Isn't it embarrasing to think about your past?

[stormwriter]

I didn't realize how much embarrasing crap i've done in my past with women!
Thank god it's all in the past. I will never do that crap again.

Here's a list of some of the embarrasing, pathetic, borderline-psychotic things i've done:

- At one time, i could actually watch what the girl i dated was doing on her computer! I could literally, when she was logged on, bring up her screen on mine!

- I captured keystrokes on her computer to get her hotmail password. Then logged on and read her email, and found out she was seeing another guy.
I actually configured it to capture keystrokes, and email the daily log to me! Psycho, i know!

- I spied on my ex-wife on Valentines Day after we were broken up. She was seeing another guy, and came home with him that night, and he stayed the night. haha.

- I snuck a tape recorder in the room when my wife was talking on the phone.

- I don't even want to think about the pathetic letters and phone messages i've left for women, trying to get them back. Not to mention the stupid gifts that were just a waste of money. Oh, not to mention PAYING THEIR BILLS WHILE THEY ARE SEEING ANOTHER GUY!

Ugh. I can't even continue. It's soooo embarrasing to think of this stuff. If any of you dudes are doing this stuff - NOTHING POSITIVE came from all this. So, DON'T DO IT. Unless you like being a complete loser, then do some of those things i just mentioned.

 

[Silquee Smoove]

Storm...

Storm...I'm thinking you need something more creative in your life at this point.

Art, Drama, Full contact fighting, gambling, something to get your mind in a positive direction.

 

[Nightspark]

ah yes the past..., that stays locked away...

and one thing i must say about all the letters and thing u bough to try to get them back... i read somewheres that YOU SHOULD NEVER EVER write letters that it's only purpose is to get them back by writting wierd sappy sh!t.... Leave no evidence when u leave her!

 

[dietzcoi]

Good point.. remember whatever you write is evidence and can show up years later to embarrass or hurt you...

ALso careful what you say. I know this now but in my AFC days I said plenty of stupid things that came back to haunt me...

Dietzcoi

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

As long as you dwell on those things without learning anything from the experience to better yourself, you will definitely feel embarrassed. Also, if you don't make the appropriate changes from the things you've learned you will probably feel embarrassed again since it will be likely that you will make those same mistakes again.

c'est la vie

 

[jbbrain]

Originally posted by stormwriter

- I captured keystrokes on her computer to get her hotmail password. Then logged on and read her email, and found out she was seeing another guy.
I actually configured it to capture keystrokes, and email the daily log to me! Psycho, i know!

Was she cheating on you or was she your ex? If she was cheating on you, then I applaud you. You smelled a rat and you caught it. If you guys weren't dating then..yeah, you were psycho

 

[ManOMan]

Storm, I also had the password for my girlfriends hotmail account, I read some of her emails, and everytime we got into a fight, she would email her girlfriends and say some really raunchy disrespectful things about me

then when I confronted her about it, she turned it around and got mad at me for reading her emails,

here's the pathetic part, we broke up, and I was repeatedly kissing her ass trying to win her back

The good thing: I found out what a snake/backstabber she was and no longer speak to her

The bad thing: It was painful reading the stuff she wrote about me, and stripped me of all dignity when I was trying to win her back

(thank god I found this place, I will no longer make that mistake)

 

[stormwriter]

jbbrain,

Oh yeah, we were dating. Had been dating for a year and a half. Things were going rocky, and i could sense something was up. We still owned a business together, and i was still paying a lot of her bills, and she was still driving one of my cars!
One of the emails said she went car shopping with "Todd." Well, i asked her who Todd was, and she said she didn't know any guy named Todd.
Like an idiot, i told her, "I'm going to prove how big of a liar you are.." and told her i broke into her email, and that's how i found out. Of course, Master Manipulators always turn things around to make YOU feel like the bad guy. GUYS, WATCH OUT FOR THAT!
She finally admitted it was just a friend named Todd. Yeah right. They started dating soon afterwards, and i found out she had been overlapping us for two months.

I guess i should have just NOT told her i broke into her email, put the pieces together, broke up with her, and made a clean break. (However, we did own a business together... BIG MISTAKE)

 

[jbbrain]

Dude-the only mistake I really thought you made was exactly the one you know you made-Telling her about your breaking into her email. FDefinitely dumb, but hey-I've done it before. You get overwhelmed by the feeling of betrayal and you just want to see the girl quiver in her own guilt. haha..anyways..all that counts is that you caught the rat, through whatver means you found were necessary. I'll be the last person to condemn you for doing something like that. The ends completely justified the means. You were being paranoid, but in the end, it was for a good reason.

Was she FVCKING HIM for those two months or just "keeping him on the sidelines" until things got bad btw. you?

 

[DonJohn83]

Did you use Netbus? Back Orifice?

I used to hack random computers with Netbus.
Had lotsa fun with that shyt!

 

[bob2007]

Your doubts did justify your actions.

I found my friend very pathetic after watching seeing him experience this today. He lugged around this new etch a sketch thing (donno how much that cost) with the words happy birthday on it. This is college mind you. When he finally saw the girl in class, he made some small chit chat, in which she didn't seem very interested. She was with her friends. He handed her the gift. She was like what is it? Seemed disinterested even tho it was a gift. Then proceeded to walk away pretty much. I don't think she even said thank you. My friend isn't even dating her and can't seem to take a hint. But I do think he's realized what happened.

bob2007

 

[CyranoDeBergerac]

I hate to be an ass, but the only response I can muster to this post is thank you captain obvious...

 

[Lingham]

other side of it

Hmm . .
I've been on the other side of this. A while back I was emailing a chick in Hawaii. She was sending me hot nude pics of herself and was even planning on flying to Canada to meet me. (she told me she broke up with her BF)

But next thing I know I get an mad bull email from her boyfriend threatening a skull crushing! I told him he should be pissed at her because she never told me they where going out. He apologized and so did she. They had been fighting etc . . .

Suffice to say i never contacted her again.

In conclusion: never pick up women online. It is an absolute waste of time and these women always have issues or they wouldn't be flirting on the net.

 

[Alonso]

Originally posted by Nightspark
ah yes the past..., that stays locked away...

and one thing i must say about all the letters and thing u bough to try to get them back... i read somewheres that YOU SHOULD NEVER EVER write letters that it's only purpose is to get them back by writting wierd sappy sh!t.... Leave no evidence when u leave her!

One of my best/worst mixed-feelings experience came recently in finding some letters I wrote (but did not send) to a girl who had jacked me around in what I thought was unbelievable, but with more experience turns out to be pretty garden variety, unfairness/inconsistency/disloyalty/coldness.

It was a good moment, on the one hand, because the thought of how I would feel if I had actually sent the letters, and had to imagine them sitting out there still, or being shown to her friends, or being published when I run for Absolute Leader, was just too much to bear, and I was profoundly grateful I didn't send them.

It was a bad moment, on the other hand, because of their content. At the time I was writing them, I thought I struck just the right tone, and that I was just saying something that needed to be said. I was going to:
(1) make her aware of the things that she had done that were bothering me [because she must not realize, or she would never have done such unacceptable things];
(2) let her know how angry and hurt I was [because she couldn't have meant to bring this about for someone she'd just one week ago been professing great passion for];
(3) point out some of the reasons that her decision to blow me off wasn't the most rational one [thus demonstrating to her that her logic was faulty];
(4) subtly persuade her that I was better than the guy she blew me off for;
(5) get her to provide me a point-by-point explanation of her behavior [in the course of which she'd probably have to admit that she was wrong, and would be compelled to confess that she'd been less than honest with me];
(6) inform her that her actions would have consequences [and thus make her sober up, so that she'd never act that way again for fear that she'd lose good guys like she had lost me];
(7) make a calm, dignfied formal parting with her [thus demonstrating, by contrast, the proper way to break things off as compared to her method of simply not returning my calls for three weeks]
(8) make her feel bad about herself;
and
(9) after expressing all the anger and bitterness, still leave the door open to being friends and possibly more.

Like I say, at the time I thought I had done a masterful job of integrating these multiple objectives and themes into a few letters that would really show her and make her, if not come back to me, feel devestated with shame.

With age and perspective, of course, I can see every one of my assumptions/hopes was completely wrong, and sending the letters would not have achieved any of my goals, because, to return to my points.

(i) she knew exactly what she had done, and how; she just didn't care about it.
(2) yes, she was pretending to be puzzled that I could be mad, but was -- of course -- quite aware of how I felt, and more than prepared to turn it against me by accusing me of emotionalism, obsession, dwelling on the past, etc.
(3) arguing a woman into liking you? 'Nuff said -- but at the time I believed that logic conquered all (whereas with them, it conquers absolutely nothing).
(4) see (3).
(5) that's how men, who are accountable, sometimes have to respond to criticism. Women aren't accountable, and don't ever have to provide any explanation, much less a reasonable one.
(6) just plain wrong -- her actions didn't have consequences, and wouldn't until she was so old and unattractive that neither of us would care -- she could treat the next 100 guys the way she treated me, and then walk into a bar tarted up, and guy no. 101 would not be one bit less likely to give her the attention she needed.
(7) the letters were horribly pompous in my efforts at "calmness" -- rather than feel bad by contrast, there is no doubt that she and her girlfriends (and possibly the entire Internet) would have been in tears of laughter reading my formal, measured analysis of our failed relationship and my feelings about it.
(8) of course, she'd have felt far better about herself after receiving the letters than if I'd remained quiet, because for her the bottom line would be that I still cared and she didn't -- at the time, though, I had no idea that women placed such a value on being desired by someone they didn't desire.
(9) well, you know the odds of this, and it would have definitively established me as a loser in her eyes (even more than a consistently hateful telling-off would have).

Man, I'm glad I didn't send those letters (I sent a few e-mails that while not quite so bad or long, were based on similarly grave errors by me, and the outcome was completely bad). Turned to totally cold/uninterested approach since then, and she's e-mailed or called a couple of times expressing interest in "being in touch" with me (I basically told her I wouldn't block her e-mails if she wanted to send them but that I didn't have much to say to her either), so I think I turned the tables, and salvaged some self-respect, in a way that I never could have if I had sent the missives I so desperately wanted to send back then.

 

[ManOMan]

Alonso,

that was an excellent play by play of what guys may do, after a girl has lost interest.

The thing that bothers me (maybe its just some women) is the fact that they just dont care about someone anymore. The guy can be in the hospital, and she never even bothers 2 acknowledge it.

I find it amazing how some women are rigid about the "out of site, ought of mind"

 

[Alonso]

Originally posted by ManOMan
The thing that bothers me (maybe its just some women) is the fact that they just dont care about someone anymore. The guy can be in the hospital, and she never even bothers 2 acknowledge it.

I find it amazing how some women are rigid about the "out of site, ought of mind"

No, I think it tends to be most of them who do this -- and when she doesn't, you should have a solid suspicion that she is keeping in touch with you for her own reasons (back-up plan, free therapy, ego massage from your continuing to want her, or some residual guilt and her need to portray herself, in her own mind, as a good person).

But cutting all ties with you makes sense from her perspective.

1. It's easier for her then to tell herself that her conduct in dumping you wasn't culpable -- instead, she tries to forget the relationship entirely (and thus, the parts of it where she f'd you over).

2. Let's be honest; while a sense of decency is part of what keeps you or me from screwing over friends/acquaintances/business associates/gfs, we are also motivated by a "what goes around comes around" fear -- if we screw someone in a blatant way, then no one will do business with us in the future/word will get around/we won't get future dates (hey, women talk about "bad" men to each other, and the women to whom they talk are dumb enough to believe it). So even when a guy kind of shafts someone, his inclination will often be to try to let them down gently, do it in an apologetic way, etc. (one of the less helpful ways guys do this to girls they want to break up with is by cheating on them so that the gf finds out, whereupon the guy will freely admit that he's a dog and will be relieved to have found an 'easy' way out of the relationship). Again, women aren't accountable, so there are no negative consequences from their dropping you like a hot potato -- for the most part, you're not going to hear that a guy lost interest in your beautiful ex because he heard how coldly she dumped you.

3. The transition from being in luvvv with you one week to not crossing the road to piss on you the next is not as dramatic as it seems -- women need to tell themselves and their friends stories that cast them in the most favorable light, so the guy they're with currently is always painted in exaggeratedly-positive tones ("I know he's THE ONE") and the guys who came before are just mistakes who are to be quickly forgotten.

4. The odds are decent that a girl who just dumped you, and has a new guy, indulged in more than a little bit of overlap, i.e., was at least flirting with or cultivating the new guy while still going out with you. Now that she is officially into him and (for the moment) trying to impress him, there's no way she's going to lose points with him by appearing to be concerned about you or her treatment of you; instead, they're sitting around competing to see who can portray you as the bigger loser. In this context, she can't very well display interest in your hurt feelings, or your terminal cancer for that matter, or he'll begin to question whether she still has feelings for you. Also -- she needs to persuade him that her cheating (emotional or literal) on you by cultivating him behind your back does not mean she'll do the same to him; again, an incentive for her to tell herself and him that your relationship didn't really amount to much to begin with.

5. Women ain't that bright, and really don't think outside the moment or concern themselves with imagining things from others' viewpoints.

All of this is off-topic, of course, but helpful to keep in mind when you're mired in embarrassing obsession about your former lady fair.

 

[Alonso]

Originally posted by ManOMan
The thing that bothers me (maybe its just some women) is the fact that they just dont care about someone anymore. The guy can be in the hospital, and she never even bothers 2 acknowledge it.

I find it amazing how some women are rigid about the "out of site, ought of mind"

A slightly more neutral take on this: even if she weren't cheating on you, and even if the breakup was not entirely her fault, and even if the breakup was equally rough on you both -- all else being equal, the odds are that following the breakup, she will have someone new quicker than you will. It's just supply and demand, and we all know that attractive women under the age of 50 can and do get approached by multiple guys on a continuous basis -- and thus they get far more at-bats than even similarly-attractive guys.

So -- if she's thrilled to be in an exciting new relationship (he's lavishing tons of attention on her, she's showing him off to her girlfriends -- she just isn't going to have the time to worry about you, even if there are no actual hard feelings. She's done what everyone on the board advises you to do -- "get involved in some other fun activities to take your mind off of it," and it's definitely taken her mind off it. While I sometimes doubt whether playing soccer or studying Japanese or volunteering at the homeless shelter is quite as effective in making you forget your heartbreak as people sometimes claim, I don't doubt that having a new, exciting boyfriend or girlfriend, respectively, nullifies about 80% of the heartbreak for a girl or guy.

I will be honest and say that while I would want, for the sake of decency, to remain "concerned" about and not just blow off an ex-gf as if she didn't exist, and would want to "be there for her" if she were in the hospital, etc., just to be a good guy, I can't deny that a small part of this "continued concern" translates as "making excuses to hang around annd maintain ties in the hopes that she would change her mind and take me back."

 

[Numbar Won]

Originally posted by stormwriter
I didn't realize how much embarrasing crap i've done in my past with women!
Thank god it's all in the past. I will never do that crap again.

Here's a list of some of the embarrasing, pathetic, borderline-psychotic things i've done:

- At one time, i could actually watch what the girl i dated was doing on her computer! I could literally, when she was logged on, bring up her screen on mine!

- I captured keystrokes on her computer to get her hotmail password. Then logged on and read her email, and found out she was seeing another guy.
I actually configured it to capture keystrokes, and email the daily log to me! Psycho, i know!

- I spied on my ex-wife on Valentines Day after we were broken up. She was seeing another guy, and came home with him that night, and he stayed the night. haha.

- I snuck a tape recorder in the room when my wife was talking on the phone.

- I don't even want to think about the pathetic letters and phone messages i've left for women, trying to get them back. Not to mention the stupid gifts that were just a waste of money. Oh, not to mention PAYING THEIR BILLS WHILE THEY ARE SEEING ANOTHER GUY!

Ugh. I can't even continue. It's soooo embarrasing to think of this stuff. If any of you dudes are doing this stuff - NOTHING POSITIVE came from all this. So, DON'T DO IT. Unless you like being a complete loser, then do some of those things i just mentioned.

I feel ya man, i've done sum dumass **** too n the past, but the beauty of the future is that we can do something now to change how and what will happen to us. Hopefully.

 

[SourFox]

Ouchie ouchie. Here's mine:

• I was her slave. We cuddled a lot. She was a 6.

• I drew a portrait of her to show how much I liked her (luckily, I later kept the portrait and used it in an art portfolio, so it wasn't a total loss)

• 3 months later I told her I had a crush on her. LJBF of course. She said she saw me as a "little brother", and that she didn't have any idea I was interested in her "that way." Then we cuddled. I had tears in my eyes.

• A couple weeks later I got all sad because she wasn't cuddling me anymore! I was jealous from seeing her cuddle some other guys. So I went and had a heart to heart talk to her about my feelings on the issue. She agreed to cuddle me more.

Throughout all of that, I felt like total crap but couldn't understand why.

And that is only part of the chronicles of my AFChood. Never again.

 

[dietzcoi]

Sourfox

Believe me, I could tell even worse stories...

I like your motto: Never Again (Nie Wieder!)

Dietzcoi