Okay, something really weird happened this morning. Maybe I haven't made myself clear when I started this thread. So I will explain it and hopefully some people will talk sense into me.
I started dating this girl about three weeks ago. We were in the same class of university and I've had more or less a crush on her for the past year. I knew she had a boyfriend so I gave up hope and gave attention to other girls. At the last party we had this year I heard she and her boyfriend broke up, so I gave it a try. I was really drunk and so was she, but we ended up in bed together. And the nights after that as well. I didn't really saw her much during the days. (Most guys probably would see this as the ideal relationship.
) Anyhow, she's from the US and went back to her parents for two weeks. It felt really good and on the day she left we talked about if we would like to see each other again when she came back. She wanted it and so did I, so the past two weeks I didn't go and try hitting on other girls. Even though I was also on holliday, saw a million beautiful girls and there were a few where I had a chance with. My brother thought I was an idiot by not doing it because I was only dating this girl for 1 week. (My brother is the ultimate DJ in my opinion.)
Anyway, during the evenings when I did saw her (so before her going away) we talked about a lot of things and also porn. She thought regular porn (so what most guys watch) is degrading to women because they do things only guys like doing to women and women can never enjoy those things.
Okay, so she went away for two weeks, I had no contact with other women but after one and a half week I was getting some needs and started watching some porn and masturbating to it. Not hardcore movies, but softcore pics. I wasn't feeling guilty doing it, but after I did it I felt really weird. As if I cheated on her.
That's also the reason why I started this thread. I also answered "I don't know".
Now I saw her again yesterday and we walked a bit through the park. And suddenly she starts holding my hand. Something only boy and girlfriend do. So I started thinking: maybe she was a hunderd percent faithfull to me I start watching porn although I know she doesn't like it!
We had a great day by the way. She asked if she could see me tonight .
Well this morning I woke up, sweating, really heavy heartbeating, the feeling I need to throw up. Turns out I was dreaming about me and her knowing I was unfaithful to her and she doesn't know it.
Well it just feels bizarre. For some reason I got the feeling I'm cheating on her and it feels horrible. I don't know what to do. But on the other hand, I was only seeing her for one week, I don't have to adopt her morals, and 83 percent of the guys here think porn is not cheating. Still I'm getting these anxiety attacks over such a thing!
This unbearable lightness of being.
If anybody has any suggestions or wants to beat some sense into me. You're welcome. Articles I should read are also welcome. Thanks in advance.
