Is this plate interested or not?

[oldmanofthesea]

Just curious to see how some of you would handle this. It feels on the border of disinterest.

Had first date 5 weeks ago. Went well and she texted me a bunch the following week (I responded but didn't get into long text convos) but then she cancelled our next date a day in advance without suggesting an alternate date. I told her to reach out if she'd like to get together another time and then I moved on to my other plates.

5 weeks later, she reached out "Hey what's new? blah blah blah" etc. I assumed she wanted to see me so after a couple humorous texts, I said we should get together at my place this Sunday at 5pm. She said sounds great but wasn't sure if she could get a sitter for her kid that early and to "stay tuned." Meh. She sent me a couple more messages that day and I responded briefly.

No more communication. After 5 days, I text her something funny and when she responded, she also voluntarily told me that she got a sitter but they couldn't get her until 2pm.

I said 5pm, she's saying sitter at 2pm, so WTF is the issue and why not just explain it to me? So I have to ask her if 5pm still works and she responds saying 5 is too early because she needs to go to the gym between.

Now I have to ask her what time she CAN come over. She could easily have told me that. This is annoying and feels fishy but maybe she's just a space-cadet? I'm considering just not responding.

Thoughts?

 

[wifehunter]

Singles moms will leave you at the bottom of the totem pole.

She should be wondering if you're interested or not.

Turn those tables.

 

[marmel75]

Singles moms will leave you at the bottom of the totem pole.

She should be wondering if you're interested or not.

Turn those tables.

Yeah...imagine that...the single mom should put some random dude she met above her kids...do people really believe this idiocy??

 

[Spidah]

Drop this bytch.

Either a woman gets with your program or she gets iced out. Its beta to let women jerk you around in any way.

I'm only nice to women who are nice to me. Any woman who jerks me around will get treated like dirt and I will degrade her self-esteem until she falls in line.

 

[cola]

I came to the conclusion I can't date single moms anymore.

Not because they are bad people but the whole "no babysitter" thing is just a hassle I don't have time for.

 

[Spaz]

She's displaying signs of being disinterested.

Be distant and remain silent. See how it goes and then make a decision.

 

[Tilex]

Did you meet her online?
This seems to be reoccurring pattern with single moms because your story sounds exactly like my experience 10 years ago.

This is very flakey behavior. I would drop her if I were you.

 

[oldmanofthesea]

Thanks for the replies all.

Either a woman gets with your program or she gets iced out. Its beta to let women jerk you around in any way.

Yeah, I get all that and agree that I should keep things in my frame and not let them jerk me around. But what I'm seeking in this post is trying to figure out IF she is actually jerking me around because it isn't clear to me - it's much more subtle than the typical disinterest patterns I'm used to seeing.

Obvious signs of jerking around / disinterest:
- Cancelling dates
- Not agreeing to dates
- Not getting back to you
- Saying, "I'll let you know"
- etc

Since she re-established contact, she hasn't done anything of the above - her only fault is simply not providing all the information I need in order to set and confirm a single date, requiring me to keep sending additional questions/suggestions/etc. She always responds, but only with part of the info I need. I'm trying to understand if that should just be chalked up to being an air-head or if it is indeed a sign of disinterest.

Tilex, yes we met online. And yeah I've dealt with this kind of thing before but the signs of disinterest and flakiness are always much easier to identify (as listed above).

I don't have high interest in her and have another couple plates I'm happy with at the moment - I'm mostly curious about this in order to learn how to handle it when it happens again in the future. It's much more subtle.

 

[Spidah]

Thanks for the replies all.



Yeah, I get all that and agree that I should keep things in my frame and not let them jerk me around. But what I'm seeking in this post is trying to figure out IF she is actually jerking me around because it isn't clear to me - it's much more subtle than the typical disinterest patterns I'm used to seeing.

Obvious signs of jerking around / disinterest:
- Cancelling dates
- Not agreeing to dates
- Not getting back to you
- Saying, "I'll let you know"
- etc

Since she re-established contact, she hasn't done anything of the above - her only fault is simply not providing all the information I need in order to set and confirm a single date, requiring me to keep sending additional questions/suggestions/etc. She always responds, but only with part of the info I need. I'm trying to understand if that should just be chalked up to being an air-head or if it is indeed a sign of disinterest.

Tilex, yes we met online. And yeah I've dealt with this kind of thing before but the signs of disinterest and flakiness are always much easier to identify (as listed above).

I don't have high interest in her and have another couple plates I'm happy with at the moment - I'm mostly curious about this in order to learn how to handle it when it happens again in the future. It's much more subtle.

Listen man. If you're unhappy, confused and asking other men for answers.. it means she's jerking you around.

The bytch needs to get with your program or get dropped. Simple.

 

[sazc]

People show you who they are. Who YOU are helps them to understand how to treat you.

If her lack of timely response is an issue for you then tell her when you want to know. If her lack of giving you information bothers you, then you make the call.

Next time she lags on letting you know her intentions, when she finally does contact you tell her " I didn't hear from you so I made other plans."

When you say Sunday at 5, and she responds the sitter will be here at 2, you say " see you at 5" and let her respond with any missing information.

She's giving you enough to go on to understand exactly how to treat her, so treat her the way you need to in order to get what you want.

If it doesn't work, for whatever reason, you are better off apart, as you are not compatible.

 

[oldmanofthesea]

When you say Sunday at 5, and she responds the sitter will be here at 2, you say " see you at 5" and let her respond with any missing information.

Great suggestion - I like that! Perfectly throws it right back at them in a very covert way.

I might take it a step further and say, "Cool, see you at 2" LOL. But in all honesty, I'm over it enough that I probably just won't reply. Good info for next time though.

 

[Red Legg]

I came to the conclusion I can't date single moms anymore.

Not because they are bad people but the whole "no babysitter" thing is just a hassle I don't have time for.

There is an overgeneralization (common on SS) about single moms, it depends on the single mom in question.I have dated single moms that make either 6 figures so they can easily afford a baby sitter or they have a beta ex that will watch her kids whenever she wants,SOME single moms are fvckin hot and high quality choose carefully..

 

[cola]

There is an overgeneralization (common on SS) about single moms, it depends on the single mom in question.I have dated single moms that make either 6 figures so they can easily afford a baby sitter or they have a beta ex that will watch her kids whenever she wants,SOME single moms are fvckin hot and high quality choose carefully..

Exception not the rule the average single mom makes no where near 6 figures.

 

[oldmanofthesea]

The outcome:

I ultimately ended up not bothering to continue the back and forth Q&A to finalize the time for the date and instead just nexted her and remained silent (she didn't text any more either). Looks like that ended up being a VERY good call. The date was supposed to be Sunday evening. Late Monday night, I get this insane, incoherent string of texts from her.... first asking if I am gay, a cross-dresser, or need "anal stimulation" to get off. Then she says she's scared to date because of all the horrible things her ex did. Then says good night. Then says she understands if I don't want to text her anymore. Then says goodnight again. There was more to it than that, but it was all so crazy that I'm trying to summarize. It sounded like someone who took a dozen Ambien and started sleep-texting. Then this morning at like 5am she sent another text saying she was really tired last night and was embarrassed specifically around the text about her being scared to date (as if that was the worst of what she sent), saying I'm a great guy, and saying her needing to take care of herself is the "reason she couldn't get together on Sunday" - even though the reason we didn't get together is because I stopped texting her. Of course, I didn't reply to any of her texts.

This is the universe telling me:
1. I made the right decision to get off OLD a month or so ago and focus on approaching instead
2. Playing games around date time/location logistics is a serious red flag, not air-head behavior.

I took screenshots of her texts and am definitely adding these to the hall of fame. Had quite a laugh as they kept rolling in though it was also a bit scary because these are the type of women who boil your dog or key your car.

 

[guru1000]

Just curious to see how some of you would handle this. It feels on the border of disinterest.

Had first date 5 weeks ago. Went well and she texted me a bunch the following week (I responded but didn't get into long text convos) but then she cancelled our next date a day in advance without suggesting an alternate date.

<== Here would be my exit. I would have disappeared, no further communication.

I have done this in the past and some reached out a day or two later with a counter-date. In most, I already checked out, so I didn't respond to their counter-date.

It's all about what best serves YOU. By making it difficult, she detracts from the positive momentum of your life, and so, she's out.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

If you have to figure out if she's interested she's not interested enough.

 

[Alvafe]

Yeah...imagine that...the single mom should put some random dude she met above her kids...do people really believe this idiocy??

wrong, you shouldn't waste time with single moms, becasue here is what will happen or you will never be her priority, or she will amke you priority with means she is not a good mom, and by default not a good person, its a no win situation for you, if a single mom offer herself to you, you do teh deed but never take one serious and even less waste time dating her, low priority plate at the very best

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Single moms are ok. You see they have alot less time to waste than most. They need quality dyck in there life and a little fun for a couple hours a week. It's your responsibility to filter based upon interest.

 

[oldmanofthesea]

Here would be my exit. I would have disappeared, no further communication.

Yeah, I did disappear, but I did respond to her when SHE reached back out to me weeks later. It sounds like you are saying you wouldn't have responded to her even then. Why?

I've been forgiving one cancelled date. I either don't respond to them or I respond and say "ok, we'll do it some other time" and then I don't reach out again. If they reach out to me after that, I'll immediately invite them out with a specific date/time/place and anything other than a "yes" results in a hard-next from me with no contact. I do this because I feel like one cancelled date shouldn't be a deal-breaker - I've had to cancel dates for legit reasons before and while it is a good thing to immediately suggest an alternate date when you cancel, people don't always think about this in the moment so I give them the benefit of the doubt, ONCE.

 

[guru1000]

Context is key. I've had women cancel dates without a counter-offer because they felt sick or something significant arose and were genuine in their delivery, and we had built a strong rapport/connection up to that point.

Did she say something like, "Hey! I'm really really sorry, but I have to cancel tomorrow because ________, but I do want to see you another day"

Or maybe she called you to cancel (as she should).

--OR? What was her exact delivery and verbiage?