It is truly amazing how quickly women can move on

[Jeffst1980]

This is partially true.

But I still say that part of it has to do with a psychological protection mechanism in women that allows them to snuff you out like a candle.

I have seen all of these scenarios play out. I have been with the chick who gradually loses attraction, but I have also been with the chick who was begging and groveling to get me back who, when she found another branch, did a 180 overnight and essentially told me that she wouldn't wish what I had done to her on her worst enemy. I was a god one day and a piece of trash the next.

I truly believe as someone else pointed out that this is a survival mechanism that women have evolved to ensure their ability to move quickly between men. Think about it.....women throughout history have been the "dependent" sex. It was only recently that women have been able to take care of themselves, and even that will never negate the fact that they will always have some dependence on men. Women need a way to allow them to swing branches because they generally tend to be emotional creatures who get caught up in things. This is the "fire extinguisher" that lets them put out the flames quickly before they do too much damage (prevent her from securing another man).

Not to nitpick and revive the argument we always have, but:

I clearly believe in biological differences between the sexes, mostly due to differences in hormonal balances and other chemical activity. However, I have a hard time believing that women EVOLVED this way, separately from men. The way I see it, the human SPECIES evolved, giving us all these wonderful "hardwired" mechanisms we talk about, but i don't think the genders changed at all independent of one another over the eons. It just doesn't make sense to me--does this mean that in another 10,000 years they are going to have to rewrite all the pickup books to reflect the new changes in feminine behavior?

Or, another question: If a male has a sex change operation and is given female hormones, will he behave and think like a female? Is it because he suddenly "evolved" all the intrinsically female survival mechanisms?

 

[Luthor Rex]

Women have a built in protection mechanism that allows them to move easily between relationships. I am convinced that men for the most part lack this trait.

Oh good, it's not just me then.

 

[STR8UP]

Hmmm...you believe that humans evolved as a species, but not that men and women could evolve separately?

Human females are the only mammal with large breasts. They serve no "practical" purpose, yet they are there. They theoretically evolved due to sexual selection. Men prefer women with larger breasts that's why human females have them.

According to your theory, men should have developed enlarged breasts as well.

I don't know whether it is an evolutionary thing or if it's been that way forever, but my experience has been that women DO have the built in capacity to move easily between pair bonds.

I'm no scientist and I am not aware of any research that has been done on this, but it would stand to reason that a woman would benefit greatly from having the ability to "move on" much faster than men, due to their dependent nature. Yea, yea, they can take care of themselves, blah, blah. Feminism has created a TEMPORARY sway in the relationship dynamic, so it isn't likely that women will ever evolve a preference for girly men, but this doesn't change the fact that it is possible for men and women to develop separate from each other.

Women have a lot at stake in the mating game due the the burden of carrying and rearing children.

2+2=4 if you ask me.

 

[speakeasy]

Keep in mind that it's simply much easier for a woman to find someone new to rebound with. A woman(assuming she's halfway attractive at least) has to do absolutely nothing to meet someone other than step out the door. For her it's a matter of just saying "no" to guy's advances until she decides to say "yes". A guy actually has to put in work to meet someone, and even then nothing is guaranteed. So women simply have it easier when it comes to finding someone to spring back with.

 

[horaholic]

I have a different theory to add to this. First of all, lets not forget the fact that women are really good actors. They often pretend to be fine with it, and get in relationships quickly, so the guy thinks she's just heartless and has no feelings. But, dont forget about what happens when you hook up with a girl who just lost a BF. Thats, right, 'rebound guy.'

Have you ever noticed that when YOU hook up with a recently single chick, you turn into 'rebound guy,' and she bails out quickly, because she's not ready, or still has feelings for her ex, etc; YET...it always seems like YOUR girl gets into a relationship immediately after your breakup? Why is this???

I think it's a facade on the womans part. They may have developed a defense mechanism, to shut down their feelings, faster than us, but I dont think it truly kills them off. I think it is more of a temporary 'mask.' They seem to more 'avoid' the feelings, rather than deal with them head on like us men tend to do. I think that 'mask' eventually wears off for the woman, and she realizes that her feelings have suddenly 'reappeared' months or years down the road, when in reality, they were just 'repressed.'

So, us men may be more down in the dumps than the woman appears to be, but we actually get over the feelings, while her feelings continue to resurface. It's been three YEARS since I broke up with my ex, and she still calls and says how much she loves me. I FVCKED this chick up permanently. She has been with countless guys since me, and was even engaged, yet I was getting drunk dials weekly. Its been about three months since she tried to contact me, but I think she will try again.

I have also had a few other ex's contact me through myspace. These girls dumped ME years and years ago, but write me and tell me how bad they screwed up, and would give ANYTHING for another chance. These are girls that CRUSHED me when we broke up.

I have had only one truly painless breakup. I dated this girl on and off, for a year. I didnt love her, and she denied loving me too. Anyway, we broke up over the phone while I was at work. I took off early, and went to my local bar still in my painting clothes. To my right was an HB9 telling the bartender about how she's done mourning her dead husband and is ready to go get laid. So, I pipe in to the bartender "Yeah, I'm single again, me and Lisa broke up." I fvcked her the nest night!

LSS, thats how I met my BPD ex. I never gave Lisa a second thought. Apparently, the same thing happened to her. She met a guy a day to two later, and was with him for over a year. Coincedently, we both broke up around the same time period, and we sort of 'helped each other get over it,' so to speak. Kept her as a part time FB till she met her present BF, who she just had a baby with. But even while she was my FB, she kept hinting at us trying it again, and swore she would be different this time. She was the one who kept breaking up with me! I didnt have the heart to tell her that my BPD HB9 totally spoiled me, and there was no way in hell I would do anything more than fvck her and be her friend. She wasn't good in bed either, but better than nothing.

 

[STR8UP]

Lots of good points being brought up, and I agree with most all of them to an extent.

As for women "repressing" feelings....I can even go along with that to an extent, but I think it's more of a "lifeline" thing than it is feelings coming back out.

With women it's either there or it isn't. If she dumped you in the past and moved on and then reappears, chances are SHE just got dumped and is looking for validation. After all, what better validation can there be than having a guy tell you he still cares after you kicked him in the balls?

So yea, if you didn't totally punk out and go AFC on her ass when she broke up with you, she might still hold SOME feelings for you, but if she let you go chances are whatever remains is minute.

My theory on this stems from my experiences with several women in the past who I all but knew for a nailed down fact that they held our time together with very little regard. Whether it was apathy or downright hostility, all I had to do was look into these chicks eyes and see that they weren't going through anywhere near the grief I was. And yea, most of the time it was made easier by another guy being in the picture, but I think the other guy is simply another tool that facilitates the emotional change, not the entire cause of it.

In other words, women know that they need to get over it and get over it quickly, so they will do whatever needs to be done including the "rebound".

It's just insulting to see a chick have such little respect for the year that you spent with her. She could spit in my face and I wouldn't feel any more insulted. Makes you look at women a little differently.

 

[J Roc]

Relationships are a waste of time. You can easily get laid without being "with" someone.

Co-sign. I have a stable of 6 women right now I get laid as often as I want.

 

[DJDamage]

Really why the fvck worry and keep tabs on what your ex is doing or who she is doing or how fast she is doing it?!

The reality is that majority of women make the majority of the breakups and NEVER have to worry about NOT getting LAID. Its therefore so easy for a woman to hook up whenever she wants too, all she needs to do is to inform everyone that she is open for business and there will be a mad rush of men to her pvssy like bears to honey. It is purely an ego thing for a woman to be wanted again after her last relationship was over and for men as well. But we do know that women want more then just sex so sometimes they just dive right in without thinking and as a result end up with some big regrets afterwards.

That's why you don't keep in touch or find details about your ex because most likely she will be fine and she will also try to rub it in your face by informing you that she is doing alot better then you. Her ego wants to make sure that she comes up on top in the end which is both childish and pathetic behaviour.

Instead of worrying about the ex, go outside take a deep breath and realise that you are now finally free from this bullsh1t drama that this cvnt put you through and when ever you are ready (its up to you to decide) just go out there and sarge without thinking you need to compete with your ex.

 

[Tazman]

The reality is that majority of women make the majority of the breakups and NEVER have to worry about NOT getting LAID. Its therefore so easy for a woman to hook up whenever she wants too, all she needs to do is to inform everyone that she is open for business and there will be a mad rush of men to her pvssy like bears to honey.

Amen.

It's as simple as that, the demand will forever be strong for "f-ckable" women. They act the way they do only because they can. If men had other priorities besides wanting to have sex with "f-ckable" women we'd have already robbed them of this power, but we don't because we're just built this way.

When you are no longer interested in being with someone, and it's "your" decision, there is no time frame needed to get over it.

 

[jophil28]

The reality is that majority of women make the majority of the breakups and NEVER have to worry about NOT getting LAID. Its therefore so easy for a woman to hook up whenever she wants too, all she needs to do is to inform everyone that she is open for business and there will be a mad rush of men to her pvssy like bears to honey. It is purely an ego thing for a woman to be wanted again after her last relationship was over and for men as well. But we do know that women want more then just sex so sometimes they just dive right in without thinking and as a result end up with some big regrets afterwards.

.

\

Yes, And that is all there is to it. There is no "survival mechanism" in woman which provides some mythical or mysterious "switch" which allows her to eject at will.

What you are seeing is crass and shallow self-centeredness from what most here would call a "low quality " woman..

Women who 'move on' very quickly are just acting like children who can easily switch their attention from one toy or one play activity to another.
This is typical infantile behavior . Nothing more that that.

You were are the toy which she has become bored with, and she was the infant that you mistakenly tried to recruit as a partner..

 

[slaog]

What men must also understand is that if she is not really attracted to you then naturally it will be easier to get over. You provide her with company and the other basics and any man can do that. If you were a DJ it would be a different story because you'd be unique with higher value to her. She wouldn't get over it that quickly.


As Horaholic said sometimes they are crushed inside but put on a brave face and pretend everything is alright. We always advise men here to walk away from bad relationships and pretend he's OK with that.


I also don't believe women have a built in survival mechanism. For the reasons I just stated and also for the fact that many women take years to get over relationships. If they had the survival mechanism built in then that shouldn't happen. Also, some men can get over relationships faster then women.


Our job is to get them so attracted that they can't easily walk away because they know there's not many guys like you out there.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Mr Me,
Your Quote"Women will get to the point where they've fallen out of love, but remain in the relationship. They're in effect "emotionally divorced". They continue to build resentment that serves as fuel for their determination to get out and have given up on the relationship and plan their exit, which can involve branch swinging for sure, because women generally HATE to be alone.
To the guy who's not cognizant of what's really going on, it just appears everything's okay until the day the break comes and so it seems to come out of nowhere all of a sudden, and that's why it's surprising and looks like it was done speedily.
This means you need to hone your observation skills, plus better your selection for partners and/or relationship habits."End Quote.
Brother how you know life,I was in a twelve year relationship,the break up came out of the blue,everyone knew but me...When tackled in counselling she just said to the wise one"we have massive issues"I responded,"what are they?"her reply,"well if you can't see them by now its a waste of time me telling you"I still have no Idea what crawled up her and died...Still it took longer to replace her Dining room table,which she took with her,than it did to find a much more satisfactory lover...A Womans mind is a very mysterious area far beyond me to comprehend.

 

[Effington]

I really like horaholic's spin on this. It's funny how differently we see things depending on what perspective we have in the relationship. I find it extremely helpful to look at it from the other side as much as possible.

In this case, I'd say your assumption that she's "completely moved on" is probably not correct, and she probably is putting on a mask; after all, isn't it possible that she just wants you to think she's moved on and has an awesome new guy?

 

[jophil28]

I also don't believe women have a built in survival mechanism. For the reasons I just stated and also for the fact that many women take years to get over relationships. If they had the survival mechanism built in then that shouldn't happen. Also, some men can get over relationships faster then women.

All true in my experience too.

MY successfully married sister said recently, " Women mourn, men replace."
Granted, she was talking about behaviors of men and women at the end of LTRs or marriages.

However her statement contradicts a lot of what is being claimed here.

Perhaps, the apparent speed with which some women find 'another guy' is more a reflection of the shallowness of her emotional investment in the first guy.

 

[jophil28]

.... It's been three YEARS since I broke up with my ex, and she still calls and says how much she loves me. I FVCKED this chick up permanently. She has been with countless guys since me, and was even engaged,

I have had similar experiences.

--- MY first teenage crush called me 24 years later -out of the blue. Her marriage had failed recently...she then drove up to the coast to see me and we wrecked a bed in some motel for three days...
Two weeks later she came back for more fun. Then when I mentioned that i still had feelings for her she told me that she was not ready to be in another relationship and we should just be "friends"....yeahh...talk about validation and an ego binge for her.

---I contacted another G/f after leaving her 14 years before when I was in my Charlie Sheen period...she was now married and had a small kid. I wrote her a letter of " making amends" and she cried on the phone and invited me to fly down and see her. A two hour flight.
Foolishly, I did just that when her husband was away on business (of course she claimed that he was "abusive ".. ) and we then had an affair which lasted six months. I do not think that doing that was part of the AA program which called on me to make amends.. .. however.

Later in that year we were talking on the phone and I mentioned that I was dating another local woman. She (Miss 14 years) got really mad and said " we have nothing more to say to each other " and hung up. Never heard from her since.

Life is one long adventure, ain't it ?

 

[Luminescence]

Its simple to explain. Women are used to their men not being there anymore - ie in the old days men died young due to hunting accidents, war etc. So they have evolved a coping mechanism, a mental switch that will "kill" you. "Oh dear, shame, he's gone! - nevermind Joe will look after you."

You don't exist anymore in their world - you are now a ghost. Men on the other hand are not used to losing their women other than due to natural causes such as death. That is why traumatic events like getting divorced after 25 years are so painfull to us.

You are in the correct forum to develope the same coping mechanisms that they have (I know from personal experience). Find another woman (or more) and move on - time heals (eventually).

This is actually a very interesting theory, makes a lot of sense to me......Straight up evolutionary psychology.

 

[mackdaddy27]

great thread guys,
all i can say is that i dont have enough experience to confirm or validate this
but i can say the one girl i have been dating so far, has not been cold like this
but i can't say for certain because we haven't broken up yet and she hasn't had to move on yet, but i am curious to see how long it will take before she finds someone else. or if she will care.. your guys opinions may very well be correct.

 

[squirrels]

I posted here a few weeks back about how I knew I had to break up with my gf over her cheating. Well, we fully broke up there what 2 weeks ago.

She rang me today over tying up some loose ends and already she is dating someone else. I'm fairly sure that she has known him since the start of January (setting up the next branch I suspect).

Tbh, I'm no longer in love with her but the sheer speed she's moved on has definitely dented my ego a bit. When I first tried to break up with her the first week of January she went crazy and was begging me to stay. The final breakup was more mutual and we just ceased all contact.

For me personally, I just can't imagine dating someone else so soon after a ltr. As in actual dating now not hookups. It really does bring home some of the points on this board. Its my first experience of seeing someone move on at the snap of a finger. Frankly I'd take longer to get over my sports team not winning!

When a woman who has gotten used to being in a relationship suddenly finds herself single, it's extremely jeopardizing to her ego.

- Women tend to give up single friends for married/attached ones after being attached.

- Women's activities tend to center around couples stuff.

- Women in relationships (and this is important!) put an enormous emphasis on their relationship for determining their self-worth.

Most men have this blind way of thinking that if a woman is "cheating", things went sour when the other guy came into the picture. This is extremely short-sighted. If a woman is cheating, she's been dissatisfied for some period of time already. She would've broken up with you already, if she had any balls, but because she didn't have another relationship to continue to maintain her self-image in, she'd rather stick WITH you and be miserable than dare risk the cruel and nightmarish scenario of "being single again".

The old DJs used to call this "branch-swinging". But it's not all that uncommon. Men do the same things with jobs...lining up a better offer before quitting your existing job, for example.

If it seems like she got over you quickly, it's probably more a case of you not realizing how bad the "relationship" had gotten.

 

[iqqi]

Hi. Can anyone please tell me, after all this, why would I ever want a relationship with one of these? Seriously.

I don't know.

You should all just be gay.

For everyone else, obviously the easy way is too not adhere to a strict moral code or to go by principals. This is for men and women. Pick someone who is not "easy", if you care about how they will ultimately treat you.

 

[donif871]

DJ tools are survival mechanism for guys, i know from my personal experiences , but i stumble upon a jackpot..she is great, giving and loyal..my problem now, is to control my DJ mechanism, which is hard when you get use to it..until you find that jackpot..DJ tools are your only hope