Flying Dutchman
Don Juan
- Joined
- Mar 5, 2013
- Messages
- 28
- Reaction score
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Following event stays in my mind, strangely it lets me think that I ruined chance of having a relationship with this woman who i somehow liked.
1. Approached woman (29) end of octobr14 on street, had nice chat with her, gave her my number.
2. She asked me for coffee on whatsapp 3 days later on sunday, as she saw i was online when reading her invitation i decided to respond straight away to not look like on purpose be evasive, first date done that sunday. She came late on first date for more than 5 minutes. I have let her known gently she was to late as she did not say anything herself about it. First date Sunday I put arm around her and she didn't took it away. She did a lot of the chatting and we had fun.
3. Second date on a Sunday she was late for some mins, she said she was late but i said yeah its ok not that big deal, smiled about it said let's have a good time, also said to her it's just that i told you first time to be sure against some people to communicate boundaries.
At the start of the date I said wow feel a bit excited for this second date. She replied; 'you feel a bit like a women' I didn't liked that comment it but kept frame and didn't respond to it. Then she said she thought we hang out just to drink some coffee, I made her laugh by saying if I want to drink a coffee I go home and press the coffee machine button. Than we walked and I put an arm around her. She quite forcefully took arm away without warning & replied: 'I still have a BF , i don't think it's fair to him to let you have my arm around me' Than shortly after before I could reply to the boyfriend thing she said: 'My dad died when i was 2 in a car accident'.
I absorbed the info and replied to this information as following:
BF thing:
What is than going on between u guys? She said im not happy with him blabla. Considered breaking up with him in august 2014. I said let me know before Christmas what the status is, it is not my style to spend time with women who have a bf.
Dad thing:
I feel sorry for that I really like cars so felt really bad for her.
The date lasted long, lot of walking, talking. I noticed that conversations where given a sexual twist by her examples:
'She said i don't get it why at previous job some people earned so much more than me'
Than I hinted do you know what they do to get it and she said you think they have an affair?
'She said that she didn't liked or even hated alpha males'
I was kind of surprised as she was first woman ever talk so noticeably about alpha males.
When saying goodbye had light kissing and cuddling, she didn't seem to be so sexually agressive as a possible BPD in her kissing, she came across careful and even shy.
Than I was home and felt things where different than after first date -> a BF stands in the way.
Decided to message here on WA the day after that I need some time to process all info as it touched me. As I had a lot of problems with my dad in my life as well. Also I said i call you the week after on a Tuesday after 9
4. That Tuesday... I called after 9; busy tone. Called back 30 mins later. She didn't pick up, I was quite surprised. So I decided to call one more time; again she not picked up. Than she called back and we spoke. I felt we went down a bit in terms of 'relax communication'. I kept frame. But was disoriented and even forgot about scheduling a next date.
5.
The day after I asked if she could call me; she called and I said that i rather would have spoken with her more after second date but that with her father touched me.
She said, don't worry so much and i will call you next friday.
6. That friday... no call came from her. I kept my frame and decided not to go crazy about this. So I wrote her on WA to say hope you have a nice night. Later Saturday i got a message on wa with a hint that she will be available later to take a call. Called her saturday, she not answered.
But called back, i kept convo short as i was about to eat and meet friends later. Strangely i noticed she did want to stay on the phone longer and was a bit surprised that i was the one to end the call.
7. Sunday after called her asked her out for a quick coffee. She said she only had time for 1 hour. The date lasted 3 hours. During the date she touched my leg with hers, looked me in eyes a lot etc. She put me through a shyttest by saying my neighbor is 35 intelligent and successful blabla. I replied calmly with why is he than successful? Than no clear hard facts came. She paid the bill in the end. I invited her to my upcoming B-day. At the B-day we would have our first time alone in private for a whole evening. One more thing i noticed during this meeting was she said when i invited her to my bday; 'So we meet Saturday eve at 12 and than drink some wine and than have a good night' I playfully replied no you come that Sunday eve as i spend night with my male friends together
8. Between the third and fourth date i decided to ask her where this contact was going; she replied; 'good i would say'. Also asked how it was with her BF: She told me on phone that the relationship with him was stopped. Than i playfully said than I don't have to hold back so much anymore.. She said; yeah if anything should happen it should happen that Sunday as Monday i will have my period. Also she said I can be a bit a bvtch don't be bothered. I replied i think that is sexy a bit a bvtch.
9. She was late, i did not say anything. My B-day she said she would bring some food. She came with a bag of chips and some candy. So I had to order a pizza. She had some b-day presents with her. Which she took great care of things what i mentioned what i liked. We had sex. I did not really enjoy the sex as she was kind of passive not that active, made no sound and touched my love machine not that thoughtful say tender at start.
Brought her home for some distance and felt irritated as it was not a really relax eve for me. I said to her if you have questions ask me i answer them honestly, this to make her open up more. I said I sometimes have the feel you don't really say what you think. She replied I'm just out a relationship and can't move so quick.
10. Impulsive action from me I tested negative on HIV and decided to surprise her with the quick & good result in combo i gave her 2 flowers. Later that day she thanked me for that. And sended me a picture of one of her stuffed animals which she talked briefly about. We agreed on whats a to meet Friday and Sunday <- important point to come.
11. We met that Friday after. We met outside and she started fairly quick saying i saw some pictures of you on FB why you don't have your hair anymore like that? Also she advised me to look for a job as interim manager as at the moment i have no job (Interim manager with 30 is not really realistic)
First time i visited her. When there i was a bit surprised it was tiny, fairly old furniture, clean but a fair amount of stuff standing. Clearly a person who could not throw things away easily. There she told me she had been in a bad relationship with a guy for 4 years. When he was sleeping at her place she couldn't sleep. When it was late after we had sex, i fvcked her super hard. She said lets have breakfast Saturday afternoon. She said I will call you at 12am or 1 pm. And after breakfast we decided to go afterwards to her and watch a movie.
12. That Saturday.. 12 or 1 no call. Than 1.20 pm came call. Let's go to this breakfast cafe. I was there and there i got irritated because she started conversation like this:
'After this i go shopping and after that I go home and after that i go into town' I wondered where I am in this story as we quickly decided that Friday that after the breakfast we would go to her place and watch a movie. She said no we not going to me but to you. Than i asked what about Sunday; she said i changed Sunday with Friday. Than I got more irritated and said: why can't you communicate well with me about these things we agreed on something different.
She replied with you try to talk me into guilt and cried lightly, watering eyes tears a bit. I was taken by surprise through response and said no this is not my intention.
Than I walked her home helped with groceries. At her home we had sex.
She told me:
Hope you are not an egoist
Have wasted time on relationships, i could have done more for myself
I had breast cancer & almost died some years ago. When breast cancer her ex did not visit her in the hospital.
I comforted her and apologised for my irritated behaviour earlier that day where i did not scream or whatever really kept frame.
some criticism.
When I talk to some people about point 12 some say that i didnt gave her space by giving her the feel of being controlling by wanting to meet that Sunday where actually was agreed on, also me being controlling by placing high to high value that agreements are met, such as being on time, which could cause me come across as being to controlling
13. Sunday after i called her to see how she was doing. She picked up and said; 'you hurted me' than i lost my frame & said i thought we've decided yesterday to leave it behind and i apologized and explained why the discussion happened etc.
Later that sunday i called & said can i come over to you; when there i noticed she wasnt feeling comfortable; she lied about the next meeting which not happened. She gave me an old laptop to browse the internet when she went taking a shower. She said something vague she had another laptop. That week after she said she didn't feel well and canceled all plans with me. She said i call you between xmas and new year.
Than i knew it was wrong big time. Than i applied some pressure by visiting her once more after that visit she said; i was still in touch with my bf, which i might doubt as she uses it to not upset me too much and get rid of me.
I hope the feedback is constructive as I am aware i chased her too much at times but also don't want to believe immediately she has a possible bpd disorder.
1. Approached woman (29) end of octobr14 on street, had nice chat with her, gave her my number.
2. She asked me for coffee on whatsapp 3 days later on sunday, as she saw i was online when reading her invitation i decided to respond straight away to not look like on purpose be evasive, first date done that sunday. She came late on first date for more than 5 minutes. I have let her known gently she was to late as she did not say anything herself about it. First date Sunday I put arm around her and she didn't took it away. She did a lot of the chatting and we had fun.
3. Second date on a Sunday she was late for some mins, she said she was late but i said yeah its ok not that big deal, smiled about it said let's have a good time, also said to her it's just that i told you first time to be sure against some people to communicate boundaries.
At the start of the date I said wow feel a bit excited for this second date. She replied; 'you feel a bit like a women' I didn't liked that comment it but kept frame and didn't respond to it. Then she said she thought we hang out just to drink some coffee, I made her laugh by saying if I want to drink a coffee I go home and press the coffee machine button. Than we walked and I put an arm around her. She quite forcefully took arm away without warning & replied: 'I still have a BF , i don't think it's fair to him to let you have my arm around me' Than shortly after before I could reply to the boyfriend thing she said: 'My dad died when i was 2 in a car accident'.
I absorbed the info and replied to this information as following:
BF thing:
What is than going on between u guys? She said im not happy with him blabla. Considered breaking up with him in august 2014. I said let me know before Christmas what the status is, it is not my style to spend time with women who have a bf.
Dad thing:
I feel sorry for that I really like cars so felt really bad for her.
The date lasted long, lot of walking, talking. I noticed that conversations where given a sexual twist by her examples:
'She said i don't get it why at previous job some people earned so much more than me'
Than I hinted do you know what they do to get it and she said you think they have an affair?
'She said that she didn't liked or even hated alpha males'
I was kind of surprised as she was first woman ever talk so noticeably about alpha males.
When saying goodbye had light kissing and cuddling, she didn't seem to be so sexually agressive as a possible BPD in her kissing, she came across careful and even shy.
Than I was home and felt things where different than after first date -> a BF stands in the way.
Decided to message here on WA the day after that I need some time to process all info as it touched me. As I had a lot of problems with my dad in my life as well. Also I said i call you the week after on a Tuesday after 9
4. That Tuesday... I called after 9; busy tone. Called back 30 mins later. She didn't pick up, I was quite surprised. So I decided to call one more time; again she not picked up. Than she called back and we spoke. I felt we went down a bit in terms of 'relax communication'. I kept frame. But was disoriented and even forgot about scheduling a next date.
5.
The day after I asked if she could call me; she called and I said that i rather would have spoken with her more after second date but that with her father touched me.
She said, don't worry so much and i will call you next friday.
6. That friday... no call came from her. I kept my frame and decided not to go crazy about this. So I wrote her on WA to say hope you have a nice night. Later Saturday i got a message on wa with a hint that she will be available later to take a call. Called her saturday, she not answered.
But called back, i kept convo short as i was about to eat and meet friends later. Strangely i noticed she did want to stay on the phone longer and was a bit surprised that i was the one to end the call.
7. Sunday after called her asked her out for a quick coffee. She said she only had time for 1 hour. The date lasted 3 hours. During the date she touched my leg with hers, looked me in eyes a lot etc. She put me through a shyttest by saying my neighbor is 35 intelligent and successful blabla. I replied calmly with why is he than successful? Than no clear hard facts came. She paid the bill in the end. I invited her to my upcoming B-day. At the B-day we would have our first time alone in private for a whole evening. One more thing i noticed during this meeting was she said when i invited her to my bday; 'So we meet Saturday eve at 12 and than drink some wine and than have a good night' I playfully replied no you come that Sunday eve as i spend night with my male friends together
8. Between the third and fourth date i decided to ask her where this contact was going; she replied; 'good i would say'. Also asked how it was with her BF: She told me on phone that the relationship with him was stopped. Than i playfully said than I don't have to hold back so much anymore.. She said; yeah if anything should happen it should happen that Sunday as Monday i will have my period. Also she said I can be a bit a bvtch don't be bothered. I replied i think that is sexy a bit a bvtch.
9. She was late, i did not say anything. My B-day she said she would bring some food. She came with a bag of chips and some candy. So I had to order a pizza. She had some b-day presents with her. Which she took great care of things what i mentioned what i liked. We had sex. I did not really enjoy the sex as she was kind of passive not that active, made no sound and touched my love machine not that thoughtful say tender at start.
Brought her home for some distance and felt irritated as it was not a really relax eve for me. I said to her if you have questions ask me i answer them honestly, this to make her open up more. I said I sometimes have the feel you don't really say what you think. She replied I'm just out a relationship and can't move so quick.
10. Impulsive action from me I tested negative on HIV and decided to surprise her with the quick & good result in combo i gave her 2 flowers. Later that day she thanked me for that. And sended me a picture of one of her stuffed animals which she talked briefly about. We agreed on whats a to meet Friday and Sunday <- important point to come.
11. We met that Friday after. We met outside and she started fairly quick saying i saw some pictures of you on FB why you don't have your hair anymore like that? Also she advised me to look for a job as interim manager as at the moment i have no job (Interim manager with 30 is not really realistic)
First time i visited her. When there i was a bit surprised it was tiny, fairly old furniture, clean but a fair amount of stuff standing. Clearly a person who could not throw things away easily. There she told me she had been in a bad relationship with a guy for 4 years. When he was sleeping at her place she couldn't sleep. When it was late after we had sex, i fvcked her super hard. She said lets have breakfast Saturday afternoon. She said I will call you at 12am or 1 pm. And after breakfast we decided to go afterwards to her and watch a movie.
12. That Saturday.. 12 or 1 no call. Than 1.20 pm came call. Let's go to this breakfast cafe. I was there and there i got irritated because she started conversation like this:
'After this i go shopping and after that I go home and after that i go into town' I wondered where I am in this story as we quickly decided that Friday that after the breakfast we would go to her place and watch a movie. She said no we not going to me but to you. Than i asked what about Sunday; she said i changed Sunday with Friday. Than I got more irritated and said: why can't you communicate well with me about these things we agreed on something different.
She replied with you try to talk me into guilt and cried lightly, watering eyes tears a bit. I was taken by surprise through response and said no this is not my intention.
Than I walked her home helped with groceries. At her home we had sex.
She told me:
Hope you are not an egoist
Have wasted time on relationships, i could have done more for myself
I had breast cancer & almost died some years ago. When breast cancer her ex did not visit her in the hospital.
I comforted her and apologised for my irritated behaviour earlier that day where i did not scream or whatever really kept frame.
some criticism.
When I talk to some people about point 12 some say that i didnt gave her space by giving her the feel of being controlling by wanting to meet that Sunday where actually was agreed on, also me being controlling by placing high to high value that agreements are met, such as being on time, which could cause me come across as being to controlling
13. Sunday after i called her to see how she was doing. She picked up and said; 'you hurted me' than i lost my frame & said i thought we've decided yesterday to leave it behind and i apologized and explained why the discussion happened etc.
Later that sunday i called & said can i come over to you; when there i noticed she wasnt feeling comfortable; she lied about the next meeting which not happened. She gave me an old laptop to browse the internet when she went taking a shower. She said something vague she had another laptop. That week after she said she didn't feel well and canceled all plans with me. She said i call you between xmas and new year.
Than i knew it was wrong big time. Than i applied some pressure by visiting her once more after that visit she said; i was still in touch with my bf, which i might doubt as she uses it to not upset me too much and get rid of me.
I hope the feedback is constructive as I am aware i chased her too much at times but also don't want to believe immediately she has a possible bpd disorder.
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