It's alone at the top

[Jitterbug]

Alone?

Nah you sound just like everyone else who rants about not getting what they want because they are too bloody awesome for others.

 

[Mike32ct]

I'm somewhat the same way in being low in the guy friends department, but there's reasons for it. I'm not a typical guy. I have absolutely no interest in sports which makes 75% of all guys out there incompatible as friends.

This also explains why the majority of my friends are women. About 50-75% of women don't care about sports, so we can easily sit down and discuss ANYTHING but sports.

Another thing about me is I've spent most of my life alone. I've always had one or two close guy friends, but spent the rest of my time by myself. It's something that I've recently realized isn't actually a bad thing. I thrive really well and accomplish a lot of things alone, so why should I try and fight it? Why not embrace it?

I don't spend all my time alone. I have my gf, my friends that I see at the bar every couple of weeks, my best friend, and my co-workers. That's all I really need. About twice a year, I'll throw a party and invite all those I consider friends. Some will show, some won't, but it's always guaranteed that we have a good time.

This sounds very familiar to me. I'm not a sports person and do many things alone. I have two guy friends. That's it. It's all I need.

 

[disgustipated]

BB might be like one of my brothers. Up until 8 ish years out of his college life me and my older brother got along like gangbusters. He was a collegiate runner and a top 10 state finisher in cross/track in HS, I followed in his footsteps literally...looked up to him in just about everything. At that time he had a tiny circle of guy friends too. I mean guys that you could call up and they would help you move an entire house in a day, I was one of those guy for him too.

Then he quit his 9 to 5 and started his own business. His personality changed 180 degrees, it had to. I even went to work for him but the guy I once knew was replaced with an agressive, sometime mean spirited, driven guy....for better or for worse. He had to, to be sucessful. I understood but it really crushed me as a kid brother looking up to him. After workdays were over and the verbal spats endured, the last thing I wanted to do was hang out with him. The times I did he was still in the ON mode and that work personality didn't work for me in our offtime. He never really got that and was very hard(and still is) for him to not try to be the boss in off hours. Mostly ALL his friendships from before were severed because of this.

Maybe BB might be like this because of the was he has to be with his business. I see guys like this all the time. They don't know how to shut it off. For example I was HELPING my bro with some work around his house and he began to TELL me to do some **** that was best reserved for his wife or daughter to do( I was there strictly to help him lift heavy **** he couldnt life by himself)...I had to look at him sideways....he didn't get it because he was used to telling people what to do without question. We actually had an argument about it. That's how hard wired his head is about delegating tasks. He no longer sees how that effects inter personal relationships because of how long he's been the boss.

But I don't feel bad for him, the guy pulls much much ass.

 

[zekko]

I'm not the gambling type myself, so:
Just out of curiousity, how does one get to be that successful at betting on horses? Is it just a matter of developing a system and doing a lot of research, or do you need to have insider information too?

 

[Yo'Mama]

'It's alone at the top'?

'I intimate people'?

Maybe learn to read and write first. Then you can go back to your boring stories about how successful you are and how hot your English wife is.

 

[Desdinova]

Yeah but what on earth do you talk about with women?

Well, have you ever heard two people talk about things that are non-sports related? It's kinda like that. Bizarre, I know.

Sometimes I'm the one to bring up ex gfs(a big no-no) and start hinting at Roissy stuff(a bigger no-no) just to have something to talk about with these empty headed women.

Let me point out that I have female friends that I have no desire to fvck. There's various reasons why: they're unattractive, overweight, friends with other friends, have boyfriends, too many tattoos, not sexy enough, etc. Their lack of interest in sports does not make them empty-headed.

I have a female friend I talk about computers with. I have another female friend who helps renovate my house. I have another one who's my ex-wife's ex-best friend. I have a couple who are loyal readers of my blog. There's all kinds of reasons why I'm friends with them. I find that women are much more loyal when it comes to friendship than any of the guys I've been friends with.

Another great reason to have female friends: Social proof.

 

[zekko]

I have a female friend I talk about computers with. I have another female friend who helps renovate my house. I have another one who's my ex-wife's ex-best friend. I have a couple who are loyal readers of my blog. There's all kinds of reasons why I'm friends with them. I find that women are much more loyal when it comes to friendship than any of the guys I've been friends with.

It's interesting to read that, considering the way females are portrayed on this forum. Usually they're portrayed as being empty-headed, having little hamster brains, running totally on emotion, and having no interests, hobbies, or knowledge unless it's related to socializing.

I've never agreed with that portrayal. Some are like that, sure, but I've found that many women have useful hobbies and interests, and some are quite intelligent and interesting to talk to.

 

[backbreaker]

I'm not the gambling type myself, so:
Just out of curiousity, how does one get to be that successful at betting on horses? Is it just a matter of developing a system and doing a lot of research, or do you need to have insider information too?

practice. lots and lots and lots of practice. but this is something i have known i have wanted to do and have practiced / worked tirelessly at since i was 18 years old. even when i had my computer company this was always the end game. i just could not tell anyone because of hte way people look at stuff like that.

disgustipated

there is a hell of alot of truth to this post. I know taking the route i took changed me. maybe more than i realize at times. my wife will affectionately call me "boss" when i get really demanding. I suppose I'm just not wried like everyone else is.

It's interesting to read that, considering the way females are portrayed on this forum. Usually they're portrayed as being empty-headed, having little hamster brains, running totally on emotion, and having no interests, hobbies, or knowledge unless it's related to socializing.

I've never agreed with that portrayal. Some are like that, sure, but I've found that many women have useful hobbies and interests, and some are quite intelligent and interesting to talk to.

what you have IMHO are a bunch of guys who are taking the polar opposite take as the one before they got here. they go from worshiping women into basically trying to trick themselves that they are "inferior" hense the rehertic.

women aren't men but women aren't like alot of men here portray them to be either.

 

[ThunderMaverick]

Backy baby. No matter the constructive criticism, no matter the sound logic some people point out to you..

You're absolutely perfect the way you are. The world and other men are a problem. Not you.

 

[Serg897]

Nice to know that there are others who feel this way. Like Desdinova most of my friends are women, since Im not that into sports either (except baseball).

Honestly, true friends are few and far between. When I have a friend I can talk to about essentially anything, I recognize how important that person is.

 

[Zarky]

I don't have any male friends either. Fine by me.

My favorite line from a James Bond movie.. Quantum of Solace..

Camille: Friend of yours?
Bond: I don't have any friends.

 

[iqqi]

Backbreaker, from your posts on here I get the impression that you just are not a joy to be around. Definitely self absorbed. I bet you never shut up. Do you even know anyone interesting? Probably not because you'd never take the time or energy to listen to anyone else or dig deeper. Why should you when YOU take up all your energy and devotion?

I actually do understand where you are coming from. I have periods of time where I have few friends too, and yes some of it is because I am "intimidating" in some aspects. But I've been lucky enough to have a good friend or two tell me that I am "not an easy person to get to know". So I have some perspective, and I am aware that I can be sort of self absorbed and involved. Some of that also comes from being an only child.

You remind me of a friend I used to have. A model, who is also extremely intelligent. I'm talking Halle Berry at age 18 lookalike, with fierce debate skills. She doesn't understand why she doesn't have friends. It is always about her, her, her. What she did yesterday and what she is going to do tomorrow, and how she models and her opinions on this and that. One time she came over to my apartment, and my new roommate, who had just moved in, who neither of us knew a day mind you, was sitting on the couch. Halle2 took less than one minute to start to tell this person all of her views on some political sh!t I can't even remember, and without stopping for breath she went on for fifteen minutes I sh!t you not. This was not a two sided back and forth. This was a fifteen minute no breaks run on sentence about city office sh!t that was not even a big topic or issue. The look of fear and bewilderment on my roommates face was priceless.

There have also been more harmful instances where she has completely obliterated friends by getting upset about her own self, and then going berserk on friends near her. Usually the words coming out of her mouth had to do with how awesome she is, and how no one can see it or are her real friends, and she does something completely disrespectful to them without realizing it because she is the only one in the universe.

I stopped responding to her calls, and one time she was even knocking on my door at 3 am because she knew I was home. I was honestly afraid of her at that point. Afraid she'd talk my ear off for three hours about how she was so awesome, when all I wanted to do was be rid of her.

You might in fact be awesome. But the more you have to tell people that the less it rings true. I'd shut up about it all together if I were you and start digging into the people around you to see how awesome they are. Next time you find yourself in a topic of conversation about YOU, maybe turn it around to a topic about them or something they are interested in.

 

[Warrior74]

This just in folks : Apparently the backbreaker backlash has begun. My prediction : accusations of haterism, more grammar nazism, nit picking and bitter whining. Who'll, do what? Let's watch and find out.

Seriously though, to stay on topic. It's lonely at the bottom. When you have nothing and are struggling, you learn who your real friends are. I used to have a huge social circle and now it's down to 5 people besides my family I know I can count on. Those 5 people only want what's best for me and I appreciate them now more than ever. My mates will take me out to the pub and buy all the rounds because they know I don't have it and they want to see me have fun. They send work my way and support my dreams. I try to do the same for them when I can. You cannot ask for a better group of guys and girls.

 

[backbreaker]

This just in folks : Apparently the backbreaker backlash has begun. My prediction : accusations of haterism, more grammar nazism, nit picking and bitter whining. Who'll, do what? Let's watch and find out.

Seriously though, to stay on topic. It's lonely at the bottom. When you have nothing and are struggling, you learn who your real friends are. I used to have a huge social circle and now it's down to 5 people besides my family I know I can count on. Those 5 people only want what's best for me and I appreciate them now more than ever. My mates will take me out to the pub and buy all the rounds because they know I don't have it and they want to see me have fun. They send work my way and support my dreams. I try to do the same for them when I can. You cannot ask for a better group of guys and girls.

one of the most important lessons i have learned in life is that you can't make everyone happy. it's not possible. Regardless of what you do there will always be a group of people who do not like you. The only thing that changes, is the group of people. When you are broke people who have money think you are a lazy slug. When you have money people who don't think you are a greedy arrogant bastard. when you are fat skinny people hate you. when you are skinny fat people hate you.

It's pointless to go through life trying to make people happy because you can't make everyone happy. The only thing you can really do is be true to yourself and your beliefs.

I would even go so far today to say that there are certain people that I know if they DO seriously like me i'm not doing something right.

Those 5 people only want what's best for me and I appreciate them now more than ever. My mates will take me out to the pub and buy all the rounds because they know I don't have it and they want to see me have fun.

part of me honestly, wants my two old best friends back. despite what they did at the time, we were like blood brothers. we have all went our sepera ways, one lives in little rock in atlanta and i live in california. like you they were the only people who showed up when i was flat broke and couold not offer anything ot anyone and i never forgot that. those people are very imoprtant.

 

[ilikecharlene]

If a person has few friends, more often than not it's the person's own fault.

Something they do, or say, is preventing them from having friends.

You say others are envious of you, and this may be true, but perhaps you are seeking out companionship with insecure people.

 

[backbreaker]

If a person has few friends, more often than not it's the person's own fault.

Something they do, or say, is preventing them from having friends.

You say others are envious of you, and this may be true, but perhaps you are seeking out companionship with insecure people.

I mean, that's why you really can't just judge someone on an internet forum. my "job" keeps me at home all day. i work out my work room in my house. I don't get out like the avg person does. Throw in the fact that I work a LOT and well I don't get out to meet people as often as i would like to.

sometimes I will even just pack up my laptop and head to star bucks just to get out the house. besides going to the gym in the morning i can go days without leaving the house at times. i spent a grand total of 50 dollars on gas last MONTH. my gym is 3 miles from my house, the grocery store, get something to eat, go to a bar a few times a month..l so part of hte reason i don't have any friends is just that from a logical standpoint it's difficult.

but in the circles that I am in I try to meet people and I guess I am just trying too hard. I wouldn't say I don't have any "friends" I mean it's not like i am sitting at home jacking off all day watching porn playing video games by myself. we like to have get together often, we throw BBQ's and there are usually 20-30 people here when we do. we know people. someone is stopping by every other day for one reason or another. But I mean, I don't consider those to be "friends". Those are associates. They aren't like my old two best friends.. you know the friend that you can look at a certain why and they know exactly what you are thinking type friend. friends who know you for who you are and have always been type friends.

my circles with what I do, i'm quite young. there aren't very many people my age that are knee deep in horse racing. so that's one thing. and then the ones that are that i kinda know and try to do things with.. it just doesn't lasst long.

i would like to meet more friends outside of the area of what i do, like people who are interested in jazz and people who like to play the piano and stuff like that i just don't have time.

that's probably the one thing I miss about being in AA.. I never not had someone to do something with. I mean NEVER.

this actually has given me quite the business idea.

 

[DJ Logic]

Crackbreaker no makey friends? Say it aint so!

My take:

There is a difference between liking yourself and loving the scent of your own farts so much that your head is permanently lodged up your ass. I don't know you personally but from what I have seen on the forum you walk a fuzzy line between the two. Your defensive reaction towards people trying to help by pointing this out just confirms it.

Don't take it so hard though - IMHO narcissism is one of the more constructive personality flaws. At least it empowers you to have confidence and get sh*t done. The downside is that you will often invite a lot of hate because nobody likes to feel small, and that is often inevitable around folks like us (I too am very well off, strikingly handsome and painfully aware of both traits )

For a long time I had trouble keeping good people in my life. Till I gradually realized that friendship is not just about me - my problems, ups and downs. It's about a shared experience and reciprocating energies. Sometimes it means ignoring my own problems to help a friend through theirs. Often it means talking less and listening more.

In general social situations I have found that it's a lot more fun/effective to sneak in under the radar. People are already sort of intimidated by me at first sight. I am 6'5" with clear, blue eyes so I get the deer in headlights thing a lot. I just downplay myself - sort of like a woman who walks into a club with a smoking hot dress on, gets a compliment and says "what? this old thing?" I am very big on self-deprecating humor. I even joke about having a penis so tiny that I can remove splinters with it.

I do not mention anything I own, any exotic trips I've made - not because I am scared to make people jealous, but because I find there is a certain freedom in not having people know that much about me, unless they are part of my inner circle (which I can count on one hand btw)

Just try this out as an experiment: tell the same stories you normally tell, but without details that hint at your lifestyle. Distill your narrative down to the essential bits that everyone can relate to. You don't see it yet, but it's the very notion in your head that you are at the top, or above others that is subconsciously alienating you.

The tricky part about this is that, on some level, you are right. Not every man is created equal. Some of us are blessed with more than others, either with genetics or a sharp mind. A lot of people will try to paint you as having false pride, but that sh*t is benign in comparison. At least a total delusion can be shattered, but if there is a grain of truth to the delusion, that's where it gets a little complicated

FWIW, pompous blowhard or not you are still one of my favorite people here. I like your no-BS attitude and have sh*t-tons of respect for you going so far considering where you've been. The only way I can show my respect is to give you the same brutal honesty that you are so great at dishing out. I hope you don't take it any other way, nothing but love here bro.

 

[sodbuster]

I guess it's how we define friends. I only have 3 or 4 close friends,even though I know thousands and have had a beer with hundreds. i just don't let that many I let in close.

 

[backbreaker]

I guess it's how we define friends. I only have 3 or 4 close friends,even though I know thousands and have had a beer with hundreds. i just don't let that many I let in close.

to me a friend has to pass the pallbearer test. if i can't count on that guy to be a pallbearer at my funeral that's not a friend.

lol the way I see it, my dad that's one. I have 2 brothers so that's 3. so i need 3 friends.