Its been almost a year...

[Spinach]

Since she said "I do not want to invest anymore time or emotion in this relationship" and 2 weeks later was with someone else.... And the strangest thing...she is in my thoughts every day. Call it oneitis or beta or whatever, but I tell you true she haunts me daily. Yes, spinning plates, working out, blah blah blah...but sometimes wonder if the memories...good and bad...ever completely disappear. Six years is along time to be with someone and then she disappears without a look back. I think it may be the holiday or the time of the year. So I ponder at my age 57 (she was 46) will the empty spot ever be filled? I have everything a man could desire, wealth, toys, great home, but yet life seems rather meaningless without her to share. And there was nothing that special about this woman...yet she continues to dominate my thoughts. Ego? perhaps, butt hurt...definitely. No answers I know. Just rambling. Thanks for listening. Flame away if you must. Spinach

 

[Suspens]

life seems rather meaningless without her to share.

Are you 16 or something.

As you said, you have a great life and you have everything you'll ever need. Change your house if you must, move to another town if you can.

 

[atlantadawg]

Let it go, man. My ex, my kid, and the ex's boyfriend are currently living it up at the lake house I personally renovated. Do you think I give a fvck? No, I don't. I banged a 27 yo all day yesterday and will be seeing another new lady friend tomorrow night. Living well is the best and only revenge. Go get yours and fvck that chick.

 

[mangotot]

Can't comment on the opening poster's situation but have noticed this forum does attract quite a reasonable percentage of mature folk.

 

[bathman]

Get over it. Move on. Spend time with wife or the next lady in your life.

 

[Scaramouche]

Hi Spinach,
If she left and was partnered in a fortnight,then she had a relationship on the boil whilst with you...They rarely leave a branch unless they have another to go to...For you,it's use it or lose it,not just the Pork Sword but Social skills,work skills and fitness,without letting any of them dominate your life....Losing a Woman is like losing a Dog or a Horse,Oh there will never be another one like her...But there will be!

 

[ubercat]

With yr assets it shouldn't be any big problem to replace this faithless woman. Scar would probably suggest dance classes - swing ballroom tango etc. Get get em tiger.

 

[Spinach]

It was a perfect storm. I retired from my medical profession and she left within a month. I am not a bar/social type with my social circle closely tied to my work. This wasn't my first rodeo. I felt the distance growing for 2-3 months before her departure. We were looking for a mutual home which was a major issue for her. Our education levels were light years apart...and she was before I met her the kind of woman who could walk into the local bar and be greeted by her first name. She always had orbiters....some obvious...like drunk calls at 3 AM...and others who would always be lurking somewhere...including a 19 year old neighbor kid...who wanted to "hang out". Anyway, logic tells me it is best she left. My soul tells me differently. It is always amazing to me the logic and lack of emotion I displayed countless times in my practice but yet am acting as someone suggested like a heartsick teenager. The last time I talked to her she needed to get off the phone as the "landlord was coming to fix the plumbing...which meant her latest lover was done with his shower... I do thank you for the collective wisdom. This too shall pass I do know but it is gut wrenching to me when the waves of her memory pass through my heart. I guess it is time for this man to grow the F*** up and count his blessings. Thank you. Spinich

 

[mangotot]

^ real sorry to hear about your woes man. The whole thing sucks.

 

[Spinach]

Thanks....have to get over this self pity crap. It is definitely not my normal style. But sometimes it just is good to put down random thoughts to word. If nothing else to see how pathetic they are. This queen is in another castle. I do admit even after all this time the most strange things trigger a wave of nauseating pain...and I battle not to reach out to her. As she told me in our last communication...She didn't think that I would want to continue communication "given the present". Which means as she is in another relationship. Anyway thanks for giving me this stage to vent. It does nothing to change reality but it does allow me to put certain aspects of life in perspective. Spinich.

 

[Tenacity]

This is what happens when you give your "heart" to a woman, at ANY TIME she can take it and tear it to pieces. You are "emotionally hurt" over it because you are a human being, period.

There's really no way to avoid this situation if you are going to get into a committed relationship of any kind with a woman. Again, she can leave you out of the blue at any time, and if you guys were together for a period of time and you grew attached to her, then of course you are going to be emotionally hurt, pissed off, etc. when she just ups and leaves.

So what do you do going forward?

- Learn how to manage your "heart". Don't EVER give this 100% to any human being, instead give this 100% to your God or Spiritual Source as that's the only "entity" that can't/won't leave you.

- When you get into committed relationships or hell, when you just have best friends in general, KNOW that they can leave you, turn on you, cheat you, stab you in the back, let you down, etc. They are HUMAN. So understand that going into the situation and never truly give your 100% heart, soul and SELF to that individual. Instead, just "deal" with them as you would a Business Client.

To me, women are nothing but customers and I'm the guy behind the counter providing customer service. If a woman in particular is loyal to my establishment then GOOD, if she's not, then that's okay too! My focus is just to keep a long, steady line of customers out the door (plates) so that I never RUN out of people to provide customer service to.

 

[JimProphetMGTOW]

Spinach,

I'm sorry to hear about your breakup. I've been where you've been before and it hurts like hell. One piece of wisdom that I've learned is when it comes to relationships, always be the one to break up first. Whenever that gut feeling comes up that the end is possibly near, start lining up your replacement because it's a 95% chance she's already got a headstart.

If you pull the plug on the relationship before she gets the chance to pull off the 1-3 month long slow burn of the woman's breakup phase, you will have the advantage of watching the woman short circuit and flip out because you damaged her ego.

Even if you enter another LTR, ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS keep your options open. You can bet on her having her backup on speed dial. So it's best that you do the same.



-Prophet

 

[hithard]

The problem isn't the woman. I have to apply a bit of stereotyping here as not enough info. Generally those in the medical profession, especially those at an older age lives revolves around work and not much else. Their outside life consists of relying on their partner. So when the partner ditches they have no "plan b" and they are left floundering.
You must always live a full life. Don't buy into blaming women, they are going to do what they are going to do. But when you make your life about relying on someone else, then prepare to wear it. If you get comfortable and let your life slide. Thinking you are safe in that little bubble. Then the universe has a habit of shaking things up and forcing change. Fill your life and women are enjoyable and easy to let go.

Its obvious you want change, or you wouldn't have found this site. You have no excuses to sit back and watch the rest of your life pass you by. Hit it hard fuc.k ya. This is it. This is the moment to wake up. Otherwise get use to sitting alone in that big house brooding on that loneliness.

 

[evan12]

you need a companion ship , I have every thing like you , but living alone can be hard , try making friends if it is hard to get women , I found making close friends reduce that emptiness even though it not fill my needs all .

 

[Spinach]

Very insightful posts. Tenacity I usually find your post rather extreme and filled with anger and bile, but you do make sense. The medical profession can be all consuming. I was very aware of that and have sufficient avocations to keep me occupied. I think a bit of depression has set in with the realization that my life, my time, has changed. And change is hard even when inevitable. But point being change I must or as you stated I will be sitting in a big house staring at the walls. That will not happen. Interestingly I enjoy cross country travel by motorcycle, something the ex and I never did as her schedule was contrary to mine. So I guess now I have no excuse not to take off for the horizon when my wanderlust calls. In this whole situation what fascinates me is that one woman, out of many available could have such far reaching negative effect on myself. I am smarter than the average bear and should be able to cope with said change, with an end of a career, with the loss of a relationship, but for the life of me I find myself continually haunted by her absence. I do know that my life must go on without her, in spite of the feelings of betrayal, jealousy and want. I guess I have to go clinical on myself and formulate a prescription for change and growth. This is not going to be easy knowing full well that she was a part of my life I cannot change and I suspect will always be lurking somewhere in my memory. That said I can only go forward living with the realization that everything happens for a reason. As I stated in another post, the heart wants what it can't have. Time to get in the wind. Thanks for your replies and collective wisdom. Spinach

 

[hithard]

I love motorbikes, ultimate freedom. Do it in a group if you can and stay social. Those long straight sections can let the mind wander. Try and stay in the moment.
Regarding the thinking of her- you were just heavily invested. You need to shift focus from: 'she was a big part of my life' with all the yearning of what was and swap it to 'she is my past'.
Get rid of the triggers that make you think of her. That biatch is history now. Having available women will make you forget in an instant.
But you must socialize. Do not get caught up in the 'analysis paralysis' that is so easy to fall into. Make a conscious effort to force change.
If you truly get stuck with no progress after a month. Then you can use a cheat method and hit up some travel to the Philippines or Thailand. Just don't fall for scams or fall in love. Women are just additions that we might allow to enjoy life with. Don't put them above yourself.
You just need to get out of that comfort zone. But realistically you are in a bloody awesome position. Your misses leaving actually gave your life an even greater chance of being fantastic. Money, toys, education, you make my ass feel third world.
Yep, life will be coming up Spinach. Just get that social game on.

 

[Spinach]

Took a couple hundred mile ride today, just followed my front wheel...wherever the bike wanted to go or so it seemed. Had lunch on a pier, watched the birds soar and realized she gave up a life style that most could only imagine. She wasn't my "Misses" but she was the focus of my life for six years. I tried to give her a life she couldn't understand or appreciate. I realize that now. Yes, she turned heads in any room she entered, but to be honest that got old quickly as she was a real **** magnet...and obviously had quite a history before I met her. As you said that is the past. I would in all honesty most likely swallow my dignity and allow her back into my life if she would return, but deep down I know that will not happen. Not this time. Hope can be your friend or an enemy. I sometimes panic a bit when I realize that I am in the fall of my life. One often ponders if there will be another special woman. I do know that I have not have had an issue attracting women...but often was aloof for I saw only her. That was then, this is now. I again thank all for the input. Life goes on... Spinach.

 

[CrashOverRide]

Took a couple hundred mile ride today, just followed my front wheel...wherever the bike wanted to go or so it seemed. Had lunch on a pier, watched the birds soar and realized she gave up a life style that most could only imagine. She wasn't my "Misses" but she was the focus of my life for six years. I tried to give her a life she couldn't understand or appreciate. I realize that now. Yes, she turned heads in any room she entered, but to be honest that got old quickly as she was a real **** magnet...and obviously had quite a history before I met her. As you said that is the past. I would in all honesty most likely swallow my dignity and allow her back into my life if she would return, but deep down I know that will not happen. Not this time. Hope can be your friend or an enemy. I sometimes panic a bit when I realize that I am in the fall of my life. One often ponders if there will be another special woman. I do know that I have not have had an issue attracting women...but often was aloof for I saw only her. That was then, this is now. I again thank all for the input. Life goes on... Spinach.

Remember Spinach, hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things and no good thing ever dies.

 

[sodbuster]

Spend 4-5 days in the Dominican Republic.... there are some hotels there that specialize in certain aspects of entertainment.... If you catch my drift. It's the most honest male/ female dynamic on the planet.... you BOTH know what you are getting and why she is doing it for you. The women run from 5'9" black women to 5'2" Spanish looking. If that doesn't take your mind off "her" nothing will. Then do your life....

 

[Spinach]

Being with a woman is not an issue. At my age s*x is not the end all it was 20 years ago. Sure waking up next to a woman is still a great thing, but I guess what I miss more than anything is my partner in crime, doing all the goofy stuff a couple does as they progress through life. The thought of her sharing this with another man is debilitating at best. But it is a fact. It is the "present" as she said. Until I can find and appreciate another adventure partner I am doomed to the memory of what we shared in rather painful flashbacks. I need a woman that I am attracted to at a level far above the physical. Granted a pretty face is obviously a plus but it is the playfulness, the friendship component that haunts me. I guess that all sounds beta , AFC, or whatever. So be it. Labels don't do much for me. So my friends, I appreciate the suggestions. My life continues. I am planning a extended bike trip west at the end of the month. Problem with that is as someone said, memories live very well inside a helmet on a lonely road. Spinach.