It's alone at the top

[backbreaker]

If you got to know me, you would learn that I am a pretty likeable guy. But at the same time.. I mean.. how can I put this.. I intimate people, or i make people jealous.. and sometimes it just sucks.

I stopped telling people what I do, at least stopped telling people who play the horses what I do for a living beucase the first time you have a ****ty day they want to use that ****ty day to make themselves feel better. I don't talk about or try not to talk about what i have done in the past beucase people think you are **** measuring.

sopmetimes, i just want to not necessairly fit in but ****.. I like to kick back and do men things sometimes with me and men for the most part don't want me around because I scare them. their women look at me. and i'm very young. and it pisses people off an makes them ask themselves why haven't i don't anything close to what this guy 10 years younger than me has done so they try to pole holes into you but the truth is I am a real person.

I have adapted and become pretty thyick skinned and keep my distance from the vast majority of people, but still it can suck sometimes.

there is a huge thread about why i got married or why 5string got married or what not.. i can honestly say part of the reason is because my wife really is my best friend. she gets me and not only that she understands who I am, and doesn't give me any **** about it. for someone who can't keep friends around, that's a big deal. i don't have friends i can just go over their house and play video games with or go out to the bar and kick it with, with me everything becomes a **** measuring contest.


the irony of it all is it makes me become more focus and more in tune with my goals which makes me become more successful and thus pissing more people off.

i think that's part of the reason I stick around here. for the most part, i feel like the guys here see me not as a guy to measure their ****s against but just, the guy who likes feet, plays the piano and likes horse racing woh can't spell worth a ****. there are people here who will tell; me like it is,but at the same time not putting me down at the same time. not that i can't be taken being put down, but I mean, i'm a guy with regular emotions just like the rest of them.

getting money, or becoming wealthy, brings on a new set of problems that most people just never have to deal with. you can't do something nice for yourself without someone getting into their feelings. People don't want to hear your real problems beucase your real problems piss them off beucase they wish they can have your problems, but that does not mean they aren't problems.

I'm just fustrated. I really llike who I am and I would not change a thing about me. I like what i have accomplished so far in life, but I mean.. **** at times I forgot I am just 28. I mean, there are times I would not mind having 2-3 of my 28 year old friends over and just getting piss drunk while watching a good movie or to go tailgating with friends my age at a college football game. part of me wants that and i don't think that's possible for me.

funny enough I'm actually more AFC with guys than I am with women. when i do meet a guy that I think would mak ea good buddy I bend over backwards for them.. though they usually end up trying to take advantage of me or end up getting pissed off at something i didn't do or something alone those lines.

growing up i had 2 best friends that we did everything together. even into early adult hood we were all there fore ach other. even when i first became prett successful it was like we "all" made it. those were my boys. however it did not take long. at all. one of them tried to sleep with my then GF behind my back and the other talked so much **** about me behind my back i just had to cut him lose, depsite doing anything and everything i could for them. i even let one of them move in with me at one point. there isn't anything i would not have done for them...

so now i just do my own thing for the mos tpart, keep to my self. learn how to sarge on your own. learn how to entertain yourself.. and for the most part, that's who I am today and im' cool with that. but i mean, it just kinda sucks sometimes.

 

[Bible_Belt]

I'm cynical on the idea of friendship. Everyone has to get something out of the arrangement, or else there's really no point in talking. I've had a lot of great friends, but the friendship was always secondary to something else in common, like a job, class or activity. After the primary reason we knew each other had passed, so too did all of those friends pass out of my life. I don't have any ill will at all towards any of them, and neither do they I suspect, but other than adding each other on facebook there's just no real reason to talk any more, because whatever we shared in common in life has passed.

 

[backbreaker]

Ive seen in many of your posts backbreaker that what you do has some doing with "gambling"? i dont know what you do exactly but i have the same "problem" as well in terms of what i do for a living, alot of people give me **** about it and love when things go wrong for me, Like im too young to be successful at something (im 28 BTW), or atleast thats what it seems like. The fit in part i can relate a small bit,.. i have friends but not a WHOLE lot but i can say i have 2 CLOSE friends that i have known for more than 10 years. Keep your head up man, you seem like a cool guy and ignore the negative.

it's kinda complicated becuase i have become more of an enterprise over the last 2 or 3 years and I genrate money from different ways. the vast majority of my money that I actually make today comes from horse racing, I am basically a professional gambler, and I'm pretty damn good at it. very good actually. that's about 80%-85% of my income, the rest comes from a few dividends I have and my web development company that I still own.

lol, i don't know if you have ever seen the movie.. **** what is the name of that movie. best horse racing movie of all time.. let it ride that's it. man. there is a scene in the movie, where the main guy, gets, a freaking surefire tip from an insider that a horse is going to win. they are fixing the race basically and he found out and they confirmed it for him as long as he didn't snitch on them for fixing the race. anyway, he goes to his friends with this information, wanting to share his wealth. his friends look at him and come up with excuse as to why they can't wager. "what if he loses", " i don't have any money", "he doesn't look good on the track".

horse comes in, and the dude makes like 50 grand or something. he goes to the bar across the street and tries to by everyone rounds and they all look at him starring pissed off and one of them says " you could have told us something"

that's my life in a nutshell lol. damned if i do damned if i don't. i'm not freaking special. I am intelligent but I'm not Nietzsche or antyhing. I just work my ass off. it's 11:30 at night and I am still working while my wife is "laying in bed" quote unquote. People ask me how I got where I am i tell them. then those same people you try to help out, get pissy when they don't have what you have or want to throw snide remarks just belittle you for no reason when you are trying to help people up where you are but no one wants to listen or take the initiative and make some sacrifices or take some changes or whatever the case may be.

 

[5string]

backbreaker

Yer a great guy. Honest to a fault. For that, you have my greatest admiration. You really do.

Know that you do not have to justify who you are or what you do. If you are happy and honest with yourself, it matters not what others think brother. Always be at peace.

I, like you, have been flamed for being married. Some guys just don't get it or understand. All relationships are different. If mine works, or your's works, who cares right? I'm at peace with myself and happy as are you.

I intimidate others as well simply by my looks. Primarily my eyes. I have no fear in talking to others. I'm very straight forward. I have many friends, 3-4 of which would do absolutely anything for me. I'm lucky in this regard, very lucky.

Guys have to be qualified for your friendship. A level of trust needs to be built over time. My buddies are some of the most important things in my life.

For me, I trust until proven unworthy.

Finally, your wife should be your best friend. Mine is.

Good luck at the track.

 

[cordoncordon]

BB I live 4 miles from Santa Anita race track, I have been a gambler my entire life, I owned and trained race horses since I was 18, I have asked you to hang out countless times, and have never really heard back from you. IF you want to hang out, or take our better halves to the clubhouse at SA for a day of betting, let me know.

 

[backbreaker]

BB I live 4 miles from Santa Anita race track, I have been a gambler my entire life, I owned and trained race horses since I was 18, I have asked you to hang out countless times, and have never really heard back from you. IF you want to hang out, or take our better halves to the clubhouse at SA for a day of betting, let me know.

i could have sworn you lived in the mid west and it was pacers/trotters you were interested in. somehow that flew past my head.

will probably be in touch sooner rather than later. doubt i go to the track that much until SA derby day will be doing my thing from home but that should fun stuff the SA derby

 

[cordoncordon]

i could have sworn you lived in the mid west and it was pacers/trotters you were interested in. somehow that flew past my head.

will probably be in touch sooner rather than later. doubt i go to the track that much until SA derby day will be doing my thing from home but that should fun stuff the SA derby

Well I am originally from the midwest, and have trained and owned 100's of harness horses, but I bet any and all kinds of horses haha. Even the quarters and Australia.

 

[yuppaz]

Hey Backbreaker - not to be harsh on you but in a lot of your posts you talk about your success, your success, your success. If we were to hang out, I have a feeling that that would be the topic of the day, how successful backbreaker is. That's pretty one dimensional and it would probably get old pretty fast. If you let the definition of who you are as a person be how great you are at picking horses in races then the people you'll probably end up associating with will be people that bet on horses. I have a funny feeling they are not exactly well rounded individuals (gambling addiction etc.) and they probably don't want to know how much you won when they are losing. You may need to work on other areas of interest in your life and other fassets of who you are as a person. You have a great leg up with your business life which gives you opportunities to develop other areas of your life and interests (travel, culture, boating, car racing, mountain biking, spirituality, philanthropy).... you name it. I'm kinda going through some of the same stuff. Work life is set, need to get into other areas of interest and meet other people also interested in those things (I don't think that gamblers are going to make the best friends to be frank).

 

[FairShake]

Good looking, successful, intelligent guys are usually not lacking in friends. Guys who like to talk about how good looking, successful, and intelligent often are lacking in friends.

You seem like you may be a little self-absorbed judging by your posts on this board. Perhaps this is just a sounding board for your self-absorption (I know it's mine) and you aren't like this in real life. But if you are I would take the time to make it about the other guy and you might find personal relationships strengthening.

 

[Desdinova]

I'm somewhat the same way in being low in the guy friends department, but there's reasons for it. I'm not a typical guy. I have absolutely no interest in sports which makes 75% of all guys out there incompatible as friends.

This also explains why the majority of my friends are women. About 50-75% of women don't care about sports, so we can easily sit down and discuss ANYTHING but sports.

Another thing about me is I've spent most of my life alone. I've always had one or two close guy friends, but spent the rest of my time by myself. It's something that I've recently realized isn't actually a bad thing. I thrive really well and accomplish a lot of things alone, so why should I try and fight it? Why not embrace it?

I don't spend all my time alone. I have my gf, my friends that I see at the bar every couple of weeks, my best friend, and my co-workers. That's all I really need. About twice a year, I'll throw a party and invite all those I consider friends. Some will show, some won't, but it's always guaranteed that we have a good time.

 

[backbreaker]

Hey Backbreaker - not to be harsh on you but in a lot of your posts you talk about your success, your success, your success. If we were to hang out, I have a feeling that that would be the topic of the day, how successful backbreaker is. That's pretty one dimensional and it would probably get old pretty fast. If you let the definition of who you are as a person be how great you are at picking horses in races then the people you'll probably end up associating with will be people that bet on horses. I have a funny feeling they are not exactly well rounded individuals (gambling addiction etc.) and they probably don't want to know how much you won when they are losing. You may need to work on other areas of interest in your life and other fassets of who you are as a person. You have a great leg up with your business life which gives you opportunities to develop other areas of your life and interests (travel, culture, boating, car racing, mountain biking, spirituality, philanthropy).... you name it. I'm kinda going through some of the same stuff. Work life is set, need to get into other areas of interest and meet other people also interested in those things (I don't think that gamblers are going to make the best friends to be frank).

you have to put my post in the context of what we are talking about. it's not like we here at sosuave are just sitting around watching a football game and we are just shooting the ****, we are talking about things like money, success with women, looks, etc. if som eone here thinks i'm "shosinwgt off" they just into their feelings. we come here to become the best we can with the opposite sex and ihhn life in general i'm ont going to not act like i have not been as successful I have been just to make some guys feel better about themselves.

You seem like you may be a little self-absorbed judging by your posts on this board. Perhaps this is just a sounding board for your self-absorption (I know it's mine) and you aren't like this in real life. But if you are I would take the time to make it about the other guy and you might find personal relationships strengthening.

this is a pet peeve of mine.

waht exaclty does "self absorbed" mean? that I like myself and think i'm pretty freaking sweet? yeah I do. that i am proud of what i have done in my life? yeah I am.

there is nothing wrong with liking yourself. This is one of the conundrums when it comes to self improvement.

as a male you are expected by society to be the best you can be, yet at the same time, expected to not be proud of your accomplishments.

in fact I generally go out of my way to not talk about what I have or havce done. If I wanted to i really could take it there. no one knows the amount i wager on avg for good reason. no one knows how much i made last year for gooe reason. no one knows how many vacations i took last year for good reason. when I am talking about what goes on in my everyday life context has to be provided and i try my best to do so without being over "stunt tastic" lol but sometimes details need to be provided.

i'll give you an example. i did not post this here becuase it wasn't worth postinng but the wife and i go;t into a mini arguement what.. 2 weeks ago, she had went out and had some drinks. but she took my car not hers, and when she got home i could tell she was tipsy. which in itself is not that big of a deal but my car has 510 horsepower and she isn't used to that sober let alone tipsy and i told her look you can't be driving my car drunk or tipsy you should have called and i would have come and pick you up instead of endangering yourself.

someone would look at that post and say "oh look backbreaker is showing off" but I mean.. that's not showing o;ff, that's actually me dumbing down the story quite a bit. if you think i'm showing off that's your problem not mine because i'm not. in that story, it would not make sense if you did not know my car has a serious engine difference from hers. **** she can barley drive hers lol. so i have to provide that fact to make it known what the problem is.

I work out what.. between 14 and 15 hours a week i have the right to think I'm attractive. that's a right i have earned. I'm not stuck on myself but i think i'm quite handsome. if you ask me about looks i'm not going to lie and saying avg looking because i don't look like an avg person. i go to great lengths not to look like an avg person. again if that is someone thinking i' stuck on myself that's more their problem then mine.

I know what I am and what I am not. I'm by no means the epitome of humbleness but in' not a jerk or stuck up either.


also you have no idea about what i do to "look after the other guy". the other guy doesn't give a **** about you. no one gives a **** that I have been in big brothers big sisters for a year and a half now, or that I have more than once let an addict or recovering addict house with me fora few days even a few weeks once while their living situation was in jumbo or that i will bend over backwards to try to help someone who is helping themselves. while in AA i had 3 sponsees and would spend up to 10 hours a week dealing with them making sure they were doing what they were supposed to do. and i am busy enough as it is.

that's what i mean, no one wants to hear it because the issue isn't really "how you feel about the other guy". I have one of the biggest hearts you will ever find. the real issue is that you are getting into people's feelings they throw back some spewed up crap about you not being humble or caring enough.

It's not like in real life I'm sitting around at a friends house pulling out bank statements and **** lol.

 

[yuppaz]

You seem to be getting pretty defensive when people give you constructive criticism for an issue that you yourself brought up. And then you are trying to school the people trying to help you by telling them how much of an expert you are in manliness / money / power / whatevs...Some guys are saying "Ya, it's not you, everyone else is messed up and that's why you may be having trouble in these areas, because you are so suaaaave " but in reality you put it out there because it's bothering you & you know it's you and not them. I'm going to cut straight to what I would assume based on this thread only it is that's going on with you. Please don't take it offensively, I'm only putting this out there to help. Maybe a good way to look at it is to just consider it as a possibility and be mindful of it for the next week.... here we go:

It seems like on the surface, you tell yourself that your great (which is a good thing) because you are attractive, you have money, you have a hot wife, and for any other reasons.... BUT inside you don't feel that way about yourself. It comes off like that to others because you have the need to keep reinforcing those external things to yourself and others, and it probably happens unconsciously.

In life we sometimes move in the opposite direction of our insecurities. So people who are scared sh*tless of being alone turn to pickup, money and looks. People who are scared sh*tless of being seen as weak do everything they can to look strong. Girls scared of being unloved f*ck lots of guys etc.

Also, we tend to judge others the most harshly based on our own insecurities. So MAYBE a good way to evaluate where you are not feeling secure deep down is to look at how you judge others, what traits you dislike about others, because those are likely your biggest insecurities and the areas where you cover up the most, which incidentally keeps you from connecting with other people.

example questions you could ask yourself:
Do you hate weakness?
Do you hate stupidity?
Do you hate the idea of being average / "normal"?
Would you consider yourself less of a person if you were poor?
?????????

Try paying attention to that, in a very honest way without any fear of judgement from others and try to notice things that you do in your life to reinforce that those things ARE NOT you. I will bet the behaviors you have re: those things are what keeps you from connecting with others.

I highly recommend seeing a counselor to deal with what you start to find to clear yourself of all the armor you have around yourself in those areas that are blocking connection and fulfillment in your life.

Again, try to hold off from being defensive and firing back on how i"m wrong about x, y and z. I gain nothing from wasting the past 10 - 15 minutes writing this, it's just that it reminds me so much of who I was and guys I've tried to help succeed with women & connect with people in general in their lives that I recognize it and I'm pretty darn sure that's what's going on. Brother it's a painful journey but it's worth it...promise

 

[backbreaker]

Maybe you should have posted that story

Anyway, just look at your thread title, it comes across as arrogant to say that you are "at the top". You're not Michael Jordan lol. And you wouldn't even have to be this bold for guys to "sniff" that you think you're better than they are. I know because I have made enemies that same way(actually there's a thread on it). I don't think yuppaz was judging you though because he did provide the alternative theory that you are just not hanging around with the right group of guys.

I have no desire to change who I am. I like who i am as a person very much, and i have no desire to chase this utopian view of what a human being should be. I have flaws just as every man does and i probably always will have them and I can accept that.. I'm somewhat arrogant, i'm stubborn, and i don't particularly like to be told what to do, by anyone and can't see a day where that is going to change.

but thos flaws or weaknesses are some of the traits that got me where I am. i do think i can do antyhing i put my mind to. I do not listen to people when they tell me i can't do something. sometimes they are right sometimes they are wrong but i will find out for myself.

so it's not very fair to say yo8u need to change, at least to my viewpoint it's not because that's changing part of a successful personality trait. You just learn to take the good with that bad.

). I don't think yuppaz was judging you though because he did provide the alternative theory that you are just not hanging around with the right group of guys.

i have no problem with what he says, everyone is entitled to their opinions. I am sure i have some wrong opinions of people on this forum as well.


I see a shrink once a week and i have for about 5 years now becuase of my drug addiction or previous drug addition. I know i have issues lol. i don't need anyone to tell me that I pay someone to tell me that once a week. I have a good feel for what those issues are. I do very much to this day have a chip on my shoulder, I have an addictive personality amount other issues.


but i assure you that i very much like myself, and it has nothing whatsoever to do with how much money I do or do not have. From where I was 10 years ago,the business, the drugs, the family issues to be where I am today.. yes I very much like the person I see in the mirror. I sat out very speicfic goals that i wanted to achieve and i worked to get them, in my business life, my personal life, my health, and i have achieve about all of them i was supposed to achieve at this point, so yes it's genuine when I say I like myself I'm not just telling myself that


I remember when I was i AA and i kinda went through a similar deal and kinda why i get "defensive" if you want to call it that. for about 3 years I was in AA and did everything I could to "humble" myself, and spent 3 years trying to be this perfect person and honestly the more I got into AA the more i hated myself and the more people still did not like me. they did not hate me beucdase i was flaunting what i did or did not have or that i came off as arrogant, they hated me because i got all the attention. the last 6 months I was in AA i had to get a new sponder becuase my old one had relapsed and I got this guy and I do everything he ask me to do, i call him everyday, he tells me to go to a meeting i go to that meeting, anything he asks me to do i do. this is a guy who at the time had what.. like 8 years or something and i had 3. we go to a meeting and there is a girl there who he likes and she is all over me. the next day i call him and he tells me he can't work with me anymore. i was actaully quite hurt behind that as i did everything that the dude asked me to do, was clean as a whistle and at the end of the day not a damn bit of it mattered because he got butthurt that a girl that he liked, liked me more than she liked him.

and i would go to meetings and the nicer i was and tried to fit in the more guys just did not like me. despite the fact i was there everyday, depsite the fact that i was very gung ho about AA, it had nothing to do with me. people just don't like people who are better then themsleves or who they precieve to be better then themselves.

it was at that point in life where i just said "fvck it". i am who I am. i'm done trying to please anyone and pretend to be something i'm not. you like me you like me if you don't you don't. i spent years trying to fit in only to find out i was probably worse off.

i just need to do a better job of screening my friends.

Maybe you should have posted that story

wasn't much to the story. she had a few drinks and got behind the wheel. i thoguth that was irresponsibe behavior. i MEAN not seen my car lol this is my wife we are talking about i kinda like her and don't want anything to happen to her. see said she knows and it won't happen again, i get a back rub, end of the story. we get in little spats from time to time. sometimes's it's her getting on my ass. about a month ago i had been working really hard and missing dinner for a few nights and she basically came in my work room and demanded that i eat dinner with her and the son and she was right.. my son comes first. we keep each other in line.

 

[Htienvu]

Shouldn't this be in Anything Else, just read a few sentences and it seems like a me me me thread. Most threads you start seems like that for some reason.

 

[Htienvu]

...

 

[yuppaz]

1. You say it sucks to be alone, you assume you are alone because you are "at the top" - or maybe you don't assume that but you put it out there as an excuse as to why you can't connect well with men.
2. People give you outside viewpoints on why that may be.
3. They offer alternative viewpoints to help you sort the issue you are having (listed #1)
4. Instead of acknowledging that viewpoint, you get defensive and assume you are being judged, and poorly (which I am not, it's just an area you are sensitive about..everyone has areas they are sensitive about, no shame in that)
5. You throw out the viewpoint and advice and reinforce to yourself the reason you are in #1 situation in the first place - "People just don't like people who are better then themselves" (btw that's what human beings do, we HUNT FOR evidence to prove our pre-conceived beliefs (positive or negative). Your pre-conceived belief / limiting belief is just that... you have found a reason to point to why people don't like you so you are reinforcing that belief wherever you find even the slightest bit of evidence. What you should instead do is start looking for reasons why people DO like you (and I'll bet when you start looking for them, you will find a lot of them).

You ARE partially right, by the way... some men don't like guys who achieve more then them, have more then them, look better then them etc. but those are little boys that are very immature and lack a good sense of identity and real inner confidence and you probably wouldn't want to hang out with them anyway, but there are also a lot of men out there who are not like that.

Anyways man, I've given you some gold. Tough to take in if your feeling defensive right now or your ego stings a bit, maybe re-read that later when feeling more open minded and see if it helps. You obviously go way out of your way to try to help other guys, so just trying to return the favor.

Cheers

 

[FairShake]

this is a pet peeve of mine.

waht exaclty does "self absorbed" mean? that I like myself and think i'm pretty freaking sweet? yeah I do. that i am proud of what i have done in my life? yeah I am.

I can tell it's a pet peeve of your's. I can tell you hear it from other people too.

Here is what self-absorbed is. You lay out a problem you are having with other people. Namely that you aren't getting along with them. I point out that, observing your posts, you like to talk about you and your accomplishments to a greater extent than most and that is self-absorption. Instead of reading my post and responding to my opinions you answer the question by talking about how great you are (although cloaking it by saying "I could say this but I won't") and making the argument that you are a great person with a big heart although I never called that into question.

There is nothing wrong with liking yourself. My only problem is when you try to validate yourself to others. It's not a good look and it's all over you dude. You clearly have a lot of interest to say and share. It's the way you do it that turns people off.

 

[CostaDeSol]

so you have your queen but you don't have an army.


your queen - mother of your children

your army - males who will support you in life. they might be your family members/coworkers/friends/employees/business associates/etc


Is this what you are talking about?

Maybe you just lack various leadership qualities.

 

[backbreaker]

I can tell it's a pet peeve of your's. I can tell you hear it from other people too.

Here is what self-absorbed is. You lay out a problem you are having with other people. Namely that you aren't getting along with them. I point out that, observing your posts, you like to talk about you and your accomplishments to a greater extent than most and that is self-absorption. Instead of reading my post and responding to my opinions you answer the question by talking about how great you are (although cloaking it by saying "I could say this but I won't") and making the argument that you are a great person with a big heart although I never called that into question.

There is nothing wrong with liking yourself. My only problem is when you try to validate yourself to others. It's not a good look and it's all over you dude. You clearly have a lot of interest to say and share. It's the way you do it that turns people off.

what makes you think that my post had to do with anything that goes on on this forum in the first place? lol you think i honestly give a **** what anyone on this forum thinks of me?



for the sake of not wasting my 10 post per day here going back and forth i'm done. I mean I appreciate the advice and trying to help me out and all but it was more of a rant than anything. I can take care of myself. just had a really ****ty day the other day and had a "friend" of mine do something pretty ****ty that i did not appreciate whatsoever.

it's just becoming a running theme in my male friendship life and i am getting somewhat fustrated. as someone earlier said i have to treat men like women in the sense i need to screen them just like i would a normal plate and I need to consciously make an effort to go find new friends.

 

[FairShake]

lol you think i honestly give a **** what anyone on this forum thinks of me?

Yes I do.