Is this really happening?

[Die Hard]

Thanks for the encouraging words Fruitbat, and all other guys for your support too.

I cannot see the bright side of this. If it were about my own life, sure, things will be challenging but I would survive this and make it.
However, I am deeply concerned about the life and happiness of the child. Having a kid is one thing, having a kid with a total psycho of a mom is something else. I've worked with kids like that for my profession and I see too many signs that this kid will not have an emotionally healthy childhood and will have to struggle throughout his adult life subsequently.

This is what I can't accept. I would do anything to safe him from that and abort his life upfront to prevent him from having to go through a miserable life.

This is what makes me go crazy and I can't see the bright side to it...

I'm not fighting for myself here, I'm fighting for that kid that will lead a miserable life if I can't stop it from being born.

But this sh!t isn't over yet... There's a good chance she isn't pregnant at all, and if she is, she might still abort, or it might not be mine. I really have to find out which it is...

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Thanks for the encouraging words Fruitbat, and all other guys for your support too.

I cannot see the bright side of this. If it were about my own life, sure, things will be challenging but I would survive this and make it.
However, I am deeply concerned about the life and happiness of the child. Having a kid is one thing, having a kid with a total psycho of a mom is something else. I've worked with kids like that for my profession and I see too many signs that this kid will not have an emotionally healthy childhood and will have to struggle throughout his adult life subsequently.

This is what I can't accept. I would do anything to safe him from that and abort his life upfront to prevent him from having to go through a miserable life.

This is what makes me go crazy and I can't see the bright side to it...

You could always just get custody if you care that much.

 

[Die Hard]

You could always just get custody if you care that much.

I would absolutely try to get custody, but I'm not sure I would win that battle. Too much uncertainty... if she can keep custody the child is fvcked. I cannot live with that notion, I've had a miserable life myself because of a psycho mom, I would go crazy realizing my own child will experience the same thing and I couldn't prevent it.
I swore to myself a long time ago that I would never have kids UNLESS I could ensure that the kids would not grow up like I did. People from dysfunctional families tend to just pass it on to their children, I swore to myself I would not do that. If I can't create a stable, loving environment with a good woman, I will not put a child on this Earth and accept the fact that my bloodline ends with me.

Now I might've fvcked up after all and get a kid with a psycho bytch, causing the kid to grow up in a dysfunctional environment just like myself. What a failure that would be...

Anyway, fvck it. I'll do what I have to do to prevent that sh!t from happening. And if I fail at that, I will at least try to give the child as good of a life as possible. Gotta just roll with the punches...

It's just difficult anticipating and preparing for the future right now. If I knew for sure that she's pregnant and that it's mine (two big questions now), I would make huge changes in my life right now to be prepared for the kid. But I don't know where I stand and don't see how I can answer those two questions. Sure, her belly will grow and it would confirm pregnancy, but I will not know if it's mine until AFTER the birth.

But if it's mine, I should prepare legal cases starting today, in order to fight for custody etc. I would seek another job, start saving every penny I have, look for another house etc. There should be preparations for the baby's room etc. Etc. Etc. Etc. How can I do all that and plan all that if I don't even know whether I'm the father??

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I would absolutely try to get custody, but I'm not sure I would win that battle. Too much uncertainty... if she can keep custody the child is fvcked. I cannot live with that notion, I've had a miserable life myself because of a psycho mom, I would go crazy realizing my own child will experience the same thing and I couldn't prevent it.
I swore to myself a long time ago that I would never have kids UNLESS I could ensure that the kids would not grow up like I did. People from dysfunctional families tend to just pass it on to their children, I swore to myself I would not do that. If I can't create a stable, loving environment with a good woman, I will not put a child on this Earth and accept the fact that my bloodline ends with me.

Now I might've fvcked up after all and get a kid with a psycho bytch, causing the kid to grow up in a dysfunctional environment just like myself. What a failure that would be...

Anyway, fvck it. I'll do what I have to do to prevent that sh!t from happening. And if I fail at that, I will at least try to give the child as good of a life as possible. Gotta just roll with the punches...

It's just difficult anticipating and preparing for the future right now. If I knew for sure that she's pregnant and that it's mine (two big questions now), I would make huge changes in my life right now to be prepared for the kid. But I don't know where I stand and don't see how I can answer those two questions. Sure, her belly will grow and it would confirm pregnancy, but I will not know if it's mine until AFTER the birth.

But if it's mine, I should prepare legal cases starting today, in order to fight for custody etc. I would seek another job, look for another house etc. There should be preparations for the baby's room etc. Etc. Etc. Etc. How can I do all that and plan all that if I don't even know whether I'm the father??

You can start gathering evidence to show that she will be "unfit" as a mother. Detail drug, alcohol use, physical abuse anything which can prove your case. To get custody of your children you have to "fight like a woman". So you will be gathering stuff the whole time to use on her, just like they do on us.

 

[Die Hard]

You can start gathering evidence to show that she will be "unfit" as a mother. Detail drug, alcohol use, physical abuse anything which can prove your case. To get custody of your children you have to "fight like a woman". So you will be gathering stuff the whole time to use on her, just like they do on us.

Indeed, I'm already doing this!

 

[LiveYourDream]

I understand you are not even certain if she is actually pregnant. I get first things first.

Just know, non-invasive paternity testing can happen sooner than you might be aware.

Paternity can now be determined with 99% accuracy at 10 weeks gestation (yes in the first trimester) via a simple maternal blood sample (non-invasive to the baby), as the mother's blood contains aspects of the father's DNA.

The testing is completely non-invasive to the baby. Simple and ordinary blood draws from the mom and potential dad/s are collected and sent off to a lab for testing.

Tests can be ordered online. I only googled one company. The one I saw is $999 plus shipping. (Best to check others, perhaps others less expensive) That company arranges the blood draw, at a location near you. The blood is drawn and then shipped to the lab and tested. The results are yours in 7-10 days or so.

Google: Non-Invasive Prenatal Paternity(NIPP)

The links I quickly saw are these:
http://www.prenatalgeneticscenter.com/services/prenatal-dna-paternity-test/

http://americanpregnancy.org/prenatal-testing/paternity-testing/

 

[Die Hard]

I understand you are not even certain if she is actually pregnant. I get first things first.

Just know, non-invasive paternity testing can happen sooner than you might be aware.

Paternity can now be determined with 99% accuracy at 10 weeks gestation (yes in the first trimester) via a simple maternal blood sample (non-invasive to the baby), as the mother's blood contains aspects of the father's DNA.

The testing is completely non-invasive to the baby. Simple and ordinary blood draws from the mom and potential dad/s are collected and sent off to a lab for testing.

Tests can be ordered online. I only googled one company. The one I saw is $999 plus shipping. (Best to check others, perhaps others less expensive) That company arranges the blood draw, at a location near you. The blood is drawn and then shipped to the lab and tested. The results are yours in 7-10 days or so.

Google: Non-Invasive Prenatal Paternity(NIPP)

The links I quickly saw are these:
http://www.prenatalgeneticscenter.com/services/prenatal-dna-paternity-test/

http://americanpregnancy.org/prenatal-testing/paternity-testing/

Thanks, LiveYourDream! I found out about this too, last week. However, in my country the cost is an estimated 1200 Euro's. I have trouble making ends meet as is, I could never afford this
On top of that, I would have to persuade her to do the test and she might refuse when she suspects someone else is the dad and wants to hide that from me... But where there's a will, there's a way, I guess...

Thanks a lot for thinking along with me, everyone, great to have some help!

 

[backbreaker]

Misunderstandings, backbreaker. I am going crazy BECAUSE I want to take responsibility for my own flesh and blood, not because I want to avoid responsibility. I want to protect the child from growing up under a sick psycho bytch, but I fear I won't be able to prevent that. THAT is my greatest concern here, to prevent a kid from being born into a total fvcked up environment. Giving up my own life and freedom when my child is born, is not why I'm going crazy, I can and will accept that if necessary.

i feel you

well, as long as you have your **** together and can prove she doesn't you have options. notate everything. figure out what the end game is for you and the child. do you want full custody?

 

[SkrooU]

The worse case scenario for you is that it's your child, she gives birth to the child, and you're not able to have a good relationship with your child, especially if you're legally responsible for the child. This will happen if you push this lady away from you by getting emotional and revealing your suspicion and frustration. She will resent you and use the child to punish you. My advice is to suck it up and be there for her so that you are able to create the best environment for the child and convince her that you are the best man to be in that child's life. You need to move forward and be emotionally mature about this. No offense, and I understand the stress and anxiety over the uncertainty, but you are really handling this poorly. This is no time to get caught up in mind games and treat her like a bpd plate. She's potentially the mother of your child now. I hope what I'm saying is really sinking in.

 

[skinnyguy]

Did you personally feed her the pill every day? If you didn't, then there is no guarantee that she was 100% on the pill.



Your life will NOT be destroyed. I have a kid with a dumb bytch. You'll have to alter some things in your life and make a few sacrifices. I had to give up prime nights to go out and meet women. I have my kid for exactly 1/2 of the time. I pay NOTHING in child support because I hired a decent lawyer. I still go out, meet women and get laid. I still have my hobbies. I just have another priority to deal with. It's not the end of the world.

The unfortunate thing about this situation is that she has the ultimate say on whether she keeps the baby or not. You CANNOT freak out at her. You should opt to pay 100% for the abortion. You need to make the option of abortion as appealing as possible. Focus on the negatives of being a single parent, and tell her you will make the abortion option as easy as you can. You're gonna have to put aside your feelings for how much you dislike this bytch and play the nice guy. If you don't, she'll just have the baby out of revenge.


This is why a vasectomy is NOT a bad idea. If you meet a woman who really wants to have a baby with you, she WILL pay for any scientific means to have a baby with YOU.

How in the world do you not have to pay child support

 

[Desdinova]

How in the world do you not have to pay child support

There's a long story behind it. I also had a somewhat decent lawyer

 

[Dingo]

What a ****ing loon !

Best of luck OP.....