It aint over yet

[HeMan]

my god maxtro

you sound like such a *****...

listen to peoples advise for once. you have ZERO chance.

move on dude..

 

[Maxtro]

So what happened man....and be honest. Obviously you had some sort of contact/conversation with the girl,and it didn't go as you had hoped it would.
I believe that something like this must have happened because all of our replies to you were met with deaf ears. All the collective experiences,knowledge and wisdom of this board is nothing to a man infected with oneitis....and dude,you had oneitis.

I hope that maybe a newbie or another member who is currently going through what you just experienced can learn from this thread.

Of course I had oneitis. I always get oneitis.

Yes I did have a conversation with her and it actually went the way I had planned it to. I was hoping it wouldn't but it did. The whole thing was over txt around 8 pm-10 pm. I love how "talking" over text gives you enough time to plan what you are going to say and the results are rapid. If this had happened face to face or over the phone it probably would have ended worse. Also I probably wouldn't have been able to control my voice and I wouldn't want to hear her get angry.

Basically I confirmed my belief that no matter how close to a girl you are and how much time you spend with her, you can't convince her to have sex with you. It doesn't even matter if she likes you a lot. Yesterday afternoon I did a bit of reading and discovered the ladder therory, that women have two ladders of "likes" that they place people on. A woman can like people on both ladders, but only people on the "sexual interest" level will ever have a shot with her.

I was on the top of "I love this person but they will never see me naked" ladder. I tried to convince her to give me a shot. When she said sorry I told her. "That's what I figured. You don't like me enough to give me a shot." She replied. "No, it's not that I don't like you enough to give you a shot. I just don't like you that way."

It's funny how she had to defend that she liked me but not like that. To me there is no such thing as liking a woman just as a friend. Family members are the exception. But actually I would never say I like my Mom. Love her yes, like her, No and we get along great.

Then I went on to tell her that it wouldn't matter at all if I was gay. She would still like me the exact same way. And she agreed with me. I told her that I can't deny who I am anymore, but it was obviously far too late for that.

I said that "this friendship was obviously unhealthy for both of us. We were both very stubborn in our positions." I wanted sex and she didn't. My values clashed with hers. Then I told her that I was done. She replied with "Done with what, being my friend?" She called me a jerk and said I was an immature asshole and she was right.

I replied that I had a lot of fun with her and made a lot of great memories but I can't make this mistake again. Her reply was, "So I'm a mistake? Thanks a lot. Have a nice life. Goodbye." I sent her two more texts telling her that she wasn't a mistake but if I did the same thing with a new girl it would be. Odds are she deleted them without reading them.

I got the result I was expected and thought I would get on Friday when I told her I liked her. So I finally ended the friendship just a little worse than I would have wanted to. There was simply no reason to keep being friends with her and maintain the status-quo. I liked her too much, it was starting to hurt, I had no other girls to relieve myself with and it was obvious that she would never hook me up with one of her friends. I've known her since August and if she was going to introduce me to one of her friends, she would have done it already.

The whole thing is 100% my fault. But I needed to learn the lesson the hard way. Things may be awkward for a little bit at work if we run into each other but that's it.

So in the end, spending a lot of time with a girl, when you have no outlet is a very dangerous thing. I probably shouldn't have seen her alone more then twice. But if I didn't then I wouldn't have had this "learning experience."

 

[usscrum]

Of course I had oneitis. I always get oneitis.

I tried to convince her to give me a shot.

I sent her two more texts telling her that she wasn't a mistake but if I did the same thing with a new girl it would be.

get these things out of your head and never do them again. why would you want to be with a girl who you feel the need to convince to like you? come on man from the looks of it you have been around here enough to know that what you did was going to do nothing but decrease your chances with her.

but i have been there man and its no fun. trust me delete her off facebook and delete her number. you have terrible oneitis and the only way you are going to move on is if you get her out of your head.

DELETE HER OFF FACEBOOK. it was less than a month ago that i got shot down on vday weekend by a girl i drove 3 hrs to see. the fact that she doesnt live close to me has made it easier to get over her but id still be obsessing over her if i hadnt removed her from my facebook and deleted her number. oneitis is tough man but just get out and talk to other girls. it will help.

 

[Maxtro]

"Why would you want to be with a girl who you feel the need to convince to like you? "

Because even if I had to convince her and we actually had sex, it would have been 1,000 times more fulfilling then every single stupid sexual encounter I've had in my life. I'm so hung up on sex it's retarded. My feelings on sex were probably much stronger then hers.

"Do nothing but decrease your chances with her."
What chances? I never had a chance in hell at sleeping with her. I was so deep into the friendzone that she would have never considered sleeping with me no matter how drunk she was.

"DELETE HER OFF FACEBOOK"
Done. Did that last night. I don't want to see anything to do with her or her life. She also had a blog that I was fallowing. In essence I was so obsessed that I was also cyber stalking. I'm cutting that shit out of my life.

I'm never going to try and contact her again and I will try and avoid situations were I'll run into her. Today at work may be odd if she shows up.

 

[Unprez]

Ugh! Dude.

She hasn't even responded to my message yet. When I said she sounded ****y it was the comments between her and her girlfriend. I haven't had any communication with her since Friday.

Thanks for taking the time to write what you did, but it's 100% non-applicable.

Actually it is, the minute she put out that status you ignore it not spend hrs or days thinking about it.. it will do no good.

 

[Igetit!]

Of course I had oneitis. I always get oneitis.

Well you need to fix this man. All oneitis is is just a form of neediness. And neediness pushes people way. This neediness problem has nothing to do with women or sex,therefore,you hopping in bed with some chick won't cure it. You might get sex,but you won't get the girl,at least not long term anyway. Because sooner or later,she'll sense the neediness coming from you,then she'll be out the door. There are plenty of threads,posts,and info contained in the DJ bible to knock the neediness out of you. To me,it seems that you're too focused on girls and sex,and not on yourself. I've said it before,so now I'll say it again:You don't get a woman,then become happy. You become happy FIRST,then you get the woman.
Once you get yourself straighten out FIRST,then you'll have less difficulty with women. Neediness it like having a bad odor on yourself that YOU can't smell,but everyone else can. You approach a girl,she senses/smells this odor then she's repelled. Then when she takes off in the other direction,there you are alone scratching your head trying to figure out why she didn't want to be around you. Don't fool yourself into thinking that the side of you/the real you that's here on the forum is somehow hidden from all the girls you approach. They might not know you to the extent that we do,but if you're around them long enough,they'll know something's up.

If this had happened face to face or over the phone it probably would have ended worse. Also I probably wouldn't have been able to control my voice and I wouldn't want to hear her get angry.

Well why would she get angry? What...because you keep trying to get her to do something she doesn't want to do? You weren't honest with her from the beginning because you were scared. So you put up a "fake friendship" thereby deceiving her. She believed you're friendship with her was genuine.
Then after being one way for over half a year,you decide to turn the tables on her. She spent 7 months having friendly feeling towards you because that's the way YOU approached her in the beginning,then when you all of the sudden,out of the blue decide to go sexual on her,when she didn't recipricate,you get upset at her. Oh no,there no reason for her to get angry.

Basically I confirmed my belief that no matter how close to a girl you are and how much time you spend with her, you can't convince her to have sex with you. It doesn't even matter if she likes you a lot.

Of course you can't convince her to have sex with you. Maxtro,what have you been doing here for the last five years? This stuff you're bringing up about not being able to convince women to have sex is elementry. This stuff is basic. If it was math,it'd be like 1+1=2. You're just now discovering this? Of course you can't convince her. Women make sexual decisions based on their feelings,not in their minds with common sense and logic. To get a woman's interest,you don't set her down and go over the pros and cons and logically explain to her why she should date you. You effect her emotions. You mean you don't know this?

I was on the top of "I love this person but they will never see me naked" ladder. I tried to convince her to give me a shot. When she said sorry I told her. "That's what I figured. You don't like me enough to give me a shot." She replied. "No, it's not that I don't like you enough to give you a shot. I just don't like you that way."

This girl was being honest with you. When she said that she didn't like you "that way",she was telling you the truth. She doesn't like you that way. You know why? Because when you originally approached her in the beginning,you didn't approach her "that way". You appraoched her as a friend,so she developed friendly feelings towards you. If you had approached her "that way",then she's either had rejected you,or she developed "those kind of feelings" towards you.
It was you who determoned what you got from her. All she did was recipricate.

It's funny how she had to defend that she liked me but not like that. To me there is no such thing as liking a woman just as a friend.

This is a whole other ball of yawn,but I'll just say that I disagree.

Then I went on to tell her that it wouldn't matter at all if I was gay. She would still like me the exact same way. And she agreed with me.

GAY? Where did that come from?

I told her that I can't deny who I am anymore, but it was obviously far too late for that.

Bingo dude!!! Right on the money. You told her that you could no longer deny who you were,and that my friend was the problem. You denied yourself. YOU DID IT,not her. You denied yourself,and presented a false version of yourself to her instead of revealing your true self,your true interest. If you had just been real from the getgo,you wouldn't be in this situation. So don't be mad at her because you weren't honest. You went into the "relationship" pretending to be someone else.

I said that "this friendship was obviously unhealthy for both of us. We were both very stubborn in our positions." I wanted sex and she didn't. My values clashed with hers. Then I told her that I was done. She replied with "Done with what, being my friend?" She called me a jerk and said I was an immature asshole and she was right.

Yes,I'd have to agree.....with her,that is.

I replied that I had a lot of fun with her and made a lot of great memories but I can't make this mistake again. Her reply was, "So I'm a mistake? Thanks a lot. Have a nice life. Goodbye." I sent her two more texts telling her that she wasn't a mistake but if I did the same thing with a new girl it would be. Odds are she deleted them without reading them.

Wow. Seems like every move you make with this girl just makes things worse and worse. I can't stand stuff like this. I'd rather had just asked her out,have her say no if she's going to say no,and get the thing over with. All this clashing and hard feelings is so unnecessary.

The whole thing is 100% my fault. But I needed to learn the lesson the hard way. Things may be awkward for a little bit at work if we run into each other but that's it.

If you really believe this statement,then at least all this won't be for nought. You'll learn from this experience,and won't make the same mistake next time.

So in the end, spending a lot of time with a girl, when you have no outlet is a very dangerous thing. I probably shouldn't have seen her alone more then twice. But if I didn't then I wouldn't have had this "learning experience."

Agreed. So have you learned what you did wrong,or do you need to go through this again with 2 or 3 more girls?

 

[Luke Skywalker]

I still think that if Maxtro suited this girl's preference or what she was looking for in a guy that even if there was a friendship then things would have come together. She would have made moves on him or have tried to seduce him.

Like the girl said, if Maxtro made a move back in November last year -- she would have rejected him and saved the time that he lost emotionally and with time on her.

All in all, nothing was lost here other than time and emotional investment from not getting rejected earlier as she was never into him. But, if there was some fun 'being her friend' then all is not loss. Take the good times for what they are and write this all off.

 

[librito]

IGETIT...PROPS TO YOU MAN, THAT WAS AN UNBELIEVEABLE PLAY BY PLAY EXPLANATION.
maxtro, stop the bull. you are a senior on this site. your mistakes were freshmen's mistakes. its your fault and not hers cause your are supposed to be the "expert" on relationships with all the time you've being on sosuave.
did you learn not to approach girls from an AFC point of view? READ POOKS ABOUT NICE GUYS VS JERKS AGAIN.
to all the other guys on this board,
MAKE THE FREAKING MOVE WITHIN THE FIRST TWO DATES OR LOOSE HER VAGINA FOREVER.

 

[Maxtro]

Igetit! thank you for being who you are. I'd buy you a beer but you'd probably want nothing to do with me

Well you need to fix this man. All oneitis is is just a form of neediness. And neediness pushes people way. This neediness problem has nothing to do with women or sex,therefore,you hopping in bed with some chick won't cure it. You might get sex,but you won't get the girl,at least not long term anyway. Because sooner or later,she'll sense the neediness coming from you,then she'll be out the door. There are plenty of threads,posts,and info contained in the DJ bible to knock the neediness out of you. To me,it seems that you're too focused on girls and sex,and not on yourself. I've said it before,so now I'll say it again:You don't get a woman,then become happy. You become happy FIRST,then you get the woman.
Once you get yourself straighten out FIRST,then you'll have less difficulty with women. Neediness it like having a bad odor on yourself that YOU can't smell,but everyone else can. You approach a girl,she senses/smells this odor then she's repelled. Then when she takes off in the other direction,there you are alone scratching your head trying to figure out why she didn't want to be around you. Don't fool yourself into thinking that the side of you/the real you that's here on the forum is somehow hidden from all the girls you approach. They might not know you to the extent that we do,but if you're around them long enough,they'll know something's up.

I just wrote a thread on neediness and it is now the focus of my energies. As far as I can tell there is nothing in the DJ Bible about neediness. I went through all the subsections and only one article had need in the title and the actual article had nothign at all to do with being needy. I have found some stuff scattered in the forum. It will take some time to weed them out and digest them, but I will do it.

Well why would she get angry? What...because you keep trying to get her to do something she doesn't want to do...snipped

Of course she had every reason to get angry. What I meant to say is that I didn't want to actually see her angry or hear it in her voice. Heck if we were talking in person she probably would have tried to knock me out.

Of course you can't convince her to have sex with you. Maxtro,what have you been doing here for the last five years? This stuff you're bringing up about not being able to convince women to have sex is elementry. This stuff is basic. If it was math,it'd be like 1+1=2. You're just now discovering this? Of course you can't convince her. Women make sexual decisions based on their feelings,not in their minds with common sense and logic. To get a woman's interest,you don't set her down and go over the pros and cons and logically explain to her why she should date you. You effect her emotions. You mean you don't know this?

Honestly I have no idea what was going on through my head. I was so driven to have sex with her that I was actually the one to logically fail.

This girl was being honest with you. When she said that she didn't like you "that way",she was telling you the truth. She doesn't like you that way. You know why? Because when you originally approached her in the beginning,you didn't approach her "that way". You appraoched her as a friend,so she developed friendly feelings towards you. If you had approached her "that way",then she's either had rejected you,or she developed "those kind of feelings" towards you.
It was you who determoned what you got from her. All she did was recipricate.

When I first met her I had no intention of becoming her friend. I was looking for a way to get sex. But since I suck with women, I didn't approach her the correct way and I used the falsity of friendship to get close to her. I stupidly thought that becoming her friend first would have a higher chance at success with her then honestly telling her what I wanted up front. Honestly though, the odds of getting her are actually much lower if I told her that I want to have sex with the first time we hung out. It was a lose-lose situation.

GAY? Where did that come from?

I was looking for a word that would describe somebody that she has no sexual desire for at all. Most people would say that I was her girlfriend. But since she has actually had sex with a girl, calling myself her girlfriend wouldn't have worked.

Bingo dude!!! Right on the money. You told her that you could no longer deny who you were,and that my friend was the problem. You denied yourself. YOU DID IT,not her. You denied yourself,and presented a false version of yourself to her instead of revealing your true self,your true interest. If you had just been real from the getgo,you wouldn't be in this situation. So don't be mad at her because you weren't honest. You went into the "relationship" pretending to be someone else.

I am not mad at her at all. If anything I empathize with her pain for what I've put her through. I don't know who was madder at me, her or myself. From the entire begigning I screwed up and it kept spiraling out of control.

Wow. Seems like every move you make with this girl just makes things worse and worse. I can't stand stuff like this. I'd rather had just asked her out,have her say no if she's going to say no,and get the thing over with. All this clashing and hard feelings is so unnecessary.

Yes the whole thing was unnecessary. But at that moment I WANTED her to hate me. I quickly realized how stupid I was and the damage was done. Before the conversation I actually thought about asking her out on a date. But I knew that I had a zero percent chance her ever going out with me. So I approached her in a way that I knew would fail. Before I even sent the first text I knew my whole goal was to end the friendship and make her think I was a jerk. But I also wanted to make certain that trying to logically convince her to have sex with me wouldn't work. The whole thing makes me feel evil.

If you really believe this statement,then at least all this won't be for nought. You'll learn from this experience,and won't make the same mistake next time.

Agreed. So have you learned what you did wrong,or do you need to go through this again with 2 or 3 more girls?

Yes I have learned what I have done wrong and shouldn't go through this again with more girls. Unfortunately this incident has basically shattered my self-esteem and I've actually lost all interest in girls for now. I don't even think I'm good enough to be around any girl at all.

I really wanted a boost of confidence and the skyrocketing effect on my self-esteem that I believed having sex with her would have, I still have that belief
But instead I'm left feeling lower then dirt.

I still think that if Maxtro suited this girl's preference or what she was looking for in a guy that even if there was a friendship then things would have come together. She would have made moves on him or have tried to seduce him.

You have no idea what you are talking about. Or maybe you do. I'm not an ugly guy by any means and there is nothing physically wrong with me. If my personality wasn't complete shit I'm sure she would have had no problem hooking up with me. But personality is who I am and if I had a different personality, I'd be a completely different person.

All in all, nothing was lost here other than time and emotional investment from not getting rejected earlier as she was never into him. But, if there was some fun 'being her friend' then all is not loss. Take the good times for what they are and write this all off.

This experience has greatly negatively affected her and I.

But yes there was a lot of fun in being her friend. Things would have been so much better if I had no sexual interest in her. Sometimes what happens, happens for a reason. As long as I learn something from it, it shouldn't be a total failure.

I just wish I hadn't hurt someone who is so important to me I guess she ended up being like a sister to me. Since I actually don't have any sisters she was very special to me.

 

[Maxtro]

Damn it! Why can't I get over her? I haven't seen the girl since Tuesday and we didn't even acknowledge each others presence. Yesterday I realized that I may actually be in love with her I found out through a source that something really scared her and she was worried about her safety. I thought about what if something were to happen to her and I just broke down. I was talking to a mutual friend about it whom I had asked to make sure that the girl I was interested in is OK, and she agreed that it's probably love. Great just what I fucking need. Possibly falling in love with a girl who never liked me and who actually hates me because of the terrible things I said.

I now realize why I was so mean to her. I was very angry at her for unintentionally hurting me. So I wanted to get back at her and hurt her too. So I thought of the meanest things I dished them at her. And it worked all to well. I can't believe I was so petty and immature. I'm going to try and apologize when we work together next week. I know nothing I do can change her mind and she will never want to talk to me again, but I feel so ashamed and dirty from what I did. I can't believe I was so mean to a person I really cared for.

This has been the hardest most painful week+ of my life. I don't think I've had a full night's rest since last Tuesday, when she told me that she hooked up with some dude. I've basically had a constant headache and have no energy at all. Smiling is near impossible. I've also seemed to lose all interest for women in general. I feel like I'm too low to have a conversation with any girl.

I need to get over her ASAP. I can not have this shit drag me down in school. If I do bad in any of my classes I'm going to get kicked out of the university, then my life will be over.

 

[Kal0051]

maxtro - You'll get over her, though it may take some time. Was in the same situation as you not to long ago, I was in love with a girl that wasn't that interested in me (in fact she was secretly dating some guy and didn't tell me because she thought I would freak out). Well, it took me about 2 months til I was able to even talk to another girl. Mind you it helped that I had 2 girls who helped me get over it (my best girl friend and the best friend of the girl I was in love with). Just concentrate on your school, this girl isn't worth screwing your school progress over. Good luck.

 

[Maxtro]

Damn it, 3:30am and I just woke up.

Wow it took you two months to start talking to other girls? I cannot wait that long to get over her.

I do have our mutual friend that I've told everything to. She is trying to encourage me and keep my spirits up, but she thinks everything can be worked out. Also I'm keeping my distance from her because I'm afraid I might fall for her if I spend too much time with her.

My life has not at all gone the way I planned it to be since I moved to Long Beach 7 months ago.

 

[Gibraltar]

Damn it, 3:30am and I just woke up.

Wow it took you two months to start talking to other girls? I cannot wait that long to get over her.

I do have our mutual friend that I've told everything to. She is trying to encourage me and keep my spirits up, but she thinks everything can be worked out. Also I'm keeping my distance from her because I'm afraid I might fall for her if I spend too much time with her.

My life has not at all gone the way I planned it to be since I moved to Long Beach 7 months ago.

Man, I know how you feel. I had the same obsession with this one girl, and NOTHING ever happened. You know how I beat it? I started working on myself.

When 1 girl doesn't work out, most SS members say focus on the next. Sometimes the problem isn't the girls, it's with us. You gotta be happy with your life and live your ideal lifestyle to the best of your ability.

Here's a little saying I repeat to myself:

"Live your ideal lifestyle to meet your ideal woman."

Unfortunately, most guys have it backwards. They spend so much time finding the ideal woman that they neglect themselves. I am ALWAYS most successful with women when I focus on myself. It's a powerful sensation that you must experience for yourself.

Some tips:
-Write down your ideal lifestyle (work, home, friends, exercise, hobbies, passions, car, activities, character, etc)
- Take small steps to living your ideal lifestyle as close as possible EVERY DAY. It will take some time, but 1 step forward is better than walking sideways.
- I guarantee your opportunities to date women will increase EXPOTIENTALLY.

 

[Kal0051]

Wow it took you two months to start talking to other girls? I cannot wait that long to get over her.

man, what you don't understand is that while it took me 2 months til I was comfortable talking to new girls (I was over her in a month or so but everything that happened caused me to lose a lot of my confidence, that took another month to gain some of it back), I didn't post threads like this one on the internet. I just got on with my life, I only felt like you do for about a week, and each week it got easier. Now I could care less about her. It won't take you 2 months til your over her, but the first step is to keep yourself occupied and don't thinking about her.

 

[Igetit!]

I do have our mutual friend that I've told everything to. She is trying to encourage me and keep my spirits up, but she thinks everything can be worked out.

So this mutual friend is a girl? I'd be careful here man. You know how much women like to talk and gossip.

Also I'm keeping my distance from her because I'm afraid I might fall for her if I spend too much time with her.

Hahahaha,LOL!This is funny man. I think I almost fell out of my chair laughing when I saw this. Don't do that man. Just.....just don't. You'll make a bigger mess with this girl than the original one.

 

[Maxtro]

Man, I know how you feel. I had the same obsession with this one girl, and NOTHING ever happened. You know how I beat it? I started working on myself.

When 1 girl doesn't work out, most SS members say focus on the next. Sometimes the problem isn't the girls, it's with us. You gotta be happy with your life and live your ideal lifestyle to the best of your ability.

Here's a little saying I repeat to myself:

"Live your ideal lifestyle to meet your ideal woman."

Unfortunately, most guys have it backwards. They spend so much time finding the ideal woman that they neglect themselves. I am ALWAYS most successful with women when I focus on myself. It's a powerful sensation that you must experience for yourself.

Some tips:
-Write down your ideal lifestyle (work, home, friends, exercise, hobbies, passions, car, activities, character, etc)
- Take small steps to living your ideal lifestyle as close as possible EVERY DAY. It will take some time, but 1 step forward is better than walking sideways.
- I guarantee your opportunities to date women will increase EXPOTIENTALLY.

I don't care about girls at all now. So yes I'm going to focus on the most important person in the world, myself. Thank you for the tips. Now that midterms are over I have more time on my hands.

The ideal woman is an interesting concept. I'd say my ideal woman is Lucy Pinder. But what's funny is that the girl I keep talking about is nothing at all like her.

man, what you don't understand is that while it took me 2 months til I was comfortable talking to new girls (I was over her in a month or so but everything that happened caused me to lose a lot of my confidence, that took another month to gain some of it back), I didn't post threads like this one on the internet. I just got on with my life, I only felt like you do for about a week, and each week it got easier. Now I could care less about her. It won't take you 2 months til your over her, but the first step is to keep yourself occupied and don't thinking about her.

Yup, major confidence crashes suck. I do know that it will get be feeling better over time. Eventually I will completely get over her. But I don't know if I will ever truly heal. One thing I don't understand is why the names; Jessica, Hannah, Melissa V, Nicole, Melissa I, Justine, Cherise, Dominique, Hayley, Sarah, Chelsea and now Chelsie are stuck in my head. I still remember all these girls last names and I can point them out if I saw a picture of them when I knew them. That's kind of crazy since the 1st 5 girls I knew before I was 16. Why are their names and faces burned into my brain?

So this mutual friend is a girl? I'd be careful here man. You know how much women like to talk and gossip.

Hahahaha,LOL!This is funny man. I think I almost fell out of my chair laughing when I saw this. Don't do that man. Just.....just don't. You'll make a bigger mess with this girl than the original one.

Yeah she is a girl. I'm not really worried about gossip. It may turn around later and bit me in the ass but I doubt it.

When you say "don't do that." I hope you mean don't fall for her. Believe me I don't want to. I'm not going to spend any time at all with her. Hell I already know she thinks of me as a brother so I'm not even going to waste my time.

For now I don't give a shit about girls. And now I want to hear Air Supply again...

Edit:
Wow, Hoobastank - The Reason really resonates with me.