked with me.

 

[RedPill]

You have to get rid of all the negativity you have in your life, including negativity coming from a women. It affects the rest of your life too much.

My lessons for the future:
No relationship with feminist/carreer-oriented/independent women

 

[Desdinova]

It's been a week since the blowup... no contact. I'm not calling her, because this crap is BS. I know eventually I will have to talk to her if I want to see my son.

Then end the relationship. Contact her only for business purposes (ie your son). Move on with your life, and don't get into a LTR with the 20 year old. Women that young are flakey and want to "live life" before they hear that biological clock ticking

 

[TheLadiesMan]

She called last night @11:45pm... I don't have caller ID on the land line, but I did *69 it. I answered the call, said "Hello.." ...no response, just dead air. I said "hello..." again, no response so I hung up.

It's like clockwork... it's around that time again. She'll call we'll make up and it's back to the same o same o bullsh*t.

Not this time.

 

[newbie81]

She called last night @11:45pm... I don't have caller ID on the land line, but I did *69 it. I answered the call, said "Hello.." ...no response, just dead air. I said "hello..." again, no response so I hung up.

It's like clockwork... it's around that time again. She'll call we'll make up and it's back to the same o same o bullsh*t.

Not this time.

Even if she has a dominating personality, she will still be looking for a leader in such circumstances, a leader that will make decisions.

Girls rather cheat on a guy, or wait for him to end the LTR, than to end the LTR themselves. The AFC does the same.

She will wait for you to take the lead, she's not hearing for you, so she's possibly making these calls so you call her asking if she phoned you (female "logic").

Anyway: you shouldn't be analyzing her behaviour. Make your decisions, then do everything to stick to the decision. You should not see/hear her so you can completely forget about her. So spin your plates: get hobbies, get a life, work more, get new girls, ...

The tricky part is your son of course.


-good luck.

 

[TheLadiesMan]

Even if she has a dominating personality, she will still be looking for a leader in such circumstances, a leader that will make decisions.

Girls rather cheat on a guy, or wait for him to end the LTR, than to end the LTR themselves. The AFC does the same.

She will wait for you to take the lead, she's not hearing for you, so she's possibly making these calls so you call her asking if she phoned you (female "logic").

Anyway: you shouldn't be analyzing her behaviour. Make your decisions, then do everything to stick to the decision. You should not see/hear her so you can completely forget about her. So spin your plates: get hobbies, get a life, work more, get new girls, ...

The tricky part is your son of course.


-good luck.

This is no doubt, well said.