It is truly amazing how quickly women can move on

[vorbis]

I posted here a few weeks back about how I knew I had to break up with my gf over her cheating. Well, we fully broke up there what 2 weeks ago.

She rang me today over tying up some loose ends and already she is dating someone else. I'm fairly sure that she has known him since the start of January (setting up the next branch I suspect).

Tbh, I'm no longer in love with her but the sheer speed she's moved on has definitely dented my ego a bit. When I first tried to break up with her the first week of January she went crazy and was begging me to stay. The final breakup was more mutual and we just ceased all contact.

For me personally, I just can't imagine dating someone else so soon after a ltr. As in actual dating now not hookups. It really does bring home some of the points on this board. Its my first experience of seeing someone move on at the snap of a finger. Frankly I'd take longer to get over my sports team not winning!

 

[Waking Up]

You're perfectly correct. I had a woman that was obsessed with me (year and a half relationship) and I had the upper mold the entire time and she was head over heels in love with me. I cheated on her once and treated her pretty poorly, eventually she got sick of it and left me to test my liking for her to see if I'd try to get back with her. Of course I was pretty much not into her anymore anyway so I moved on and was cool with the breakup. The girl hooked up with guys afterwards pretty quick and moved on very fast.

 

[Charm&Style]

Relationships are a waste of time. You can easily get laid without being "with" someone.

Bro, you are 26 years old, you are at a prime age dont let your precious time go to waste thinking about your cheating "girlfriend" whose riding some dude like a pony while you're trying to get over her. Dont let the magic vajayjay syndrome get you.

 

[Jeffst1980]

You are correct that she began setting up that next branch after you first mentioned breaking up. A way to "Hedge her bets," if you will--that's why you should never mention breaking up unless you are prepared to follow through...once that card is played by either party, it's game over.

It doesn't sound like she's actually 'moved on' in a healthy manner, though...she sounds like an incredibly insecure woman that is desperate for validation. I haven't read your other thread about her cheating, but if she was completely confident in being single, she wouldn't have begged you to stay initially.

It sucks getting over something like this, and if it takes you some time to really feel better about it, so be it...but rest assured that in a year's time you'll be GRATEFUL you ditched this loony before it got serious. Don't take her branch swinging personally, whatever you do. My advice for now is to go hang out with friends as much as you can, then do some serious self-improvement (gym/work/wardrobe upgrade, etc.)...it's the easiest way to get your mind off of her. Don't take any more of her calls!

Remember: The fact that you got her means that you can do the same with a high quality girl that isn't a psycho cheater. That's all you need. Go get 'em!

 

[STR8UP]

Women have a built in protection mechanism that allows them to move easily between relationships. I am convinced that men for the most part lack this trait.

I have been the victim of this several times. It SUCKS. Men are sentimental about their relationships. Men are the "romantics". We hold fond memories of good times. Women have a "kill switch" that allows them to disengage their feelings at the drop of a hat. This makes it possible for a woman to think you are the center of the universe one minute, but as soon as she finds someone else you're treated with about as much regard as a pile of dog ****.

It's a survival mechanism that allows women to swing to a "better" branch without remorse, because remorse causes hesitation. Once a woman has made her long planned decision to change vines, there is no turning back.

 

[Ballie]

Its simple to explain. Women are used to their men not being there anymore - ie in the old days men died young due to hunting accidents, war etc. So they have evolved a coping mechanism, a mental switch that will "kill" you. "Oh dear, shame, he's gone! - nevermind Joe will look after you."

You don't exist anymore in their world - you are now a ghost. Men on the other hand are not used to losing their women other than due to natural causes such as death. That is why traumatic events like getting divorced after 25 years are so painfull to us.

You are in the correct forum to develope the same coping mechanisms that they have (I know from personal experience). Find another woman (or more) and move on - time heals (eventually).

 

[cordoncordon]

Women have a built in protection mechanism that allows them to move easily between relationships. I am convinced that men for the most part lack this trait.

I have been the victim of this several times. It SUCKS. Men are sentimental about their relationships. Men are the "romantics". We hold fond memories of good times. Women have a "kill switch" that allows them to disengage their feelings at the drop of a hat. This makes it possible for a woman to think you are the center of the universe one minute, but as soon as she finds someone else you're treated with about as much regard as a pile of dog ****.

It's a survival mechanism that allows women to swing to a "better" branch without remorse, because remorse causes hesitation. Once a woman has made her long planned decision to change vines, there is no turning back.

100000000000000000000000% agree, and have always said this. IMO men take breakups much much harder than women do, romanticize about them much more, and take much longer to actually move onto to another relationship. People have always assumed its the opposite, but not from my experience. I dont know if it has to do with ego, women knowing there are a million men out there who they could date tomorrow, or what, but women can for sure move on much much easier out of a ltr then a man can.

 

[bornyesterday]

Good post.
It went different with an ex of mine but the experiences are similar. The ex and I had a relationship of 2,5 years which were intense especially for her as she was very much in love with me.

During the relationship she knew a guy from back home who was in love with her. She reminded me often about what a special relationship they had as friends. And how special he was: about his career, his creativity and his friends. (I had sort of an infreriority complex so it did hit the mark a couple of times as on those 3 fronts i was shooting duds.). I saw them together a couple of times and I clearly saw he was heads over heels for her. And she knew but played dumb.

At the time I knew something was going on but the significance of it only dawned on me much later. And it got extra meaning when I delved into information provided by sites like this in which the game is analysed thoroughly.
When we broke up, a couple of months later they started dating (afaik, it could have been earlier!). It really shocked me at the time as she was obviously far ahead of me as far as recovery was concerned, but she was supposed to be the one that was so much in love!
As of now they are living together for about 3 years now (lost count).

Conclusion: Although not as quick as yours she quicky moved on. Worse she was scanning the territory for backup when we were having hard times or even before that. She was already making other men warm for some special delivery. And during the relationship she was indirectly reminding me that she was wanted and in demand, that I had competition of fit men (basically he was fitter).

ps. Note that I would have analyzed this little story differently if I wouldnt have read sosuave and others.

 

[window]

Don't forget they have about 10 guys in the wings at any one time. So they can just go to another guy who gives them lots of attention...etc etc.

 

[window]

Don't forget they have about 10 guys in the wings at any one time. So they can just go to another guy who gives them lots of attention...etc etc.

 

[bornyesterday]

Remember the south park episode 'the prehistoric man' I think its called. After being frozen for about a year his girlfriend has had kids, a new man and has totally forgotten about him, she cant even remember his name. Now that was cruel.

 

[Blackdon]

You were dealing with a very mean and selfish creature here, move on, don't look back. Learn from your mistakes and don't trust any woman in future. Unlike men, women are not loyal.

 

[Jitterbug]

For me personally, I just can't imagine dating someone else so soon after a ltr.

My record is 6 days (and I'd have started even earlier had the schedule allowed) - just after a recent LTR ended (and it ended well, no real drama). Ultimately that devolved into just a short fling but I don't think I'd have any problem if it became a LTR.

I get over women very quickly. I'm a passionate & intense guy who holds back nothing when I'm dating someone but I find it easy to recover & reset back to normal when it's over. It also helps that I've always been the dumper in a LTR (I've tasted rejections many times in dating, of course). Maybe I haven't yet met a girl who would make me so emotionally attached that I would take a while to recover after breaking up with her.

You guys are right though. Typically it's the women who move on in a flash, but I'm not sure if it's because of their wiring or because they have more options than guys do. Usually those girls are the dumpers as well. The dumpees tend to wallow in "why me? what's wrong with me?" for a while and can't move on easily.

 

[darkstarrr]

of this several times. It SUCKS. Men are sentimental about their relationships. Men are the "romantics". We hold fond memories of good times. Women have a "kill switch" that allows them to disengage their feelings at the drop of a hat. This makes it possible for a woman to think you are the center of the universe one minute, but as soon as she finds someone else you're treated with about as much regard as a pile of dog ****.

:trouble:

 

[Alexander the Great]

[...] Typically it's the women who move on in a flash, but I'm not sure if it's because of their wiring or because they have more options than guys do. Usually those girls are the dumpers as well. The dumpees tend to wallow in "why me? what's wrong with me?" for a while and can't move on easily.

I think this is the right perspective, personally. There are enough women out there who also wallow and are baffled about their ex-boyfriend moving on so quickly. It depends on your personality completely. Maybe we just hear about dumper women more on this board.

Additionally, I also feel it has to do with women having more options. Remember, by principle women are the ones who get approached. They're not the ones doing the approaching generally. That's why she has "options". And if there's someone ready to swoop in in your place and make her feel good in a manly way, then tada!

If this whole dynamic were the other way around (or if men and women were equal in terms of taking the initiative) I'm pretty sure we'd have a board of women complaining why their ex-boyfriend moved on so fast (or one were both sexes complain about their exes).

In fact, don't you hear such stories from women? "He's already with someone else!" In which case the guy's probably a dumper and a flirt, unafraid to approach. So, he has the personality to get over things more quickly and is someone with options. And I'm sure the ladies at LoveShack et al. have such complaints by the bucketload (not that I've checked).

I guess most of us here are dumpee-type people, slowly (or not so slowly) learning not to wallow too much. I.e. become more "healthy". For ourselves. I know I am and it's threads like this that almost tip me into hating women. Almost.

 

[Mr. Me]

I'm no longer in love with her but the sheer speed she's moved on has definitely dented my ego a bit.

It only appears as speedy.

Women will get to the point where they've fallen out of love, but remain in the relationship. They're in effect "emotionally divorced". They continue to build resentment that serves as fuel for their determination to get out and have given up on the relationship and plan their exit, which can involve branch swinging for sure, because women generally HATE to be alone.

To the guy who's not cognizant of what's really going on, it just appears everything's okay until the day the break comes and so it seems to come out of nowhere all of a sudden, and that's why it's surprising and looks like it was done speedily.

This means you need to hone your observation skills, plus better your selection for partners and/or relationship habits.

When I first tried to break up with her the first week of January she went crazy and was begging me to stay.

Ah! That was because in addition to HATING being alone, women can't handle being dumped! They're not used to it. So very often a woman will try to get you back when you're dumping her just so she can dump YOU when she's ready.

Women have a "kill switch" that allows them to disengage their feelings at the drop of a hat.

Kind of. When they get to that "emotionally divorced" stage, they become disinterested, indifferent, emotionally detached. It can be like you never existed. They're emotionally dead to you. If they keep in contact at all after that, it's for their purpose, not yours.

In the early stages of dating, before they've become emotionally attached, this "switching off" can happen at the drop of the hat. Any little thing you say or do can be a flag to them, and boom - they're gone. She's a liberal, you happen to mention you like McCain, boom. She says she likes yorkies, you say you like pitbulls, boom. You exhibit any trait she doesn't like or send the wrong signal or blink the wrong way... boom, boom, boom.

Know what? That's the way we guys oughtta be too.

IMO men take breakups much much harder than women do

Depends who does the dumping.

The Dumper is the one that wants out. It may make them sad that things didn't work out, and they may not like to do the dumping, but they're emotionally in a better position then the Dumpee. The Dumpee wants the relationship and isn't ready at all to end it. It's forced on them.

And because women are often the Dumper, it's therefore mostly guys that comprise the walking wounded. We all have feelings, we're human.

 

[Jeffst1980]

I think this is the right perspective, personally. There are enough women out there who also wallow and are baffled about their ex-boyfriend moving on so quickly. It depends on your personality completely. Maybe we just hear about dumper women more on this board.

Additionally, I also feel it has to do with women having more options. Remember, by principle women are the ones who get approached. They're not the ones doing the approaching generally. That's why she has "options". And if there's someone ready to swoop in in your place and make her feel good in a manly way, then tada!

If this whole dynamic were the other way around (or if men and women were equal in terms of taking the initiative) I'm pretty sure we'd have a board of women complaining why their ex-boyfriend moved on so fast (or one were both sexes complain about their exes).

In fact, don't you hear such stories from women? "He's already with someone else!" In which case the guy's probably a dumper and a flirt, unafraid to approach. So, he has the personality to get over things more quickly and is someone with options. And I'm sure the ladies at LoveShack et al. have such complaints by the bucketload (not that I've checked).

I guess most of us here are dumpee-type people, slowly (or not so slowly) learning not to wallow too much. I.e. become more "healthy". For ourselves. I know I am and it's threads like this that almost tip me into hating women. Almost.

I agree with this--personality type, not gender, is the real issue. Some people have a greater need for stability than others.

We've all seen this scenario play out:
-Girl goes out with Player
-Player dumps Girl, breaks Girl's heart
-Girl goes out with several Rebound Guys, all effectively placeholders, while,
-Girl tries desperately to get Player back, believing he was her "true love."

If you were to go on the female counterpart to sosuave, you would no doubt hear that MEN are the ones that move on too quickly. It's all perspective--we remember what it feels like to be rejected and repress the times we reject others. Even the most AFC guys have no doubt broken many a heart.

Women move on quickly because they CAN. They have the luxury of having guys "waiting in the wings" for them, to help them 'get over' a breakup. There is no "shame" for a woman dumped, only sympathy. On the other hand, guys that get dumped usually have a bit of "chick repellant" for awhile. Because of this, women are usually the ones that initiate a breakup, even if not directly. Often times, they will become so unbearable as if to FORCE their bf's to dump them. In the OP's case, the women initiated the breakup by cheating.

 

[STR8UP]

Women move on quickly because they CAN. They have the luxury of having guys "waiting in the wings" for them, to help them 'get over' a breakup. There is no "shame" for a woman dumped, only sympathy. On the other hand, guys that get dumped usually have a bit of "chick repellant" for awhile. Because of this, women are usually the ones that initiate a breakup, even if not directly. Often times, they will become so unbearable as if to FORCE their bf's to dump them. In the OP's case, the women initiated the breakup by cheating.

This is partially true.

But I still say that part of it has to do with a psychological protection mechanism in women that allows them to snuff you out like a candle.

I have seen all of these scenarios play out. I have been with the chick who gradually loses attraction, but I have also been with the chick who was begging and groveling to get me back who, when she found another branch, did a 180 overnight and essentially told me that she wouldn't wish what I had done to her on her worst enemy. I was a god one day and a piece of trash the next.

I truly believe as someone else pointed out that this is a survival mechanism that women have evolved to ensure their ability to move quickly between men. Think about it.....women throughout history have been the "dependent" sex. It was only recently that women have been able to take care of themselves, and even that will never negate the fact that they will always have some dependence on men. Women need a way to allow them to swing branches because they generally tend to be emotional creatures who get caught up in things. This is the "fire extinguisher" that lets them put out the flames quickly before they do too much damage (prevent her from securing another man).

 

[azanon]

I posted here a few weeks back about how I knew I had to break up with my gf over her cheating. Well, we fully broke up there what 2 weeks ago.

She rang me today over tying up some loose ends and already she is dating someone else. I'm fairly sure that she has known him since the start of January (setting up the next branch I suspect).

Tbh, I'm no longer in love with her but the sheer speed she's moved on has definitely dented my ego a bit. When I first tried to break up with her the first week of January she went crazy and was begging me to stay. The final breakup was more mutual and we just ceased all contact.

For me personally, I just can't imagine dating someone else so soon after a ltr. As in actual dating now not hookups. It really does bring home some of the points on this board. Its my first experience of seeing someone move on at the snap of a finger. Frankly I'd take longer to get over my sports team not winning!

I can assure you it's not a gender thing. I could move on within hours - hell even minutes - not days or weeks. I hope you are amazed in an impressed way at her, and not looking down on her for being able to do that.

I have the ability to compartmentalize, and TBH, I don't fully understand why everyone doesn't have this ability. I can, for instance, love my wife dearly and deeply, but my feelings for her have exactly nothing to do with my feelings for anyone and everyone else. There are so many people I interact with, and each of them gets their own unique "relationship" with me apart from anyone else.

As far as physical/sex go, I don't think that has anything to do with love at all. I can have sex with a girl whom I don't even know her name. My physical needs have simply no connection to "love" so, hell, I'd "move on" to accommodate my physical needs if nothing else.

Personally.... I'd work on you in this regard, and see if you can gain some ability to compartmentalize yourself.

 

[vorbis]

tbh azanon, I don't think I'd want the "ability" to move on so quickly. Thanks people for the responses but just to clarify a few things.

I wasn't actually the dumpee. When we got back together after the first attempt at breaking up, I decided about a week later that I was going to have to fully break up with her. She brought up the topic first about things not going too well, I whole heartily agreed with breaking up and that was that.

I realize women typically have more options than men. However, all I want to do at the moment is score women. The actual idea of full on dating a new woman sounds daft to me at the moment. That's what really gets me.