Its been a long ride, Part 2 and over!

[GoinDeep07]

I posted a while back about my situation but it got moved from the Mature Man becuse i didn'd post my age.

Brief summary, I'm 44 years old, March of last year a gorgeous 26 year old woman "Jen" approached me at a bar gave me her business card and asked to go to lunch. I was in a LTR (of 8 years) therefore never pursed it except for a drink here and there. My relationship has been on the rocks for the past year finally ended it in Dec. Jen has emailed me several times asking to get together. In Dec I went and seen Jen and asked if she was into me, she said yes but said she was seeing someone, (first I heard of this in all our correpondance). I said not a problem I would do my own thing. She responds that we should get together for dinner and talk about. I said sure maybe.

After the Holidays I see photos of her with this guy on FB all over the place. She emails says "Hey, drinks on me anytime" "BTW I am going to an exclusive party in LAs Vegas in January (apparantly with this guy)". At this point I blow it off, no contact for a few weeks. Sure enough the day she returns she sends me an email says we should get together for drinks. I blow it off until the following week.

The other night I send her an email that I am heading out if she would like to meet up great. She says sure, that she is meeting a girlfreind but they will me at this bar. Jen shows up, she is a little cold and distant, her GF shows up and they are talking secretive amongst themselves for the most part blowing me off. Really sucks. So I say I am going to take off, probably stop at another bar on the way home. She says they will go with me. Walking to the other bar the two of them just talk together and blow me off.

Once we arrive at the other bar this gorgeous blonde, a fiqure model, from Golds gym where I work out sees me and comes up and gives me a hug. Her and a girlfreind are partying up, she buys me a drink and is pretty much all over me. hugging and touching me. I mentally had had it with Jen so I was really taking it in. I sat with them for a while while Jen and her freind just keep talking at the bar. Finally I went up to the bar to order another drink, Jen just says "we are leaving" and walks out of the bar.

That was a week ago, I havent heard from Jen and don't plan on contacting her. The bad news I really liked this girl but I dont expect to hear from her again. At least I feel I came out on top to some degree. My plan is to never contact her again ever unless she comes to me, any thoughts on the best thing to do? I would like to hook up with her but only for a little fun.

 

[Slickster]

Sounds like her interest level has cooled off considerably from your Part 1 posts.

The tough thing about her interest level is that when it is high you have to keep it there. If it suddenly drops then it is very difficult to get back. Once she sees your ass she won't forget.

I wonder how different things would've been if her friend wasn't there?

 

[GoinDeep07]

Yeah, I wonder if her friend had something to do with it. I think Jen is in a pretty serius relationship she seemed kinda nervous like someone was going to see us or something. I really don't care that much I am somewhat relieved the whole chase is over. I am getting more interested in other women. time to move on!

 

[Tazman]

I think you were just a spinning plate for Jen. She tried to get a rise out of you by ignoring you and chatting with her friend, but you played your cards well, and the chick from the gym solidified it. I think you did a good job overall.

You've left with frame and value very much intact.

 

[st_99]

26 - 44

you have to factor that in. 26 is a world away from 44, why would she get into a relationship with you???


I would go for 10 years or less gap.

 

[jophil28]

AS a man gets older,more experienced and 'worldly', he presents as an irresistible opportuntity to many younger women to play an interesting game.

This game begins when he shows some low level interest in her, and is then followed by some intense attraction-like behavior from her. She performs all the well know dance steps in the female seduction repertoire to the extent that he is convinced that she is interseted in him as a romantic/ sexual level.
So he then pursues her in the belief that "it is ON".
Then the switch happens - she either cancels dates, withdraws or diverts her attention to another (younger ) man.

Older guy is left confused because all the same moves and countermoves with women of his own age have always resulted in some serious play.

I've played this game a few times. It is just another game played by attractive women to boost their ego and feel validated without the slightest regard for the ethics of their behavior, or the impact on the guy.

 

[GoinDeep07]

Yes I definetly hit the eject button and it feels good! I think Jen is into the money and power as well and, not bragging but I am fortunate to have a little of both, Jen knows this. To be honest though I feel I have a better chance of hooking up with a hot late 20's/early 30's woman now than I ever have. I am probably in the best shape of my life and am told I look about 34-36. The fiqure model is 31, she approached me today saying we should meet for dinner sometime, to my knowledge she knows nothing of the money and status. I am going to pursue it. Thanks for the comments guys!

 

[Joe Stud]

I will go out on a limb here: I think she will contact you in the next couple of wks. I dont think she can stand the fact that you upped her. let us know as soon as she calls.

btw, if she calls, act like nothing is wrong. Just another day in the life of a hot, sought-after guy

 

[jophil28]

to my knowledge she knows nothing of the money and status. I am going to pursue it. Thanks for the comments guys!

Women have a finely tuned and calibrated 'wealth and status detector'.
Make no mistake, she knows a lot about you from subtle cues that you do not even know that you transmitted.

 

[squirrels]

Good stuff! "Jen" becomes a pivot and instant social-proof. You walk into the bar with two women in tow, Gold's Girl sees you and BAM, she's all over you.

Jen was a tool. Any time I've been out with a girl and she's met up with or brought along a friend, I knew right away that it was "bad news". The friend ALWAYS monopolizes the target's attention, often snatching her away from you so she can be a "wing" to approach ANOTHER pair of dudes somewhere else.

Honestly, when I left for the other bar and "Jen" said they were coming along, I probably would've shot back, "No, you're not." and left without them. But then I wouldn't have carried as much social proof into the next bar.

Something I've learned from a lot of AFC mistakes...if you go to a bar with a girl or meet up with a girl at a bar, and you think you have a shot at ANOTHER girl, TAKE IT. Do NOT be a tool and hang out waiting for your original companion to return...if she's into you, she will find you later and drag you back to her.

Every time this has happened, I have tried to stay "true" to the original target and I have PAID for it, not only in ending up AFC-ing around like a lost puppy trying to retrieve the original target, but also in MISSING OPPORTUNITIES. I had come into the club with HOT-ARSE women, generating INSTANT social proof and establishing my legitimacy as a "player", resulting in heightened IL from surrounding women...then missed out because I was too stuck on trying to "close a deal" with the woman I had originally been with, who usually turned out to be a flake anyway.

When a woman enters the bar/club situation, she goes into "attention-gathering" mode. If she already has your undivided attention just by virtue of you having a pre-arranged meet, she will IGNORE you and focus on the guys whose attention she does NOT yet have. You need to make her EARN that sh*t.

And you need to go into "club-mode" as WELL...make connections. Show off your desirability to other women...that's what the bar/club scene is all about.

There have been times when I've gone out with small groups of friends and it was obvious that they were trying to hook me up with a certain girl, but she wanted NOTHING to do with me the whole night. As soon as I get up on another girl, though, suddenly the "principle" becomes magically interested. Suddenly, you're not just a tow-along that your friends are trying to get a pity-lay for, you are a DESIRABLE MALE to a woman who knows NOTHING about you and you instantly take on VALUE.

When Jen got shut out by Gold's Girl, trust me...she was P!SSED. At HERSELF...she had you all to herself but didn't realize what she had, and now that another girl had OUTCLASSED her and gotten the bulk of your attention, her "we're leaving" move was just a tired-out power-play, in the hopes that she could suck you back in and save face.

Only thing you could've done better is included "Jen" as a minor player in the conversation between you and Gold's Girl, not allowing her to take the spotlight but not boxing her out completely...that might've left you a hook-in. But since "Jen" was being an ass to you earlier, I'd say you played it just fine.

My thoughts, worth what they cost you.

 

[GoinDeep07]

Joe Stud was right. I just got a call from Jen. She said her and her brother were heading to a bar downtown and asked if I wanted to meet up with them. I was cool, but told her I was going to meet a buddy at another bar on the other side of town "bar x" she says "what a coincidence they r heading to that bar also". WTF? She also asked if my company would like to donate to an event coming up that she is hosting.WTF again? Any advice?

 

[jophil28]

...but told her I was going to meet a buddy at another bar on the other side of town "bar x" she says "what a coincidence they r heading to that bar also". WTF? She also asked if my company would like to donate to an event coming up that she is hosting.WTF again? Any advice?

Do you really need advice ? You need to wipe the scales from your eyes.
Reseach the word "opportunist" in respect of her behavior.

I might add that she is not tactically savvy enough to wait until she met up with you to ask you for money. Most women who want some of your resources would have played the flirty kino game first.

 

[Joe Stud]

Nice going mr. deep... update?

 

[GoinDeep07]

To my knowledge Jen never did show up at bar x. It was moderatly crowded a buddy and I had a beer. A girl met a couple weeks ago joined us for a couple hours,notmuch to report.

Nice going mr. deep... update?

 

[GoinDeep07]

I got a couple freindly emails from Jen today. When she called yesterday I told her I would text her later that night but I never did. I think she can't stand not being the center of my world. This is great really boosting my ego! I don't plan on contacting her but I feel we will run into each other somewhere when the time is right. Thanks for the help guys! Finally getting my act together!

 

[jophil28]

I got a couple freindly emails from Jen today. When she called yesterday I told her I would text her later that night but I never did. I think she can't stand not being the center of my world. This is great really boosting my ego! I don't plan on contacting her but I feel we will run into each other somewhere when the time is right. Thanks for the help guys! Finally getting my act together!

The emails were to test whether you were still at the end of that very long line that she uses to keep men available to her, on her terms - or so she hopes.

IF you replied to them, you signalled that you were still on the line and still interested in her enough to be willing to wait on her next signal to step forward.
Then, when she does contact you again, you would probably set up a date and then she will cancel the date that you set up because of some "personal emergency" ..
Then she will withdraw for a few weeks until she feels you pulling away in silence, so she will tease you with another couple flirty emails to draw you back in ...and so the game goes around and around to nowhere.


Let me say this - a woman who has legitimate attraction or interest in you will NOT play this game.

Jen is a woman who "collects" men for access to their resources or the benefits of their status or social position. She wants orbiters for her own advantage and will deliver nothing in return except implicit promises and contrived games..

A pure opportunist.

 

[GoinDeep07]

Jophil28, I don't disagree with you, It sounds like you certainly have experience. However Jen is not a lot different than me in regards to having others of the opposite sex orbiting around.
One thing is Jen has always responded with a yes when I have asked her for drinks and lunch. She has suggested we meet for dinner but I have never taken her up in it.
The bottom line this whole deal is more of a hobbie to me than anything. I enjoy playing the game and I realize nothing permanent will ever transpire. I will probably keep posting to get advice on how to hook up with her for one night of fun only. In the meantime I am enjoying pursoing other women!