Is this one a flake or not?

[mikeraw]

I met this chick a few weeks ago. Brief conversation, got her number. Called two days later, no answer. I figured she was a flake, got rid of her number. One day, I was bored at work and decided to join match.com There's an option there that shows you who's been looking at your profile and this same girl had seen my profile. I wrote her an email and called her out on her flakiness and she gave me some excuse about how she didn't remember me when she heard the message I left, etc... and she told me to hang out.

I asked for her numbe again to make it clear that I had erased it. Anyways, saw her randomly at a bar and we hit it off and kissed. Made plans to have wine but she cancelled a few hours before the date. She immediately made a counteroffer... could I do it the next day? I had another date that day, so I flat out said "No, let's play it by ear". There was this big BBQ cook-off here in Houston last weekend, and apparently it's a big deal here. She called telling me she was going there, that I should go, etc... I ended up going because a friend of mine offered me VIP tickets to one of the events there. I texted her that I was there, she told me what private party she was at and I told her I'd pass by saying hi.

As I was making the line to go into her event, she came out and tried to give me one of her wristbands to go in, but I told her that I was with friends and that we'd see each other tomorrow, anyways. Well, she cancelled at the last minute that day, Sunday, because of some work-related thing. Man, was I pissed. She told me she could see me on Wednesday when she came back from some business trip and I said fine, we'll play it by ear, but I didn't try to hide the fact that I was a little pissed.

Wednesday came and went and no contact from her. I thought she was a flake at first, but she's been good at calls, writing, counteroffers, etc... We're both in the oil industry, both engineers, and get along great, so I'd like to keep her in the picture. I don't call chicks on weekends and texting is for kids. Any advice?

 

[Phyzzle]

Well, she only really flaked (agreed to go some place and didn't) once. It's worth one more shot.

But I wouldn't be optimistic. I know a few people in your industry, and it doesn't strike me as the sort of job where you normally get paged at 6 on a Sunday by someone saying "OMG YOU MUST BE AT WORK IN 20 MINUTES!" That's more of a medical or legal field thing.

It sounds like she likes you in a friendly way, and wants you to hang with her people. I'd say indulge her. The more people you know, the better.

 

[jophil28]

Wednesday came and went and no contact from her. I thought she was a flake at first, but she's been good at calls, writing, counteroffers, etc...

This story has "manipulative, attention seeking, control freak" written all over it.
So she is good at , "...calls, writing. counteroffers ,etc" -- she's just no good at follow thru or showing up.

Lose her number and hunt another duck.

 

[Mr. Me]

Mike, when you break it down, I see some slippery areas that can account for things going awry.

Called two days later, no answer. I figured she was a flake, got rid of her number... this same girl had seen my profile. I wrote her an email and called her out on her flakiness and she gave me some excuse about how she didn't remember me when she heard the message I left, etc... and she told me to hang out.

So you called her two days after you met her, which is predictable for many guys to do, and expected her to call you back? You can't leave the ball in their court, not that early in the game.

But she says she didn't remember who you were when you called. It's just two days later, and she can't remember who you were. How interested was she when she gave you her number? The answer is, she liked the attention and probably gives her number out to everyone. She still likes the strokes, so she tells you hang with her.

Anyways, saw her randomly at a bar and we hit it off and kissed. Made plans to have wine but she cancelled a few hours before the date. She immediately made a counteroffer... could I do it the next day? I had another date that day, so I flat out said "No, let's play it by ear".

So she's not all that interested in you, but as chance has it, you guys run into each other one night, and with nothing else going on, you guys hang a bit, kiss, because again, maybe she likes the strokes. Now she did counter offer with a definite date when she canceled the next date for wine. BUt you have to take that as a mixed message which means she's got low interest.

Here's where you missed the mark: instead of saying "let's play it by ear", it would've been stronger for you to counter offer with another definite date. Tighter game then saying "let's play it by ear".

So next what happens is that she's calling you to invite you to the BBQ. Problem was, there were other people to consider that got in the way. Again, it's better to be in a circumstance where you have control of what's going on. Instead of "I'll pass by and say hi", stronger would be: "I'm busy that day. How about next Tuesday?", making it for a time you know it will be just the two of you one on one without a crowd interfering.

But then when you let it be known that you were pissed, I think that was the deal breaker. She had counter offered to see you on Wednesday after her business trip (or whatever it was) and again you did the "play it by ear" instead of accepting the date firmly. Well, women don't like men that get lose composure and get agitated and show it.

So, I'm not surprised that Wednesday came and went without hearing from her. She had low interest in you to begin with and that was stomped out by that red flag you exhibited to her in your last call.

What to do? Next time a gal says "Mike who?" you say, "Sorry, wrong number" and hang up and throw the number out. Women will even remember the creepy guy they want to avoid two days afterwards, so if they can't even remember who you were...

 

[Nelford]

You know some of you may have a problem with this, but this is what work for me. I always give a girl one of my business cards instead of asking for their phone number. That way if she is interested she will call. I met a lot of women this way and a lot of them called and I went on dates with. Women give their numbers out all the time, so when you call you have to be like "I am the guy you met at the mall with the red shirt on". I can't see myself saying that so I give my number out and move on to the next one.