It's all about respect...a bad date story.

[Gangster Of Love]

No, he needs to go SPIN PLATES, in fact, he should always have them spinning, until one is worthy enough of being the only exclusive one.

Dweling and trying to figure out the why's of everything will only lead him to frustration and lower self-esteem.

 

[Wyldfire]

lol...before he can "spin plates" he needs to learn how to identify and avoid plates that, when attempted to be spun, spins out of control and knocks him out.

 

[Gangster Of Love]

leave them spinning, no need to go back to figure things out, move on to the next one. There's an unlimited supply of women, why waste time figuring out, identifying and the rest of that stuff?

 

[Interceptor]

One thing that Wyld is adressing here is the idea of avoiding the Infinity Gauntlet.
Wyld is alluding that in order for the OP to have successful relationships, he has to address fundamental issues that ruin his game.
PLUS.....as his Brothers in Arms,(and Wyld as "Sister") we should look at trying to help this guy's problems and help him prepare for an LTRtoo, should he choose one. Of course, and Social awkwardness he may experience too.

One conflict we may find recurring is a short term viewpoint, guys.


Think about it. That's all I'm saying....

 

[Gangster Of Love]

Don't disagree with that, yet, whatever you do, you should never Stop Spinning those plates. You can do both simultaneously.

Thank you very much for doing what you do best. Intercepting.

 

[Wyldfire]

Gangster...I know you like the term...but you're really over-using it, lol.

The OP's problem is very, very unique to the usual run of the mill problems normally seen here. He seems confident, secure and socially capable enough. He's just been trying to build a relationship with someone who is at least equal to him, if not even a bit better in some areas of their field of work. On top of that, part of the peer dynamic of this career is that you have to be strong and in control at all times in order to have the respect and trust of your peers on the job. The woman he described doesn't sound at all typical, nor does he. In fact, the whole reason he seems to be having the issue is because they are so much alike and can't seem to separate the personal from the professional. He's having a difficult time trying to deal with a woman who is really on the exact same level of the playing field as he is professionally and in temperament. Clearly, that's not really the best kind of fit for him...so he now needs to find a way to weed women who fit that mold out from the others. That will be hard because it seems that the very women he is going to struggle in a relationship with are the very ones he's most attracted to and interested in. The dude needs to put down the plates long enough to develop a plan to avoid turning around and making a beeline straight for another woman exactly like this one.

Now stop with the plates or I'm gonna start throwing some bowls at you.

 

[STR8UP]

Don't disagree with that, yet, whatever you do, you should never Stop Spinning those plates.

Great in theory, not always feasable. I barely have time for ONE wobbly a$$ plate, let alone three or four.

 

[Gangster Of Love]

Great in theory, not always feasable. I barely have time for ONE wobbly a$$ plate, let alone three or four.

The more reason to not dwell, and stop, and overanalyze why one particular confused chick did what she did. Who has time for all that nonsense?

Yes, I am overusing the term a lot, specially today. So we can agree on something, at last.

 

[Wyldfire]

The more reason to not dwell, and stop, and overanalyze why one particular confused chick did what she did. Who has time for all that nonsense?

Yes, I am overusing the term a lot, specially today. So we can agree on something, at last.

You're operating on the assumption that the woman is confused. That's not the problem. The problem is that he is attracted to and has gotten involved with someone he also feels he is in competition with professionally. When she does something that she does not necessarily mean as disrespect he is going to view it as such because of the nature of the full dynamic.

I'm going to make up a similar situation to what he's found himself in to better illustrate what's really going on.

Okay...let's say there is a guy and girl who are both in the military and both served in Iraq and had been in life threatening situations where it required them to be very tough. Let's say the woman is a very good soldier and very fit and physically strong as well as mentally strong. Now let's say that she outranks him slightly and is better than he is at a number of job related things. Let's also say that part of their work dynamic was to always portray toughness, strength and control. Now imagine how it would be if one or both of them were unable to leave work at work and brought it into their relationship. He would naturally feel kinda like his manhood and authority in the relationship were in question. He would be hyper sensitive to anything that might imply that this woman did not respect him. At the same time he felt these things he would also be really attracted in her because they have so much in common, share experiences and understand each other.

No, they aren't in the military...but it's a really good analogy to what the situation is that he's found himself in. He's either got to learn to overcome his own feelings about being involved with someone he's not going to be stronger than or be at a higher rank/level than or he needs to reassess the things he looks for in a woman. That's why spinning more plates is not his first order or business. If he's going to move on and end his relationship then he needs to do something to make sure he doesn't just keep washing, rinsing and repeating. If we notice something that we are doing that causes us to be unhappy or unfulfilled it's really a good idea to understand why and then change it.

 

[joekerr31]

she was b*tch slapping you. she was letting you know that SHE is in charge and that YOU are nothing in her world and that YOU better worship her and that SHE is goign to cut your balls off if she likes.

my money says that within 30 seconds of meeting you she looked in yoru eyes and thought "this guy will take my sh*t - game on".

DO NOT spend 5 more seconds thinking about this woman. Its over. Move on.

yoru right, its about respect. and next time when a woman looks in your eyes, hopefully she sees a tiger in there who is NOT to be f*cked with. You don't have to be scary, but you have to exude that you respect others and you expect respect in return - and when you dont get it, then such a person has no place being around you 1 second longer than circumstance demands need be.

had it been me, the moment she started reading her magazine while having dinner with me i would have just said 'ok, that's it let's go.'

her: "what? why?"
me: "check please"
her: "whats the problem?"
me: "no problem at all. we're leaving and im taking you home"
her: "ummm whatever."
me: [get the b*tch home, then go home wiht a smile on my face for not spending 1 second more than i needed to with a woman i have no respect for]

pretty simple

 

[Jay Jay]

Am I the only one who wouldn't give a ****?

Seriously, its been a MONTH.

You were at a pub and then late night chinese.

Cmon dude! Its not like you were having a candle light dinner at some expensive restaurant then going to the ****ing opera.

That was a CASUAL date! It was after seeing her for a month!

Sheesh!

There comes a point where you should be able to relax with someone. I say that point is easily before a month or so after you started dating and located between the local pub and late night yum cha!


JJ

 

[Gangster Of Love]

You're operating on the assumption that the woman is confused. That's not the problem. The problem is that he is attracted to and has gotten involved with someone he also feels he is in competition with professionally. When she does something that she does not necessarily mean as disrespect he is going to view it as such because of the nature of the full dynamic.

I'm going to make up a similar situation to what he's found himself in to better illustrate what's really going on.

Okay...let's say there is a guy and girl who are both in the military and both served in Iraq and had been in life threatening situations where it required them to be very tough. Let's say the woman is a very good soldier and very fit and physically strong as well as mentally strong. Now let's say that she outranks him slightly and is better than he is at a number of job related things. Let's also say that part of their work dynamic was to always portray toughness, strength and control. Now imagine how it would be if one or both of them were unable to leave work at work and brought it into their relationship. He would naturally feel kinda like his manhood and authority in the relationship were in question. He would be hyper sensitive to anything that might imply that this woman did not respect him. At the same time he felt these things he would also be really attracted in her because they have so much in common, share experiences and understand each other.

No, they aren't in the military...but it's a really good analogy to what the situation is that he's found himself in. He's either got to learn to overcome his own feelings about being involved with someone he's not going to be stronger than or be at a higher rank/level than or he needs to reassess the things he looks for in a woman. That's why spinning more plates is not his first order or business. If he's going to move on and end his relationship then he needs to do something to make sure he doesn't just keep washing, rinsing and repeating. If we notice something that we are doing that causes us to be unhappy or unfulfilled it's really a good idea to understand why and then change it.

Im operating on no assumption. Confused, competitive,fvcked up, difficult, etc. all mean the same to me when it comes to these type of things where the guy and girl are gonna figure everything out and how to compromise and how to find a possible way to co-exist, whatever.

I could have left the word confused out of that post and it doesn't change my take. TOO MUCH TIME, for my taste. That same time can be invested in something and/or something with more potential.

And Jay Jay, you're not the only one. Everytime I have said the same thing, how it is a big waste of time for something that hasn't been proven worhtwhile, Wyld has the need to have the last word on this, and most other threads, and tell us all how this is such a unique case where they are really gonna have to decide this, that, or whatever.

MY ADVICE, GO SPIN MORE PLATES AND VALUE YOUR TIME, otherwise nobody else will. She didn't value his time, so she's out there embarrassing the guy. Either way, if spining more plates is or is not, NOT WASTING HIS TIME ON THIS ONE is the first and best thing he needs to do. Yet some cats love the drama, and will always go for the "Strong Types", errr, bitzhes, that will challenge their masculinity. That's probably what he wants, actually. Wouldn't be surprised if he had a controlling, dominant/domineering mother who wore the pants in the family, and is just a little confused about who he feels should be in charge.

It would be even better if he just happens to be just a troll.

 

[Mr.Positive]

Hey everyone..thanks for all the input! I think there is a lot of good advice on this thread, and I appreciate everyone's thoughts.

Wyldfire is right on the money with this one and was able to quickly get to the root of the issues. To put a long story short, it has been a big power struggle from the start with this girl...on all levels. I know the best advise is to get out and not waste any more time, but I must say, I have never met anyone that I have more in common with. So, why even bother? I guess it was the whole challenge of it all. It's like the cowboy that chooses the toughest horse to break in the herd, because he knows if he can break that horse in, he will have the strongest, healthiest, quickest one. I figured it was a great way to improve my game so to speak, and if I could even the playing field, I could end up with a confident loyal gal with her head on straight. Furthermore, as Wyldfire said, we have the same career, and not to give too much info, but for what we do, quitting is not an option and you have to be extremely determined. So..in my mind, if I simply next this gal, I'll have quit and not lived up to her standards.

That was my thinking, up until, as Joekerr eloquently pointed out, I got b!tch slapped...hard. I don't care if it was my brother, a friend, or a wife of 10 years..if you are at a restuarant eating dinner with someone, it is a complete lack of respect to open a magazine and ignore the person you are with. Actions always speak louder than words. At the time it sucked, but I'm actually laughing about it now...in a way, it was a good wake up call.

So..anyway, she called twice today and I didn't answer. The first time she left a message as if nothing had happened. I'm realizing she is unattainable and not worth my time anymore. The truth is, never respect someone that doesn't respect you back.

On a positive note, dealing with your average woman is a lot easier for me now! I'm not spinning plates, though I do have one other plate spinning.

Thanks agian everone..

 

[Mr.Positive]

. Wouldn't be surprised if he had a controlling, dominant/domineering mother who wore the pants in the family, and is just a little confused about who he feels should be in charge.

It would be even better if he just happens to be just a troll.

not worth it..

 

[biofreeze]

I had a similar experience about a year ago. I asked the waiter for separate checks. The look on her face was priceless. Then I explained that I wasn't going to keep buying her meals when she obviously wasn't interested in me. Up until that point with her - about 3 months, or so dates, I had been the AFC poster child. It felt good to finally man up and call her on that ****e.

 

[Last Man Standing]

She is a girl that wishes to be entertained at all times!!! Maybe, just maybe you are not compatible in the social arena - this is ok - move on!!!