it seems you have to be a superman to get anywhere with girls now a days !!!

[wise_mage]

our lady peace said it all with their song "Superman`s Dead":

"do you worry that you re not liked?
how long till you break?
you re happy cause you smile.
but how much can you fake?
an ordinary boy, an ordinary name,
but ordinary is just not good enough to date."


it just seems that as a guy you have to be so much above average to get anywhere with average or even below average women, let alone the above average ones.
the world is crazy! they demand so much now a days that its practically impossible to fulfill their standards.
how the heck am I supposed to hook up with this 21st century women who expect their men to be evrything that they are not?

I am tired of failing with women despite all of my good qualities (nice looks, fun personality, talents, dj knowledge, passion for life, intelligence, bright present and future, etc, etc, etc)

Im just so f*cking tired!!!!

 

[Duke]

Chalk it up to d!ckwads like Hugh Grant!!
Or generally speaking, the media. Can't say that women are the only ones brainwashed by the media, but it has become apparent to me as well.

Mainly a girl just wants a guy to have his life together, even if she doesn't. Being a man is a very unfair role, but it has it's perks.

Just go with the flow, dude. There are some down-to-earth girls out there. They are just rare (like DJs ) Whatever you do, don't succomb and become a monk.

 

[trajhenkhet]

I'll never know why this part of my life needs more development than most. Why I seem to fail to do what should occur naturally. Maybe it was the way I was raised. Maybe its the way I conditioned myself. All I know is this. I will not give up. No matter how many women say no. No matter how many bad relationships I have. From the day I became a Don Juan I have decided I am going to achieve what I set out to do whatever it is. No matter what others think or say. This country wasen't colonized by people thinking it would be a good idea. People didn't go to the moon because it would be fun and safe. Look for patterns that describe your failures and see if you can correct them.

 

[wise_mage]

how do I destinguish this down to earth chcks?

it seems to me all girls want is some model looking, tall, high status, popular, "I can show him off and feel like a winner when I walk by his side cause he is good looking and he can have any woman out there" male.

seriously guys, I am tired of the situation. I have started to think about it and the reality is like this:

girls, especially the pretty ones (the ones we want) and even more the pretty ones who have their lives together and on track and are mature and intelligent, etc are approached and desired by dozens or hundreds of men everyday.

these women know the kind of power they exert over men.
now, I am a good looking chap, but Im short (only 5 `7) and still a long way from your stereotypical cosmopolitan model looking dark handsome mysterious stranger.
I guess my question is, when you are not overly attractive (as in Adonis attractive - and its all about looks with women, we all know that, check the new doc love article on women and looks) what can you do that distiguishes you from all the hundreds of guys willing to date her who are also not model looking?

Im starting to think that unless shes really attracted to you, all the dj behavior wont get you anywhere with her.
sure, I have great conversation skills, and great personality and keep in shape and have passion about life and have hobbies, but when it comes down to it , it doesnt happen, and I think I know why.

its because they are all looking for some supermodel. its all about who looks better, who has a higher status, who f*cks better, who can they show off to soceity, who can make them feel like winners and proud when they walk hand in hand to a social gathering (cause they cant feel like winners by themselves).
sh!t!


what kind of perks are you talking about? they all sound like disadvantages to me. they have all the power. all this double standards only help them. they are killing us on the other hand.

 

[-HPNOTIQ-]

Originally posted by wise_mage
its because they are all looking for some supermodel. its all about who looks better, who has a higher status, who f*cks better, who can they show off to soceity, who can make them feel like winners and proud when they walk hand in hand to a social gathering (cause they cant feel like winners by themselves).
sh!t!


what kind of perks are you talking about? they all sound like disadvantages to me. they have all the power. all this double standards only help them. they are killing us on the other hand.

mage.

I feel your struggle bro...but..first off, you have to stop listening to that AFC polluted, radio, adult contemporary, soft jazz, crap music. The stuff is depressing and leads itself to AFC behavior. Just listen to they lyrics.

Second, I've been reading your posts here for a couple of months now, and you speak on a lot of truths.

Of those standards you listed above, aren't YOU searching for those exact qualities in the women you are meeting? I'm sure you've met a couple, and have found that one or two haven't lived up to your "standards"..so you rightfully nexted her. Similar to those women who seem untouchable, you were untouchable to the women you have nexted.

Do women have all the power? NO. I'm not going to get philisophical on you and say how the powerstruggle is in your mind and you have to reach your potential energy bla bla blah. You know that crap already. But, having a beautiful woman as your trophy is what it looks like you ultimately want. And, if you truely inside feel that is your motive in life, than yes, women have the power over you.

You need to get your priorities straight. There ARE good women, down to earth women, and intellegent beautiful women out there. I'm not sure how old you are, but, take it from a 26 year old guy who's seen his college years go by.

After college, I stressed about where I would meet a nice girl. At least in school, you knew she was educated, you had a sense if she was a party girl or a good girl, and women were more easily accessible. But after I graduated, I wondered where the HELL I would find a good woman.

I had to try harder, I joined gyms, book reviews, salsa dancing classes, volunteer drives, and other social events where I meet tons of women. Not just women, but yes, HB's.

And from these women I've met, they all had the same gripes about men as we did with women. All I would hear is how men want a trophy woman with huge breasts, fat lips, long luscious hair, bla bla blah. You know the rest. IF you sit and think about it, women don't have much power over us. Think about all the make up, liposuction, breast implants, and other millions of ways women use to attract men. Its because they KNOW that WE as men, AS DJ's, are the minority. That a DJ, not AFC, are hard to come by.

Continue with the growth in your DJ knowledge, Continue with working out, Continue making yourself better than the men around you...ultimately, when you stop thinking about making yourself better for women, and start thinking about making youself better for YOURSELF...thats when women will notice.

-HQ

 

[Oxide]

Well, you can always become gay if that fits you better

 

[Art Love]

I'm a 5.6 looks wise (rated at facethejury.com)

And you are absoultely right, pretty girls initally will not give you much of a shot with them if you aren't clark kent. But they can be won over (pretty easily once you get the chance.) I've done it plenty of times in the last year, every girl I've had sex with is a 7 or higher (in my eyes, I sometimes have weird taste though.)

You gotta have superman like confidence, and understand that you will prolly have to win their respect if you don't have his looks.

Just get in with one of them, the first time you hang out, keep her laughing and instantly your stock is above those male model look alikes. Yes it's as simple as that. At least to me it is, if I can make a girl laugh I know I have a good chance with her.

But I'm a lil better then average looking and I take very good care of myself... If you're obese and hideous your best bet is to get them drunk, or work out and try to find ways to improve on your apperance.

 

[Jay26]

it just seems that as a guy you have to be so much above average to get anywhere with average or even below average women, let alone the above average ones.

No way, not all, it's just that most guys think they can do no better, and that that's what their 'league' is, fark that, where's the satisfaction in pulling an average bird, if you pull a HB you can give yourself a pat on the back, it's not really that much harder anyway, all chicks are pretty much the same under the surface.

 

[wise_mage]

Originally posted by -HPNOTIQ-
mage.

I feel your struggle bro...but..first off, you have to stop listening to that AFC polluted, radio, adult contemporary, soft jazz, crap music. The stuff is depressing and leads itself to AFC behavior. Just listen to they lyrics.

Second, I've been reading your posts here for a couple of months now, and you speak on a lot of truths.

Of those standards you listed above, aren't YOU searching for those exact qualities in the women you are meeting? I'm sure you've met a couple, and have found that one or two haven't lived up to your "standards"..so you rightfully nexted her. Similar to those women who seem untouchable, you were untouchable to the women you have nexted.

Do women have all the power? NO. I'm not going to get philisophical on you and say how the powerstruggle is in your mind and you have to reach your potential energy bla bla blah. You know that crap already. But, having a beautiful woman as your trophy is what it looks like you ultimately want. And, if you truely inside feel that is your motive in life, than yes, women have the power over you.

You need to get your priorities straight. There ARE good women, down to earth women, and intellegent beautiful women out there. I'm not sure how old you are, but, take it from a 26 year old guy who's seen his college years go by.

After college, I stressed about where I would meet a nice girl. At least in school, you knew she was educated, you had a sense if she was a party girl or a good girl, and women were more easily accessible. But after I graduated, I wondered where the HELL I would find a good woman.

I had to try harder, I joined gyms, book reviews, salsa dancing classes, volunteer drives, and other social events where I meet tons of women. Not just women, but yes, HB's.

And from these women I've met, they all had the same gripes about men as we did with women. All I would hear is how men want a trophy woman with huge breasts, fat lips, long luscious hair, bla bla blah. You know the rest. IF you sit and think about it, women don't have much power over us. Think about all the make up, liposuction, breast implants, and other millions of ways women use to attract men. Its because they KNOW that WE as men, AS DJ's, are the minority. That a DJ, not AFC, are hard to come by.

Continue with the growth in your DJ knowledge, Continue with working out, Continue making yourself better than the men around you...ultimately, when you stop thinking about making yourself better for women, and start thinking about making youself better for YOURSELF...thats when women will notice.

-HQ

thnks for the advice. I think all of the advice given here has been good so far but I found yours to be the best.
I am glad you think I speak a lot of truths. I think so too.

I am 19 years old. Found this site a year and a half ago, while I still was 17. Although it has improven on many aspects of my life it did not really alter my sucess with women significantly through high school, which I just finished. I am going to college next year.
Im going to have a sabbattical in between to workon my music, my habits, my body and to do thing I enjoy as well as working on my game. I think I`ll be much better with women when I start college next year.

About nexting women, you are partially right. I am looking for a beautiful woman ( I have weird tastes as well Art Love =P ) who has her sh!t together so to speak, a rare find in this instant gratification consummisstic society. an intelligent, mature, loving woman who cares about me and feels proud to be with me.
I have nexted some girls, very true. But not a lot.
I am very empathetic and tolerant. I have a general idea of what I want out of a woman physique and personality but I adapt to girls and situations and see the potential in them instead of sticking to a closed definition and not accepting anything else outside of it
Most girls do not do this. they do not tolerate anything outside of their definition of what a guy should be in order to be with them.
therefore it is impossible to please these women. they dont adapt. they only want their cover look model blue prince who is going to provide them with everything they need in exchange for nothing. at least thats what Tv has made them believe.
what I am trying to say is that woman are less tolerant of a man`s "shortcomings" (and they are only shortcomings according to the very narrow minded definition of beauty modern society has) . we, men, or at least myself, while still seeking for the ideal I have been programmed to favor, overlook "failures" due to good personality traits or intelects or spirits.
most women dont. they may at times overlook shotrcomings because of status but its very rare.especially at my age.
I have descovered that contrary to popular myth, women are the ones who put more enfasis on looks.
their whole world revolves around how they look on the outside (many times thats why their insides are so f*cked up) so its only logical to assume that why they putmso much enfasis on how men look. they made out of fashion a multimillion dollar enterprise after all.
its mostly about looks and now a days the standards are so high that if u dont look like tv says you should look then your going to have to overcompensate really bad.

its what I think anyway. nothing beats being good looking unfortunately.
thats how shallow the world has become in the last 50 years.

what do you think?

 

[Chaos-Knight]

I say we start a new company:

" make-up artists make you a 10 R-US"

you can don some expensive colone and the
girls will HUMP U until the mask wears off

 

[-HPNOTIQ-]

Originally posted by wise_mage
I have a general idea of what I want out of a woman physique and personality but I adapt to girls and situations and see the potential in them instead of sticking to a closed definition and not accepting anything else outside of it
Most girls do not do this. they do not tolerate anything outside of their definition of what a guy should be in order to be with them.
therefore it is impossible to please these women. they dont adapt. they only want their cover look model blue prince who is going to provide them with everything they need in exchange for nothing. at least thats what Tv has made them believe.

mage.

As a 19 year old man with the knowledge found on this site, the world is your oyester. For being 19 years old, you got your stuff together. I didn't know what the hell I was doing at 19 years old with women. At times, I was a total player with no morals...or in a LTR as a AFC puppet.

There was another thread on this site regarding finding a woman and to sticking to a closed definition and not accepting anything else outside of it. It sounds like you have what you want under control...its the women you see who can't accept or tolerate anything outside their definition of a "perfect man"...but you know what...F*ck them.

First off, you wouldn't want to be with a woman like that anyway. Being with a beautiful woman that has no understanding of the word compromise is a relationship ready for disaster. You're a young guy, and through my experience, the young women (ages 18-22) around you in college are in their "girl's gone wild" phase. For a majority of women in this category, it's their first time away from home. Their off to college, they want to party, f*ck around, and are fed the "sorority" lifestyle acceptance of the Abercrombie and Fitch male bf stereotype. It sucks, but, oh well.

You have to accept that, and let those women go. They aren't worth your time right now. In your situation, you're about to start college. A WHOLE new world of opportunity is waiting for you. Although a 'majority' of the women your age is in that "girl's gone wild" mode, there will be a few that have the same attitude toward men that you have toward women. It's the patience in you to find her.

Luckily for you, the more these younger women go out and party, meet MR. Abercrombie, then get played, dogged out, and hurt emotionally by him, a REAL man with REAL values becomes ever-more desired. As they grow up, they will be out of the "party mode" and want to find a more polished man like yourself, who enjoys the fine arts, jazz, and such.

If finding a STR or FB in college is your goal, brother, you have SOOO many opportunities awaiting you. (oh I miss college)

But, if finding a LTR right now is your goal, than it will take more effort.

Just remember, there's that girl out there somewhere in her room waiting for a DJ just like YOU to find her....NOW GO FIND HER

-HQ

 

[wise_mage]

Originally posted by -HPNOTIQ-
mage.

As a 19 year old man with the knowledge found on this site, the world is your oyester. For being 19 years old, you got your stuff together. I didn't know what the hell I was doing at 19 years old with women. At times, I was a total player with no morals...or in a LTR as a AFC puppet.

There was another thread on this site regarding finding a woman and to sticking to a closed definition and not accepting anything else outside of it. It sounds like you have what you want under control...its the women you see who can't accept or tolerate anything outside their definition of a "perfect man"...but you know what...F*ck them.

First off, you wouldn't want to be with a woman like that anyway. Being with a beautiful woman that has no understanding of the word compromise is a relationship ready for disaster. You're a young guy, and through my experience, the young women (ages 18-22) around you in college are in their "girl's gone wild" phase. For a majority of women in this category, it's their first time away from home. Their off to college, they want to party, f*ck around, and are fed the "sorority" lifestyle acceptance of the Abercrombie and Fitch male bf stereotype. It sucks, but, oh well.

You have to accept that, and let those women go. They aren't worth your time right now. In your situation, you're about to start college. A WHOLE new world of opportunity is waiting for you. Although a 'majority' of the women your age is in that "girl's gone wild" mode, there will be a few that have the same attitude toward men that you have toward women. It's the patience in you to find her.

Luckily for you, the more these younger women go out and party, meet MR. Abercrombie, then get played, dogged out, and hurt emotionally by him, a REAL man with REAL values becomes ever-more desired. As they grow up, they will be out of the "party mode" and want to find a more polished man like yourself, who enjoys the fine arts, jazz, and such.

If finding a STR or FB in college is your goal, brother, you have SOOO many opportunities awaiting you. (oh I miss college)

But, if finding a LTR right now is your goal, than it will take more effort.

Just remember, there's that girl out there somewhere in her room waiting for a DJ just like YOU to find her....NOW GO FIND HER

-HQ

but you know what dude - lots of times I just wish I could be a player. they just seem to have so much fun.

I have tons of fun in my life as well, but on the other hand, I havent had a girlfriend in almost 3 years. girls are not chasing me around nor Im scoring left and right. in fact, I have quite a hard time with women. not as hard as others since I have a personality that tends to get me noticed but a hard time never the less precisely because Im not Mr. Abercrombie.

I am looking for a contionuos flow of girls. Short term relationships. intense ones that last like 4, 6 or 8 months something like that. enough to build intimacy of all kinds and truthfully care for the other person as well as having great moments but no more so I dont start feeling like an adult in a serious relationship. and then move on the next one. rotate them.
thats what i feel like having. any tips on how to accomplish that?

another thing - I live in Mexico and here we dont go off to another state far away from our own to go to college.
we go to colleges that are located inside our cities. and at the end of the school day everyone just returns home to their families o to wherever they live.
should this make my objective easier or harder? and why?

 

[OzzyBoy]

I will rephrase the title of this thread and call it you must be a DJ these days to get anywhere with a girl.

 

[Gonzalo]

Wise mage, about the Mexico thing, I've lived in Peru until I was 18 and continually go back there. Man, it can be so much easier in Latin America to get with a good girl. At least in Lima most HBs are stuck up in clubs and such places, like in almost any place. But when you have the hispanic traditional values in the girls and the incredible majority of AFC guys, plus the knowledge of this site, you are already on top. I find it most girls there are just waiting for a DJ.
I would say that them living in their home town increases your chances, because they are living in the same town where they grew up, probably used to everything there is to know around. And if you come out being a DJ, you just rock them. "And it is good." My two cents on DJying in Latin America. G

 

[InLawsHateMe]

Superman is here.. did someone call?

 

[Glassjaw]

The boyfriend as status symbol

This is true to some extent. Women are all looking for boyfriends to show off. But I think Wisemage may have insecurity issues about his looks. I know, I have the same problem sometimes. When I see an attractive women I sometimes get intimidated if there are other guys around that are bigger, taller, more attractive, etc.

The best advice I can give is to really look at the situation in perspective. There is always the chance that out of all the men in the room, the women who is the subject of your desire will find YOU the most attractive out of all of them. Or, by the same token, you may be the only one who has the cajones to go up and approach her.

Also, when you're out looking for women, really take a look at the situation. You'll see alot of times that the guy isn't all that attractive but you imagine him to be that way because he's with a really attractive women. So there has to be something else that she's interested in other than looks. Alot of times women aren't in love with their boyfriends they're simply in love with the idea of having a "boyfriend." It's almost like a status symbol for them.

Anyways, the biggest problem I've encountered when trying to meet women is that women are always out with their "boyfriend" or rambling on about "my boyfriend" or talking to their "boyfriend" on their cell phone. But this is usually just an act that women put on because they want to feel important. See, most women have nothing going for them in their lives so they need that association with a boyfriend who is tall, handsome, successful to make themselves look they have value. It's all about appearances with women. Why else are they so obsessed with clothes, make-up, fashion, cell phones, fancy cars and other status symbos? Why else do they always like to flaunt what their "boyfriend" does for a living?

Example:
"My boyfriend is a professional stuntman/kickboxer/corporate executive/award winning blah blah blah..." sounds better in social circles than "My boyfriend is a hardworking salesman/janitor/carpenter who loves me and takes care of me the best he can."

So, basically, make yourself a status symbol by focusing on self improvement and demonstrating value with your personality. Looks will only take you so far in this department. Just remember to keep it real.

 

[ShortTimer]

stuntman/kickboxer/corporate executive/award winning actor/has a huge ****

Damn that describes me exactly, and I still can't get a girl!

 

[Eternal]

Surprised no one has done this yet...Eminem said it best...

Cus I can't be your Superman, can't be your Superman, can't be your Superman, can't be your Superman
I can't be your Superman, can't be your Superman, can't be your Superman, your Superman, your Superman

 

[wise_mage]

Re: The boyfriend as status symbol

Originally posted by Glassjaw
[But I think Wisemage may have insecurity issues about his looks. I know, I have the same problem sometimes. When I see an attractive women I sometimes get intimidated if there are other guys around that are bigger, taller, more attractive, etc.

The best advice I can give is to really look at the situation in perspective. There is always the chance that out of all the men in the room, the women who is the subject of your desire will find YOU the most attractive out of all of them. Or, by the same token, you may be the only one who has the cajones to go up and approach her.

. [/B]

dude, you are so right. I have huge issues, especially recently, about my looks.
I am only 5`7. I weight 140 punds but I still feel fat. I have no waist (no V shape), I am way to hairy. I have a terrible left profile.

truth is - I feel I cant compete with all this taller, great looking, green eyed , with 2% body fat, guys. and there are just so many of them. especially when you are just 5`7.

how is any girl supposed to feel protected by a guy who is only 5`7?

I dont have another answer as to why I am not a status symbols for girls. but you are right about the following.
its all about appearrances with women and thats why the richest most attractive guy is the one they all want.
they dont care about personality or any stuff of that sort. if they did I would have flocks of chicks chasing after me.
and truth is that I have to go out of my way to ge noticed only because I am not as tall and as hairless and as perfect as television says I should be.
good looking guys do nothing and suceed. I am above average or average at least and have to work my ass off to look not even half as good as they do without doing sh!t.
the only thing I am unhappy about is the only thing I cant really change that much. my looks.

 

[vudufixit]

Yes, I've felt the same way - it seems that the only ones women notice are the great looking guys with a great car and a great job, etc.
However, there are always exceptions.
I guess there is some hope for OK looking guys because I see plenty of really nice looking women with men that you say, "how did he end up with her?"
Many women I've encountered (businesswise) are real lookers, and I've met their husbands - most of them would be laughed at if they tried to model cheap suits for the Macy's catalog. I suppose it's the fact that they are high income earners that helps balance things out. (I live in a very affluent area).
Don't despair - I made a 5.3 on Hotornot.com, but I've dated women that would warrant a seven or an eight. I'm not even especially outgoing or funny or anything. Certainly not wealthy. It's a numbers game - if you approach enough women, you will run into an attractive gal who's attracted to you.
Also, part of this is learning where the limits and potentials are. Recognizing the limits, and then working hard to reach maximum potential is what this is all about.
Some ideas for enhancing your desirability:
Fairly "simple" - lose weight, improve your grooming, improve your posture, get some muscle tone.
More "complex" - improve your wardrobe (even if it's only one great "going out" outfit that you use every time you're out) upgrade your car (leasing enables you to get into a really
nice car for a decent amount of $$$$. Or, buy a luxury car
with five or six years on it)
Most complex - move to an area with more women.
Move to an area with better looking women (oftentimes
a more affluent area. This may mean getting a much
smaller house or apt). Make more money - upgrade your skills,
ask for a raise or promotion, get a second job or start
a part time business.
None of what I'm suggesting is easy. But lets face it - women want certain things. Want more women, then "give" them what they want in terms of looks and status. Be realistic about your own limits, then work your butt off until your shoulder is rammed up against them.