It's been decades... is this Oneitis... or something else?

[BadgerKing]

We were together over 20 years ago...

My 2nd.

I was her first, she said.

Met during our mutual first semester of college - we lived on campus.

She rented a house starting 2nd year...

And I basically moved in with her at that point.

The sex was good.

Conversations were interesting and fun.

We liked being together.

"Young love."

I probably would have married her.

But, I got comfortable and hit full beta mode after a year (I realize the frame shift in hindsight... after reading here and TRM)...

And she broke up with me within a few weeks... in May.

Summer happened. And that was that.

We were together 1.5yrs.

Met my next girl a short while later, and I'd officially moved on.

Or so I thought.

After I hit middle age, this girl enters my mind again.

Constant.

I blame the year 2020.

Sitting around the house, thinking we're all gonna die, etc.

But after a few weeks, I somehow managed to push the memories of her back into the subconscious for a while.

Yet the door opened again.

Last month.

And, I'd never stalked her on social media before... not even in 2020... but I recently got curious.

And there she is... on Facebook.

Divorced.

Living in a different State.

And, of course, like a dummy, I send a Message.

Acknowledged. No response.

And, of course, I make a fool of myself by sending 5 or 6 follow-ups... including a photo of her I found on an old hard drive.

"Hey, not sure you have this one? I thought it was too good not to share."

And I'll grant myself some (undue?) credit... at least the follow-ups weren't sent in the same day, but over a couple weeks.

Yeah, no responses.

She deleted my Friend Request but didn't block me.

Anyway, here's the thing...

I'm not sex-starved.

Far from it.

But I do miss THIS girl now... where I hadn't even considered if she was alive or dead for literal decades.

It's been like she broke up with me all over again.

And I was looking for a solution to dealing with the feelings...

Then the word "Oneitis" enters my vocabulary...

And gets me binging on manosphere content for the first time.

Sure, it's been eye-opening. And helpful.

Yet, my life was "okay" before... until memories and desires for this girl started burrowing into my mind.

I'm coping, and expect that re-entering No Contact will kill the urges, over time.

Is there a chick you'd like to return to, but it's unlikely to ever happen?

"#next"?

 

[BPH]

Between this and your other thread: https://www.sosuave.net/forum/threads/facebook-friends-tab-wtf-she-lookin-at-me.283309/

I'm thinking you probably shouldn't spend time on Facebook.

 

[Agamemnon43]

It will pass with time and effort. Perhaps you should be reading the manosphere content for a bit longer before posting everything that comes to your mind.

And no, I don't have a woman of my past that I'd like to return to. They are all worse then they were in their youth. Not the same girls anymore.

You'll have to rewire your brain. No improvement comes fast, but you've started.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

I'm not sex-starved.
Far from it.
But I do miss THIS girl now... where I hadn't even considered if she was alive or dead for literal decades.

Of course you do. Typical behaviour, to obsess over what you cannot have (again).

 

[Gamisch]

I feel you OP...I guess we all have one or two like that. The one that got away bs.

Let me tell you. This never ends wel (for you). You might smash once or twice but you'll fall inove as soon as she responds to you , let alone after sleeping with her.

You are obviously starved of something. I'd say it's something like "love starved". And that concept can make this an extremely long post.

Take the L and move on.

 

[crowolf]

I'll tell you what I'll do if I were you: Take all the energy that you put into this woman, and put into something more meaningful. Like your self-improvement, success, lifestyle, habits, discipline, or even cold approaching/ finding a new woman. You are just romanticizing something from the past. And the fact that she is not replying to you, and you spam her with more messages, says a lot. Respect yourself enough to move on, and follow your life path, instead of chasing an unavailable woman. Maybe if your SMV was high enough, she would have responded? And maybe if you upgrade your life (in all fields, but most importantly your inner life), she will reach out? Dedicate your 2025 to leveling up. Looking in the past is a waste of time. What are you - a man or a weakling that's absorbed in self-pity?

 

[RangerMIke]

Obsession is created when someone believes that they made a mistake and lost something of value. In this case the OP feels he erred by going too 'beta'... it is the fact that the OP believes he somehow screwed this up. The best advice I have for the OP is that none of this was your fault.

The reason he went 'beta', was because he sensed at the time he was losing this woman... so he did like many men do... they double down on effort, believing he has some control over this.

Understand this truth... a man has no control over what a woman is feeling... she is ether attracted and/or interested or they are NOT. If twenty years ago he just chalked this up to "it wasn't meant to be, lost the chemistry", he would not be torturing himself like this.