"It takes brass balls to-"

[KarmaSutra]

- take control of your life by throwing everything away and starting fresh.

I can say it because I did it.

I left everything behind. I left a four-bedroom house with a perfect salt water pool.
I left behind my dogs. I left behind Li'l K. I left 90% of my material possessions behind and walked away.

I don't harbor any ill will towards the ex-Ms. K whatosever. Our flip-flops have walked down different paths with different goals and ideas for what each of our futures will be. Neither of us are bad or wrong, just different.

I left it all.

I live in a small room on the outside of my Dad's place. The small tv shuts off when it gets too hot. I sleep on a six foot LoveSac. I have a cardboard box as a laptop table. But I'm the happiest I've been in years.

I have the mental constitution to acknowledge that I was a miserable bastard who's hypocrisy was overwhelmingly engulfed in self-absorbed ego. I was toxic to everyone with my bullsh!t.

Not anymore.

I'm writing my book. I'm reconnecting with who I am. I've solidified my goals and internalized what I'm going to do to positively affect every person I come in contact with.

For all of you chickensh!ts who say they can't make a decision for their own best future, FVCK YOU, DO IT.

For everyone who thinks the material sh!t they own is more important than their happiness, FVCK YOU, DUMP IT.

For all of those who think the stuff they own doesn't own them, FVCK YOU.

If you're in a relationship and it's poisoning who you are, FVCK IT. Say your goodbye's and start anew.

Change your life if it sucks. Why waste another moment being miserable? Why do you have to be frightened of what "might" happen?

Fvck that. Leave all of that nonsense behind you and start over. Become the best person you can hope of becoming.

Let it all go.

I can say all of this because I'm proof of doing it. I walked the walk. It's funny you know, when you think you're at your wit's end is when life surprises you most.

I have absolutely nothing but I've gained absolutely everything.

Now shut up and get busy taking your life back.

 

[LeftyLoosey]

Amen. I did exactly the same thing and all thanks to this site. I left the 5 bedroom house, the dog, and I told her to take everything except the TV and the stereo.

I still have my great career, and I can work as late as I want. I go home and I read a book for 4 hours if I want to. If a friend calls and wants to hang out, we hang out; there's no checking with the "boss" first.

I have money in the bank.

I have the occasional girlfriend, and I set the frame, and I leave when the relationship no longer enhances my life.

I am free.

 

[STR8UP]

Wow, Karma, that's a lot of change. Sometimes doing a 180 can give a person clarity. Hope everything works out for you.

 

[Warrior74]

double post

 

[Warrior74]

Close to the same after me and my ex split. $100 bucks to my name.


Now I have a small apartment, a job, growing my business on the side and couple of girlfriends. I have my time and space. I bought a car last year because it was a great deal on a reliable car, but people are easily impressed by exterior images.

Material possessions are only tools to help you get to where you are going on your journey. So many people get caught up in names and brands and status.

It's like buying a hammer, do you care about what name brand the hammer is,or do you just want the best hammer for the job to build your new house? The end goal is the focus, the tool is just a tool.

 

[ketostix]

Karma, I'm a little confused. You were married or what? And all that stuff was yours and you just gave it to her? I don't know the situation and I'm not judging how to handle it, but if it were my stuff it'd be a cold day in hell before I'd just give it some woman. I'd sell it, and/or just give away anything I didn't want to friends and relatives. I can see getting rid of all the junk that burdens you and starting over but I'm going to turn it into cash at least. I don't see money as a burden, only freedom.

 

[Vlad the Impaler]

Karma,

Why did things end with the ex?

I don't have much. I have a car to get me to work. I have a big TV and a decent bachelor pad because my mission is to bang girls and not care anymore... I have huge credit card bills. I am lucky because if I didn't find this new job I would be on the street.

I am trying to be the big player pimp but I still feel unfiufilled.

 

[acw]

Interesting Post Karma...

So that's your decision that you made???

A lot of Men could never do what you are proposing. Not because they don't want to...but many are COMPELLED to keep their jobs because others count on them. Its not for lack of BALLS, but more like a obligation to be RESPONSIBLE.

After all, not many of us have a daddy with a Hole-in-the-wall apartment to hide in and say "fvck off to life." Most Men have to work (duh).

To just say FVCK everything without considering Children, Loved Ones,etc is COMPLETELY idiotic, selfish and shows a great lack of maturity.

I have some friends who's fathers walked out of their life's when they were kids...and they have NEVER forgiven them.

People, If you are a Dad, Don't do this to your children.

PS
Sounds like the only thing you left is some beotch ass wife who probably would have gotten everything anyway.

Why are you posing like some Hero?

Moreover, why are you trying to get others to follow in your Steps?

You sound like the middle age dude who takes a foolish dive off the High board..

...After surviving the dive, he wants his dopey friends to follow him SO he won't feel like a Lone Fool!

Remember, a Fool Loves company and hates being the only Fool.

Dude, if you want to be a Hero...join the Marines....I did!

Sounds like you're having a mid-life crisis and you want other to join in your Charade.

 

[KarmaSutra]

Interesting Post Karma...

So that's your decision that you made???

A lot of Men could never do what you are proposing. Not because they don't want to...but many are COMPELLED to keep their jobs because others count on them. Its not for lack of BALLS, but more like a obligation to be RESPONSIBLE.

Where did I say FVCK RESPONSIBILITY? I didn't. You're spouting sh!t out of the hole usually a d!ck is lodged in. Let's keep making swiss cheese out of your idiocy.

After all, not many of us have a daddy with a Hole-in-the-wall apartment to hide in and say "fvck off to life." Most Men have to work (duh).

No one's hiding. It's a place to stay relatively cheap and I can take care of my Dad who's health is questionable. Another hole.

To just say FVCK everything without considering Children, Loved Ones,etc is COMPLETELY idiotic, selfish and shows a great lack of maturity.

I have some friends who's fathers walked out of their life's when they were kids...and they have NEVER forgiven them.

People, If you are a Dad, Don't do this to your children.

Staying in a relationship rapidly going to hell is better for a child than moving on and both parents being happy? Yeah, that's good thinking. I suppose we can see this proclomation that you're one of those chickensh!t's scared to be happy.

Why are you posing like some Hero?

Moreover, why are you trying to get others to follow in your Steps?

You sound like the middle age dude who takes a foolish dive off the High board..

...After surviving the dive, he wants his dopey friends to follow him SO he won't feel like a Lone Fool!

Remember, a Fool Loves company and hates being the only Fool.

Unlike you I don't pander to anyone's opinion of who I am. I made a decision for my life and mine alone. What I am saying is that it's not an impossibility to go out on your own and be the best you you can be.

Fools are those who hate on a guy for having the balls to do something he himself would never do. Hate on me all you want, call me names, sing a song then go play hide and go fvck youself. The fact is, I help boys become men.

Dude, if you want to be a Hero...join the Marines....I did!

As much as I admire the military, joining it does not make one a man. Sorry to bust the jar on your head but usually it Gomer Pyle's a guy who isn't mentally arrested at 15 before joining the service. "Hoo-rah" and beat your chest on your own time. Why are you trying so desperately to prove what a man you are to me? I don't care.

Sounds like you're having a mid-life crisis and you want other to join in your Charade.

This is an interesting little end. Perhaps I've reached an end to the amount of bullsh!t I'll accept? Perhaps I want to share my experience with other's in the hope that they'll use it as a springboard for themselves to get to a better place? One day when you get a bit more mature mentally you'll stop accepting what other's shove down your throat and make a decision for your own life?

Why is charade capitalized?

 

[Jitterbug]

What I don't get in these situations is: how come it's always the guy who leaves his own house and the woman stays?

Makes zero sense.

 

[KarmaSutra]

I can only speak for my reason. I left because it was the least interuptable way for me to move on and keep my kid in the proper mindset so she can remain dedicated to her school career.

Some guys say I'm stupid while some other's find me completely unselfish.

Either opinion works depending on maturity level and perspective gained from life experience (see afc/acw's previous post for an example for the former).

 

[acw]

Bro...you're the one calling everyone Chickchits...and fck you and bullchit and all this tough guy crap....lol

Haha....You shouldn't run your mouth like that.

Try preferencing your ideas by writing in first person only...leave others out of your tirades! You might win more followers.

Didn't mean to hurt your feelings....
:nervous:

 

[Colossus]

Are you aiming to publish your book, Karma?

 

[KarmaSutra]

Are you aiming to publish your book, Karma?

Bet the goddamned house on it.

 

[speed dawg]

Damn, dude. I must agree with you in that either you are a genius or you are incredibly stupid.

There has to be some sort of reason to drop your life. You're leaving something out here. Sounds like Ed Norton in Fight Club.

And actually, the more I see of this life (see my thread about the matrix and the guy who his wife cheated on him, which BTW they are probably going to stay together), the more I think about just dropping it all. People I've looked up to for years are falling victim to the worthless mentality.

I'd like to hear more about your situation.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

Our greatest danger is not that we aim to high and fail, but we aim too low and succeed.

 

[Da Realist]

I've been close to it where I thought I was going to lose everything including my health and peace of mind, and I know exactly where you're coming from. You realize that the house and all the stuff that goes along with it don't matter. When you're unhappy, it all becomes a prison that you have to keep up. What has happened in society is that people have a real fear of being left with absolutely nothing because deep down they don't know if they can rebuild their life if happens. Truthfully the guys who haven't been through that are talking out of that fear.

"Why let your ex have the house and eveything else, but you get left with nothing?"

I can tell anybody it's always better to have peace than a piece. That house you bought doesn't do much more than another house that is in good shape except look better to the people living outside of it. If you don't have peace in that house, you may as well be sleeping outside in the care. I have actaully told a group of guys that there have been times I've had money, but was depressed because no one was around to go do stuff which, and times I was broke but having the time of my life. Money solves problems, but peace is what keeps you together in the midst of it all.

I say strive for being successful at what you want to do at life, but above all strive for inner peace. In the Bible, it says those who try to save their life lose their life, but those who lay down their life earns eternal life. I know a lot of you have something against religion, so I'll break it down and tell you what it's saying in secular terms. When you put anything on a pedestal in life whether women, family, material things, or even yourself, you'll lose the peace you have because whatever you revere is going to fail when you need them since none of these have either the power or the will to turn a bad situation around for you. But when you get rid of putting any of this stuff first in your life, you gain everything you will ever need to be happy in life.

Ok, enough of me preaching. Karma, I'm waiting to see whay you've got in store for this book from just the things I've seen. Best of luck.

 

[boomerick]

!!!

 

[Sinistar]

Congrats Karma,

For once a guy who really gets it. Sounds like it was time to do mansh!t and you stepped up!!! You made a decision instead of getting all wrapped up in petty crap about objects, things and property. You're a man, you'll come out ahead because you'll persist.

I know a lot of people say stay together for kids. But for how long? And what message does the kid grow up with? When your kid sees you taking control (without being a chump or violent or loss of control) it will sink in. When your kid sees you placing them, yourself, your career and goals ahead of a relationship that has went cold - they will understand and learn from it and respect it.

I hope that you get the custody arrangement that you and your kid want. I have two different friends that dared to put up strong resistance on this topic and both won joint custody - one even gets child support because the ex makes considerably more - no sh!t!

One thing a lot of guys don't realize, if the ex gets full custody they might be able to move far away - really far away. One of the guys I mentioned above had the ex threaten this (was going to move about 15hrs drive away). Now she's stuck in a city she hates (his hometown, he loves it) and he gets the kids 50% of the time.

The odds may be against - but they ain't zero either!

 

[davewe]

While I agree with most of what KarmaSutra says and congratulate him on his change of life, I don't agree that it takes brass (or any other kind of) balls. Anyone can leave a bad situation. What a man of brass balls does is leave a situation on his terms. For example, if a man hates his job and just quits in a fit of anger - what balls does that take? But when he makes a plan, lines up a better job and quits - then he's a winner.

I got divorced 3 years ago. In the 2 1/2 months between the time I decided to leave and the day I moved out, I did the following:

1. Located, financed, purchased and closed on a new home in my kids' school district (so they wouldn't have to change schools).

2. Arranged the child custody split (I insisted on 50-50) with my ex and got it in writing.

3. Evaluated the equity in our existing home (which she would keep) and got a written agreement on the amount of equity she would owe me.

4. Had her arrange to get a loan from her mother so she could pay me part of that equity when I left. Got in writing when the balance of the equity would be paid.

5. Completely furnished the new house before I moved in. Thank god for Craigslist.

6. Spoke many times with my children to get them used to the new arrangement, answer any questions, dry any tears, etc.

7. Engaged my kids in discussions on how our new home and their new bedrooms should look, then took them shopping to attempt to make them part of the transition.

8. Met with the kids' teachers to let them know about the change and ask the teachers to look for any problem signs.

9. Spoke with my ex many times to make sure that all issues were covered and to set up lines of communication so that we wouldn't screw up the kids.

In short, anyone can leave. If you are considering leaving, don't just split. Do it the right way. I have had plenty of issues over the past 3 years but my kids are happy and healthy and part of it has to do with the way I left.