Is this REALLY over?

[BlueAlpha1]

Every act that you commit which demonstrates low value is subtracted from your value score:


-1

-1 This attitude reflects in your sub-communications.


-1 You just met her; why so interested? Your thirty-ness reflects in your sub-communications.



-2: -1 for asking. -1 for her denying.


-1. Good little doggie. Now jump.


-1 She already blew you off. Now you're asking for a date? Desperado.

-1, She's playing you hard now and you're still not getting the point. <Facepalm>



-1 Here you should have ejected permanently, but you're still game? Now she's going to "rape" you.

This means, "Jerk off!"

Such a surprise!

-5, now you are bordering stalker territory.


-10, now she is contemplating a restraining order.

Translation: I am afraid of you now because you seem crazy, let me try to be easier and let you down slowly.

No need to go further with this. You are sickly obssessed with this girl who has zero interest in you. Rejection is your friend. If you want to bang scores of hot women, you better learn to recognize and embrace rejection.

Fuhgetaboutit. He doesn't like this advice because it's no warm and fuzzy. You'll get a real snarky remark for this post.

 

[Milano]

Breaks my heart to read all of this, and a few laughs as well.

Some of us are more sensitive than others, but the problem is that the pain will be even greater by not following the rules with all women. They are exactly the same, always!

I try to remind myself the same after recently focking a woman I have seen a few times and gotten the beautiful oneitis for. She went cold on me after 3 dates and it crushed me. I had just gotten over an ex and thought to myself that she was showing me great signs of attraction. Dont let the good start fool you, never! Theres always other guys you are competing with if there is any beauty in her, its sad but true. She will lie to ur face telling u she doesnt sleep around etc, oh the acting, trying to be innocent, but we know..we know

Call a woman once a week for a date, she declines wait another week. Second decline? "Give me a call if you change ur mind" and forget her.

 

[CMNILS87]

Even though I've been on SoSuave a year now. I still get bogged down with this from time to time. You just have to realize it was something you did that turned her off. I'm playing that game now on Snapchat with a chick. Went too sexual right away and now she won't meet up, but when I ignore her.....she sends nudies all day. Had to cut cord and delete her

 

[sazc]

A wise POF date told me one time "it is essential to keep the interaction to a minimum before the first meeting, and to meet as quick as you can. If you spend time texting, calling emailing, phoning, you create a fantasy on your head of what the person is like, and vice versa. That fantasy is never reality and both parties will airways feel let down"

You way over communicated prior to your first meet up. Do you resemble her ex in personality? Maybe. Duo you resemble him physically? I guess. Is this excise legit? Who knows. Maybe she's afraid of repeating the sane pattern with you, maybe she's not ready to date, maybe you didn't do it fur get and she was being nice on the date.

None of that matters because SHE isn't "there" with you. Don't take it personally, just chalk it up to a missed connection, chill on the over communication pre dates, and move on

 

[dude99]

Hey guys. First post in many, MANY years here. Part of that is because well, I feel like I outgrew these forums a bit, and another part is because there hasn't been much for me to talk about until now, which should give you an idea about how important I feel this post actually is.

I'm a normal 32 year old guy living in NY and for FIVE years now I've been single as can be, struggling and battling through the often difficult ways of the NYC/Long Island dating scene. For me at this point, as much as I want a girlfriend, there has been a large feeling of surrender at times, because of just how much I've gone through mentally with dating, a story that lord knows would take forever to tell, but in a nutshell, it's been bad. While I'm not the worst looking guy in the world and do have tons of hobbies, I'm not the most well built, don't have a college degree, and have probably the most basic/boring sounding (but good) job there is. These I have felt are just a part of the reason why I have had difficulty with online dating and dating in general. It also doesn't help that I personally despise the majority of women that an area I live in has. Typically your high maintenance entitled type. You know the deal. It has gotten to the point where these days for me to be truly into a girl here is probably as rare as hitting the jackpot on a scratch off. Many, many dates, all of which haven't gone anywhere. To put into perspective, last REAL plate that I felt could have been something was March 2015.

So on New Years day 2017, for the first time in a long time, something interesting happened, and I began talking to someone that I felt a TRUE connection with. I sent a couple messages out on my online dating app, one profile of which I specifically was hoping for a response. The kind of pictures you see and just know is your type. She was beautiful, matched up (profile writing wise) in every way, and just seemed like the type I'd even be a little upset if I didn't get a response. Well I did get a response, and long story short over the next week we texted (and talked on the phone a couple times) pretty much nonstop and set up a date for the coming Sunday. She was almost a bit over the top at times, texting me right through the evening. She's 28. Still, this would be the first date I really really looked forward to in a long long time.

The date came and she showed up surprisingly looking even better than her photos. In my five years of online dating, it's possible that I was never more attracted to a girl I was on a date with than this girl. For nearly three hours we had lunch and talked. We realized how much we had in common, laughed, etc. Towards the end of the date she even friend requests me on facebook. All seemed to be falling into place and I couldn't have been happier. It appeared that there was a chance at least for a fling with this girl who I now was very interested in. That was until two days after the date, on

I text her back an entire message saying how i'm quite shocked and have no clue what happened. I said we had such a nice time and have a lot in common and you're "Even friending me on facebook" and that I'm here if she wants to talk about it. She then responds saying the thing is I "remind" her of her EX-boyfriend and she just got a bad feeling. She also says she DIDN'T request me on facebook but that I DID!!! LOL. I thought it was just a desperation to get rid of me and cover up whatever the real reason was. Well the facebook friend request thing aside, I got home that night and pulled up the ex's facebook page, whom she dated for two years and split from in 2014 might I add. I was shocked at what I found.

The guy looked like my fraternal TWIN. It was downright freaky, and at the same time just sickening to think this is what happened here. How this girl DID in fact like me, but just couldn't handle the fact that well, I looked like her ex boyfriend!!!!! She told me in addition that she "tried to ignore it" at first but couldn't. I sent her one final desperation text the next day on Saturday morning saying how if you really had a good time with me and wanted another date, you shouldn't let something to do with a guy you dated years ago stop you from at least exploring your feelings. I finished by saying the offer for lunch is still on the table for tomorrow (Sunday) and I hope you reconsider.

Girl writes BACK to that saying "I just usually go with my gut a lot, I had a bad feeling. But we can talk later. If I can't go tomorrow we can hang out at some other point, ok?"

So now, to my surprise, it was as if my text actually talked her out of this a bit, or she's just too nice to the point where she cannot just tell me she's sorry but its over. Regardless, I was kind of pissed at the whole act she was putting on about the date making me feel like a tool, saying "if i can't go....". It's like at this point, just BE honest with me. My gut feeling was that she was just being too nice and was afraid to just tell me sorry but she can't do this. After all this is a girl who facebook friended me at the end of the date and continued to text me a couple days after when she realized I already looked like her ex. (Lord knows her family and friends seeing my FB pics and making comments to her probably did me in)

So moving to the conclusion now... I text her back to this on this Saturday morning saying "Just call me tonight anytime after 5 if you can. We can talk". No call came in, and then today, Sunday, the day there was maybe a CHANCE for the date to still happen, she messages me in the morning simply saying "Hey, I won't be able to go today". I respond saying "K thanks", and that was it.

I know this might be the most bizarre kind of story some of you have read, but the point of it all is that this girl that I liked so very much and was beyond attracted to and could see myself dating and all that good stuff, DID in fact like me. She DID have a good time on our date. She DID want go go on another date and she even ADMITTED THIS TO ME. Everything seemed perfect except for this one sick twist of irony that apparently she couldn't see past. I suppose my question is, is there a CHANCE for some form of "redemption" here? Usually I wouldn't ever think twice about posting about something like this, but I have never been so disgusted and sickened by a blowoff maybe in my life. I know its nothing I can control and I know its not really her fault, but it is just enough to make me absolutely livid. Finally I met someone who I was very into, and THIS is what happens, lol. Is it possible she was weirded out so much initially and maybe she'll reconsider once things calm/cool down?

What could everyone possibly have to say about such a thing? Her birthday is next weekend and I may send a Happy Birthday text to feel her out.

There is no chance ar redemption. You got played by a girl who knew she could play you. Your interest was in the stratosphere and she knew it.

If you treat all girls the same the 9s the same as the 6 or 7 or 8s then you wont appear so thirsty.

She needed a pick me up. She needed validation. You gave her that validation. When she sent you the facebook friend request you should have left it pending gor weeks. 3 reasons. Accepting it so quickly proved to her how thirsty you were znd secondly when she started tongo weird on you and you called her out on it ( which you should not have done, ) she couldn't lie and turn it on you "i didn't send you the friend request. You sent it to me."

And 3. Leaving her request pending will have her wondering how you feel about her. If she hasn't earned the right to actually be in your life don't add her to your social media.

Next her. This one is over.

 

[SkrooU]

The reason she backed off probably was never mentioned in your post because you are unaware you did it. Everything else was her giving you the opportunity to walk away with some dignity. But you were clueless and stubborn. For example, when she said to text her and ask if she had time to talk on the phone, you should've said, "Actually I'm going out soon to ....insert something interesting here....enjoy your dinner and get back to me when you have some free time". Then never contact her until she contacts you first and maintain this frame until things even out.
You have oneitis from a 1st date that apparently never even went to 1st base. You should date more women and stop being so picky. This will build your dating skills and get you used to rejection and give you some confidence that you have more value than you realize.

 

[l_e_g_e_n_d]

The reason she backed off probably was never mentioned in your post because you are unaware you did it. Everything else was her giving you the opportunity to walk away with some dignity. But you were clueless and stubborn. For example, when she said to text her and ask if she had time to talk on the phone, you should've said, "Actually I'm going out soon to ....insert something interesting here....enjoy your dinner and get back to me when you have some free time". Then never contact her until she contacts you first and maintain this frame until things even out.
You have oneitis from a 1st date that apparently never even went to 1st base. You should date more women and stop being so picky. This will build your dating skills and get you used to rejection and give you some confidence that you have more value than you realize.

Exactly, I would argue that his behavior is not the symptom of a misdirected mindset, but rather a product of "scarcity." When the well is dry, a drop of water becomes holy.

 

[SuckItUp]

Think about the length of your initial post and think about your reaction if some other guy had written it about a girl he had gone out on one date.

The length already suggests way too much contemplation about a woman who never was and that should be a hint that subconsciously you are giving off a desperate vibe.

You may think you are not, but women hone in on your subconscious projection and smell desperation from a mile away.

Don't get it twisted nobody here is assailing you, we're saying from a neutral perspective that you'll strike out until you kill the subconscious vibe. Don't talk on the phone and text before a first date unless it is to address logistics.

3 hours is too long of a first date unless you doing venue changes escalating and you're trying to leave and you end the date.

Forget about the nonsense with her ex. It's a red herring used to make you think that things didn't work out because of that rather than not getting her excited.

Ps. Don't hug close ... kiss close. Hugging does not give off a sexual vibe.

 

[Atom Smasher]

OP, let me tell you something. You have NOT outgrown this place. The guys who have outlined how needy you appear are correct.

You think in terms of "taking her side" or "taking your side". It's not even about that. You didn't make her FEEL the way she needed to feel to be attracted. So what? Do you see the disparity here? You are a forgotten nothing to her, and yet to you she is your jailer. Thoughts of her are consuming you.

You caught feelings for her waaaaay too early. On a first date, you are supposed to be evaluating her for suitability in your life. She is supposed to measure up to your standards. Since she blew you off for God knows what reason (they don't know why they do what they do... they only "feel"), you should have immediately rejected any notion of continuing with her.

A woman who likes you will move mountains to see you.

No, OP, you haven't outgrown this site at all. In fact, you are quite behind the curve, still being offended by the advice from your brothers. And still puzzled about women.

I advise you to re-enroll in SoSuave University because you have some catching up to do.

 

[Roober]

Oh man... I hate to say this, but it doesn't sound like you learned anything from your previous time here. You are basically starting over. If you treat beautiful women like every other woman, that will attract her...